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Feb 07 2007

Old Line State becomes the Take Your Sweet Time State

The Maryland state motto is “Manly deeds, womanly words.” Which is a hot one. Maryland’s deeds may indeed be manly — and I don’t intend that as a compliment — but womanly words, specifically the word ‘stop,’ currently have no legal standing in the Old Line State.

For it is in Maryland, as has become generally known among the tiny minority of Americans who give a crap about this stuff, that once a woman “gives consent” to be penetrated, that consent stays given.* It cannot be rescinded. Not if the woman is in pain. Not if she has a heart attack. Not if the cat vomits on the pillow. And certainly not if she suddenly decides she’d rather be eating an egg salad sandwich than continue being pronged by some festering knob.

In other words, you Maryland women can say “stop,” but it’s not legally considered rape if he doesn’t.

A Maryland appellate court hath decreed that, in permitting the initial incursion to commence, a woman is suddenly stripped of her personal sovereignty and she is transmogrified forthwith into a subhuman meat receptacle until the ‘manly deed’ (remember the motto!) is done and the impalement has reached what male dominant culture defines as its ‘natural’ conclusion. Whatever subsequent vacillations of heart and mind our female protagonist may suffer, these may legally be ignored by her penetrator. Maryland judges, in fact, invite his continued incursion on her person, the duration of which affront is apparently left entirely to his sole discretion. Check out this astoundingly Medieval ruling:

It was the act of penetration that was the essence of the crime of rape; after this initial infringement upon the responsible male’s interest in a woman’s sexual and reproductive functions, any further injury was considered to be less consequential. The damage was done. [see pages 29-30 of the decision]

The response to the 2006 decision has been rife with typical bogus twittering. Such as the concept, adopted by men’s rights activists** from the Neanderthals, that it’s ‘biologically impossible’ for a dude to pull it out once it’s in there.*** Or the great debate about what constitutes a “reasonable time frame” within which the pronger must withdraw once the woman announces her disinterest in further participation.

In the original 2004 Maryland ruling, now overturned by the recent appellate decision, the pronger got 5 years for failing to whip it out on demand (although Time points out that the perp did stop “within a matter of seconds and did not climax.” As though his failure to ejaculate somehow mitigates the offense).

Which brings me, at long last, to my main patriarchy-blaming point. It is this: that “sex” is popularly but incorrectly imagined to encompass nothing less than what transpires during the interim between the female’s passive acquiescence and the inevitable event of dudely ejaculation. The whole thing is narratively structured around female submission to powerful forces of nature beyond mere human control.

I’d like to meet the straight girl who has not, at some point in her sexually active life, said “That’s it! Enough already,” only to be met with at least a few more thrusts and some attempt (“Just a little longer! I’m almost there!) at negotiation.

Well, fuck that. I’ll tell you what a “reasonable time-frame” is: the length of time it takes sound to travel 2 or 3 feet.

________________________________
* It is unclear to me why Time magazine has elected to resurrect this story from last year, but it suits me fine. Like I always say, there’s no time like the present to complain about state interference with a citizen’s decisions pertaining to the contents, or lack thereof, of her personal vagina.

** this knob will sell you a ‘consensual sex contract’ — a “binding agreement” that will “keep your willing participant honest”, for 25 bucks.

*** The Time article quotes one well-meaning victims’ advocate as saying “It’s insulting to men to say they can’t stop.” These arguments based on the notion that men should consider bagging their troglodyte behavior, not because it’s just wrong to rape women, but because rape insults men, always strike me as sad.

[Thanks, Nancy]

77 comments

  1. orange

    Sometimes I can’t scream as loud as I’d like to; and then I find something that makes me go and do it anyway. Like this.

    Why is sex always thought of as something that men DO to women ? If we lived in a world that considered men and women equal partners, it’s be a fucking no-brainer that when one partner wants to stop, the act stops.

    AUGH.

  2. KwillZ

    I know there’s plenty of woman hatred in the world, but the fact that something like this is LAW in our time…

  3. Twisty

    I’m no lawyer, but I think, strictly speaking, it’s not actually a law. Yet.

  4. Vera Venom

    So, it’s not rape but apparently is still sexual assault? Wtf is the difference? It’s still forcing one partner to do what she has explictly stated she does not want. Who cares *when* she says it?

  5. generation next

    I just needed to tell you I love your blog. Thank GOODNESS someone is talking about feminist issues without apologizing for it, and doing it with a sense of humor and good sourcing.

    I linked to your blog in my social justice blog. I look forward to more discussion around issues you bring up and hope to be able to have discussion back and forth between our blogs.

    Thanks,

    generation next

  6. Catherine Martell

    The ‘men’s rights activists’ at the National Center for Men are a hoot. Is it intentional that their logo looks like someone wanking his own angry, rickety, lonely cock?

    Well, that’s what it looks like to me.

  7. buggle

    This reminds me of a couple of guys in college- I said no, they kept going. #1 I pushed him off of me, and he stopped. Didn’t stop when I said no, I don’t want to have sex. I had to physically push him off of me. #2 I told to stop, and he didn’t. I freaked out and yelled at him and THEN he stopped. It’s like that first “no” doesn’t mean anything, they have to wait and see if I really mean no. Like, maybe if they keep going, I’ll discover how much I really want it. Yeah right. Assholes.

    Also reminds me of my friend’s lovely experience in which she got naked with a man, and then when he tried to have sex, she said no, I don’t want sex. He said “you should never take all your clothes off unless you are going to have sex.” WTF? What kind of rule is that? Who made that rule up? And how come no one ever told me about it before? And really, that’s like saying he has no control over his dick-like if his dick spots an opening it’ll just shove itself in the opening and the man can’t do anything to stop it. Take some responsibility men!

  8. Sean

    A lot of this has got to come from the nature of the sexual act itself. If we imagine a man suddenly saying, “Nope, I’m done,” before climax, the woman really has no option to say, “No, you’re not.” When he’s done, she’s done. But flip the spectrum around and suddenly you have something that seems to me like rape: she says, “Nope, I’m done,” yet he’s able to force her to continue with, “No, you’re not.” This is what’s known as the patriarchy.

  9. kate

    Without going through the trouble to check issue dates, I’d guess that Time ran this story because an editor was informed by an intern who saw the copy spread for newsweek and breathlessly informed, “They got prostitutes, Paris Hilton and something about the women’s movement as the feature story!”

