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Feb 14 2007

Speculative fiction

tacodeli07.jpg
Stingray applies liquid sunbeams to a pork tenderloin taco at the indispensable TacoDeli, which taco stand is the principal force in a spinster aunt’s being.

There are gaps in my intelligence on the recent Amanda Marcotte/Shakes Sis/psychotic godbag/American Political Machine episode. I am not in possession of all the facts. For instance, was there a train? My stomach clenches when I think of Amanda, bursting with young, sparkling genius, a scuffed leather suitcase in her hand, waving goodbye through a billow of steam as the train sweeps away from the station for the Edwards campaign, only to be jumped in the club car by vulgar hate-filled minions of the vile godbag Donohue turd, before anyone can bring her a martini.

I suppose now all the candidates think that if you so much as buy a feminist a taco, some creepy Catholic jihadist will spring out from the pantry and accuse you of having buttsex with aborted blaspheming blastocysts. And the New York Times will print it.

What continues to boggle the giant Twisty mind is not that religious extremists claim that their asinine beliefs are so glitteringly holy that no one may live who dares question their high moral purpose, but that they get away with it.

In the Twisty version, “Ms Marcotte Goes To Washington,” enlightened genderless aliens arrive in their organic mothership and aim a Lobotomy Beam at the brains of all woman-hating, dead-ghost-from-the-Roman-Empire-worshiping assholes; John Edwards holds a press conference announcing that he was just kidding when he said he was “offended” by Shakes’ and Amanda’s “intolerant language,” and will be henceforth be running on a platform of women’s liberation; Amanda becomes Chief of Staff; the enlightened genderless aliens throw a yacht party on their holodeck; Twisty takes ample advantage of the champagne fountain.

41 comments

  1. Aireanne

    Oh, Twisty, you kill me with your hyperbolic wit. But I’ve already wiped away the single tear I shed for Marcotte and am frothing mad that C. Paglia is writing for Salon again. One word to discribe my disgust: blergh. (When this one word is said, one must shake her face so that it sounds like a walrus-y harumphing. Or vomiting.)

    Aire

  2. jami

    if only. in reality, edwards effed this up badly, allowing the christian jihadists to get away with it.

  3. justtesting

    …but that they get away with it.

    Yes, how do they manage that ? Why don’t your democrats stand up to the bullies ?

  4. Vera Venom

    “Why don’t your democrats stand up to the bullies ? ”

    Apparently because Edwards entertained some deep delusion that if he played nice the godbags would vote for him. Or perhaps he thought if he took absolutely no stand at all, (asdie from obligatory tepid apology) that everyone would vote for him.

    At this point I think I’m going to sit out the next prez election and get my Canadian citizenship papers together.

  5. Spinning Liz

    Amanda for President!

  6. Frigga's Own

    “Why don’t your democrats stand up to the bullies ?”

    Because if they did so, they’d spend 99% of their time yammering about what the bullies want to talk about, and only 1% of the time talking about the actual issues. And then they’d have to concede that 1% to talking about the issues on the bully’s terms.

    Mind you, I’m of the vehement opinion that religious freedom should be one of the issues, but I’m a little bit more concerned about whether or not I’m going to be forced to bear an unwanted child.

    I love Amanda, and she didn’t do a damn thing wrong in standing up for her posts. But she also didn’t do a thing wrong in backing out to let the Edwards campaign return to focusing on actual issues. She had to make a decision about which battle she wanted to fight. The Pagan side of me is dismayed that you can’t be a vocal non-Christian in the political sphere, but the all-too-fertile parts of me thank her for a chance that I may continue my life parasite free.

    At least now she’s free to visciously point out that Donohue loves religious freedom so much that he’s willing to deny atheists employment to protect it. She’s also free to be bitingly critical of the Edwards campaign when it slides away from progressive stances on the issues, which will happen the closer we get to the primaries.

  7. Shannon

    This entire sorry spectacle has made me distraught from the very second Edwards issued his first comments about it. Godbaggery wins again. But the Pandagonians are going after Donohue’s tax-exempt status, which would please me more than anything, since nothing hurts godbags more than having their money taken away.

    By the way, posting such a luscious taco photo when we’re snowed in and dare not get down to the taqueria for lunch is just cruel.

  8. stekatz

    This is the only place I feel comfortable venting about all this. Amanda’s site has a mighty case of troll infestation right now.

