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Nov 28 2006

Time for a wee snootchie

liberaces.jpg

When Stingray and I tire of traipsing around SoCo arguing about which one of us is gayer, we like to look in at the Home Slice for a couple of Liberace cocktails. No one is gayer than Liberace.

Prosecco, black currant liqueur, lemon twist, chubby little glass.

You might think, if you were to come to Austin on a prosecco-tasting tour, that there is some kind of law or ordinance requiring that all prosecco must be Zardetto. The truth is that behind the scenes there’s a spumante gang roughing up saloon-keepers. “You’ll buy our prosecco, see, or you’ll buy none at all.” When the saloon-keeper protests, the spumante enforcer says, “Shut up, ya mug” and belts him one across the kisser.

Zardetto prosecco is the beer of champagnes.

35 comments

  1. MzNicky

    Kinda early in the mornin’ for that sorta thing, ain’t it, little missy?

  2. Ron Sullivan

    And nhere I was thinking it sounded like dessert for breakfast.

    If it were good champagne you wouldn’t want to muck it up with that other stuff. OTOH (I’ll take two, please, for a balanced diet) it sounds like a decent cocktail, assuming it’s served really really cold.

  3. grrr kitty

    I miss Liberace. I have many happy memories of seeing his live show with my mom and her elderly Polish-American lady friends. Nobody appreciates a good cocktail as much as an elderly Polish-American lady.

  4. mkennedy

    Well! If you won’t go out in crippling shoes at least you can order a gay little cocktail when you get there. Does your liver mind taking one for the team? Mine doesn’t. So far.

  5. thebewilderness

    My liver does not permit me to touch such things, so I am satisfied with admiring them from a distance. I like how warm and glowing it looks. What is she holding in her fingers, please?

  6. Sylvanite

    That actually sounds pretty good. I’m not much of a liquor drinker, and my taste tends to run towards sweet-tasting and not overtly alcoholic. I like lambic framboise, for instance. Still, I may have some prosecco around from my wedding (nothing but the best for my guests!), and I suppose I could acquire some black currant liquer.

  7. Sylvanite

    I mean liqeuer, of course.

  8. norbizness

    “You might think, if you were to come to Austin on a prosecco-tasting tour, that there is some kind of law or ordinance requiring that all prosecco must be Zardetto.”

    Underestimate the potabular micromanagement skills of the Austin City Council at your peril! Now where’s my Big Gulp filled with 73% ice and 27% Boone’s Farm Kiwi Strawberry malt beverage?

    And here’s some vinyl Liberace for everybody’s pleasure.

  9. Pinko Punko

    That lemon “twist” looks like a banana runt. Yuck!

  10. femhist

    One of my fondest memories of a dear, naive friend from college was when someone answered a yes-or-no question to which the obvious answer was yes with a rhetorical “Was Liberace gay?” (a la Is the Pope Catholic). To which my dear friend replied, in perfect sincerity, “Liberace was gay?”
    This was about 8 years ago, and we have not let her forget.

  11. alphabitch

    That is the gayest little cocktail I’ve ever seen in my life. And like my mama always says right about this time of day: “Honey, it’s cocktail hour somewhere!”

    I’ll have to find a bartender who will make me one.

    grr kitty: I used to hang out in a Polish-American bar in northeast Minneapolis where the nice Polish-American ladies would drink jumbo martinis and sit at the bar laughing hysterically while their husbands taught us young folks to polka. I loved them. All of them: the ladies, their husbands, and especially the jumbo martinis. Oh, and the polka combo, Baby Ruth and the Three Notes.

  12. rootlesscosmo

    Champagne a little splash of blackcurrant liqueur (aka Cassis) is a Kir Royale, so Prosecco blackcurrant should be a Kir Reale. Enjoy!

  13. ::Wendy::

    If you’re going to talk foriegn languages I’ll play! -

    Scrumpy is the mooshine of Ciders

  14. rootlesscosmo

    (There were supposed to be plus signs in there but they disappeared.)

  15. Carpenter

    I cant decide if I love or hate Liberace(the guy, the drink sounds like a low class Kir Royale which sounds lovely).
    I mean on one hand Liberace is the embodiment of American excess, which I hate
    On the other hand, he was as tacky as he wanted to be, good-taste be damned, bring on the ermine and rhinestones. And he was gay gay gay in an era where being even one gay was right out- which I love. Though I love Dolly Parton so maybe consistency requires me to love Liberace.

    Also in my youth I confused Liberace for that guy who was Uncle Arthur on Bewitched, what could it all mean?

  16. Twisty

    D’oh, I said black currant when what I meant was black berry. This is no kir royale, believe me. It’s like a melted popsicle.

  17. Buttercup

    Melted popsicles can be pretty good, depending on how freshly melted they are.

    I got some obnoxious stuff from the state store (here in PA, the state controls the alcohol supply) on sale, called “sting”. It’s supposed to be sour raspberry schnapps. I think it’s actually surplus red Vicks 44 that didn’t go over well in the original packaging. At any rate, mixing it with ginger ale and a squirt of lime juice and dropping in a segment of candied ginger renders it almost drinkable. Sweet, tart, medicinal taste almost gone. It’s a work in progress.

    The bonus is that the schnapps is 80 proof. So experimentation is its own reward. Sorta. Well, until you wake up, anyway.

