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Dec 14 2006

Chumpass email de la semaine

As I mentioned the other day, the Twisty inbox overfloweth with angst and misery. Happily, most of the angst and misery comes in the form of pissed-off emails from women who have found a clump of patriarchy infesting some corner of the world and wish to encrumulate it with their mighty URL linkages. I say ‘happily’ because, according to the imaginary Twistyfesto, whenever an enraged reader sends in a link to, as one of you recently put it, some vile carnival of pain, a blamer gets her wings.

I am obliged in the extreme to those of you who take the time out of your glamorous lives to stoke the icy fires of blaming purgatory.

Of course, yours are not the only emails I receive. This morning, for example, I chortled through my first double Americano skimming a transmission from a concerned dude.

Unless you are yourself a radical feminist blogger, you may or may not know that dudes who email spinster aunts out of the blue can be taxonomized generally into one of two categories. One form is the feminist-ish sympathizer who wishes to thank me for “teaching” him about “alternative” viewpoints, and he maybe sends a link to an article in Science.

The other genus, the Chumps, contains a bunch of sub-species.

There’s the dude posing as a woman (“I happen to love taking it up the ass, so fuck you very much, bitch!). There’s the dude who inadvertently got spamulated, took it personally, didn’t read the FAQ explaining why he shouldn’t take it personally, and is now frantically demanding to know why I deleted his comments, which of course I didn’t (this guy usually turns out to be a “what about the men?” character whose comments probably should have been deleted after all, but what’re ya gonna do). There’s the dude who is a species of moron, or is in his twenties (which is kind of the same thing) who idolizes Tucker Max and thinks it’s cool to smack a bitch down; these communiqués are usually just strings of misspelled profanity.

These are all amusing in their way, but my favorite, and the most creepy-crawliest, is the concerned dude.

Like all the dudes in this genus, concerned dudes send the same email every time; it’s like they all took the same cheapo How To Smackdown a Feminist tutorial. Concerned dudes fail in every instance to grasp the gist of the blog, and because of their limited intellectual scope, always make the same three core assumptions: that I hate men, that I advocate replacing their dominant culture with ‘matriarchy’, and above all that I need their personal help in sorting out the trainwreck of my crackpot ideas. Concerned dudes universally begin by expressing their deep sorrow about whatever dreadful abuse occurred in my childhood to make me hate men so much. Then they warn me that my hate will consume my soul so I better cut it out.

Today’s concerned dude has concluded that, because “women” have told him “in no uncertain terms” that they like it when men open doors, carry their stuff, and compliment their “feminine attributes,” feminists like me have got it all wrong. But he has boundless sympathy for women all the same. “I have,” he says, and I can practically see him wiping a tear from his eye, “seen women raped, [!] and no one came to their side.” [exclamation point mine]

Regardless of the unaided rape victims he has viewed, it is nevertheless his sad duty to advise me that women are no angels, either. Concerned dude opines, with a queasy sort of British Ripperosity, that “The violence that women do is like a razor, so deft and quick you may not even notice it, and yet so deep that a single swipe is lethal.”

He also says that calling someone a lady is not an insult; a lady is “a woman with manners.”

Golly, Concerned Dude! Thanks to you and your life-altering, dude-affirming concerned email, I am now completely cured of my misguided patriarchy-blaming ways. Before, on accounta my hate-filled brain where visions of castrating matriarchs once danced the Rusty Saw Rhumba, I was unable to assume responsibility for the deft quick razory deepness of women’s lethality! That’s all changed now, and I owe it all to your concern. You’re quite a lady!

Well, I’m off to strop my razor.

56 comments

  1. Pinko Punko

    Chumps don’t send pictures of tacos.

  2. Pinko Punko

    Chumps also prove the existence of future predictionary ESP spidey sense, because every single word out of that guys mouth dances to the sweet sweet strains of the Clicheville quartet.

    But I’m clearly under your razorious yoke.

  3. CannibalFemme

    Are you sure he didn’t say anything about how he personally accrues no benefits from maintaining his feminist viewpoint since he’s married?