    So, befuddled, said editor puts down his tuna sandwich and calls whoever they call and tells them to scrap the story about Evil Iran and find something about women that’ll please the feminists and have sex in it. So they drudged up this thing.

    Or possibly, this new interpretation is up for debate in the chambers in Maryland?

    Either way as I understand it, “In the original 2004 Maryland ruling, now overturned by the recent appellate decision,” would seem to imply that the law is on the books, just the interpretation has come up for debate in the courts.

    “National Center for Men, a male-advocacy group based in Old Bethpage, N.Y., says biology is a factor. “At a certain point during arousal, we don’t have complete control over our ability to stop,” he says. “To equate that with brutal, violent rape weakens the whole concept of rape.” His group has created a “consensual sex contract” to be signed before intercourse.”

    Which said sex contract cannot hold a woman hostage if the circumstances change during the course of the sexual conduct that were not outlined in said contract. Also, signing any contract while under duress or mental impairment makes it pretty null as well. Not to mention the fact that mentioning a contract in such a context reflects how little this MRA’er, like most men, cannot or will not, attempt to empathize with the women.

    I bet that stupid fuck would stop cold dead if the husband or boyfriend of the women engaged in the act with him just happens to catch them eh?

  10. ramou

    And really, that’s like saying he has no control over his dick-like if his dick spots an opening it’ll just shove itself in the opening and the man can’t do anything to stop it.

    Offer up a contraceptive pencil sharpener…

  11. Jess2

    The court’s ruling is hardly shocking in world where a woman can be deemed to be “asking for it” by not be a virgin and wearing a mini-skirt. The specific wording also reflects the fact that even in our supposedly modern culture, we’re just as obsessed with penetration and virginity as the Taliban– they too think that penetration automatically devalues a woman (not that her value was that high to begin with). The MD judge just represents a point on the same patriarchal continuum that evaluates a woman’s worth and rights based on her status as a sexbot.

    Also, I wonder how long permission, once given, lasts? Is there no limit? What if the guy has a 5 hour Viagra induced boner? What if he decides to try another orifice to get himself off? What if he physically injures the woman during the course of getting himself off? What if he takes a break and comes back… on say, Tuesday?

    Clearly, this isn’t true with any other type of physical assault. Even if two parties agree to engage in fisticuffs to settle a score, the party who proceeds to beat his rival to an unconscious bloddy pulp cannot defend his fiftieth blow to the opponent’s face by arguing that the other guy agreed to fight or even that he started it– in that case, the longer the assault takes place *aggravates* the perceived wrong and may result in a harsher punishment. Similarly, I’m pretty sure a boxer who kept pounding on an opponent after the bell rang or after the opponent said they wanted to quit would get in trouble– the initially agreed upon mutual participation notwithstanding. When someone prevents you from leaving a place, it becomes false imprisonment/kidnapping the minute you say “let me outta here” and they force you to stay– whether you agreed to enter the room/car/whatever with them in the first place is irrelevant. In fact, if the two weren’t having sex, if instead the man just said to his friend as they were visiting one another, “I’m not ready for this visit to be over– you can’t leave” would the judge have ruled the same way? Hell no!

    Pick any other situation– someone refusing to let go of your hand during a handshake, someone you invited into your home refusing to leave, a caregiver refusing to give back the child you freely put in their care… anyone can plainly see in those situations that it is perfectly possible to withdraw consent and expect the other party to comply. The only difference is, those are all situations men can experience, too.

    Apparently, the crime is in being a receptacle in first place.

  12. edith

    I’d like to meet the straight girl who has not, at some point in her sexually active life, said “That’s it! Enough already,” only to be met with at least a few more thrusts and some attempt (”Just a little longer! I’m almost there!) at negotiation.

    Careful, now. You’re getting pretty close to saying that all sex is rape.

    (Which it is. Or pretty darn close to it, anyway. At least, it has the POTENTIAL to be rape. Just give it a little time. Like a minute.)

  13. edith

    Right. So. That first part was meant to be a Twisty quote. I’m still an undergrad. Sometimes I mess up citations.

  14. teffie-phd

    Twisty said:
    I’d like to meet the straight girl who has not, at some point in her sexually active life, said “That’s it! Enough already,” only to be met with at least a few more thrusts and some attempt (”Just a little longer! I’m almost there!) at negotiation.

    ***

    Sad, but true. Though it comes out mighty fast when parents/kids/spouse/cop comes into the room.

  15. Christopher

    ““To equate that with brutal, violent rape weakens the whole concept of rape.””

    Huh, two different fonts.

    Anyway, notice what he’s doing here; By appending the adjectives “brutal” and “violent” to the word rape, he’s attempting to create a sort of hierarchy of rape, where there are concievably peaceful, calm rapes that aren’t as bad and thus deserve less punishment.

    It’s another little blow in the attempt to maintain rape as a property crime, rather then a crime against an actual person.

    To be honest, though, I’m completely baffled at the obsession with ejaculating. What the hell is that all about?

  16. buggle

    The sad thing about those situations is that it’s rarely considered rape. Even though it is rape. It’s considered “bad sex” or just a normal hookup.

    Yeah, the asswipe that raped my best friend in college pulled out real quick when she started screaming for all the dorm to hear- hmm, I guess you CAN pull out after all.

    I wonder what that “certain point” is in their arousal that defines the moment that they can’t turn back at. Is it mid orgasm? Is it when the dick is semi-hard? Fully erect? I mean, how the heck do they define this “no turning back” point?

    This could be a nice battered women’s defense-there’s just a certain point in being abused where you can’t stop yourself from killing your abuser. Works for me!

  17. FemiMom

    This rape case is only a tiny evidence of the mentality that “it” is “just a vagina, what’s the fuss?”. Sort of like, if someone bumps your foot, but doesn’t STOMP on it, you should politely ignore it. It is a FOOT; you are not hurt; get over yourself!
    (Silly analogy, perhaps. I am just trying to make the point that the patriarchy does not privilege the privacy of a pussy).
    As I pay critical attention to messages in the media, I find this “just a vagina” mentality all over the place. I picked up some “lady” magazine at the dentist, yesterday. (Twisty: they have RECIPES!) Anyway, the author, quoted a female physician’s advice that a married gal should just put out, let him have at it, even if you’re not in the mood, because:
    “most women don’t want their husbands to masterbate”
    GIVE ME A BREAK! It’s too much to expect him to take care of his needs?
    This idea that a man’s accomodation is more important that his spouse’s personal, physical integrity is pretty much an argument in favor of marital rape. If Ladies Home Journal is all in favor of women gritting their teeth and putting up with a bit of unwanted intercourse, why should we expect more in the courtroom?

