Feb 11 2007

Sunday blame-up: the week in woman-hating

Chile con queso: one of the few gloppy pleasures left to me.

There’s such a great, reeking snotglob of misogyny writhing and pulsating in my inbox right now I’m not sure I can contain it; it could blow any second.

I first knew something was awry when, as I sauntered gaily into my office this morning with an Odwalla SuperFood, a Krispy Kreme, and a bucktoothed smirk, I espied an acid green glow emanating from the CD slot on the G5. The Andy Griffith Whistle withered on my lips. I had barely enough time to slip into my hazmat suit before the stinking cloud of oily gas began billowing out. Not good. I reached for the headset to put in a call to Spinster Aunt HQ for backup. That’s when I saw the tentacles.

* * * * * * * *

By the time I’d absorbed the fourth email linking to the California traffic cop who jerked off on a motorist and got away with it because she was a stripper, I felt like I was covered in purulent scabs. Normally, in order to escape the iron maiden of bitter human malevolence, I would just take a Twisty-break, but stupid, stupid, stupid, I forgot to buy the Cool Whip.

I made two New Year’s Resolutions, did I tell you? One was to stop burping into the telephone, and the other was to read all emails within 3 weeks of receiving them.

So I’m pressing on.

What have we here? Ah, of course. Blamer Emily links to a website (“I love road head dot com”) promoting merchandise that celebrates, with incisive sloganry and brilliant graphics, fellatio performed in automobiles. Finally, a website where you can buy that hilarious “Warning! Choking Hazard!” blow job poster you’ve been wanting for the baby’s room. Hell, while you’re at it you can pick up a “What Do You Think It’s Going To Suck Itself?” T-shirt for your dad.

Fortunately for schmucks who sell cheap crap from China emblazoned with approbative mottoes concerning getting blow jobs in cars from “roadhead girls,” there is apparently no shortage of jagoffs who will part with $9.99 for the privilege of owning an ‘I Love Roadhead’ thong.

Horribly, blamer Nancy’s email clicks into view, and it’s a doozy.

But before we get into that, there’s something I have to get off my chest: last night, as I swigged anxiously at an over-oaked chardonnay, I saw an episode of “Law & Order: Mutilated Women Unit” Here’s a summary: Show opens with close-up of pretty young dead woman naked from waist down, stabbed through lung. Nerdy suspect is diagnosed psycho by cute FBI psychiatrist Agent Huong, television’s leading authority on violent psychosexual aberration. Tonight’s misogynist nutjob is really kinky, too. He got his start flitting around New York stabbing hotties in the butt with hat pins! Viewers are undoubtedly tickled to learn that stabbing women for purposes of sexual gratification is sufficiently common as to warrant giving it its own clinical designation: piquerism. The hat pins, explains Greek chorus Huong, represent the nerdy suspect’s penis (Huong utters the phrase “piquerist attacks” several times to maximize the titillational effect for the prurient folks at home). But what has made the nerdy suspect so crazy that he graduated from hat pins to butcher knives? His horrible harpy of a socialite mother, that’s what. She’s so evil she not only sexually abused him as a child, but she makes him service her still. The final money shot shows the nerdy suspect, who has of course snapped by now, naked in bed with a knife and his bloodied dead mother, mumbling incoherently. The natural law and order of male mastery over weak woman is restored.

It’s easy to see why that show is so popular.

But I can postpone with pretty fairy tales the next email no longer. It concerns a jagoff student journalist, one John Petroski, who has written an op-ed piece for his college paper, Central Connecticut State University’s the Recorder. The piece is entitled “Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It.” In it Petroski says rape is great. He praises rape as a “magical experience” the “glorious advantages” of which he asserts as having been essential in creating “a pristine example of a flawless government” (i.e. the bloodthirsty imperialist slave-holding Roman Empire). He applauds “saucy circle-jerk rape action” (whatever that is) as superior source material for struggling journalists. And because he is or was very recently a teenaged boy, he also tosses off the one about how rape is such a godsend for “ugly women.”

