«

»

Feb 17 2007

UK housewives: “Deep-throat to save the marriage!”

From the UK, here’s the self-improvement book the male-dominated publishing industry knows all hetero young married girls have been waiting for: Babyproofing Your Marriage. Written in “snappy language” that modern wives can relate to, it offers “helpful tips” for the harried homemaker who is trying like hell to model herself after the character in the cultural narrative with whom she is obliged (since there is only one available) to identify: Wife-mother.

Wife-mother is erroneously believed by the Babyproofing authors to be an actual human “driven by instinct and love.” Au contraire, snappy sexpert authors! Wife-mother is an idealized construct driven by the megatheocorporatocracy.

As a result of marketing, housewifery is commonly thought to be a better gig now than it was in June Cleaver’s day. Ha. The truth, as is suggested by the existence of the marriage manual under discussion, is that the slave-drudge created by the capitalism-friendly intersection of the nuclear family’s social insularity with what Betty Friedan called “the sexual sell” is still alive and ill and deriving her identity from the ceaseless performance of traditional wife-and-mother behaviors.

Heck, there’s no time like the present for a little Betty Friedan digression. In 1963, when The Feminine Mystique was published, Friedan had already identified wife-mother — the “Balanced Homemaker” — as a product of marketing and corporate manipulation. The term “Balanced Homemaker” comes directly from advertising. The Balanced Homemaker’s most desirable attributes sound suspiciously like those of today’s MILFs. “She has some outside interests, or has held a job before turning exclusively to homemaking; she ‘readily accepts’ the help mechanical appliances can give — but ‘does not expect them to do the impossible’ because she needs to use her own executive ability ‘in managing a well-run household.’” [1]

In 1963 the megatheocorporatocracy had identified “the major unfulfilled need of the modern housewife” as the need to be creative. What began as boxed cake mix through which “the woman can prove herself as a wife and mother, not only by baking, but by spending more time with her family” [2] morphed into domestic perfection industries. Wife-mothers have Martha Stewart and Oprah on one side selling the ideology, and Wal-Mart and Home Depot on the other side selling the raw materials. Quoth Friedan: “Thesis: I’m a housewife. Antithesis: I hate drudgery. Synthesis: I’m creative!”

It has always been incumbent on the wife-mother to engage in a perpetual process of “improving” her marriage and family life. This process requires her to embrace bullshit ideologies and buy crap in the service of male culture. It did so in the 50s and it does today. The only difference is that the 21st century housewife is additionally obliged to emulate pornographic ideals and feel empowered by her unpaid job as babysitter/housekeeper/whore. She’s June Cleaver with a Brazilian wax.

So what does the megatheocorporatocratic wife-mother construct have to do with a marriage manual on how to keep your hubby happy even though your id is completely subsumed by the interests of your neurotic kids? I posit that the authors are capitalizing on the housewife’s culturally-inflicted creative void in two ways. One, by profiting materially from the sale of a meaningless book based on the bogus premise that women’s inadequacy is at the root of all marriage problems, and two, by suggesting as a cure that women direct creative use of their ‘executive abilities’ toward sucking more cock.

That’s right. June Cleaver with a Brazilian meets Linda Lovelace. An excerpt from an author “interview” on the book’s website:

The book is full of helpful tips – one of the most notorious being the ‘Five Minute Fix’ – how did you first come across this useful tactic?

Well, it’s not as if we invented it! We just realized that, as sex acts go, this one was totally undervalued by women. It wasn’t until we became overworked, time-starved mums that we saw the obvious benefits. You don’t have to take your clothes off, the time you spend on it is minimal, and your husband thinks you are a Goddess! When we mentioned the idea at one of our men’s focus groups and got a gob smacked, “Good God, that would transform my marriage” reaction, we knew we were on to something.

In other words: It wasn’t until we realized that we could service our pouty, pesky johns in just five minutes that the funk-filled bratwurst began to look like a good idea!
_____________________________
1. Friedan, Betty. The Feminine Mystique. Norton. 2001. p. 210.
2. Ibid. p. 212

[Thanks, Lara]

115 comments

5 pings

  1. BubbasNightmare

    Another quote from the aforementioned website:

    “When we mentioned the idea at one of our men’s focus groups and got a gob smacked, “Good God, that would transform my marriage” reaction, we knew we were on to something.”

    Well, in the eyes of the men I bet that really would be a transformation. You demand sex, you instantly get your wife onto her knees with her mouth open.

    A dream, or a nightmare, depending upon whether you’re looking down at her, or up at him.

    Sometimes I weep for my gender.

  2. erin ambrose

    wow, shit like this makes me drop to my knees and thank the lord almighty that i’m a poly,anti-capitalist,gender-fluid queer.

  3. mearl

    “dad wants sex just as much as he always has, baby or no baby.”

    *Pant, pant*….Make breakfast, answer phone, check emails, make lunches, throw in wash, feed baby, put wash in dryer, burp baby, stop toddler from eating scissors, let contractors in to fix a/c, run dishwasher, pick up groceries, have to leave grocery store early due to screaming toddler, calm screaming toddler and baby, put away groceries, stop toddler from torturing cats, call mom while unloading dishwasher, call relatives whose birthdays it is to see if they got the cards you sent two weeks ago and ask about their lives, feed cats, change baby, pay contractors, clean up mess contractors left behind, play with baby, attempt to put baby down for nap, walk baby around while baby screams continuously, field more phone calls, take out stuff to defrost for dinner, pay bills, check accounts, clean up house, serve toddler lunch, eat cold can of zoodles standing up, put laundry away, take kids to park and field several near-death escapes from dogs, cars and other children, drag everyone home, confirm birthday party rsvp for neighbour’s kid with neighbour, spend rest of afternoon on hold with local telephone company while toddler and cats wreak havoc on slightly cleaner house, feed baby, burp baby, change baby, feed yowling cats, de-hair couch in order to sit down, get five minute break, suck sulky sexually frustrated husband’s cock when he comes home from work to make sure he doesn’t have affairs with his hot project partner, make dinner….*pant, pant…*

    Divorce on the rise and initiated by women? Why could that be? It’s a MYSTERY.