  18. jezebella

    Ye gods – “most women” know perfectly well their husbands/lovers/whatever masturbate all the time whether they’re having sex once a year or once a day. Any woman who thinks otherwise is delusional.

  19. thebewilderness

    I think Jess2 touches on what is going to have to happen in the legal arena with regard to rape. It will have to be categorized just as other crimes against a person are. That will be a very difficult struggle so long as those who sit in judgement of such crimes do not see women as people. I would be curious to know the opinion of the appelate court judge or judges on the issue were it to involve persons who were not assumed to, by virtue of their gender, assent to abuse.
    Do you remember the case the media referred to as the “preppy murder case”?

  20. octopod

    A reasonable time-frame?
    The time it takes you to reach down your own back, grab his nuts, and pull.

    However, now that I think about it, this may only work in conjunction with my possibly-not-generalizable principle of never bedding anyone whom I don’t think I could beat in an unfair fight. Oh well.

    Nonetheless, regarding this ruling: what the fuck? I’ve been telling people about this since it happened, and most of the time I have to pull up the news story to make people believe me, ’cause it’s just so damned outlandish that no-one (among my own little clade of geeky science-undergraduate types) is willing to believe it.

    And “women” don’t want their SOs to masturbate? News to me. Heh, I hope “men” don’t feel the same way.

  21. Rio

    Can I share one good story?

    Went on a date, with a friend who was known to me; it was not the best date ever but not terrible. Got a drunk, made out on the couch for a while, and then it was late and he lived far away so I invited the gentleman to pass out with me in my bed. Woke up in the morning, made out some more, started having sex. Like, condom was on, penis was inserted. Realized about four minutes in that I was having “politeness sex” and didn’t really want to be doing it. Said to the gentleman whose condom clad cock was thrusting in my vagina, “Sorry, I don’t want to be doing this.” Gentleman said, “Oh, sorry,” and removed his cock from my vagina. It wilted and he looked a little disappointed, but also concerned for how I was feeling. I apologized for the buzzkill and he kind of shrugged his shoulders and asked if I was okay. I said I was, but I just had started having sex without thinking it through and then realized I felt uncomfortable about it. ASked if he was okay. He said yes. He threw the un-jizzed-in condom away, we got dressed, went downstairs and had breakfast.

    No one’s penis broke, some feelings were maybe hurt, but I saw this guy again and it was fine. I mean, we’re not married or anything, but what could have been a disaster turned out to be relatively harmless little blip on the dating scene for both him and me.

    I just wanted to share this story with everyone so that we could have a concrete, real life scenario in which coitus was interruptus and the world didn’t end and the dude didn’t rape anyone and all parties involved moved smoothly on with their lives.

    Trolls out there might not believe this story, or might call this guy a pussy (gasp!), or me a tease (hardly). But I swear, it is 100% true and proof that even a twentysomething upper middle class white dude can behave like a human being if he really tries.

  22. Sarah

    I read about this when it first happened, and then again this week in the latest issue of Time Magazine.
    I told a group of my boyfriend’s friends about it over a month ago, expecting them to express shock and dismay. Instead I was lectured about how I just don’t understand what sex is like for a man – how very hard it is to pull out once you’ve started. It made me ill. For them to sit there and tell me, a woman, that they had the right to fuck me even if I objected, is dispicable.
    One of the guys suggested that it might be more appropriate to call such an action “assault,” rather than rape. “It’s just not rape.” I suggested he probably felt that way because HE’D done something like that to a woman or two before but didn’t want to think of himself as a rapist. Easier for him to consider himself an “assaulter,” I guess.

  23. Spit The Dummy

    Sean says:

    A lot of this has got to come from the nature of the sexual act itself.

    Yes indeedy, but only if you define sex in terms of power only – and isn’t that where we get into all this trouble? Instead of looking at the sexual act as a joint venture between two consenting parties for their mutual pleasure, it is being judged in patriarchal terms of male entitlement to pussy.

    I spit on the Maryland Appellate Court.

  24. Clio Bluestocking

    So it seems that Clayton Williams moved to Maryland.

  25. ChapstickAddict

    Here’s one straight girl who’s all too familiar with negotiating during sex. I dated a guy once who wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference in the dark between me and a warm piece of rolled up liver. Oh, and when I stood up for myself and finally started refusing him because I wanted to get some sleep or (gasp) wasn’t in the mood, he then simply masturbated right next to me, and begged me to just let him grope me then, since I wasn’t going to give “it” up.

    Then one day I watched a movie with him, and one of the scenes was a ten second clip showing a top-view of a man having sex with his wife. He was wildly gyrating and she was staring at the ceiling with the most vacant look I’ve ever seen. It was like I was looking in a mirror, and that’s when I finally woke up and realized what he had really been doing to me.

  26. Scratchy888

    That’s strange. I know that one thing to avoid when my other is having sex with me is a yawn or any kind of laughter. This seems to reverse his biological urge to have sex.

  27. kate

    ““most women don’t want their husbands to masterbate”

    sigh. I wait for the day when most women would prefer to hunt down and kill mag editors, especially women’s mags, rather than take their patronizing advice and accept their behavior summaries.

    “A reasonable time-frame?
    The time it takes you to reach down your own back, grab his nuts, and pull.”

    Not so fast, not so easy, not always. Which is why women end up reporting rape afterwards and we don’t see dead ex rapists in the news too often. But MRA’s would rather have everyone believe that a woman prone with a 150 lb. man on top of her has all the power of the world to hoist him offa her and dash like lightning and escape his efforts to recapture.

    Then there’s the real knowledge that all women have of potential male ability to exact extreme, fatal brutality to get what they want. If you haven’t known that fear, let me tell you, survival comes first, then filing a report.

    Where was I? Oh yeah, so of course, as we know all men know they have this potential and this potential controls women. If the law steps in and offers an attempt to balance the scales, interesting how so many kindly, woman lovin’ men start howling foul.

  28. j

    ChapstickAddict, are you talking about the movie Amélie, by any chance?

  29. pheeno

    Oh Im sorry…He said he was fine with me using a dildo, and I just couldnt STOP myself from jamming it into his ass!