Following a student protest demanding apologies and resignations all around, local paper the New Britain Herald reports that Petroski was only “striving for the prose style of 18th Century satirist Jonathan Swift,” adding that Petroski’s editor praises the young genius as “a bold satirist whose message fell on deaf ears.” Some such ears were attached to the heads of the campus PRIDE chapter, whose members note that when the Recorder isn’t mocking rape victims, it’s mocking gays, lesbians, and Jews.

Jesus’ General makes some pithy remarks in an open letter to this Petroski knob. The pervy little hata turns out to be a men’s rights activist-type who is sorely pissed that he has thus far been insufficiently manly to assume private ownership of his girlfriend’s personal uterus by forcing her to incubate the fruit of his loins against her will (see the General for links).

Petroski is currently “secluded” in an undisclosed location, looking at internet porn.

Whoap, that’s it … hard drive … emitting shrill whine … can’t … hold … on … much longer … gonna blow … Daisy, Daisy …


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  1. josie my source of most frustration

    Thank you for being here. You help me to process a culture and a world that often leaves me sad, angry and speechless. I’m so happy I recently found this blog. Now, if there were only as many spin-offs and variants of this blog as there are of Law and Order, I would be a happy woman.

  2. norbizness

    Law and Order: Special Jaywalking Squadron Force Patrol.

  3. thinking girl

    damn, but those chili con queso-dripping nacho chips look good!

    Wow to the “Rape Only Hurts When You Fight It” bullshit.

    That little shit should know better than to joke about rape. It is so beyond Not Funny to joke about rape. Satire my left pinky toe. Jonathan Swift my right pinky toe. Misogyny is what that is. I know it when I see it.

  4. BubbasNightmare

    “Rape Only Hurts When You Fight It”?

    Okay, Mr. Petroski. Let’s see if that’s true. We’ll pin you down on your stomach, whip that dudely Dockers right off, and then we’ll see if rape “only hurts when you fight it”.

    Fucking scumbag.

  5. curiousgyrl

    reading all that crap made my anxiety level explode. Pass the chardonnay.

  6. Adairdevil

    Hurlacious. The abortion column actually managed to be worse; no lame pseudosatire masked the pure contempt for women. Sorry, I meant “ladies” (his preferred term). It’s not just the misogyny in these that hurts, it’s the incredible stupidity. These columns are so far from any grounding in reality, I wouldn’t even know where to begin arguing with this guy.

  7. Sean

    The modern misogynist LOVES to hide behind humor. It’s like those Man Law commercials, or Tucker Max, or any idiot who suddenly cries “Misandrist!” when someone thinks that, yeah, maybe women are actually people.

    How can any white priveleged male can seriously think that their rights are being encroached upon? The answer: patriarchy views rights as an assent to power, not to basic humanity.

  8. Spit The Dummy

    It’s been quite a week of the vilest misogyny and since I’ve been keeping up with your site daily for once I feel sort of like your inbox – like I’m gonna blow any minute, too. I wish I could say that this pro-rape creep needs to experience rape first hand to see just how ‘great’ it is but I seriously wouldn’t wish that experience even on this arsehole, damn it. So all I can do is seethe at his arseholery and try to concentrate on all the decent guys I know as an antidote to this poisonous toad.

    Anyway, let me just comment on the one thing that didn’t make me sick in your post: your mention of your breakfast reminded me that I tasted my first Krispy Kreme ever this weekend. They haven’t been available all that long here in Australia and the local fire brigade was selling them to raise money. And they were delicious.

  9. Adrienne

    I think I’ll run out and get a box of Krispy Kreme’s as I need to assuage my rage.

  10. Spinning Liz

    Jonathan Swift! Remember when Gulliver was adopted by the 72 foot tall Queen of Brobdingnag to be her own personal pocket-person pet, and all he could think about was how grossed out he was by her huge facial pores? There he was, this insignificant little pipsqueak the size of her pinkie, she could have stepped on him and squashed him like a bug, and he still felt superior and entitled to critique her appearance. Now that’s satire.

  11. norbizness

    Sean: One addendum. Behind the excuse of humor. There wasn’t enough humor in the actual column to make an ant’s bed.