  4. Miranda

    All ‘how to save your marriage’ articles have the same solution:

    Women should have sex when they don’t want to. The end.

  5. Tanya

    I want to see the article where men put their head between my legs and satisfy me for a change. The bastards!

  6. edith

    Hell, 1963? Try 1854, with Coventry Patmore’s “Angel in the House.” Try this excerpt on for size:

    Man must be pleased; but him to please
    Is woman’s pleasure; down the gulf
    Of his condoled necessities
    She casts her best, she flings herself.
    How often flings for nought, and yokes
    Her heart to an icicle or whim,
    Whose each impatient word provokes
    Another, not from her, but him;
    While she, too gentle even to force
    His penitence by kind replies,
    Waits by, expecting his remorse,
    With pardon in her pitying eyes;
    And if he once, by shame oppress’d,
    A comfortable word confers,
    She leans and weeps against his breast,
    And seems to think the sin was hers;
    Or any eye to see her charms,
    At any time, she’s still his wife,
    Dearly devoted to his arms;
    She loves with love that cannot tire;
    And when, ah woe, she loves alone,
    Through passionate duty love springs higher,
    As grass grows taller round a stone.

  7. Becky

    edith, that’s excellent!

    I read Angel in the House last spring for a seminar on the Victorian enigma… creepy.

    This story just made me inordinately sad: the good part about blowjobs is that “You don’t have to take your clothes off, the time you spend on it is minimal, and your husband thinks you are a Goddess!”? What an irresponsible batch of crap to market to women. This exchange of a blowjob for what, additional time to spend on chores? sounds like prostitution without the payment.

  8. thebewilderness

    Ironic that the behavior highly recommended in this book for the married woman is exactly the same behavior that will prevent young women from being happily married in the book under discussion at Echidnes blog.
    Unhooked by Laura Stepp is deeply concerned by young women copying the behavior of young men. Of course she doesn’t admit that that is what they are doing. Shulamith Firestone predicted it in the Dialectic of Sex. (Thanks Twisty)

  9. H

    It IS prostitution without the payment. It’s using a sex act as a bargaining chip rather than receiving an upfront cash payment. May as well recommend these tragic wifeys stumps up a twenty out of the houesekeeping and send Hubby out to be serviced by a street whore once a week or so.

  10. smmo

    Sadly this book is already published on our side of the pond and has received overwhelmingly positive reviews on Amazon, replete with exclamation points. (Though it did my heart good to see one feminist take it to task.)

    The website has a pair of kicky pink heels for decoration. Of course.

    It is sad that apparently one the husbands, poor Kevin, is apparently a double amputee: “Kevin: ‘Well, what do you know? Bam! She slams the door right in my face. Second time in a week. I’m just this working robot to her. She never wants to do it. I’m sick of this. I feel like I have a roommate, not a wife. What am I supposed to do? Watch dirty movies in my hotel room?’ “

  11. roamaround

    “June Cleaver with a Brazilian wax.” What an image, Twisty.

    I found this part of the interview with the authors the most pathetic:

    “We learned that sex is so much more to them than a physical act; it is also how they connect emotionally with their wives…we knew sex was very important to men, but we never understood why.”

    There it is ladies, the justification you needed for all this degrading subservience: It’s not about servicing his body, it’s his soul you are healing.

    Angel in the house indeed. Thanks Edith, for the spot-on analogy.

  12. stekatz

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

    I don’t know what else to say, just, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

    Good lawd! My five minute fix would be that these men can just go masturbate in the shower.

    Drivel. Utter drivel.

  13. j

    The truth, as is suggested by the existence of the marriage manual under discussion, is that the slave-drudge created by the capitalism-friendly intersection of the nuclear family’s social insularity with what Betty Friedan called “the sexual sell” is still alive and ill and deriving her identity from the ceaseless performance of traditional wife-and-mother behaviors.

    This is an epic sentence. And by “epic” I mean amazing.

  14. luolin

    According to the Statesman the authors were from Austin, TX.

  15. CatStaff

    Just once I’d like to look up from a gang rape and find that it’s not other women holding my arms and legs. Is that really so much to ask?

  16. kate

    I want to see the books, “How to lose the husband and get a life.” or “Young girl’s handbook to staying single and free for life.” or “No kids, no man, no worries.”

  17. Rainbow Girl

    I have a better idea:

    “Marriageproof Your Baby”.

    Let’s try to wipe out socially-sanctioned prostitution in one generation!

  18. magickitty

    How nice that they relied on male focus groups to research a manual for women.

    That’s it – when we move into our new house, I get a bedroom of my own.

  19. Violet

    Why stop at the “Five Minute Fix”? Why not transform the boudoir into a truck stop rest area where wifemother can play out her lifelong unfulfilled fantasy of serving sundry dude motorists looking for a quick “lube” before heading home to their own wives and screaming brats? In a Nyquil-spattered rabbit fur jacket and pleather hot pants, wifemother can reel drunkenly around the fake gas pumps installed in her bedroom, beckoning toothlessly to her waiting “John”.