  4. Twisty

    Pinko, you are in a class by yourself.

  5. mel

    “The violence that women do is like a razor, so deft and quick you may not even notice it, and yet so deep that a single swipe is lethal.”

    So how come the morgues aren’t piling up with the bodies of razorfied men?? Instead it’s the boring Ripper stiffs. *yawn* Maybe concerned dude could donate his body to science or something, and then we could see this mysterious razor-sharp evil unleashed by bitches everywhere.

  6. scratchy888

    “The violence that women do is like a razor, so deft and quick you may not even notice it, and yet so deep that a single swipe is lethal.”

    Is that why there are a lot of males walking around, heads lopped off, not noticing that they are dead? Perhaps the source of all these gender cliches is from ghouls?

  7. Clio Bluestocking

    Sounds like someone who just got dumped, and thinks playing the “feminist sympathizer” makes him more sympathetic in trying to teach us girls (whoops, “ladies”) just how mean and hypocritical we are. Broken hearts, or, “The violence that women do is like a razor, so deft and quick you may not even notice it, and yet so deep that a single swipe is lethal” is really not equivalent to having your very existence defined as “wrong,” and having an entire legal system and culture build upon that definition, because you own two X chromosomes.

    These guys scare me more than your average, knuckle-dragging Bubba, because at least I know where Bubba is coming from at a distance and can get away early.

  8. ghostorchid

    They thought, I suspect, that “violence against women” is just one of those poetic, flaky feminist things. I mean that genuinely. They picture the heartbreaking, sexually-exploiting, he’s-just-not-that-into-you kind of violence, for which there are parallels in all subcategories of humans, including women. I don’t think actual beaten corpses came into the picture.

    Here’s an (excerpted) email that wound up in my inbox:

    “Relax about the bad exboyfriend relationship and realize all men will not be the same…understand that you can hug all the trees you want and eat all the veggies you like but you can’t take get pissed at men for being what they are…you sound borderline gay chic…and the funnier thing is it sounds like you want a borderline gay guy. I’m not calling you gay girl just that the way you’re chatting sounds like you’ve had all the bad experiences a gay woman has had that in the end lead her to think woman are better. Listen you can’t ask humans to stop being humans…if you have the feeling of bearing a baby and breast feeding news young chic…thats feeling feminine. As men…we are subject to our own feelings and have every right to have them. You read a lot of activist books great…but don’t forget that is only a small part of what this world is based on…and quite uninfluential mind you. I just had to respond to your post because if its tone and I wish you all the best in finding a semi-gay guy that wants to date a naive young girl that thinks women will one day rule the world. I mean…I just might go play the lotto this week and win too. The very fact that you want a man to treat you like a “human” contradicing yourself because umm…if you got breasts and can have babies…surprise!! You’re a woman and um men will always treat you like one. I heard that on Pluto there is no gender…if you can catch the 7:30 flight its non-stop there. If you miss it sorry to say you’ll be stuck with us real men and woman that like being referred to as such. I am a real man and I love it…My mom is a real woman and I love her. Its sad that there are poor misguided people out there like you who look at normality and without true understanding paint it ugly…all the while looking for your ‘way out’…well unless you can get that flight I mentioned earlier you’re in for a very miserable rest of you’re life. I rest in the fact that you’re young and have much to learn yet. Enjoy your search and if I have hurt you or completely misunderstood you in anyway I’m sorry . Please feel free to write back and ‘set me straight’. In any case woman are always gonna want to breast feed have babies and be treated like women….men are always gonna be looked at as real men….get used to it. Take care.”

    *sighs tenderly*

  9. norbizness

    I’m concerned about paragraphs 1 (it made me think of It’s a Wonderful Life, causing me to curl up in the fetal position), 6 (first quote not closed), 10 (I now have the Bryan Adams song “Cuts Like a Knife” running through my head), and 12 (I think that’s sarcasm!).