  12. Spit The Dummy

    “Jonathan Swift! Remember when Gulliver was adopted by the 72 foot tall Queen of Brobdingnag to be her own personal pocket-person pet”

    Spinning Liz’s post made me chuckle, as I had an instance flash of the pro-rape toad Gulliver puny and shivering at the mercy of all of us 72 foot blamers in a rage-filled circle around him. Made me feel better!

  13. kathy a

    mr. pipsqueak’s body of work certainly is impressive, as are the editorial standards of the student newspaper. his parents must be so proud.

    on a related note, my local paper has a whole set of articles about sex education today. the first is about how abstinance only falls short: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/11/MNG7VO2LUV1.DTL

    another discusses somewhat the conflicting cultural messages about sex, and contrasts medical advances [e.g., HPV vaccine, plan B] now available to kids with the declining quality of education about sexuality: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/11/CMGDVNKA101.DTL

    there is an interesting beginning of a discussion in the second article, at the end — why aren’t boys being educated better about respect? i’m not totally thrilled with the way this is posed, but the following quote does challenge [from a public health perspective] the ideas that boys will be boys, and girls had better be cute and virginal and submissive — it is, perhaps, a partial response to mr. pipsqueak’s inadequate education:

    “As long as the debate is only about what girls do, sexual health will be a pipe dream, said UCSF’s Brindis.

    “‘One thought is, if we had more ease about sex, why shouldn’t we give young men Plan B? People jump to these worst stereotyped images where, if you give a man Plan B, he’s going to coerce that girl into having sex and force her to use it. I’m not advocating throwing out Plan B like candy on Halloween. I’m saying, “How do we protect both young men and young women? How do we stress responsible sexual behaviors? How do we stress the mutuality of sex? How do we raise young men who care and value women?” I have two sons so I can say to you I have tried to raise them with the level of sensitivity to say, “You may have sexual needs, but you have a responsibility to this other person.” See? Where’s the message about mutuality?'”

  14. Lipstick-and-Birk-Wearing Momma

    EWWW! A male cop can jackoff on a woman during a traffic stop and get away with it? I’m appalled. I hope that the alleged stripper pursues civil action. Seriously, add him to the “dick list” immediately!

  15. thebewilderness

    In politics they talk all the time about what kind of message thinking and talking might send, so let’s not do it. I wonder about the message being sent by this court case to every costumed barrista, professional dancer, and actress in the OC. The ‘asking for it’ defense seems to be alive and working very well.

  16. maribelle

    a great, reeking snotglob of misogyny

    On first glance, this looked like the caption to the con queso sauce picture. *shudder*

    Imagine an anti-black article called “Lynching doesn’t really hurt after you lose consciousness” which contained a “Swiftian satire” explaining how lynching keeps the black folks from getting uppity and trying to take your job and the black women sexually compliant. About what a historical boon lynching black men as been for western culture, as the country’s wealth was built on slavery and lynching kept the blacks in line. Then imagine the backlash, the letters to the editor, the apologies, the photo ops with Jesse Jackson. The mind reels.

    Separate thought: Does the feminist movement suffer from not having visible, mainstream, respected role models (Gloria Steinem is the closest, or who else?) What if anything can be done about that?

  17. Lipstick-and-Birk-Wearing Momma

    D’OH! I read the whole article, and the police dept. has already settled the civil suit. Glad that this woman can t afford some better therapy now. No question that this guy was a predator. To those men who let him off, shame on you!

  18. Narya

    Maribelle: IMHO, a “visible, mainstream, respected role model” for the feminist movement isn’t possible in a patriarchy. We get . . . Maureen Dowd. And we’re supposed to be grateful for that.

  19. Narya


    Although the profile makes her sound pretty interesting, check out the title of the NYT article about the new Harvard president: “Drew Gilpin Faust: A Redefining of Femininity.” I blame the patriarchy.

  20. Sean

    Living here in Los Angeles, it’s hard to tell whether (non-rich) people are more ashamed of their own city and county, or of the OC. So take your pick–police and racial tension up the wazoo, or cumming cops.