  20. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    I could never figure out how I was going to fit this role around a 50-60 hour a week job. Or my job around the role? Whatever. God knows I tried, but after about 7 years I decided something had to go. Guess which role got the boot? OK, it really didn’t quit motherhood because I couldn’t put the spawn back where I found her, but at least I was able to switch to part time, plus I had a smaller house to clean.

    This is just in time for the Corpse Bride post I’m working on chez moi. Now I need to figure out a way to crib from Twisty without just cutting and pasting this whole damn thing to my blog!

  21. Amy

    I’m trying to wrap my mind around a marriage that could be transformed by a blowjob. That’s pathetic. If that was my situation, I wouldn’t want to transform it…I’d want to annul it.

  22. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    For what it’s worth though: The 5-minute blowjob got me through the last few years of my marriage after my Bunny was born. It was a few minutes out of the day, he shut up and I got some sleep. However, I truly enjoyed it, and would never suggest it of a woman who didn’t already enjoy doing it in the first place. Then again, if a woman enjoys doing it, she probably already has figured this out all by herself.

  23. Harpy

    Isn’t “Babyproof Your Marriage” basically “The Surrendered Wife” dressed up in some perky pink heels?

    Also “babyproofing” your marriage can be solved two ways at least: 1. Never get married. 2. Contraceptives. Or preferably a vasectomy.

    (I don’t suppose a book demanding my partner give me plenty of oral sex and satisfying orgasms even if he just worked a 12-hour day, because that relieves my tension, and if he can’t I’ll probably just look elsewhere and it’s his fault, would sell very well. (Except perhaps to a certain set of masochists.) Oh no, that would make me a demanding harridan-slut. Ladies never ask for sex, the give it grudgingly.)

  24. SusanM

    Sadly this book is already published on our side of the pond and has received overwhelmingly positive reviews on Amazon

    If Amazon (and Twisty) allowed it, it would be cool if a link back to this review could be posted there.

  25. Anna

    That’s right, ladies! If your marriage ended in divorce after your child was born, if your husband has been cheating on you for the past two years with a series of women from work, if your marriage has become entirely unhappy…

    It’s all because you aren’t dropping to your knees for five minutes. Or, at least, not doing it often enough. Or because you’re doing it all wrong.

    It is all.your.fault.

  26. Trout

    Did you see the part that said, “He’ll be a happy guy if he can buttfuck you twice a week, so stay lubed 24/7 in case he has the impulse.”

    It wasn’t there, but it might as well be!

    T.

  27. mrskennedy

    I actually have a review copy of the American version of this book, sent to me in the hopes that I’d create some mommyblogger buzz. It’s giving me a lot of great ideas on how to write a parody of a marriage manual.

  28. kcb

    I’m trying to wrap my mind around a marriage that could be transformed by a blowjob.

    Maybe if I’d married that eye-candy, dumber-than-toast frat boy from my college days.

    The real trick to babyproofing you marriage is to make sure that your husband is just as exhausted as you are at the end of each day. It’ll lower your resentment level, and he’ll be too tired to make unreasonable demands.

  29. josie my source of most frustration

    Good lawd! My five minute fix would be that these men can just go masturbate in the shower.

    Yes, and at someone else’s house.

  30. Sara

    “You don’t have to take your clothes off, the time you spend on it is minimal, and your husband thinks you are a Goddess!”

    Um, wow, no. The husband in this scenario sees you as an appliance, which is exactly what you turn yourself into when you use any sex act this way.

    Wow. I’m so sad right now. I have to go clean something. I wish it could be the part of my brain that’s going to remember the existence of this book for the next ten minutes.

  31. Antelope

    There are books suggesting that men improve their relationships with women by going down more often. In fact, I think someone from Sex and the City wrote one recently, with her hubbie chiming in about all the benefits and how to do it, so there are even trendy, vapid books suggesting it.

    But of course, men don’t buy them. They’re probably not even aimed at a male market, but at women who will then try to get men to read them, because it spares a gal the horrible embarrassment of bringing up the idea that she deserves better sex as if she thought of it herself.

  32. SneakySis

    On an unrelated topic, sort of:
    India totally fails to solve a problem.

  33. Lipstick-and-Birk-Wearing Momma

    Great idea for women who have been sexually abused in the past–a highly-charged trigger for emotional distress.

    If a man wants an appliance to perform this service, there are plastic vaginas available online.

  34. ew_nc

    I’m going to jump aboard Sistah Stekatz’s AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!, and then go hang out with my cat. He has no problem with licking his own damn penis.

  35. Lisa

    This reminds me of when I first started figuring out that women were sex slaves. I was in my late teens, and I picked up my mom’s copy of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” It talked about how men and women can want sex at different times that aren’t convenient for the other. It basically said to women that if she wanted some action whilst the guy was deeply involved in watching a football game that she should go masterbate. Then, not two paragraphs later, it says that if a guy needs some over his lunch hour but the woman is busy/exhausted/just not interested…she should just suck it up and give him a quickie. Just get it over with fast and get him satisfied so you can go back to your toddler feeding, vacuuming, working at your less paying job, whatever.

    As a young virgin at the time, all that told me was that marraige was going to suck for the woman. Apparently literally. And that was expected. (Probably why I’ve never been married.) Anyway, lovely to see that in 15-20 years, nothing much has changed.