  10. Heraclitus

    Well, I’d like to thank you for teaching me about patriarchy and the idea of women as the sex class, and if possible, I’d like to do it wihtout being as lame as the first emailers you mention and without providing a link to Science.

    “The violence that women do is like a razor, so deft and quick you may not even notice it, and yet so deep that a single swipe is lethal.”

    I think he means ninjas, not women. So then a lady is a ninja with manners.

    And damn you, norbizness. Now I have “Cuts Like a Knife” in my head!

  11. Sophist

    “Man’s timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
    For the Woman that God gave him isn’t his to give away;
    But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the others tale -
    The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”

    I’m sure that’s terribly poetic and all, but what the hell does it actually mean? Did Chumpy provide any examples of this femanine razorlike violence in his emissive? My money is on a drunk coed shooting him down at the local dive bar or somesuch thing, because being denied the pussy they so obviously deserve always seems to be what cuts these clowns to the quick.

  12. scratchy888

    I just had to respond to your post because if its tone and I wish you all the best in finding a semi-gay guy that wants to date a naive young girl that thinks women will one day rule the world. I mean…I just might go play the lotto this week and win too.

    This writing is quite revealing too, because it feeds into an idea I’ve begun to entertain, fairly recently, that the patriarchy is based — somewhat suprisingly — upon passivity. IN particular it is based upon a passive acceptance of our social roles. Somehow, though, the passivity goes even deeper than this. Perhaps it (the patriarchy) inflicts the real cut which goes deep unto the point of lopping off our heads, resigning us to a lack of choice. In any case, the common wisdom of the garden variety patriarch seems to be that we cannot chose how to live, none of us can. Yet this is surely untrue, at least at the level of decision to do differently.

    These days, I find a certain poetic justice in what seems to be the case that patriarchal types are doomed to psychological passivity, as per their own doctrines of life. For them at least “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” Meanwhile those who can and do actually think have certain quality of life advantages even under this hostile and oppressive system.

  13. Sophist

    Hmm, I appear to have quoted an entirely different piece of claptrap than I had intended. How did that happen?

  14. badkitty

    i’ve always found it fascinating and terrifying that men equate women hurting their feelings with men stalking, torturing and killing women. like the first justifies that last.

  15. rootlesscosmo

    “Like a razor” means women who hurt his feelings are castrating. Which he undoubtedly interprets as license to inflict sexualized violence on women.

    The capacity of the privileged to feel genuinely sorry for themselves is really amazing. The ways they punish whoever can be blamed for this are deadly. Scratchy888, it’s not exactly passivity, but related: I’ve long thought that one of the basic perks of belonging to a privileged caste (defined not by what you have, but by whom you can look down on) is the license to act like a baby: make messes and leave them for others to clean up, howl till you get what you want, obey only your own whims without regard to–without even awareness of–anyone else’s feelings or experience.

  16. Mandos

    Other people have experiences? And here I was thinking that you were all either figments of my imagination or mechanistic automata whose ‘experiences’ are merely programmed responses in a giant experiment on me and simultaneously for my entertainment.

  17. Urban

    How do all the feminist bloggers out there cope with these communiqu&eacute’s of crap?

    I trust you don’t rush into correspondence with such nitwits, but do you laugh and then move on? I know occasionally such emails are successfully lampooned here, but that must be a small sample of the total. Do the rest get the pleasure of the delete key? Does it ever get you down to the point where you do actually feel upset/angry or are you so used to it that it is water off the feminist back?

    Also, this post reminds me of the FAQ section at http://www.dooce.com (a website I visit every month or so). One of the FAQs is thus:

    Q: “Should I send you unsolicited advice?”
    A: No.

    I snorted the first time I read it, as I found myself imagining the piles of e-advice from morons which led to such an FAQ.

  18. mearl

    Ah, the sweet, sweet freedom of not having to endure the presence of chumps like this in my life because I can make my own dough…but wait, according to these chumps, feminism doesn’t get us anywhere and we should just get back in the kitchen because we’re wasting our time! Oh, no…excuse me, ladies, I have to run out and get some glue and markers from the dollar store so I can make my sign, “Welcome, Patriarchal Overlords” before I start cooking dinner for them.

