Man, I’ve seen some utterly disgusting full-on misogynist shit since starting this blog — generous and/or sadistic readers just can’t stop sending it in — but this has got to be up there in the Top 5.
Take, if you are able to keep your food down, the so-called Vagina Institute, a “global research centre” presenting “everything you ever wanted to know about vaginas.” Of course it is nothing of the sort. In fact — I know, knock you over with a feather — the specious Vagina Institute is a subscription hetero softcore fetish site. Normally I don’t mess with these; if you’ve lost your lunch over one porn site you’ve lost your lunch over’em all. But this one stands out from the pack for the extra-creepy way in which it seeks to normalize pornographic ideals. Jagoffs who wish to transform their girlfriends into pornified toilets can show them this site and shame’em into comparing their normal “ugly” vulvae to “pretty” airbrushed Hustler pussy.
Easily unseating the vile Dr. Jason — our previous reigning Champion Misogynist in the field of Pussy Refurbishing — the Vagina Institute takes commodopornification of the vulva to the next level by ingeniously killing 3 woman-hating birds with one stone: addressing itself to the ladies, it foments a delicious blend of fear, loathing, and insecurity by purporting to medicalize labial “deformity”; it codifies the porn-approved vulvalicious “neat and trim” beauty standard,* and it collects $17.95 a month from pervs who get off on pseudo-clinical photos of breasts and smooth-waxed pussy, both “pretty” and “deformed,” solicited from readers. In a case of what could be considered gilding the the lily, $18.95 more per month gets you access to an “electronic book” called Labia Enhancement, which promises that you will “experience life at its fullest by having a pretty vagina.”
Every word of this site is so taco-souringly repellent, I am hard-pressed to select a representative sample, but here goes nothin.
The Vagina Institute “specializes in collecting and processing, data and information about [...] the overall appearance of the vulva, statistics of vagina size and defining what is feminine and what is not! [...] We can state with assertion that a vulva is ugly or pretty once we have the core data and statistical invormation available. [...] Send us a photo of your vagina for it’s classification.”
The non-subscription areas of the “online research” site are composed of wide-open beaver shots, unremitting iterations of the phrase “be more feminine ‘down there’,” and ungodly descriptions of “labial disorders”, among which are “ugliness,” “assymetry,” “over grown clitoris [sic]” and “flat lips.” There are quizzes (“how well does my vagina measure up?” and “should women be allowed to go topless?”); an image of a chiding woman brandishing a tape measure (!?!?); assorted vagina “facts” (“women with large vaginal cavities will tend to produce more odor [...] when vaginal funk arises.”); lists of insecurites women might want to consider adopting (such as “worry” over “wrinkles and ‘overly-used’ appearance”), places to submit pictures of your “urine stream” and stories of your “most embarrassing vaginal moment”. One section is astonishingly subtitled “Very seldom** do we hear men’s opinion about their preference towards female genitals due to censorship of taboo’s, so what do they really want when it comes to vaginas?”
Wait. Let me guess. They want ugly assymetrical flat-lipped overly-used drooping funk.
Here is one supposed message from a supposed subscriber: “She can’t be all bitchin’ at me just ’cause she’s got a garbage bag for a vagina. I mean, I’m only one soup-can thick. She’s got to help me out a little too.”
This message has been brought to you by the Twisty Institute for Gross Crap Over the Weekend, just in case you’d forgotten how much men hate you.
* Alas, there’s more to beauty than bouncin’ and behavin’ hair.
** Very seldom eh? Sure, if by ‘very seldom’ you mean ‘all the fucking time.’
[Thanks, Joolya. A whole heck of a lot]