    Edwards is as big an idiot as Donohoe for letting both women just twist in the bigoted wind like that. He distanced himself from them from the get go. He should have come out swinging hard in their defense and told that godbag Donohoe to go crawl back under his rock. Even as supposedly inexpericenced as Barack Obama is, at least he could recognize a clear case of swiftboating when they came after him. Edwards failed both those women. I hope their talents will be adequately recognized in another way.

    What I also cannot wrap my mind around is why a conservative like Donohoe thinks he should have any say in who a liberal politician hires to be a part of his campaign. It’s really none of his business. Does he really expect that Edwards, or anybody for that matter, should get his good housekeeping seal of approval before hiring? The guy’s a loon!

    Scary stuff. And some folks wonder why I never went back to the Catholic church.

  9. KMTberry

    I was struck, Twisty, with just how much this episode exposed the VEHEMENT and I mean UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE woman-hating. Your wise words “You cannot imagine how much they hate us” keep occuring to me. More than anything else, the whole episode demonstrates very clearly that, if you are a Feminist, get ready to be publicly pilloried for your pro-woman stance, which will be called Bigotry or worse.

    Why oh why couldn’t Edwards grow a pair, and say something like “Yes, I hired two feminists to work on my campaign. THey, unsurpriseingly, support reproductive freedom. Where have you been since 1972?”

  10. vera

    Vera Venom, do you think Canada would take two radical feminist knitters named Vera? Because around my house we’ve been muttering about escaping to the north, too.

  11. Ann Bartow

    Right on, as usual. Anyone who hasn’t seen Echidne’s similarly excellent post ought to check it out: http://echidneofthesnakes.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html#2741461635387153661

  12. Pinko Punko

    One inevitable question, do the aliens eat Bert in some sinister backstory?

  13. cycles

    Without getting too boggy from the flinging, I think one of the most telling quotes came from a TV transcript that DDay posted on Pandagon (cite).

    Donohue: I‘m getting reports all day that the Edwards campaign is in a state of disarray. There‘s an unconfirmed report that they were fired. I can tell you this much, it doesn‘t surprise me Tucker. If these were veteran people, they would have taken the fall for the big guy. They would have done the right thing, but these are two little brats, who obviously have been getting away with this for a long time.

    Amanda Marcotte is, what, 29-30 years old?

  14. Antelope

    I don’t believe in picking a candidate this early, but offhand I was leaning towards Obama.

    The fact that Edwards brought Amanda and Shakes on had me thinking I was going to take a much closer look at him starting this Fall, and that in fact he might well be the best of the bunch.

    Due to recent events, I’m not even going to investigate. But then, he doesn’t have to impress me, just the Party, and if the Party picks him then he’s still got my vote, because what the hell else can I do?

    That’s the problem, right there. I’m not sure why we even call it a Democracy anymore.

  15. Antelope

    In fact, maybe Donohue is a hell of a lot smarter than he seems, and the fact that this whole brouhaha has left people like me disgusted with Edwards was exactly the point.

  16. Vera Venom

    “Vera Venom, do you think Canada would take two radical feminist knitters named Vera? Because around my house we’ve been muttering about escaping to the north, too. ”

    *lol* they better because I AIN’T staying here. Not that Canada doesn’t have their share of godbags. But we have more than our fair share.

    (speaking of knitting, that’s all I’ll be doing for the next few days. We’re snowed under. Hooray for lake effect snow!)

  17. LL

    I read the entries in question on Amanda’s site and I’m still looking for the hate. Do I need to pick up my computer and give it a good shake so it will fall out??

  18. donna

    I think they should hire Twisty for campaigns.

    You wouldn’t back down for saying naughty words. ;^)

  19. PullTaffy

    I think they should hire Twisty for *president*. My heart is aflutter just imagining it!

  20. sylvie

    I have’t commented here yet but read this every day. twisty, you are fantastic, your post made my whole afternoon better. I like reading teh feminist blogs (to counteract my daily professional experiences), but your patriarchy blaming is something else, is like beams of energy into my soul. thanks.

  21. mearl

    “..if you so much as buy a feminist a taco, some creepy Catholic jihadist will spring out from the pantry and accuse you of having buttsex with aborted blaspheming blastocysts.”

    I am crying! Twisty, you kill me.