  21. only1kcm

    Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we have the officer from California cum all over Mr. Petrosky?

  22. Orange

    I suspect not everyone clicked through and read the Orange County cop story. He didn’t merely jack off in her direction—he also groped her and received a hand job. I am stunned that the jury found in favor of the cop—sounds like the prosecutor had an awfully damning case against him, but what’re you gonna do? It’s Orange County.

    The hat-pin SVU story is “ripped from the headlines”—I remember reading about that happening in NYC a few years ago.

    Also, I fear I can top the rape “satire.” My cousin’s husband fancies himself a Writer. He vomited out a column for his local paper in which he wrote in the second person. Something along the lines of “You felt used and abused. They raped you, and they raped others, too.” And eventually, you reach the kicker: Rape was merely his highfalutin’ metaphor for the deep sense of violation he felt about paying high prices at the gas pump. And the fucking newspaper printed this! And didn’t fire his ass! And his wife didn’t kick him out of the house!

    So Petroski thinks women shouldn’t be permitted to get abortions without the putative father’s consent? O-o-okay. That’s fine. But if pregnancy or childbirth complications kill her, can we charge him with murder? Is that how it works?

    (I gotta start burping in the telephone more often. It’s classic. My father-in-law once burped twice in the course of leaving us a voicemail.)

  23. Orange

    (What?!? This machine eats fetching em dashes??)

  24. mearl

    Here’s to a chorus of “hell yeahs!” and to twisty, who is never at a loss for a biting synopsis of misogynist shite. I love your site and all its tough, sharp blamers. If I ever saw this Petrosky in a crowded bar, I would be sure to kick him in the ass when no one was looking. Satire, my hate-speech-hatin’ ass.

  25. Violet

    The opinions of this Cheeto-stained, mouthbreathing basement dweller are less relevant than the fact that misogyny is always given a prominent forum in the media because millions of angry white dudes are lapping it up.

    Unfortunately, I’ve been around long enough to realize that this dude is merely expressing what most men secretly believe. It’s only when their “propery” is poached upon by a predatory rival, or when the victim is somehow considered virtuous and assaulted by a stranger that they consider it a crime. For the most part they believe that rape is a somewhat subjective term for sex with a highly strung and vindictive woman. Even the so-called “enlightened” ones believe that men are just as often than not, wrongly accused of rape because of some “misunderstanding”. These are the same ones who will quickly point out that men are just as often the victims of rape and domestic violence. And they insist because the subject is so taboo (meaning that they don’t have the statistics to back up these ludicrous claims) that male victims of rape and assault are more traumatized than their female counterparts. “Coz, you know, women, are like, built for it, but for a dude. . . it’s TOTAL violation”. I no longer kid myself that the majority of men out there are any different than this low-hanging ‘Balzac’. The better ones simply know better than to air these opinions publicly.

  26. Violet

    Question to Maribelle:

    Why does a feminist spokesperson need to be “mainstream”? Does this criteria mean that non-whites and/or lesbians are unsuitable for the task of speaking up for the rights of women? Would your boyfriend be less tolerant of your “feminist beliefs” if they were espoused by someone who eschewed lip gloss?

    The so-called “feminist” view in the mainstream media is usually a sleekly groomed bobblehead culled from the ranks of Ivy-League socialites who receive fat grants from corporate donors to research the dieting habits of their sorority sisters. Or they are the divorce-rich, former trophy wives of re-married media moguls, hawking “Hawt Sexxx at Sixty” books on ‘Huffington Post’. In any case, what passes for feminist critique in the media these days is usually little more than a few well-heeled soccer moms bemoaning the lack of marital sex in their lives, and the influence of hypersexual celebutard culture on young, white womanhood. They are hardly what anyone would consider “radical” or even feminist.

  27. justtesting

    Does the feminist movement suffer from not having visible, mainstream, respected role models

    The feminist movement suffers from the fact that it’s not obviously all about men.

  28. mistermorgan

    Sorry to go back to that Petroski effort, but for fuck’s. Who but a brainless turd-monger would call that Swiftian?