  19. Urban

    Dag nab it. I thought that e-acute I was HTML-attempting might fail. It was meant to say “communiques” but with an acute accent over the e.

    Forgive my technological nincompoopery.

  20. Pinko Punko

    ghostorchid: WTF???

    I have also had e-mails from female bloggers asking me if I have ever gotten creepy e-mails on topics X,Y,Z and I never have, and we have all decided that the deciding factor is that because I am a dude I do not get to experience the CREEPY AS SHIT unsolicited e-mail.

    Oh, norbiz, how could you do that to everyone? I also noted the Bryan Adams link, but decided that the best ninjafem avoidance strategy would be to remain silent.

  21. Snk

    Quoting ghosterchid:

    ” The very fact that you want a man to treat you like a “human” contradicing yourself because umm…if you got breasts and can have babies…surprise!! You’re a woman and um men will always treat you like one. ”

    Yeah, ‘cos of course the idea of women as “human” is a contradiction!

    “In any case woman are always gonna want to breast feed have babies and be treated like women….men are always gonna be looked at as real men….”

    Non-sequiturs, tautologies and an obsession with lactation.

    Scratchy888 – I couldn’t agree more with your analysis.

  22. TP

    I’ve long thought that one of the basic perks of belonging to a privileged caste (defined not by what you have, but by whom you can look down on) is the license to act like a baby: make messes and leave them for others to clean up, howl till you get what you want, obey only your own whims without regard to–without even awareness of–anyone else’s feelings or experience.

    Brilliant, and supports and expands on scratchy888′s passive thought. There’s another aspect of the passivity that bedevils and enrages men; the fact that in a patriarchy, there’s always someone on top of you oppressing you, demonstrating by example all the varied ways you can oppress those below. And men passively accept the oppression of other men every day, like some military encampment. Men’s passive acceptance of their own keenly-felt oppression makes them furious when women dare to complain about their own oppression. They dare to complain about what any man dare not even admit he suffers. But maybe I’m wrong.

    This maybe explains again why feminism, radical feminism like Twisty espouses, is actually for the benefit of every human being. If women are freed from oppression than, as a happy corollary, many men will be freed too.

  23. Snk

    I meant “non sequiturs”, of course. Apologies for pedantry, but the hyphen just looks terrible.

    I don’t know how or why all those Euro signs appeared whenever there were quotation marks within quotation marks.

  24. ms_mutt

    “if you got breasts and can have babies…surprise!! You’re a woman.”

    Congratulations Twisty, apparently you aren’t a woman and can be considered a real human.

  25. scratchy888

    Men’s passive acceptance of their own keenly-felt oppression makes them furious when women dare to complain about their own oppression.

    I think this is true, but it overestimates the level of conscious awareness of most of the petulant men. I think that these are less angry about their having to submit to a hierarchy — even a military hierarchy is in some senses more reasonable than the straitjacketed thoughts which normally govern these men. A military hierarchy is, after all, tangible, concrete and above all recognisable. What these troubled souls complain about is something else — the invisible vice-like grip of their own superegos, which shakes them around with the force of a rottweiler snuffing out the life of a rabbit. They are angry that feminists, seemingly, are not the victims of the same powerful psychologically inwards forces.

  26. Sara

    This is lovely.

    I know it’s not completely relevant, but I am prompted to comment today because now that I know a Concerned Male might be reading, I want to go on record as saying that I usually absolutely loathe it when a man opens a door for me. What usually happens is that the putative “Gentleman” will run ahead to reach the door before me, open it, and stand there while I slowly stump my way up to it. I invariably ask him please not to do this, very politely to please run along, but he does not listen and instead grins like a fool and keeps standing there. It embarrasses the shit out of me. It also makes me feel inarguably infirm, even though I might have been feeling perfectly well and strong and capable five minutes before, all the while making a big processional deal out of my perceived infirmity.