  30. Antelope

    Looking at the piece of this case that Twisty references, it becomes clear that they are citing Middle Assyrian Law as the precedent for this “the moment of penetration is all that matters” thinking. So who ever compared the Maryland Court to the Taliban was not far off base at all. Similar roots.

    I’d bet any amount of money that this judge is a godbag, so you’d think it might cross his mind that a huge part of what Judaism, and it’s eventual offshoot Christianity, was about was to look down one’s nose upon the Middle Assyrians, the Moabites, the Ahhamites, and so forth. I’m pretty damn sure the Middle Assyrians are cited someplace in everyone’s favorite book as horrible, horrible people, so why in Jeebus’ name would we cite them as a precedent for anything? I thought we were restoring all the principles and values of proper traditional Christianity to our benighted nation.

  31. Twisty

    “Oh Im sorry…He said he was fine with me using a dildo, and I just couldnt STOP myself from jamming it into his ass!”

    Man, I love this blog.

  32. pheeno

    Well, it’s all very primal you know-the need to jam dildos in men’s asses. It involves complexities within the female libdio that men could just never understand. It’s not our fault we can’t control it and men will just have to accept it as an act of nature. It should jive quite nicely with their idea that penetration is an honor bestowed upon the penetratee. It also has the added benefit of milking the prostate, so ejaculation (ie The Goal) is achieved. Of course, if it’s MY orgasm that signifies the end of the primal act of male ass dildo-ing, well…he’s gonna have a long wait.

  33. ChapstickAddict

    j:

    Actually I’ve never seen that movie. It was some movie about a red-haired woman trophy housewife who sort of left her family to go live at some treatment center on a mountain, because she had a lot of sadness and she didn’t know why. I don’t remember the name or much of the plot, but I can recall that one bedroom scene pretty vividly.

    Also it kind of reminded me of a similar scene from The Good Girl.

  34. Shira

    I remember hearing about this story when it first came out, and I had several arguments with men who thought it was just the gravest injustice on earth that a mere female would be able to tell them to stop mid-thrust and expect them to fucking do it – haven’t I heard of physics! ‘Tis impossible! Gravity, etc. This just gives women Too Much Power, and haven’t I thought of all the poor schmucks I’d be putting in prison just because they didn’t know how far they could push it until the bitch cried rape?

    Anyway, I’ve got a story too.

    So I’ve been dating this guy since I was 17 (I’ll be 20 in April) who I thought I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with until I grew the hell up and found this blog. Like all men, his mind has been poisoned by the patriarchy and, as I found out recently, it’s fun-loving manifestation of violent internet rape porn. I got the pleasure of finding this out about three weeks after I was sexually assaulted in early December. So, the boyfriend not only does not understand just why my finding “anal rape” in my search engine history might reduce me to a quivering catatonic pile of PTSD, he can’t fathom why I’m not completely reassured by his promises that “it’s not real, they’re just acting.” Yea. Because he totally knows, right? And That Changes Everything!

    Like any good feminist, I start making the connection between the four-hour nag-and-pout-sessions that usually culminate in my own version of Chapstick Addict’s vacant-ceiling stares and his enjoyment of videos depicting gang-rapes of crying teenage Japanese girls. I start to realize he’s never really given a shit about my comfort level around sex and that he’s too blinded by patriarchal moronhood to realize this. When I first called him about the assault (and it took me two days to work up the courage to tell anyone besides the RAINN hotline operator), his response was ‘why the hell did you get in his car?’ – which upset me for obvious reasons until I remembered that a week into our relationship, he had snuck over to my room in the middle of the night, ignoring my repeated insistence that I really didn’t feel comfortable with his coming over. That shut him up…for about a week, until he thought it’d be just hilarious to pull out his high-pitched fake-woman-voice and pretend to be me getting assaulted.

    All of this raises the inevitable question, ‘why are you still with that douchebag?’ Well, because, as patriarchal morons go, he’s fairly enlightened – when I told him about this ruling when it first came out, he actually and immediately understood why it was ridiculous – and I care about him enough (and live 500 miles away at school for the semester being) that I don’t want to rip out his heart and eat it in front of him until after he graduates in June. Really, I’m an altruist at heart, and his telling his buddies he’s got a girlfriend up north won’t keep me from pursuing less rape-loving dudes (assuming such dudes exist – I’ve yet to find them, but I’m holding out hope!).

    Did I mention this blog has basically changed my entire outlook on everything? You could abolish all the current sex-ed programs in the country and just replace it hard copies of your magnificent prose, and the world would be a much, much better place. If you ever start an Army, Twisty, I’d be honored to carry your cape.

  35. Clio Bluestocking

    Out of curiousity I clicked on the link to the “men’s rights” site. I started to think it was a parody but, unfortunately, they seem quite convinced of themselves.

    When I was much much younger, this one dude tried to convince me that blueballs were actually quite unendurably painful and possibly harmful to men’s health. We women should understand that either by not making the poor boys blue or by allowing the boys to releive themselves. It was our duty, after all, if we were at all concerned about their well-being. I laughed quite heartily, assuming that he was joking. Turned out, he was in earnest. Glad I kept laughing.

    Anyway, this law in Maryland seems to say quite a bit about what these law-makers and their supporters do in their own beds and it is quite frightening.

  36. Frumious B

    Shira – you are one lucky 20 yr old. If this blog had been around when I was your age, I would have been fortunate enough to have missed out on some asshat boyfriends and some dog-awful sex.

    I care about him enough (and live 500 miles away at school for the semester being) that I don’t want to rip out his heart and eat it in front of him until after he graduates in June.

    Try reading the archives. HIS feelings are not YOUR problem. Anyway, he’s 500 miles away, so you won’t be eating his heart in front of him, you’ll be eating it over the phone. Or text message. DTMFA.

  37. octopod

    kate: Yeah, unfortunately; I know that solution isn’t general, thus my comment about odds in an unfair fight. I know that’s how it goes, yeah — no illusions. Just wanted to make some noise, after my usual fashion. Sorry if I came off like an asshole; I really didn’t mean it that way.

  38. pisaqauri

    Shira,

    I refuse to date a guy who looks at porn of ANY kind–that’s said in the beginning. For the past four years *every* single boyfriend has lied and continued watching it. I’ve put two through therapy for it. In short, I dont believe the majority of men who watch it on a regular basis can actually quit on their own (and without desire to do so–most men have a *great* desire to hang their pickles out and fly them like kites to whatever image/scenario revs them–over time stuff has to intensify).
    I am only a year older but trust me, if this bothers you now: get out. He will be watching goats lick baby genitialia in another year.