  36. H

    Oh yes, the line is always that men and women are different and that while men’s differences should be respected to and catered to by women, women’s needs can simply be dismissed as silly and unimportant. It’s always staggered me that any right-thinkign woman buys into marriage as the path to happiness. I can’t think of a more sordid and soul-destroying way to live, myself.

  37. Niki

    Fuck marriage. Seriously.

    I’m cool with partners for life, or for a moment, whatever. But marriage itself is still nothing but a business transaction.

  38. Joolya

    Dude, why can’t we just train fucking men to fucking grow up and not act like enormous fucking children as soon as there’s a woman around?

    (That said, I only do the dishes once a week when my male partner is not around. So maybe my guy is a mutant. Yay.)

  39. Brianne

    Seems like John Gray beat these guys to the punch. Interesting read:

    http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/women_rebuttal_from_uranus/spchless.htm

  40. kiki

    Not to mention “Dr.” Laura Schlessinger and her, “Proper Care and Fucking er…I mean Feeding of Husbands” crapola.

  41. Frigga's Own

    Wifehood is traditionally defined by a woman’s ability to be an unpaid nanny, nursemaid, housekeeper, concierge, personal assistant, personal shopper, and sex toy. This is why I’m terrified to get married (but probably still will because I need health care).

  42. ew_nc

    I haven’t heard your take on the appalling “Anna Nicole Smith death” coverage in the media yet, but here’s a bile-inducing article from MSN news. I particularly like the line “It’s a curse to be beautiful”
    AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
    http://tv.msn.com/celebs/article.aspx?news=252132&GT1=7703

  43. Pony

    Is there a prize for commentors?

    Violet Feb 17th, 2007 at 11:58 pm

    Why stop at the “Five Minute Fix”? Why not transform the boudoir into a truck stop rest area where wifemother can play out her lifelong unfulfilled fantasy of serving sundry dude motorists looking for a quick “lube” before heading home to their own wives and screaming brats? In a Nyquil-spattered rabbit fur jacket and pleather hot pants, wifemother can reel drunkenly around the fake gas pumps installed in her bedroom, beckoning toothlessly to her waiting “John”.

    {and}

    CatStaff Feb 17th, 2007 at 10:34 pm

    Just once I’d like to look up from a gang rape and find that it’s not other women holding my arms and legs. Is that really so much to ask?

  44. Kate Dino

    If there is a comment prize I want to cast my vote for “Marriageproof Your Baby.” Now THAT is an idea with potential.

  45. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Ah, this post inspired a longer-than-normal rant chez moi. Thanks? I think? Actually, I think I need a martini now.

    I shall now push the blame button.

  46. Dave

    I will agree the book offers typically bad advice, but what strikes me most is the huge level of animosity of nearly all the here commenters towards men, husbands, sex & marriage. That’s a shame. It’s a fact, 2 people, of any gender, in a marriage or any other relationship will each have their own cycles of sexual interest. That’s just something that needs to be worked out in a relationship.

    For my wife & I, either one of us initiates sex when either one of us is interested & either one of us is free to decline, or to carry on together. I work long hours & sometimes I am bone-tired (pun intended) by the time we get to bed. At those times I don’t always feel like sex, but sometimes my wife does. And by happy experience she has shown how love can conquer weariness. We actually love each other & enjoy making each other happy.

    Oh right, maybe that’s because we’re victims of the patriarchy.

  47. edith

    “… but what strikes me most is the huge level of animosity of nearly all the here commenters towards men, husbands, sex & marriage.”

    Yes Dave, that is probably indeed what would strike YOU most.

  48. S-kat

    Did anybody else think, at first, that “Babyproofing your marriage” meant planning a marriage without children involved, or was that just me?

    Of course, the answer to that is too easy: Get a vasectomy.

    And yet again it is all too clear to me why I have absolutely no desire to get married.

  49. Joolya

    I’m going to go out on a limb and throw a little love toward Dave upthread, and say the following:
    Two people of different genders can – in the best case scenario – cohabitate without their union becoming a Dr Laura/Rules/Mars-Venus/Betty Friedan nightmare IF and ONLY IF both parties treat each other as human beings and not as gender-bots, surrogate mothers, or unpaid labor.
    Books like this one perpetuate destructive sterotypes of marriage and gender roles without offering really advice which, in my opinion, is just to act like a decent, respectful human being and not expect your wife to be your fucking mother.
    It sounds like Dave might be one of the proud few who do not bend to gender atrocities – if so, well done Dave! You fill me with joy and hope for the future of our species.
    I also find this thread coming down hard on the whole concept of peaceful gender norm-shattering coexistence and baby-spawning.
    But maybe that’s because I’ve only been married a short time and don’t plan on putting up with any “male” crap, nor do I plan on conforming to the whole “wife-mother” schtick.
    So maybe I am naive? I hope not … I think me and my close friends might be abnormal, compared to the bestseller reading public.

  50. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Ah. You see, Joolya, when the babies come, the gloves come off.

  51. kiki

    “I also find this thread coming down hard on the whole concept of peaceful gender norm-shattering coexistence and baby-spawning.”

    There are people who make it work (and they’ve got some kick ass kids that give me a hope)but unfortunately, they are as rare as hen’s teeth.

  52. smmo

    HPS said: “when the babies come, the gloves come off.”

    Oh ain’t it the truth. Having children is one of the most terrifying (and wonderful, of course) things we do as women. Because it makes you vulnerable in the most basic way. Mr. SMMO and I do pretty well at having an egalitarian relationship, as well as people can in the midst of a dick worshipping world. But it is hard not resent someone when you look across the bed and think “I would be so screwed if he left.”
    Even if you’re over 40, educated, with a supportive family, feminist, etc.