    The position he emulates is taken to a fairly minor extreme of degree, and he doesn’t make any substantive change to its kind, so he just winds up looking like a loser who thinks rape is fantastic and is having a guffaw about it. His piss-poor opening gives him zero workable material for the body, so he just flails about trying to make ‘goddamn ain’t rape just fantastic stuff’ sound funny.

    Worse, nowhere in the piece itself does he attack what he (claimed after the fact was) his actual position. If the point was that newspapers love to carry stories about rape, then why the almost 800 words of padding? Why the comparison to inherently uninteresting competing news?

    Either it’s the worst satire I’ve read in my life, or he is in fact some incredible shit eater who’s had to backpedal because his genius idea to make rape – that thing he knows is somehow bad, but doesn’t quite get why – into a huge giggle-fest just failed dismally. It’s stains like him that stop satire from being the powerful debating tool it was meant to be, and turn it into a retarded game of opposites hour.

    ‘The Holocaust was GREAT, being drawn and quartered is like making love to your dearest, Gulf War syndrome actually feels really nice like eating ice-cream!’ If he were any stupider the Earth would stop spinning just out of spite.

    And yes, somebody needs to jerk off on that cop. Doesn’t he know police work is dangerous? Par for the course.

  29. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    And they say radical feminists are crazy. Dang.

    That entire post just about made my eyeballs explode and my breakfast reappear.

    Didn’t some cops in NoCal just get off the hook for some act of rampant homophobia? I seem to remember the department let the date for taking action go by, all accidentally-on-purpose-like.

    And for Mr. Peckerhead Petroski, I suggest “Castration — It Only Hurts if You Fight It”. Preferably before he spawns.

  30. Silence

    Do you know what really depresses me? The fact that it is possible for this human anus to spawn. The fact that he could knock up his girlfriend in the first place, although at least she had the good sense not to carry the sprog to term. But, if I’m reading between the lines correctly, she’s still with him.

    I’m horrified that any woman would get within touching distance of Mr. Petroski’s genitalia. Yet I don’t blame his girlfriend for ataying with him. I blame the patriarchy, which tells us that it is better for us to stay with these misogynist little creeps than to live alone. A woman on her own is obviously unattractive, undesirable, pathetic, and of course, desperately lonely and needy. So of course it’s all right for dickweeds like Mr. Petroski to rape her. They’re actually doing her a favor. I mean, hellfire, it’s not like the poor dears actually enjoy raping women.

    Come to think of it, I bet the murder victim on Law and Order (a show I wouldn’t watch if you chained me to a chair and denied me chocolate for a week) was a woman on her own as well. It seems to me that female victims on television shows are rarely attacked/murdered by their significant others, as is usually the case in real life. Instead it’s always some passing nutjob who does the deed. And yes, a nutjob whose life was screwed up by his evil mother — so bloody typical. It all comes down to the idea that if you give a woman the slightest degree of autonomy she’ll stab herself in the foot with it.

    Instead we’re all supposed to put ourselves into the tender care of such shining examples of manhood such as the cop who felt he had the right to fondle a motorist just because she works in the sex industry. Yeah, I think I’ll go paint my face and put on my stiletto heels and try to nab that one before someone else snaps him up. Oh no, wait, perhaps I’d better consider getting cosmetic surgery for my vagina first.

  31. Vera Venom

    So, being a stripper means that you have no right to not consent to sex anywhere at any time with anyone. So, remind how, exactly, stripping is “empowering” again? It seems to me it’s pretty damn good at removing all agency, rights and basic human dignities from women – at least in the eyes of a dumbass jury.

  32. OM

    I am in a sort of heaven, my favorite anti-patriarchy site has linked to my favorite anti-godbag site, Jesus’ General.

    As for the SF Chronicle, you obviously missed the readers section on their article about Holla Back:

    The comments are pretty much proof of everything Twisty has ever tried to tell us.

    The original article is here:

    The Holla Back SF website is here:

  33. abyss2hope

    I had to laugh at the conclusion made by many of those who supported the satire mocking rape victims that feminists don’t understand satire. They don’t seem to get that when you wrap dog turd in a candy shell it’s still dog turd and doesn’t magically turn into candy dog turd.