    As for the Maryland nutjobs I can only hope for a mystical operation that inserts guilltoines (at the woman’s discretion, OF COURSE) in women’s apparent every-man’s-land that is voice activated and slices down upon the sound of “NO!”

  39. feminazi

    So does this mean that once I ram that broomstick up some guys ass, I can keep it there until I decide to stop? Wheeee!

  40. mearl

    If I found myself in a situation where I said I didn’t want to have sex and the blockhead decided that it was an opportune time to keep going, I suppose I’d have to explain to judge, jury and court about my biological urge to gouge out his eyes. Instinct, I think the scientists call it…you can’t refute those kooky biological urges! Really, men just don’t understand how sex FEELS for us.

    I’ve had and heard of so many, many similar experiences with guys, like the story my friend told me about having a burning yeast infection and being wheedled at by her at-the-time boyfriend: “Can’t you just let me put it in for 5 minutes? It would feel so good…” For him, that is (don’t think I needed to add that observation for the blamers here). Many guys seem to think that the female body is some sort of toilet wherein they can relieve themselves if they play all their cards right.

    Shira: I will sleep better at night the day you post that you have dumped your useless excuse of a boyfriend’s selfish ass with little or no regard for his well-being, given the shit he has already put you through.

  41. Leigh

    I am shocked and appalled. How did I miss this when it first happened? This is the first I’ve heard. Sure, I moved out of Maryland in 2003, but I’ve been known to return on occasion. I had no idea how much less safe I and my vagina became as soon as I crossed state lines. I had been under the misguided impression that my home state wasn’t something to be totally ashamed of. Blast. Wrong again.

    Although I suppose I shouldn’t be that surprised, since a MD “friend” of mine expressed an even more abhorrent attitude a little before the initial case. He said that his “strategy” was to go down on a girl and try to “slip it in” on his way back up. As far as he was concerned, once the legs were spread, it’s fair game. When I informed him that that happens to be a pretty clear definition of rape, he scoffed and bonged a beer or something.

    Did I mention I moved?

  42. feminazi

    The best response I’ve seen to this drivel goes something like:

    If the candle gets knocked over and your bed is on fire, can you stop?

    If your kid is about to burst into the room, can you stop?

    If your girlfriend grabs your balls with her fingernails, can you stop?

    etc.

  43. Spit The Dummy

    Shira says:

    “That shut him up…for about a week, until he thought it’d be just hilarious to pull out his high-pitched fake-woman-voice and pretend to be me getting assaulted.”

    I just can’t see any excuse for this sort of shitty behaviour. It’s just – evil. My unasked for advice? Ditch his sorry excuse for a male arse and value yourself higher than creatures of this ilk, eh?

    “All of this raises the inevitable question, ‘why are you still with that douchebag?’ Well, because, as patriarchal morons go, he’s fairly enlightened “

    And that to me is one of the saddest sentences I’ve ever read. This guy is the next best thing to an actual rapist and yet he gets kudos for what? Just haranguing and guilting you into sex instead of using a weapon to force sex on you? Not caring about whether you enjoy it or want it and selfishly using your body for his own pleasure instead of actually deliberately getting off on forcing you? Only reading and jerking off to rape porn and mocking your sexual assault trauma in a myriad of arseholish ways instead of actually doing the deed himself? What a prince! I’m thinking as patriarchal douchebags go, this guy is your typical patriarchal douchebag and you should run a mile from each and every one of them. You deserve to be treated like a human being and this guy isn’t even getting close with this sort of crap.

    “Did I mention this blog has basically changed my entire outlook on everything? You could abolish all the current sex-ed programs in the country and just replace it hard copies of your magnificent prose, and the world would be a much, much better place. If you ever start an Army, Twisty, I’d be honored to carry your cape.”

    Good for you, Shira. Keep up the Blaming but get in line for any potential Twisty cape carrying. I hear there’s a pretty big queue.

  44. Scratchy888

    Yeast infection, nein danke.

  45. Mike B)

    Sorry…that was me above there. Yeah…these infections bounce back and forth. If one has it, the other will get it and then give it back.

    So, again…yeast infection, no thanks!

  46. denTaTa

    ramou, we just need to work on the voice-command (de)activation for this gizmo:

    http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/controversy-in-south-africa-over-device-to-snare-rapists/2005/09/01/1125302683893.html

  47. ChapstickAddict

    Shira:

    Dump him now. Don’t wait until he graduates. Trust me. When I was going out with my rapist ex, I delayed dumping him for the longest time, because I felt about him the same way you feel about your dude. In fact, I DID dump him one night, and I got back together with him the next day because I was just so depressed and insecure. Of course, I got back with him on the condition that (a) he wouldn’t touch me unless I said it was OK, (b) he wouldn’t bug me for sex if I said NO, (c) if he had to masturbate, he would go in the next room to do it, and a whole other list of stuff.

    Naturally when I got back with him, a month later I was miserable. He went back to his old begging routine. I kept dating him for a year, with no sex whatsoever (I was pretty convinced that I was just destined to be celibate–it never occurred to my young mind that HE was the problem and the reason that I got sick whenever I would see a guy naked).

    I was 17 when we started going out, too. And 21 when I dumped him. I wanted to wait till after I graduated college (oh yeah, he was ten years older than me). Don’t prolong this relationship. He obviously does not respect you. It took me a long time to deal with the fact that I pretty much dated a man who treated me like a mattress with a hole in it. And there ARE more enlightened men out there. My current boyfriend loves this website too.

  48. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    So let’s say for the sake of argument, a male friend consents to my shoving a red-hot poker up the orifice of his choosing. At some point in the festivities, he cries out, “Ow! STOPPIT!” Whem am I obligated to remove the red-hot poker? Common sense tells me immediately, if not sooner. Wanna guess how fast I’d go to jail if I didn’t?

    This stuff makes my mind reel.

  49. Therese Norén

    “Such as the concept, adopted by men’s rights activists** from the Neanderthals, that it’s ‘biologically impossible’ for a dude to pull it out once it’s in there.”

    And yet, these are the same men that says “Don’t worry, I’ll pull out in time” to get out of using condoms.

  50. Minerva

    Shira–

    I’m echoing others here, but I urge you to consider freeing yourself of a man who will likely never change. It isn’t that I don’t believe people have the capacity to change–but he’s minimized a trauma you experienced and seems to have no conceptual difficulty with anal rape since “they’re just acting.” Anal rape today–what will he be into when he’s 40? And I’m sorry, but “enlightened” and “anal rape” never, in any context, go together.