  53. rafaelthatmf

    Contempt for the “overworked” horny guy who comes home and pouts about not getting a hummer before dinner and then wants you to shut up for Sports Center totally makes sense. (Not to imply that my understanding adds validity – I’m just pointing out I get that part). I must admit to an embarrassing blindness to many of the institutional/societal absurdities in marital relationships and everyday roles described herein– especially the betrayal of women by women. But the cause of derision placed upon rearing children escapes me. I never realized how big a dick I am (pun intended)!!!!

  54. ace

    It seems that most people here don’t understand the basic nature of male-female relationships, though the book’s authors apparently do. Men don’t get much out of a relationship with women except sex. Marriage is an institution for women. It is a gift men give to women. It’s not too difficult to see this if you just look at the behavioral differences between lesbians and gay men. But it’s easier to avoid looking.

  55. Vera Venom

    Oops Ace posed on the wrong blog. That pile of bilge was supposed to be posted to an Mra blog full of “nice guys”.

  56. hedonistic

    (snicker) I was rather hoping he was just doing a parody of an MRA for our amusement!

  57. Vera Venom

    Well Ace’s post was packed to the brim with Teh Stupid, so it’s possible it was just a paraody. I mean “a gift men give to women”? Being some worthless whiny boy’s mommy-wife is a gift?

    Thanks, but I hope you kept the receipt.

  58. Jess2

    The worst part is not how much they hate you. It’s how often they succeed at making you hate yourself. Like every other normal phenomenon of the female body (e.g. breasts that sag over time, crows feet, a higher body fat percentage than men, menstruation, childbirth, menopause) a different hormone mix resulting in somewhat lower sex drive is turned into a medical/social pathology that needs treatment, self-mutilation, therapy or some other tremendous effort in order to “overcome”. Another brilliant example of how “low-self esteem” and “self-improvement” are just code words for “internalized patriarchy” and “Stockholm syndrome”. I’m slowly beginning to realize that my husband’s befuddlement at my occasional bouts of self-loathing are because neither he nor I realized patriarchy was at the root of it all. Thanks to Twisty, I’m finally getting together the vocabulary to put a name to this bullshit. And, luckily, my dude believes in his partner’s personhood as well– he wouldn’t and doesn’t accept “servicing” because he doesn’t see me as a fembot mechanic (even though I sometimes see myself that way… see “internalized patriarchy” above). I shouldn’t have to be grateful for that, but given the apparent rarity of it, I am.

  59. Twisty

    Don’t thank me. Thank Andrea Dworkin. I steal everything from her.

  60. Lipstick-and-Birk-Wearing Momma

    Thanks, Jess2, for articulating my confusing emotions. I’m lucky, because my hubby understands that partriarchial mandates sometimes make me feel worthless. My hubby’s encouragement helps counteract that. I think that he’s a rare person, which is why I married him.

    Dave, you could learn how the women in your life feel and offer support. You would probably be surprised with how appreciative your female loved ones would be.

    SMMO nailed the vunerability that I often feel as a woman in our society–especially now that I fall into the “over 40 category.” I know that I can’t keep meeting youthful societal requirements forever.

  61. The Infidel Sage

    What typical male bashing and anti-marriage drivel. There should be no more respected title than wife and mother. And for women to try to help other women balancing a busy life, a baby, and a marriage should be praised, not attacked. I can always tell when wannabe feminists don’t have children, not to mention a husband. Speaking from ignorance while attempting to appear intellectual can to be fun, but to those of us who actually have spouses and children (in my case three daughters) your post looks juvenile and pathetic.

    And I can only assume that the author has had some bad blowjob experiences. The bitterness is apparent. Perhaps there was a time she didn’t get the ‘head tap’ soon enough and it apparently continues to leave a bad taste in her mouth???

  62. Vera Venom

    “And I can only assume that the author has had some bad blowjob experiences. The bitterness is apparent. Perhaps there was a time she didn’t get the ‘head tap’ soon enough and it apparently continues to leave a bad taste in her mouth??? ”

    What is it with you misogynist dipshits? Is reading teh FAQ before posting really all that difficult?

    Or is trying to shame feminists from your mommy’s basement much more satifying than actually having a valid argument?

  63. Vera Venom

    Big shocker: Mr. Sage-in-mommy’s-basement is a neocon chickenhawk. Well, that explains the high reliance on stereotypes and logical fallacies. If it can’t be explained away by some hamhanded generalizations, it isn’t “real” debate, huh.

  64. Ugly in Pink

    He’s so proud of his spouse and children. Almost as proud as he is of his golf clubs, and his car. And why shouldn’t he be? All of them perform flawlessly, like well-oiled machines.

  65. hedonistic

    Shit: My marriage and the birth of my child must have been figments of my imagination. Time to up the meds again?

    Also, FWIW I do believe the author was married once upon a time, although by now she may have blacked it out.

  66. Ugly in Pink

    I like the way that marriage is treated as yet another responsibility to be managed, along with the busy life and childrearing. Of course, all these things are solely the responsibility of the woman. Don’t you WANT that? It’s so RESPECTED!!! The coating of sugar doesn’t make that shit sandwich any more appealing, thank you.

    If my marriage was in a state where i’d have to blow my husband to “manage” him as a timesaver instead of real, mutually enjoyable sex…well, the divorce papers would have been on the table long before that point, is all i’m saying.