  34. cycles

    More tragedy: did you know that there are places in this great land of ours where chile con queso is completely unknown? For example, shortly after I moved to the West Coast, we hopped down to our local Mexican restaurant and attempted to order a bowl of chips and queso. The server didn’t know what we were talking about. “Chips and queso? Cheese? You mean you want nachos?”

    “No. You know, queso. A bowl of melted cheese with spices. For dipping chips in. Do you have that?”

    “Not really, but I can have the kitchen make some.”

    She returned with, literally, a bowl of melted Monterey Jack cheese. It quickly solidified, and it finally dawned on me that the queso of my upbringing was in fact a regional delicacy, not a culinary staple. I think Chili’s is the only place that serves it around here. And god help you if you try to make it yourself. Velveeta hides somewhere near the baking aisle if you can find it at all, often near the “ethnic foods” section.

  35. Christopher

    So… The Satire Defense. Last refuge of the terminally clueless.

    I mean, by Petroski’s logic The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is a satirical masterwork.

    Really, though, if it was satire, it’d almost be touchingly naive; if somebody thought that stuff like that was obviously too insane to be believed, then they’d be pretty damn optimistic about human nature.

    But considering that this fellow doesn’t show the least bit of familiarity with progressive ideas in his other columns, I think it makes more sense to conclude he’s just a douchebag.

    I am really curious about the viewpoints of the jurors who didn’t convict that cop;

    Others have pointed out that it takes a lot of cognitive dissonance to declare that only straight men should be cops, while also maintaining the view that we are utterly powerless against the wiles of hot women.

    We all know it’s stupid, but I want to know how people justify it to themselves. Do they just not think about it?

  36. Stormy

    After reading Petroski’s forced birthing article (with a lot of cartoon eyepopping, so much so that I eventually had to spatula them off the monitor), I found I had to distract myself with more critical issues such as the lack of em dashes (Alt 0151 for those in the know).

    Em dashes, like en dashes, only longer.

  37. Peter Straub

    I have no comment right now. I just found your site by accident. When I will have read and revisited your site for a while and become familiar with your very vivacious and sparkling way of observing, analysing, interpretation, arguing and verbal presentation – I may have occasionally one (a comment) really fitting and hopfully interesting for you and your friends. ‘See’ you later – by accident.
    Peter Straub (mindcontrolly)

  38. maribelle

    To Violet:

    Why does a feminist spokesperson need to be “mainstream”?

    I was using the term in the sense of visibility–being seen in the mainstream, being known. Why is feminism such an odd breed, why are women and men so reluctant to embrace what seems to patently obvious to me and others of us? Why do so many powerful women who seem to espouse the ideals of feminism deny the word? That’s the kind of thing I’m trying to suss out.

    Maybe I’m reacting in part to the cynicism of today’s world–we need a recognizable name and face to turn to for analysis. Like when the news looks for a feminist expert to comment on some development, who do the major news networks call for comment?

    Does this criteria mean that non-whites and/or lesbians are unsuitable for the task of speaking up for the rights of women?

    No, not at all, I never meant that. (Many non-whites and lesbians are in the mainstream, in the sense I was using the word.)

    The so-called “feminist” view in the mainstream media is usually a sleekly groomed bobblehead culled from the ranks of Ivy-League socialites who receive fat grants…

    Violet–that is what I am lamenting; that there are no true feminists known widely in the mainstream. Where are the women saying “here’s how it is, folks” and actually getting airtime in the popular public forum?

  39. Kyra

    “What Do You Think It’s Going To Suck Itself?”

    This walks right into “It can bloody well do so; I ain’t gonna.”