  18. rootlesscosmo

    I don’t know “sting” but I have a lurking suspicion that Campari is actually Lavoris with a little lab standard ethanol added.

  19. Ron Sullivan

    Buttercup, thanks for reminding me why I fled Pennsylvania. Well, that plus my highschool alumni gimme magazine in the mail today. Damn, though. State stores are depressing.

  20. Buttercup

    Ron, fortunately I don’t need much alcohol in the house to be perfectly happy about it. Otherwise, I’d be tempted to move, myself. It’s a strange state, especially in the middle bits.

  21. Pinko Punko

    Buttercup that sounds like you juiced a Shirley Temple. And I say delish, people, delish!

  22. I Heart Twisty

    To repeat the query from thebewilderness:

    “What is she holding in her fingers, please?”

    I really need to know.

    SoozeZ

  23. darkymac

    The truth is that behind the scenes there’s a spumante gang roughing up saloon-keepers.

    Our part of the country was settled by southern Italians – amongst other groupettos.

    There’s nothing behind the scenes about the imperative for all stupormarkets to stock exclusively the **** brand of fruit juices and the ##### brand of charcuterie.

    I don’t mind so much – - it’s local produce and saves on transport emissions after all.

  24. Sylvanite

    Heh, Buttercup. I seldom venture into the state stores, since I don’t drink much. The thing I find most infuriating about Pennsylvania liquor law is how you can’t buy less than a case of beer (or in my case, Woodchuck cider, but sometimes lambic) at the beer distributors. What kind of screwed-up state actually requires you to buy more booze than you want? I only want a sixpack; anything more will take me forever to get through. And the time I bought a case of lambic – sheesh! I wasn’t even allowed to mix the flavors, even though the lambic was packed into half-case sized boxes. Nope, can’t try two flavors without shelling out for another case! Arrgh!

  25. alphabitch

    I recently experienced a beverage called “Southern Host.” It was terrifying. It aspired, I’m thinking, to compete with Southern Comfort, only cheaper and stronger and more awful. Truly, Southern Comfort tastes all mild and classy after this stuff. You can’t get it here at the state-controlled liquor stores, although they will order you a case should you lose your mind and want one. Imagine the most awful bourbon you’ve ever had, plus Hawaiian Punch, only not red and fortified with grain alcohol.

    And yeah, what is that thing in the hand in the picture? The light is gorgeous, btw. It makes it look even more gay, somehow.

  26. varnish eater

    See I actually thought the Kir Real sounded delicious. I hate sweet drinks usually, but Kirs are just on the edge. If I had money for anything classier than PBR, I’d drink mostly dry cocktails. Also, I’m a sucker for aperitifs and digestifs. Absinthe and aquavit baby! I blame my Danish grandmother.

    But I’ve totally lost my taste for frequent alcoholic beverages. And I’m only 24!

  27. Erin

    Sylvanite, I don’t know where in the state you are, but here in Pittsburgh, you can get six packs, but only at bars and delis and suchlike that serve food. And some places will let you mix and match your six packs if you ask nicely. There’s actually a place here that sells hot dogs and six packs, and I’ve always assumed that was a maneuver around the law. At first blush, it may seem a little odd to blame the patriarchy for PA’s arcane liquor laws, but I’m sure that’s what it boils down to in the end.

  28. Twisty

    The thing you’re all wondering about is a bracelet made out of lots of little magnets. The hand holding it is Stingray’s. While engaged in conversation over gay cocktails, Stingray (and she will so appreciate me revealing this personal detail) quiets her Waring-blender mind by pulling the magnet links apart and snapping them back together. Loudly. All the time.

  29. hedonistic

    State run stores? Really? And just over the river from me; obviously I’m not paying attention. In New Jersey I can get whatever tipple I want, even on a Sunday. If it’s not at my HUGE local booze shop I think it’s even legal to order it through the mail (though I am not sure, it varies from state to state, but don’t tell me though, because if it’s illegal in NJ I don’t want to know!!!).

    The answer: Mail ordered booze. You can get anything you want off the internet. Understandably many in the industry feel pretty threatened by this; there was even a recent Supreme Court case on on interstate alcohol commerce. I wonder how it was decided?

  30. Sylvanite

    I know you can get six packs at delis and bars, but I only drink Woodchuck cider and lambic, and the only place I’ve found those available near me is at a deli in King of Prussia. It’s not a convenient trip. I suppose I could look harder, but it doesn’t really seem worth it.

  31. varnish eater

    I think those bracelets are made by a friend of my boyfriend. Not trying to be an uppity bitch, more just it’s-a-small-worlding.

  32. hedonistic

    I found it! Rats, the case only covered the shipment of wine, and we have a long way to go . . .

    http://library.findlaw.com/2005/Jun/10/174717.html

  33. Ron Sullivan

    Buttercup: It’s a strange state, especially in the middle bits.

    Grew up in Harrisburg, the only city ever cursed by Jack Kerouac. Nuff said. Even a jerk can be right about some things.

    …by pulling the magnet links apart and snapping them back together

    I have to admire such a refined and rare perversion. I also wonder how this jewelry would mess with, for example, BART tickets.

    Oh, Sylvanite — those laws are religiously inspired, so Yeah.

  34. Sylvanite

    Feh! A pox on blue laws!

  35. Mar Iguana

    My favorite poison is the sublime blue agave tequila gimlet, straight up.

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