    Completely unrelated to my female state, I am someone who has worked very hard not to be infirm, though I still walk rather slowly much of the time. If you rush ahead to open a door for me without asking if I’d like that first, either because I am a woman or because you are stupid enough to adjudge me infirm without knowing me, don’t be at all surprised if, when I ask you to stop and you don’t, I suddenly slow down even more. Or if I get up to the door and then turn right before it and walk away. Or if I spit on you (though I probably won’t because I’m too much a lady). Under no circumstances should you expect gratitude. I only tender gratitude to people who’ve genuinely helped me when I’ve asked them specifically to do so.

    Please don’t be concerned, Concerned Male. Move away from the door and get the fuck out of my way.

  27. CafeSiren

    Non-sequiturs, tautologies and an obsession with lactation.

    Don’t forget ellipses and the “umm…”

  28. CafeSiren

    Can I add to Twisty’s taxonomy a subspecies of the sympathizer: the one who finds all this feminist stuff just fine and dandy in theory, but draws the line at anything that would make him have to examine his own behavior? As in: “You’re right: guys who do X & Y are pigs. But criticizing guys who do Z is going too far. Hell, I do Z!”

    I’m with Clio B. — I’d almost rather deal with a Bubba than with a guy who professes feminist ideals, but then gets upset when I try to put them into practice.

  29. ribbit

    Thenk you SNK! For the ‘obviously women are not human’ comment. It was exactly what I was thinking… but more eloquently put.

  30. KTal

    “Before, on accounta my hate-filled brain where visions of castrating matriarchs once danced the Rusty Saw Rhumba,”

    Well, finally you have retrieved the siren call of my elite matriarchical, construction oriented group. We dance and sing around potential construction and remodeling sites at night.

    Our usual itinerary starts at midnight with an oath of allegiance to all like minded women everywhere, some miscellaneous agenda and then the dancing, first to the Rusty Saw Rhumba, (the warm-up), then the Curved Claw Congo and we work ourselves into a wretched frenzy of lesbian antics with the Dirty Dance Demolition.

    At which point we sharpen our razors and embark on a late night tour of man slashing. We then return to roast the fleshy orbs that we’ve collected and feed them to the local wildlife.

    And then at the break of dawn we sneak back into the fetid minds of young men.

  31. Luckynkl

    Men have too much time on their hands.

  32. Edith

    Mm. Fetid minds.

  33. Kim

    You forgot type D, the self-righteous, “more highly evolved,” type who truly believe they have TRANSCENDED gender so don’t talk that angry whacko feminist talk then THEM because it doesn’t APPLY.

    These types rilly and truly are 100% free of any sort of bias towards women whatsoever and additionally do not have a macho bone/r in/on their body. Another distinguishing trait of Type D is that they in fact have been both the heros and victims of vast numbers of OTHER women. They will give no quarter to any of your protests, even when you try very nicely to say “Oh but look — surely you must admit to at least THIS” because they are DIFFERENT!

    Type D gets up my ass by wherever they choose to sprinkle their vast knowledge and enlightenment, be this in feminism, animal rights, NRA, capitalism, pop culture, kittens or tabletop pingpong.

  34. norbizness

    Whew! For a minute I thought I was busted, then I remembered I don’t know jack shit about animal rights or the NRA.

  35. Twisty

    I would argue that kitten-wise, you are poseur.

  36. Sylvanite

    “Breast feeding news young chic.” What the hell does that even mean? It’s barely even recognizable as the English language. Is he saying that breast-feeding is chic? Is he trying to address ghostorchid as a “chick?” Is he trying to say that women who breast-feed are chicks? Is he saying that a breast is feeding news to something? I feel really sorry for ghostorchid for having attracted someone that stupid who just HAD to share his thoughts. If you can call them that. Was he a twelve year-old boy, or what? I can’t even begin to parse the meaning of just that one phrase. Gah!

  37. Mandos

    Colourless green ideas sleep furiously.