  51. DrSue

    Shira, I agree with the posters who advise dropping him, but be careful. A guy who watches violent rape porn and riducules your pain after sexual assault may well feel entitled to exact violent revenge on a girlfriend who has the nerve to dump him. It may be smarter to tell him now, at a distance of 500 miles, than close up and alone.

  52. DrSue

    Ack, that should be “ridicules,” sorry.

  53. brainiac9

    If my boyfriend can take it out when we’re changing positions, I’m pretty sure menfolk can take it out at other times, too. If it’s a biological imperative to keep bangin’ away, it’s one that neither of us are all that familiar with.

  54. Jess2

    Shira wrote: “All of this raises the inevitable question, ‘why are you still with that douchebag?’ Well, because, as patriarchal morons go, he’s fairly enlightened ”

    Shira, sorry, don’t mean to pile on here, but I’d like to offer an alternative to putting up with a ‘fairly enlightened’ patriarchal moron.

    My husband doesn’t look at porn– in fact, he is embarrassed by it and is horrified to hear about some of the kinky, violent shit that turns people on. Though he enjoys sex and definitely has a greater appetite for it than I do, he *never* wheedles me for sex. Ever. In fact, even though he’d probably like to do it three times more often than I do, I am almost always the initiator. Why? Because he does not want to have sex with me if I don’t want to– he gets no gratification out of me having sex if he senses I’m just performing my “wifely duty”. Believe me, brainwashed as I am by the patriarchy, I have occasionally had sex with him because I felt like he needed it– he senses it if I’m not really into it and doesn’t like it. Same goes if I finish long before he is able– he doesn’t like to keep at it if I’m not enjoying and will stop or ask me if I want to stop if I seem to be not that into it anymore. Also (and this is TMI, I know, but just to illustrate my point) during the first four months of my pregnancy I had a yeast infection that absolutely would not quit… a few times I thought I was over the yeast and initiated sex only to discover that it was still lingering and sex was still painful. He always stopped immediately and when I said, ‘I’m sorry, thought I was over it’ he always said, ‘Don’t apologize! Nothing to be sorry about! I’m sorry for you that you’re still not feeling well.’

    By the way, my husband grew up in a fairly traditional (though not religious) patriarchal, Turkish household– his Dad never did a lick of housework and his Mom is a super traditional housewife. My husband can be as patriarchially dudely as the next guy– he loves to see me in lingerie, goes on ad naseum about how much he loves long hair on women and he raves when I put on a dress and high-heels (his theory is that positive reinforcement will make me do it more than twice a month). He’s not a hipster or ultra-cool metro-liberal… he’s kind of a sweet, goofy computer nerd who enjoys his share of rock and roll, hiking and beer; there’s nothing remotely “feminine” about his persona and he routinely refuses to partake of things he considers unmanly (like any toiletries beyond soap (not shower gel, god forbid), shaving cream and toothpaste).

    See, it’s not that my husband isn’t as steeped in patriarchy as the next guy, was raised by radical feminists or that he thinks through the feminist politics of our sexual interactions– he just sees me as a human being, doesn’t want to hurt me and wants our sex to be mutually enjoyable at all times.

    By the way, my husband also does 50% of the housework. I once asked him why/how he decided to be so amenable to this arrangement given that even among the most liberal, progressive friends we have, there are dudes that still can’t bring themselves to do dishes. He simply replied that when he was a teenager he noticed the way his Dad never helped his Mom around the house– he decided that didn’t seem very fair to him. *That*, my friend, is an enlightened patriarch!

    I say this not to brag, just to show you that your boyfriend is not ‘fairly enlightened’ by any stretch of the imagination. There *are* better guys out there, even better patriarchal morons. There are guys whose manifestation of patriarchal dudeliness would make them, say, want to beat the balls off the guy who assaulted you, not make fun of YOU for it. Before I met my husband, I dated my share of porn lovers, but I also dated more than one guy who found porn, especially the standard forms of porn like the in-your-face “money shot”, to be sickenly degrading to women. Those mythical creatures known as “good guys” do actually exist– they’re not unicorns or something. You deserve to have a relationship with someone who respects you. Stop rationalizing your current dude’s assholery and kick his pornsick ass to the curb. You can do better.

  55. FemiMom

    Shira-
    I am so sorry.
    Right now, you need a friend (or five or twenty) and you have a bunch of them, here. The “boy” is not a FRIEND. No one who treats you that way is a real friend.
    As for the porn, in my experience, men who like it are unimaginative. Better to take a tumble with someone who will look you in the eye, who will laugh with you and cuddle. Somehow all that begging and posturing gets in the way of FUN sex.

  56. Twisty

    How well I understand the desire to spare Shira the pain we’ve all experienced in this quarter, but I am confident that she’ll wake up and smell the coffee when she’s ready. She’s a blamer!

    Right, girlfriend?

  57. Jess2

    *sigh* You’re right, as usual, Twisty. I feel like such a bloviator. Why is the impulse to spew unsolicited advice so friggin’ powerful, even more so among those of us who hate to receive it?

  58. ChapstickAddict

    I’m just giving advice because back when I was with my ex, I could’ve used someone to tell me that what he was doing to me was actually wrong. Shira sounds just like me when Iwas at the point where I tried to passive-agressively break up with my boyfriend for that whole miserable year (my brilliant plan was to make him hate me so that HE would dump ME, because I was such a wimp–by the way, that doesn’t work).

    But I agree. She’ll break up with him when she’s ready, just like I did. If I hadn’t waited until I did, I may not have found my current wonderful boyfriend.

  59. pheeno

    “I care about him enough (and live 500 miles away at school for the semester being) that I don’t want to rip out his heart and eat it in front of him until after he graduates in June.”

    I’ll do it. I haven’t had breakfast yet.

  60. jezebella

    pheeno, you beat me to it. I was going to make the exact same offer.

  61. edie

    I want to contribute here, and I hope my partner doesn’t read this. I’m also going to use the nerdy terminology for sex that better fits my experience of it.

    My male partner is the first person I sexed with. We’re still together and sexually active. And not once has he so much as *asked* for sexing – and this boy could get an erection from flossing his teeth. I think he understands that if it actually got to point where one of us had to “ask for sex”, it would be indicative of some serious relationship problems. If we both want to sex with each other, we do. If one of us doesn’t, we don’t. Simple as that.