    Although I am not up on all U.S. politics, I can see the reason why Edwards wouldn’t defend these hairy, beastly lesbian brats that are terrorising the world with their incendiary blog posts. Popular opinion of the godbag-leaning sort can make or break your career, and lesbian blog terrorists make great scapegoats.

    I highly recommend Canada as a liberal haven! Tea and crumpets will be served at my place every Sunday at 2 pm, everyone welcome.

  22. deciduousfruit

    hey Twisty, I was home visiting recently and was told that Tacodeli was the only place to go for good tacos… you concur? Unfortunately I tried to go for early dinner, second lunch, what-have-you and they were closed so I didn’t get to bask in the tacolicious mouthgasms but I’d been meaning to ask you what your favorite eatery is for my next trip to Austin because I’ll cry if my family tries to take me to Macaroni Grill again!

  23. Sniper

    I suppose now all the candidates think that if you so much as buy a feminist a taco, some creepy Catholic jihadist will spring out from the pantry and accuse you of having buttsex with aborted blaspheming blastocysts. And the New York Times will print it.

    Pretty much. Too bad, too, because that taco looks good.

  24. ChapstickAddict

    Hey everybody, if you flee to Canada, at least make sure you vote in the elections. Massachusetts is cold and bitter enough for me, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my time under the great conservative overlords.

  25. Pony

    Veras: Tell me which border crossing and I’ll be there. Bring warm clothing. Oh, some peyote would be nice.

  26. slade

    John Edwards is on my last nerve….and this last action with the women bloggers pretty much does it for me.

    First of all…has everyone seen his new 28,000 square foot McMansion? This from the man who is fighting for the poor…his platform for the Presidency being ‘The 2 Americas.’ It’s not even environmentally conscious…except for some lightbulbs and that enery-star dishwasher.

    Then there were his comments while in Israel about Iran….to paraphrase: Yep, I see why you Israelites would want to bomb them. Sounds good to me.

    Then there was the speech given at Bilderberg…or whatever that elitist institute is.

    But the thing that really bugs me is that he had to have a male heir. Sadly his son died in an accident, I believe. His eldest was still alive and kicking…a daughter. But it was decided by the family (?) that more children were needed (as if there aren’t unwanted children looking for good homes). Elizabeth had to undergo major estrogen treatments so to conceive…and she did and had a daughter. And so the treatments had to continue because, you know….and finally a son was born. Elizabeth has suffered from breast cancer…and I would guess from the estrogen treatments….all because a son was needed.

    I don’t like John Edwards. I think he’s a hypocrite. And I pray he’s not the dem candidate cuz I’ll have to hold my nose very, very tightly to vote for that asshole.

    Plus, I think he thinks he’s cute….and he thinks that’s all it takes….cuteness and a smile. Damn it…I want a pissed-off fighter who like FDR welcomes the hatred of the extreme wealthy.

    Sorry, for the long rant…but he has reached the limit of allowable hypocrisies.

  27. kate

    I read the entries in question on Amanda’s site and I’m still looking for the hate. Do I need to pick up my computer and give it a good shake so it will fall out??

    http://pandagon.net/2007/02/13/people-who-claim-to-love-jesus-write-me/

    I don’t know how to make a link, so paste that in your browser bar and read. If you can’t see any hate comments there, I’d suggest you make an appointment with an eye doc, or possibly a shrink.

    ********************

    When I read that Amanda was going on the Edward’s train, I had a horrible feeling something like this would occur. I just didn’t think Edwards would bail on Amanda and Shakes so quickly. Apparently he and his staff never bothered to take a read of her archives, which really doesn’t sit well with me, much less the way he pitched her off the train so quick.

    At this point, I’m leaning toward Hillary, simply because she’s had first-hand experience with these assholes and apparently feels quite ready to take them on. Until I’m proven otherwise (which may come any day) I like to believe she has deep within her a rage and hatred for these people who excoriated her husband and daughter at every turn. I like to believe she’s decided she’s ready to take them on and I am waiting to see it happen.

    We need a candidate with fury, that suffered real losses, that isn’t hanging their shingle out of pure ego or greed.

    I want to see these assholes skewered.

  28. AnnaB

    One of the craziest things about all this is how Shakes was caught in the crossfire. She wasn’t even a blogger for Edwards; she was just some sort of techie support.