  67. Vera Venom

    I wonder what was anti-male about this? There’s a lot of anti-marriage stuff, but I don’t see what was anti-male. It’s anti-worthless husband. Maybe that’s what Mr. Sage-in-Mommy’s-Basement is taking issue with. Hitting a little too close to home, perhaps?

  68. Joe

    [Comment disemvoweled on grounds of sophomoricism and poor spelling]

    t lks lk smn wll nd t dch yr pssy wth lysl, or clrx, bfr t s rdy fr s.

  69. Ugly in Pink

    Joe finds us sexually unappealing??!?!? HEAVENS! How can we ever cope with such a meaningful and above all RELEVENT insult?

    Seriously, play another note. The constant chorus of D flat is getting monotonous.

  70. Niki

    I can always tell when wannabe feminists don’t have children, not to mention a husband. .

    Because, of course, that’s what we all should be striving for.

    Sage, it was your crap idea to get married and have babies. We didn’t help you decide not to buy the condom/have the abortion/say no to the man question, we don’t have to support your wife/mother enthusiasm.

    You have no cheerleaders here.

  71. smmo

    The men that crow the most about the sanctity of motherhood are the ones who do the least as fathers.

    Jess2 said: “every other normal phenomenon of the female body (e.g. breasts that sag over time, crows feet, a higher body fat percentage than men, menstruation, childbirth, menopause) a different hormone mix resulting in somewhat lower sex drive is turned into a medical/social pathology that needs treatment, self-mutilation, therapy or some other tremendous effort in order to ‘overcome’.”

    Yeah. At the time I found it amusing that when I was in the hospital giving birth I was asked repeatedly what we planned to do for contraception when relations resumed. I thought it was just responsible to let people know that you can get pregnant again fairly quickly. But perhaps it had more to do with encouraging women with stitched up vaginas to hurry up and fulfill their conjugal duties.

  72. Twisty

    Hey Infidel Sage, I don’t “wannabe” a feminist; it’s just that the proliferation of knobs like you makes it necessary.

  73. nine

    I love consumerism. So who is more phathetic; the Man who thinks his Women needs to be a sexbot in order to have a loving caring relationship or the Woman who thinks her Man needs to have a sexbot in order to have a loving caring relationship?

  74. Frumious B

    a different hormone mix resulting in somewhat lower sex drive

    No, Patriarchy results in a somewhat lower sex drive.

  75. Nicole

    These comments are awesome. I love this blog. Maybe someday I will write a book about why divorce is due to worthless husbands. Does that exist? I want to buy it.

  76. Notmyfault

    This is great. I love the way you “feminists” protray us men. Sure, I enjoy those times when my wife offers her oral services, but I have never, ever rejected her. You can complain and bitch all you want, but it probably won’t solve the problem. We’re men. Basically just big dumb animals. You want our protection, and our money. The nice house, and car. We want our gratification. It’s a simple trade off. Deal with it. You don’t think there are women out there that would happily trade out for what you have?

  77. Vera Venom

    “We’re men. Basically just big dumb animals”
    “I love the way you “feminists” protray us men. ”

    Oh, good, blame us for your portrayal as you claim to be a “big dumb animal”. (My bf, btw, says speak for yourself.)

    I, for one, don’t need someone else’s money or protection. So what good are “big dumb animals” like you, then? In fact, by claiming you’re all just “big dumb animals” that women need protection from, you’re making an excellent case for caging all of you up and keeping you out of polite society.

    And they claim it’s feminists that hate men. Why do you hate men so much troll?

    Time to grow up and become a man or be relegated to the trash heap. Your choice, diddums.

  78. Notmyfault

    Hey Vera, you sure can twist things. I knew I would get a stupid response. I like the way you want to cage us up to keep us out of your polite society. I bet your “bf” doesn’t have any balls. I on the other hand have been happily MARRIED for 18 years with 3 kids. I work 2 full time jobs to support my family, including my wife. Any time she wants some attention, I will find time to make her happy. Even if I don’t get my relief. All this while still finding time to take the kids to all their soccer practices, games, band concerts….

  79. Vera Venom

    “Hey Vera, you sure can twist things. I knew I would get a stupid response.”

    Translation: She made a point I can’t refute.

    ” I like the way you want to cage us up to keep us out of your polite society.”

    Oh good, a LIE! Now, let’s go back and read what I actually wrote. Hmm. Looks to me like I was saying you were making it sound like all men should be caged. But, I guess lying is easier than admitting you’ve had your post demolished so easily.

    “I bet your “bf” doesn’t have any balls. I on the other hand have been happily MARRIED for 18 years with 3 kids.”

    I bet you’re “wife” is a well worn blow up doll. See? I can play that game too.

    And the rest is just off topic, irrelevent whining.

    Now off to the market for a puncture repair kit for you, troll.

  80. Lara

    Vera Venom, I don’t see how it was off-topic. Notmyfault’s big dumb whinge glosses to: “It’s simple prostitution, get it? If you complain, you will become unfuckable, the worst fate imaginable for a woman. Now shut up and get me a beer, or I’ll get my buddies in to whack you.”

  81. Notmyfault

    [Comment deleted; in violation of "you're just pissed because you're too ugly to fuck" rule]

  82. Vera Venom

    Lara -

    Re: irrelevant – i was talking about his “I’m a great, self-sacrificing hubby” ancedotes. It’s clear he doesn’t have a clue about feminists, so I’m having a little fun poking a completely ignorant troll.

    ~~~~~

    Troll –

    Thank you for making it abundantly clear you’ve lied.