  38. grrr kitty

    ha ha ha, the Rusty Saw Rhumba, my favoritest of dance-steps. I cordially invite each-n-every Concerned Male to take a crap on a landmine the next time he starts feeling my womanly pain.

  39. finnsmotel

    TP sez:

    “Men’s passive acceptance of their own keenly-felt oppression makes them furious when women dare to complain about their own oppression.”

    Scratchy888 sez:

    “What these troubled souls complain about is something else — the invisible vice-like grip of their own superegos”

    I sez:

    I feel like it was a little from column A and a little from column B for me, personally.

    I understand that you folks get tired of the Concerned Male, but, I will cop to having started out in that camp lo so many moons ago when Twisty and I sparred in another forum (I lost, natch). I like to think I’ve learned a lot and am thankful not to have been dispatched as roughly as some have been here.

  40. yankee transplant

    Twisty, please don’t ever stop. What would a blamer do without you? You are brilliant.

  41. Q Grrl

    I’m not sure that men are passively accepting of their social roles. I think they’re passively benefiting, and thus accepting a lesser social status, because of those men who do rape and beat and kill women. Most men are willing to be the non-Alpha male [for lack of a better term] because the those men supply the lower men with an endless supply of patriarchally trained and socially submissive women.

    The Concerned Guys freak out when they see women straying from the script, but the Concerned Guys lack the social status to either get women back on track or to motivate the Alpha males to do the detailed work. That’s why they’re concerned: and they want to pass that concern onto us so that hopefully, as a last resort, fear will do the work for them and we’ll just complacently fall back in line. They allude to us being hurt or abused in the past b/c they know it happened. They’re not saying “if” we got hurt/abused, they’re asking for the details in the hope that if we relive the details we’ll remember that we’re just women.

  42. Twisty

    Excellent nuancical blaming, Q.

  43. curiousgirl

    In a phenomenon which is exactly the reverse of shark-jumping in television series, there is always a moment in each installement of the Twistyfesto in which the comentary transcends mere charming wit and devestating humor and is elevated to divine brilliance. In “Chumpass email,” that moment was “You’re quite a lady!”

    ouch. my laugh hurts.

  44. Twisty

    Hey Finn, I’m not saying that men can’t have genuine feminist sympathies. I’m only saying that men who feel compelled to email me unsolicited tips on how to improve my deficient relationship with the patriarchy under the guise of deep concern for my spiritual health are chumps. You were never in that category, thank gawd.

  45. ginmar

    Okay, haven’t had enough caffeine, but with all this talk about passivity, ahs anybody brought up how easy it is to be passive aggressive? I’ve been dealing with a Type D on my blog recently, who found it highly offensive that I didn’t unmoderate his comments immediately and didn’t agree with him after he’d deigned to visit his superior male knowledge on me. The topic? How passive language conceals sexism. “Domestic violence hurts women. Death is a constant partner to prostitues. They slid into addiction.” And so forth. His response? “Yes, passive voice IS a problem.”

    I think the more passive a guy is, the more dangerous he can be, because I think in some cases the passivity is not peaceful or calm or whatever he tries to pass it off as. I think it’s being frozen with sheer rage sometimes. He knows he can’t really do anything to women to the extent that he wants to, and so he’s so furious he can’t do a damned thing. These affect passivity because they really hate the idea of female power and so while they know there are now some social sanctions for sexism, they resort to the style of ‘enlightenment’ but not the substance of it. There’s nothing more poisonous than a guy woh thinks he’s enlightened but who really uses the low bar of other mens’ behavhior to make himsself look better. I had one acquaintance who would interupt every discussion of sexist wrongs to intone, “Gee, how did I get to be so special? How come I’m not like that?” Because, you know—-even sexism can be used to a guy’s advantage, if he can just not do shit and still look better than the average dude.

  46. Q Grrl

    Ooh, I like nuancical. It sounds like a toque.

  47. finnsmotel

    “Hey Finn, I’m not saying that men can’t have genuine feminist sympathies.”

    I understand the distinction (and I don’t want to make it ‘all about me’).