    Yet, because Shakes is a feminist (gasp), doesn’t hate Amanda (doublegasp), and also appears to possesses a vagina (ew! girl parts!), Shakes receives the same vitriol thrown at Amanda. More than 1000 comments worth, at last count.

    Don’t think they can distinguish among any of us. We’re all to be punished if any of us gets out of line. And if any woman thinks she can avoid being treated like shit just because she follows the rules set down by the Donohues of the world, she’s sadly mistaken.

  29. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    I think what’s wrong with us lefties is that we feel compelled not to play dirty. The conservatives suffer no such compunction. They will stoop however low they have to go (crustacean dung on the bottom of the ocean comes to mind) to get the job done.

    And I wonder if the godbags think about the only time Jesus got seriously pissed off, when the money-changers used the temple like a strutting prostitute to serve their own ends. I’m a Christian and it really angers me when I see these whinnying ghouls trying to do the same thing with my faith.

    In my child-bearing days, the sun’s over the yard-arm anyway, so it’s not myself I’m concerned about. It’s the thought of the welfare of my nieces and their daughters that murders my sleep.

  30. firefalluk

    aliens arrive in their organic mothership and aim a Lobotomy Beam at the brains of all woman-hating, dead-ghost-from-the-Roman-Empire-worshiping assholes

    uhh, isn’t that how they got to that position in the first place?

  31. Repenting

    how sad that america is in such a state. the violence that has been unleashed upon those two women by the christian jihadists (perfect description for the radical religious right) is a sad thing to see supported by a presidential candidate. edwards has lost any shred of respect i might have had for his campaign. i profoundly hope that this sort of ignorance is rejected in the future. the radical right already put their candidate in office (george w. bush) and we’ve seen the mess his regime has made of our country and the world.

    if only history could stop repeating itself. i’m moving to amsterdam.

  32. Twisty

    ” i’m moving to amsterdam.”

    Good luck. Their immigration policy is hard core. I already checked.

  33. Coathangrrr

    Yes, how do they manage that ? Why don’t your democrats stand up to the bullies ?

    I’ll tell you why, because they aren’t interested in what they supposedly stand for, just in getting elected.

    They’re politicians, what do you expect.

  34. octopod

    Goddammit, I sure hope Gore decides to make a swing for it. Edwards just became completely unacceptable.

  35. Alecto

    Oh, Edwards. We’re not such huge fans of him here in his home state — he spent his senatorial stint campaigning for the presidency, not doing much in the way of senatorizing. It turned out well for him, ’cause it got him noticed by Kerry, but we in NC remembered how he spent the hurricane season building his campaign headquarters in Ohio while we got pounded at home. (Elizabeth Dole, then head of the Red Cross, spent her time helping his constituents and got elected senator the next go-round. This was not a coincidence.) And everyone outside of NC wonders why he couldn’t carry his own state. (Not that I didn’t vote for him and the other John, of course; he’s still the lesser of two weasels.)

    And I won’t go into the fact that he’s an ex-trial lawyer, ’cause I’m from a medical family and plan on becoming a doctor myself. So I’m biased.

  36. LL

    Kate (few comments back), I’m sorry, I wasn’t very clear. I didn’t see the hate in what Amanda wrote. The hate in what was written back to her came through loud and clear. Amanda wrote a clear, if somewhat snarky (will that word ever die?) point-by-point criticism of a pamphlet of lies. It didn’t attack the religion, or the people who practice it, it attacked their propaganda. And for that, she was called a bigot.

    Again, my apologies for not being clear on which writing I was talking about.

  37. Amanda Marcotte

    I usually reserve this for Chris Clarke, but you are SUCH a wonderful writer.

  38. Twisty

    And you, Amanda, are the blogular equivalent of lobster bisque. Providing it is served at the right temperature. I hate it when the bisque isn’t hot enough.

  39. Franklin Jennings

    “I love Amanda, and she didn’t do a damn thing wrong in standing up for her posts. ”

    Except she didn’t. She disavowed any intent to offend anyone. She publically bent over for a trial-lawyer hack and denied her own raison d’etre.

    Only to quit a week later. That kind of cowardice is astounding.

  40. Twisty

    Unless, Franklin Jennings, you’re the guy who stood in front of the tanks in Tiananmen Square in 1989, your views on cowardice are irrelevant.

  41. Spinning Liz

    Tooo-SHAY!

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