    “Looks like you’re the one claiming that YOU need protection from men. (in general)
    I never said you needed protection from us. Little Freudian slip perhaps?”

    No, diddums, you said we want your protection. What/Who would we need your protection from? You think we haven’t seen your schtick before? It’s very clear what you were getting at. At least try to comprehend what is written before responding. It will make you look a little less clueless.

    “You’d like that to be the case, wouldn’t you? It’s an insult for you to hear about a successful relationship without the drama.”

    No, diddums. There’s no way to verify whether or not you’re full of shit. So I’m poking fun at you desperate need to believe I am unhappy. I know it will make that flaccid little member shrink up somemore to hear it, but I’m not unhappy. In fact, since vacating the company of morons like yourself, life has gotten much better. I’ve found that actual men make much better company. As opposed to self-described “big dumb animals”.

    ” Maybe you have been in some bad relationships, or your Dad never showed you affection, and that he actually cared. If so, that’s a shame.”

    Whoohoo ! Armchair psychology! The last bastion of clueless trolls who can’t debate.

  83. Notmyfault

    [Comment deleted; in violation of "you're just a bunch of man-haters!" rule]

  84. hedonistic

    NotMyFault: Married or single, unless we’re virgins it’s likely every single feminist has engaged in a form of sex trade, so believe it or not we get it.

    What feminists object to is women being treated as commodities that men rent, lease or buy. It reduces us to the status of livestock. It’s (literally) de-humanizing. Remember the tired old phrase “buying the cow?” It’s insulting. The whole cash-for-flesh exchange is insulting, whether it be illegal prostitution or traditional marriage.

    The bottom line is that women are human beings seeking relationships with other human beings.

    Idiots. The whole lot of yous. Some obnoxious dude upthread (or in another recent thread) said something all the lines of “Don’t you women understand that sex is the only reason men choose to deal with you at all?” That pretty much says everything, and if that’s what the mating dance is all about to men I’d just as soon skip it. Oh, and I’m still “fuckable” by most male standards. When in the emergency room my ex-boyfriend remarked to the (male) ER nurse what a “waste of flesh” it was that I was celibate. He meant it as a compliment, but I knew better. In fact, it’s one of the reasons he’s an “ex.”

  85. kiki

    Trolls everywhere (and especially “Notmybraintalking”) please refrain from referencing Freud until you know what the hell you’re talking about.

  86. Vera Venom

    “Comment deleted; in violation of “you’re just a bunch of man-haters!” rule”

    Oh, how tediously typical. I say I’m in a relationship with a man (damn my terminl straightness! ;) ), and point out that the troll has said some nasty things about men, and *I’m* the man-hater.

    Damn, what a moron. Are reading skills that lacking in “big dumb animals”?

  87. kiki

    “Are reading skills that lacking in “big dumb animals”?”

    I’m reminded of “A Fish Called Wanda” when Wanda calls Otto an ape, and he says, “Apes don’t read Nietzsche” and Wanda replies, “Yes, they do Otto, they just don’t understand it.”

  88. Notmyfault

    Hedonistic,
    Thank you for a sane response, and not calling me a troll. (Whatever that is)

    I won’t say that my relationship with my wife has been perfect. We’ve had our rough times, but through conversation and understanding, we have matured and have a wonderful, happy relationship. That is why I appreciate her even more as the years pass. Yes she’s still f*ckable. Yes she’s still beautiful. Yes she’s my partner in love and life. Has she changed over the years? Yes. Put on a few pounds? Sag here and there? yes. So have I. So what. Our relationship doesn’t hinge on looks. Sorry that Ms. Venom and Kiki can’t seem to see beyond their own short comings..

    (Insert troll name calling here)

  89. Vera Venom

    *lol*

    You came in claiming that men are “big dumb animals” that only want “gratification” and how women only want your money, your nice house, your car (?), and your protection (LOL). Your flaccid argument was demolished. Now, after peddaling nothing but empty stereotypes and showing yourself to be waaaay our of your league – you want to wax poetic about how great marriage is?

    My goodness boy, is it ever possible for you to not make a complete ass of yourself?

  90. Notmyfault

    [Comment deleted; in violation of the "Us poor men are just slaves to women who really have all the power in this world" rule]

  91. kiki

    *Yawn* are we nearing the point where the troll/flamebaiter flounces off in a huff?

    I just love that you will refer to your wife as, “still fuckable”, but spell it with an asterisk…that is the height of idiocy. So… it’s not offensive to say someone is fuckable, but the word fuck is so offensive you can’t bring yourself to spell it out? Or is it because your parents have parental control software that keeps you from typing profanity…Jr.?

  92. Vera Venom

    I love that he tells us that his wife is a money grubbing hooker and himself a john, and then decides to try to convince us his marriage is great.

    A “big dumb animal” indeed.

  93. hedonistic

    Kiki: He put it in quotes because I did.

  94. maribelle

    hedonistic: No, you put “fuckable” in quotes. He did not put it in quotes–he put in an asterisk –f*ckable.

  95. maribelle

    notmyfault: you wrote:

    We’re men. Basically just big dumb animals. You want our protection, and our money. The nice house, and car. We want our gratification. It’s a simple trade off. Deal with it.

    Polite Questions:
    Is this your marriage you are describing? Is this what marriage is like for your family and friends?

  96. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Maribelle: OK, I’m blind!

  97. Twisty

    “OK, I’m blind!”

    Your momma must’ve told you this would be the inevitable result of all that pleasureseeking.