    There have been numerous times when I have wanted the sexing to stop, such as when it becomes painful (regardless of how gentle he is, we have a serious size discrepancy) in which case he stops immediately (no questions asked) and there is some cuddling. He generally asks at least once during sexing if I’m okay, even if I’m indicating pleasure, because he knows that it can make me sore. He does not complain even if stopping causes him physical discomfort. He refuses to accept my apologies for having to call it off. He says “it’s okay” over and over.

    He also knows that I am uncomfortable giving oral sex, so he reassures me that it’s overrated and doesn’t work for him that much anyway. He would never *ever* imply that (a) he wants oral sex from me or (b) that I should give it, and expresses concern should my face get near to his organ during our interactions, in case it makes me uneasy. He and I both know that if I appear to be suffering, he won’t be able to get off.

    If he found out that he had “crossed the line” with me somehow, I am 100% certain that he would never forgive himself. He gets upset enough feeling like he’s “the penetrator”. I mean, this is the boy who asked me worriedly if I felt “objectified” when he touched my breasts. If I were raped, it would absolutely tear him to pieces.

    I think most men would perceive my partner as being “whipped”. They’d be disgusted that he doesn’t identify with “manliness” (hence why I refer to him as a boy, although a running joke between us is how he likes it when I tell him what a beautiful woman he is) and particularly troubled by his radical feminist politics.

    They’d wonder where his balls went.
    Yet he is one of the strongest people I know.

    We don’t have a perfect relationship by any means, but one thing I know for sure is that I can trust him completely with my body.

    I am not lucky to have him, because a partner like this should not be a bonus. A partner like this should be a basic standard.

    Notably, this doesn’t mean our sexing gets boring, or that it’s constantly him checking up on me (although he does tend to go a bit overboard). What this means is that you *can* have woman/man sex, with whatever kinks you want, and know that you’re safe.

    I wish Shira the best, no matter what decision she makes.

    It doesn’t have to be this way.

  62. edie

    Oh, and one other thing – most of our sexing does not involve penetration. And I orgasm. Plenty.

  63. Ugly in Pink

    “A partner like this should be a basic standard.”

    It took me YEARS to learn this simple fact. And now I have a wonderful husband who patriarchy-blames right alongside me, and whose time in stopping the few times i’ve wanted him to could be measured in milliseconds. He also gives amazing head. To paraphrase a lot: once you go honestly egalitarian dude, you never go back.

  64. rainne

    Sorry for the potential TMI, but as someone who has practised (nay, perfected) coitus interruptus for the past four years, I am here to assure anyone who may have lingering doubts that it is indeed biologically possible to withdraw at any moment.

    I mean, the guys who are claiming the inability to withdraw, are they not the same guys who are completely enamoured with the money shot in porn? Which manoeuvre (not that I’ve ever seen it, but from what I understand) does rather imply the ability to withdraw at exactly the critical moment, yes?

  65. Betsy

    Jess2 — How interesting. I had a Turkish boyfriend once and he was just an absolute dollbaby. I would have thought the back-country culture he had grown up in would be about the least likely in the world to produce a decent guy. He just was so loving and human, and treated me more like a *human* and less like a *woman* than almost anyone before or since (in any kind of relationship). So I found your observations noteworthy, that’s all.

  66. Shira

    Wow, I didn’t mean to hijack the thread. And I used an ellipsis! Bad!

    I really appreciate everyone’s unsolicited advice for my unprovoked life-story. I’ve been wavering back and forth between knowing I need to get out and having delusional nostalgia parties, but I have no excuse after having so much sense talked into me on this thread. Reading back over my post in light of other posts, I realize describing him as enlightened after all those anecdotes that show he’s anything but is kinda depressing and indicative of how much wool I still need to pull off my face before I can graduate from the Faster Institute of Blaming.

    I’ve thought about breaking up with him over the phone or a la Britney, and the chance that he will become violent in person does frighten me (another fun personality quirk of his is reminding me that he wants to die in a shootout with police and that if I ever cheated he’d kill me and the person I cheated with), but I need to delete some pictures he has of me before I cut him loose. Maybe I’ll text up with him from the safety of school after I see him over spring break.

    “No porn” and “No means shut up and leave me alone” will be the ground rules for my next relationship, if and when I return to something resembling heteronormative monogamy. I wasn’t old enough/aware enough to set boundaries in this one, and though I know am not responsible for his bad behavior, I have felt guilty and responsible anyway for awhile.

    I’ll remember to post a comment or something when I have safely DTMF if the people who expressed an interest are still interested, assuming that’s ok with you, Twisty.

    Again, thank you so much to everyone who responded. This is the best series of tubes ever!

  67. justtesting

    I am not lucky to have him, because a partner like this should not be a bonus. A partner like this should be a basic standard.

    Exactly. The bar is set far too low. Treating women with the respect they’re due as a human being should be an absolute minimum.

  68. ChapstickAddict

    but I need to delete some pictures he has of me before I cut him loose.

    Ah yes, those unfortunate loose ends. I had to make sure to do that too, except (un)fortunately, I had a legal leg up on him because my pictures were technically qualified as illegal due to my age. So he deleted them pretty fast.

    “No means shut up and leave me alone” will be the ground rules for my next relationship, if and when I return to something resembling heteronormative monogamy. I wasn’t old enough/aware enough to set boundaries in this one, and though I know am not responsible for his bad behavior, I have felt guilty and responsible anyway for awhile.

    I am so right there with you. If I hadn’t started going out with my current boyfriend so soon, I would’ve explored less heteronormative relationships, but he is one of those (rare?) really great guys. But I still feel those pangs of guilt when I am not in the mood for sex (of course, he just backs off and tells me not to apologize), and it’s been about a year and a half since I last saw my ex. It was especially hard to admit the fact that what I had gone through was rape, considering the fact that I just never verbally said “no” (although I didn’t say “yes” either).

    If you need any more unsolicited advice, or would like to talk to someone who’s been through almost the exact same relationship thing, you can email me (check blogger info).