  40. Gwen

    Easily the creepiest quote in that whole article:
    ““She got what she wanted,” said Stokke. “She’s an overtly sexual person.””
    Again: She’s an overtly sexual person.
    “Overtly sexual”? “Overtly sexual”? What is this, the Middle Ages? Since when has being “overtly sexual” been a crime worthy of rape, exactly? I mean, I know that this idea is usually (always?) bandied about during rape cases, but the defense attorney actually tried to say that because this woman didn’t go around trying to pretend like she was a celibate virgin, she clearly “got what she wanted”. (You can tell she got what she wanted because all women press charges against their sexual partners when they get what they want, apparently. Your deposition says no but your eyes said yes?)
    This is seriously disturbing. Any woman who actually admits to or in any way implies that she actually has and enjoys, or has had and has enjoyed, sex is now fair game for every perverted cop with a hard-on. The only way to be safe is to pretend to be from a century or so ago, when women all only had sex for reproduction and really didn’t enjoy it, ever. ‘Cause women who dare to be “overtly sexual” are like meat left out in the open for male cats to tear into, I guess.
    Creepy, creepy, gross, yuck, seriously messed up.

  41. Amy's Brain Today

    Well, but not really enjoying it is no protection either, because then you just obviously haven’t had the “right one” and you just need a good lay to become the dick-lovin’ good-time woman who obviously “wants it” that is the proper persona of every woman in western patriarchy.

    Can’t win for losin’ in these here parts.


  42. Gillian

    If one more asshole incorrectly invokes Johnathan Swift when called on his assholery, I am going to fucking lose it. How can someone get into college, let alone into college JOURNALISM, without knowing that Swift didn’t actually want anybody to eat any Irish babies? Are they that stupid or are they just counting on the assumption that their critics are stupid enough to buy the “psh, I was being IRONIC [eyeroll]” defense? Either way, they make me want to go all stabby.

  43. Shannon

    So, being a stripper means that you have no right to not consent to sex anywhere at any time with anyone.

    Especially in Maryland, Vera Venom!

  44. Gillian

    And I’ll add: it is impossible to write a Swiftian satire of the mainstream attitude towards rape because there is no attitude more violently woman-hating than the one that already exists in real life.

  45. kate

    Happy Music – cut to game show host

    Ok, Mr. Petroski, your turn, spin the wheel and answer the question correctly and you get a choice of whatever comes up on your spin!

    audience quiets as wheel spins

    Host: Look at that! A new brain! Show us what he’ll get John! over to emcee

    John: Yes, that’s right! A perfect brain, engineered at UCLA Berkley with the latest in revolutionary deconstructionist radical progressive thought, nurtured under the careful scrutiny of Andrea Dworkin, Bell Hooks and Cornell West. Nothing better than a little critical thinking for the modern man!

    Host: What’ll it be John?

    Petroski : I’ll take question 2 for the brain.

    Host: Ok, here we go, what is the problem with affirmative action in our society?

    clock ticks
    Petroski: When we start hiring less-qualified people for jobs simply because of their skin color or last name, we aren’t helping our nation at all—unless, of course, our goal is to create a gilded class, void of all true substance.

    Host: Nope, sorry John, that’s not the correct answer! audience laughs out loud The correct answer was, that we live in a heirarchy based on skin color and gender and have been for quite some time, so you’re idea that Affirmative Action places white males at a disadvantage when in fact they are disproportionately advantaged cost you precious points!

    Host: You have two more spins left Mr. Petroski, you run the risk of being beaten by ten angry feminists if you lose the next two turns or you we’ll let you out now and you can run for your life through the streets of Detroit –after we announce your views on affirmative action. So what’ll it be?

    Petroski: Uh…I…think I’ll take another spin.

    Host: Ok, grab that handle and let’s see where she lands! Audience, please stand by!

    Host: WEll, well look at that! Look’s like someone’s trying to tell you something hey? Are you ready for your next question?

    Petroski: Yes.

    Host: Your Angry Feminist Risk is now climbing Mr. Petroski, get this one wrong and the number jumps to fifty!

    Host: Here’s the question: “What is the meaning of the political morass about ‘consent’ when it comes to abortion?”

    Petroski: “A woman’s claim that “it’s her body” ends when another’s grows within it. Once a child grows in your womb, ladies, it should no longer be a question of your right to privacy or your right to choose. the two parents could afford to raise it.”

