Yesterday NARAL sent out an action alert. It told the following miserable tale: A woman named Tashina Byrd went to a Springfield, Ohio Wal-Mart to get a dose of Plan B, and was dee-nied. The pharmacist, according to the Akron Beacon Journal, “shook his head and laughed.” NARAL quite reasonably wishes to curb derisive pharmacal (look it up) mirth, and appeals to supporters to help put the kibosh on Wal-Mart’s asinine “conscientious objector” policy. Here is their form letter to Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott.*
The Wal-Mart/Plan B story so far:
In March 2006, under pressure from groups who find compulsory pregnancy distasteful — and because they saw the writing on the wall when the Massachusetts pharmacy board forced them to carry it in that state — Wal-Mart finally knuckled under and agreed to stock Plan B in all its stores. But they promised no one that they would actually sell the stuff; apparently Wal-Mart pharmacists must still take a loyalty oath to the Fraternal Godbag Order of Male Uterus Proprietors, and “conscientious objectors” are free to cut loose with the hearty guffaws whenever women wish to purchase this completely legal, FDA-approved, over-the-counter product. The filthy slut should’ve thought about pregnancy before the condom broke or she forgot to take the Pill or she got raped, is pretty much their motto.
For it is a proven pharmacalogical fact that heathen women are both solely responsible for pregnancy yet willfully insensible of its potentiality until the sun shines in their wanton eyes the next morning.
The Wal-Mart pharmacist, an enlightened genius named Brent Beams (who remains at large, roaming the countryside, sniggering at Plan B customers even as he dangles the drug just out of their reach), did not offer the Beacon Journal an explanation for the unconcealed glee with which he refused Byrd’s legal and reasonable request, but he did intone some mystical incantations about “preserving life, and I do not believe in ending life, and life begins at conception.” He knows when “life begins” because mesmerizing leaders of the cult of a dead Jew from the Roman Empire hip-mo-tized his laughing ass.
It seems fantastic, by which I mean unbelievable, that trained pharmacists should (a) be at liberty to inflict their ghost-worshiping fantasies on regular people, and (b) be unaware that Plan B does not “end life” or abort anything, not humans or babies or fetuses or blastodermic vesicles or anything. It is so fantastic that it can’t be true; these are professionals who must know that Plan B merely prevents an ovary from releasing an egg. Plan B may also prevent a fertilized egg — not a human, baby, fetus, or blastodermic vesicle, but a clot of inconsequential cooties** — from infesting the uterine wall in the first place, which is of course an event that spontaneously occurs in millions of uteruses a day whether the megatheocorporatocracy installs godbag pharmacists in their retail churches or not. So the only explanation for Brent Breams’ ghoulish behavior toward Byrd is plain old Christian meanness.
A familiar tale. I swear, I just can’t get over how these egg-worshipin’ Jesusians gotta be so mean.
The current status on Plan B (which, I must reiterate in case anyone is confused, is not RU-486. Plan B prevents pregnancy. RU-486 aborts opportunistic growths.) is this: because the contents of a woman’s personal uterus are not her own business, and because stigmatizing sexually active women is the National Pastime, Plan B is kept behind the counter. As of December 2006 it became available without a prescription to women and men over 18, who must show ID to the pharmacist. Plan B can be wangled by girls 17 and under only with a prescription, because their extra-special uteruses are still wholly owned by the state and regulated by the medical establishment.
Meanwhile, permit me to nitpick about the content (that’s the content, not the intent) of the action alert. Here’s the text of NARAL email:
You won’t believe what happened to me when I went with my boyfriend to Wal-Mart to buy Plan BÂ® – the “morning-after” pill – after our condom broke.
The pharmacist laughed in our faces and told us, “We have it on hand, but there’s no one here who can dispense it.”
My name is Tashina Byrd, and this happened to me at my local Wal-Mart in Springfield, Ohio.
It can be embarrassing to share a private, personal experience like this, but I don’t want other women to be subjected to the humiliation and anger I felt when the pharmacist laughed at me.
That’s why I’m asking for your help today. I recently sent a letter to Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott, Jr., urging him to change company policy to guarantee that pharmacies fill requests for Plan BÂ® without delay, just like they do for any other over-the-counter medicine. Click here to send your letter to Wal-Mart today.
You’ve already proven that together we can make Wal-Mart do what’s right for women. Last year, because of pressure from pro-choice activists like you, Wal-Mart reversed its discriminatory policy against stocking Plan BÂ®. Now, it’s time to ensure that they not only stock it but also sell it without delay or inconvenience.
In the end, I was lucky. I found another pharmacy that stocked Plan BÂ® and was willing to sell it to me. But what would happen to a woman who lives in a rural area – where Wal-Mart is often the only pharmacy – where the nearest drugstore could be 60 miles away or more? What if the second pharmacy refused, too?
Access to emergency contraception shouldn’t require multiple pharmacy visits. To ensure other women don’t have an experience similar to mine, join me in urging Wal-Mart to change its policy today!
Although purportedly Byrd’s own first person plea, the thing was obviously written by a professional NARAL copywriter. It may seem a minor point, but O how I wish they’d just let these women tell it like it is their own selfs. Nobody gives a shit about that slicked-up PR crap. Because what’s all this baloney about Byrd justifying her EC requirements with the broken condom, and then the crap about feeling “embarrassment” at telling the world about this gross injustice? Whoever the real woman may be, this Tashina Byrd character they’ve created is just too palatably respectable, abashed and apologetic.
Yes, yes, I understand why NARAL does it this way, I’m just saying that the method contains concessions to patriarchal control with which I remain uncomfortable. It will be a bright sunshiny day here at the Twisty bungalow when we can get away with “I got drunk and forgot all about birth control and I still want my fucking Plan B, goddammit, and I shouldn’t have to beg some brainwashed nutjob for it. And while you’re at it, how’s about some medical marijuana?”
** My own eggs, incidentally, were recently thrown out with the garbage at a local pathology lab. Astonishingly, egg enthusiast Brent Beams didn’t show up with Jesus and the cops and Governor Rick Perry to protest.