  69. Joolya

    Sexual frustration isn’t fun for anyone. However, it is a sad fact of life that it exists and will continue to exist forever. Grown-up people just sigh, deal with it, and move on with their lives. Maybe they masturbate. Maybe they end a relationship. Maybe they just roll over and go to sleep …
    I think it’s apparent from this thread that there’s significant evidence against the “impossible to pull out” theory of sexual intercourse, but I’ll add my two cents anyway.
    It’s totally possible and has no long lasting effects.
    No one has ever raped me (thank all the gods) but I’ve stopped mid-intercourse on a number of occasions, either because me or my partner was physically or emotionally uncomfortable.
    You know what’s not sexy? A partner who doesn’t want to fuck you.
    Unless, of course, you are a rapist.
    On that note, I’ve got to also say to Shira, DTMFA. Seriously. I don’t even know the guy but from what you said upthread (rape porn, violent fantasies, murderous inclinations) the crazy you see is just the tip of the crazy-berg. Probably he has many nice qualities (benefit of the doubt) but being not-crazy isn’t one of them.
    Then after you DTMFA I would recommend taking a very hard look at why you were attracted to him in the first place and what made you blind to the big blinking lights of crazy on him. I don’t mean to be harsh, but we tend to repeat patterns in our lives and with our partners. The cycle can be broken! You can teach yourself to recognize the crazy before you get involved with it, and then steer very clear.
    Best of luck.
    And blamers, there is hope yet. I have to believe this.

  70. Jess2

    Betsy– yes it’s weird that, for all it’s manly, martial overtones, Turkish society doesn’t regard kindness, gentleness or respectfulness as “feminine” attributes the way they are viewed in the US and much of Europe– Turkish men are expected to display these qualities and are not regarded as wimps for doing so. Even where fairly strict gender norms apply, so far as I’ve seen they seem to occur in the absence of abject assholery. Turkish norms of regarding politeness and respect make openly meanie behavior like yelling or hurling personal insults quite taboo. Perhaps it’s the holdover from Ottoman traditions that prized delicacy and courtesy in both males and females. Also noteworthy and different from the US: in Turkey, one frequently sees couples where the man is more ‘attractive’ (recognizing that is a loaded, subjective term) than the woman (one almost *never* sees that in US culture). We’re friends with several Turkish couples wherein a movie-star handsome man is head-over heels devoted to a plainer (but brilliant, kind and funny) female partner. It seems Turkish men are actually capable of valuing a woman for more than her looks– shocking concept, no?

    That being said, honor killings, forced marriages and the like still occasionally occur among godbags living in the Turkish sticks, much to the dismay of the cosmopolitan secular elites who like to pretend that stuff doesn’t exist anymore. Also, I don’t know for sure given all the recent changes made with an eye toward EU membership, but given Turkey’s human rights record, I’d be willing to bet that their domestic violence and rape laws would make Maryland look progressive. Patriarchy still reigns supreme in Turkey, as it does everywhere.

  71. S-kat

    I’m a frequent lurker here, but I don’t believe I’ve ever commented before. However, this time I just wanted to add another “oh yes they can” story about pulling out.

    Just last weekend I took a boy home and fucked him, came a few times, grew tired and hungry before he had a chance to orgasm too and told him I was sorry, but I was done for the night. He rolled the condom off his still hard dick, got dressed and took me to the store to buy cat food (for my cat, not me) and dropped me back at my apartment without any to-do at all.

    This guy is a porn-watching, dude’s dude, ex-Marine from south Texas who, I’m pretty sure, believes that feminists are mostly man-haters. He is not, however, a rapist.

    Shira — I know you want to erase those pictures first and have heard enough of why you should dump the asshat, but I thought I’d appeal to your altruistic side by telling you that you’re not doing him any favor by continuing a dead relationship. Really, it’s just a waste of time on both sides.

  72. nisa

    In the case of a man going soft in the deal, or pulling out too early, the woman has the right to insert a wire hanger into his penis to keep it firm, till she achieves her god given right to an orgasm.

  73. cassy

    I read the Maryland ruling and was surprised that they got a conviction. It seems so hard to prove. In a basic case they do a DNA sampling and the guy is proven a liar. In this case it is more a he said/she said situation similar in difficulty to prove as an accident with no witnesses. How is the ‘not quick enough’ defined legally? It is a fair question. Law definitions need to be exact as possible.

    I’ve read the comments and I see the anger. I request clarification because it seems that people are mad that he was there in the first place, but he was invited. If there is a chance that he didn’t hear because he was absorbed in what he was doing is it fair for him to go to prison for years?

    I blame the rape culture and think that there needs to be much more punishment. This particular example doesn’t strike me as a good precedent.

  74. cassy

    Count me among the majority of straight girls that was relieved that the message got through and it was only a couple of more thrusts. I never would of considered pressing charges. I would have to be really angry to do that, there must be more to the case that I’m missing.

  75. octopod

    And count me as another voice in the chorus of, oddly enough, those who have a lot of wonderful things to say about some Turkish guy they dated. An absolutely sweet, considerate, gentle person, with astonishingly little trace of patriarchal bullshit despite the fact that he was brought up in a pretty traditional household. Whole family’s a bunch of flaming socialists, but in terms of lifestyle quite old-fashioned. Still a dear friend. I put his lack of bullshit down solely to individual peculiarities like the fact that he’s really smart and has a lot of social conscience, rather than to anything cultural, but the posts here are a pretty interesting look at that.

  76. Ledasmom

    I remember reading, many years back, that the original Latin Maryland motto “Fatti maschii parole femine” translates more accurately as “Deeds are men, words are women”, but I know little enough about Latin and cannot guarantee that this translation is more accurate.
    A quick and lazy Google gives the following list of translations:

    “Deeds are men, words are women” (Lord Calvert’s day, 1622)
    “A woman for words and a man for deeds” (Maryland Manual, 1905)
    “Womanly (Courteous), words and manly deeds” (Maryland Manual, 1905)
    Strictly, “Deeds are males, words, females” (Maryland Manual, 1939)
    “Deeds are manly, words are womanly” (Unnamed State Archivist, 1969)
    “Manly deeds, womanly words” (State Legislature, 1975)
    “Strong deeds, gentle words” (Dr. Edward C. Papenfuse, 1993)

    Interesting, though hardly surprising, that the state has preferred to alter the translation rather than the motto.

  77. Vera Venom

    “. I would have to be really angry to do that, there must be more to the case that I’m missing. ”

    Yes, you’re missing that this woman had already been raped by another boy moments before this one. That guy was convicted of raping her. How exactly then is the second guy NOT also guilty of rape?

    Read it: http://www.courts.state.md.us/opinions/cosa/2006/225s05.pdf

    The first boy raped her, the second boys raped her. The amount of time he took to stop means absolutely nothing. It was rape from start to finish.

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