    Host: Oh, Mr. Petroski, things look pretty bad for you. The correct answer was: Consent remains entirely with the woman and a man gave up his right to consent when he choose to release his sperm without taking due measures. In addition, when a man wants to make a child, he would do well to find a partner who consents to this arrangement prior to having sex. Sorry, Mr. Petroski, looks like you’ve got to work on your skill with the opposite sex if you wish to procreate!

    Host: You’ve got one more spin! The feminists are increasing in number and the city of Detroit is awaiting your arrival! Or if you win this one, we’ll let you have the prize on the spin and you get to walk out to the sidewalk with our one 72 year old security guard!

    Petroski: I’ll take the last spin but before I do, I’d like a moment of silence to pray to Jesus for help.

    Host: Look at that wouldya folks! I’ll tell you, if that doesn’t give me faith of a higher power, I don’t know what does. Boy, you’d better hope you get a chance to win this one, cause I think you’re all alone and obviously ill equipped for what’s coming if you don’t. And you are gonna need that brain to get out of the jam you’re in now!

    Host: Here’s your last question: Explain or give us an example of a good use of satire?

    Petroski: Oh, this is easy, I wrote this piece in my school paper about rape, you know and I meant it to point up how the paper is spending its time reporting on stupid stuff like coins and stuff and, like I was thinking, “Hey, how about like, tell it like it is? Yeah, like I was sitting with my bros at Alpha Gamma Glog and we were talking about how it would be cool to use rape through the ages and stuff right? about how its cool and then at the end, because so many people at that campus are like so dumb and they wouldn’t understand, so like I put at the end…

    Host: Oops, sorry Mr. Petroski, it looks like we’re out of time and you’ve lost the game! Security! Let ’em loose!

    yeah, I know it was kinda stupid, but what the hell, the bar was placed so low, I just walked over it with my eyes closed.

  46. kate

    I’m sorry about the link thing there with the words, I dunno what I did.

  47. Stormy

    Kate, I was thinking it was some kind of IQ test you had going on there.

    That extract from Petroski’s forced birthing article/piece/pile of crap (I knew I’d get it in the end), was the one that got me too. Entitled prick.

  48. Rana

    when the news looks for a feminist expert to comment on some development

    The problem is, the news doesn’t.

  49. Leigh

    Swiftian satire? Well, I’m not sure Mr Petroski knows the actual definition of satire; there’s supposed to be a critique in there somewhere. You know, a point. There’s no higher institution being held up to ridicule here, only women and their disrespected claims to bodily integrity and personal autonomy are mocked. That’s not satire; that’s posturing for shock value. I call bullshit.

    But as for the Swifitian thing, well, he was kind of a raging misogynist, too, so I’ll grant you that.

    To be honest though, my favorite part is the willful ignorance embedded in a sentence like, “No self respecting man would rape.” Yeah, where is that written? I’m willing to venture that most rapists respect THEMSELVES quite a bit.

    It’s poor form to even waste words on such scum, but if you can’t blame here, where can you?

  50. Macskat

    I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now. There have been so MANY times that I’ve just thought, “I LOVE this woman! I LOVE her writing!” … so many times when I’ve cheered and laughed and cried … and today I just want to say to you: I love you, Twisty Faster! I think you are brilliant! :))

  51. CafeSiren

    Finally, some good news: Word on the wire down here in SoCal (sorry I don’t have a precise link) is that “Lucy”, the woman who the Irvine courts judged as subhuman and because she had been a stripper won her civil suit, and the City of Irvine awarded her damages of $400,000.

    No word as to whether the courts have also reinstated her “human” status.

  52. CafeSiren

    Also: I got to use this story in my lecture today. And, I should note, I teach medieval history.

    Takin’ the blaming to the people…

  53. Dave Harvey

    There is plentyful information about the Irvine California Police Deparment and City Hall, including the Now Famous Ejacualting On-Duty Irvine Police Officer –

    Right Here

    Save Irvine .com

  54. Dave Harvey

    Ah – excuse me – but that would be Ejaculating – I hacked that up the first time around –

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