    I guess I brought it up to point out that pretty much any guy who visits the comments portion of this blog is likely to end up with at least a misdemeanor of one or more of the infractions detailed above.

  48. Ron Sullivan

    I am a real man and I love it…My mom is a real woman and I love her.

    I just had to pluck this blossom out of ghostorchid’s concern-troll’s little nosegay. All that other hilarious stuff, plus he loves his mother and feels that’s a fit subject for anonymous trolling. The parallel construction there is just a tad creepy too.

    Wonder what he buys the poor woman for her birthday? A ruffly apron? Bubblegum-scented bubblebath? A crate of Twinkies?

  49. KMTBERRY

    IBTP IS the BEST BLOG on the INTERNET.

    Let us all band together to MAKE TWISTY WIN the Koufax this year.

    Twisty is the Writer’s Writer and the Artist’s Artist, and, similarly, IBTP is the Blogger’s Blog.

  50. Pony

    “I am a real man and I love it…My mom is a real woman and I love her.”

    geezus

  51. wabewawa

    Snk, I’m guessing that you’re on IE, like I am still (but not for long).

    If you right-click on the page, go to Encoding, and change from whatever European version you’re in to Unicode, then I believe all your Euro signs there will disappear.

  52. wabewawa

    Snk, I forgot. You can also get there through View on your toolbar, then Encoding.

  53. antelope

    Every now and then, I try to extend my sympathy to male feminist sympathizers. I do this by commenting on how it seems to me that nowadays all American women, not just feminists, have a fair amount of freedom in how we dress and talk without reaching the point where it is “unwomanly.” Poor men, though, it is so easy for them to cross the line and become “unmanly” – there are landmines everywhere, and people who want to point and call them “fag” when they cross those lines are everywhere, too.

    Not once have I had a guy act like he appreciates my sympathy. It only occurs to me now that this is because sympathy is a gift that it’s far better to give than to receive.

  54. antelope

    In fact, not only do they not act grateful, they don’t even act interested in my theories about how difficult and constrained their lives must be. They generally change the subject as fast as possible.

  55. TP

    It’s a rare and exciting thread of comments here, because this line of thought about the subtle ways guys are bad at understanding feminism and the whole passive male thing hit me right where I live. Since men are mostly responsible for the whole culture of male privilege (I gotta give props to all the deluded women who support it, too, though, much as it saddens me), I get to learn about myself and improve myself when the comments turn to why the fuck men are so fucked up.

    Thanks to everyone for bringing all this stuff to light. Especially scratchy for polishing off my thoughts – I didn’t actually mean to imply that these passive men were conscious of the motivations I theorized about. And you additional comments were very insightful and made me think “Oh yeah”. And that Q!

    Finn and I both benefit mightily from our male privilege and to deny it would be lying; but it’s such a seductive trap it can be hard not to fall into it the moment you weaken. Rather than a concerned male I would say that we are interested in the truth about men and women and power. And unlike the guys antelope has had flee at the thought of their own liberation, I for one am actually benefitting from feminist thought in countless ways.

    It’s kind of amusing to me that what most people think of as radical feminist thought has become second nature – basic common sense – to me, because of many conversations with Twisty herself years ago that I still remember very well, and IPTP.

  56. Miliana

    From ghostorchid’s disturbing email:

    “The very fact that you want a man to treat you like a “human” contradicing yourself because umm…if you got breasts and can have babies…surprise!! You’re a woman”

    I don’t know why this bit out of all of the email struck me most forcefully but it really did. I’m a freshman blamer, rare poster and a long time reader. It could be the (sic) or it could be the umm plus ellipsis.

    According to New Timey Idiot Writer just because I have breasts and a uterus I should as an adult woman be surprised by my gender? Exactly. I woke up yesterday stunned beyond all recognition by my ovaries; it gets worse when I noticed these bumps on my chest and frankly freaked out as a result. Good God – I’m a woman? Well, I better tout suitely get those mammaries pumping breast milk; there’s nothing else left for me, nothing else.

    Sheesh.

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