  98. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    HAH! Actually you’ve quite hit the nail on the head. To my father, “hedonistic pleasureseeker” is an insult. My mother used to huff “I didn’t send you to college to have FUN!” (so I took out a student loan to pay my own damn tuition!) A few weeks ago when I told my mom that I was going on Zoloft to treat my very not-funny PMS she responded hopefully: “Maybe it will decrease your sex drive?” Yeah, both my parents are from Calvinist families; how DID you guess?

    (Hey, I’m the 100th comment! Time to take the gloves off; who’s in?)

  99. Caroc

    I am joining the party a little late, but wanted to ponder a mystery that I hesitate to raise with my straight friends: why is it that straight people tend to hate each other’s genitalia? This is a broad generalisation, of course, but on the whole most women do not like giving blow-jobs and men actually don’t like giving women oral sex. In the latter case, I think it’s partly disgust, and partly wanting to move from her pleasure to ‘real’ sex, i.e. getting his baster in. In the former case, it seems to be partly disgust, and partly women not wanting to demean themselves.

    A quote I read, concerning a French husband and father of, I think, circa 1900, had him amazed that a friend had wondered if his wife gave him blow-jobs. He said, in horror, ‘But that is the mouth that kisses my children to sleep.’ That clued me in to the fact that men view women who give them oral sex as demeaned. No ‘nice’ woman really wants to do it; if she wants to do it, she’s not ‘nice’. Have things changed since 1900?

    This is, I realise, a side point. The issue is the self-commodification of women, encouraged by books such as the one under discussion. To me, giving your man a blow job when you are busy and tired and want him to go away, but go away happy, is pretty much equal to making him a nice chicken salad sandwich to make him go away happy. The issue that it is somehow the woman’s duty to make him go away happy, and not his duty not to burden his wife with having to produce his happiness for him at a time when it would clearly be, not a gift of love, but a burden, for her.

  100. Anne

    Get a maid.

    She can see to the kids / housework.

    You enjoy the sex.

  101. maribelle

    Hedonistic: FYI I didn’t point out the fuckable discrepancy to embarass you or split hairs, but because I thought kiki made an good point. It was interesting how you used “fuckable” in quotes and he *’d the word–a small point but revealing.

    Caroc: Excellent point about the demeaning quality of bj’s. I believe the whole aspect of men demeaning women who “submit” to them sexually is based on self-loathing (ie he has tainted her with his foul sperm and putrid lust.)

    I also believe that anyone who thinks he has entered into a prostitution arrangement by taking sacred vows of marriage is someone to be helped and pitied, not hated. And the person who is truly to be pitied is his –er, the polite word is “wife”.

  102. Notmyfault

    Hedonistic, I just want to say thank you for being intelligent and articulate. I don’t cuss in person, so I’m uncomfortable typing cuss words. I was however using your reference. It’s obvious that the others have some serious issues. They seem to have an absolute hatred for men. It’s interesting that they want to attack from every possible angle. I’ll admit that I used some phrases to illicit a response. It worked. (better than I expected) I laugh at how easy it is to pull somebody’s chain, and watch them choke themselves trying to attack…..

  103. Marcin Tustin

    I rarely blame the patriarchy for a number of reasons, not just my own interests, but because I often find feminist analysis one-dimensional. I wholeheartedly agree with this post.

  104. maribelle

    They seem to have an absolute hatred for men. I’ll admit that I used some phrases to illicit a response. It
    worked.

    My aren’t you the clever little monkey. So you come here and claim all wives are prostitutes and then complain about a lack of polite conversation?

    Do you also go onto hispanic websites and say:

    “We’re white. Basically just big dumb animals. You want to take our jobs and welfare money. We want you to clean our toilets and park our cars. It’s a simple trade off. Deal with it.”

    And then when they get counter, you say “wow do these folks hate whites. I knew it.”

    I’ve got a great idea, Big Dumb Animal man. Go to the zoo and try with stategy in the lion’s cage.

    PS Wait until your self-described whore/wife finds out there are bigger, smarter animals on the plain that don’t treat her like a fuckhole. You’ll be cleaning your own cage.

  105. Notmyfault

    [[comment deleted on the grounds that it was in violation of the Tiresomely Argumentative Dude Rule]

  106. hedonistic

    HAHHH. You see, I’m not “like you other women.”

    (Nice try, notmyfault.)

  107. Vera Venom

    “It’s obvious that the others have some serious issues. They seem to have an absolute hatred for men.”

    Ah, that’s why I have a long term boyfriend, am close to my father and brothers and have almost exclusively male friends. Because I hate men.

    Actually, troll, I just hate morons.

    It was you who claimed men were big dumb animals. It was you who claimed that your wife is money hungry hooker. Thanks for the laughs. I love it when total morons think they “get” to you because they’re too stupid to know when they’ve been humiliated.

    Run along now, big dumb animal. I think you’ve shoved you foot all the way down your throat enough.

  108. Notmyfault

    [comment deleted on the grounds that it was in violation of the Tiresomely Argumentative Dude Rule]

  109. Notmyfault

    [Comment deleted on the grounds that it was in violation of the Your Deleting My Comment Proves That You Are Intolerant Of Dissenting Opinions rule]

  110. Vera Venom

    Intolerant of “dissenting opinions”? No.

    Intolerant of general stupidity and time-suckage? Yes

  111. Notmyfault

    [Comment approved to demonstrate the Parting Shot Hypothesis, which states that a quarrelsome, incontinent male commenter, when enjoined by a woman to put a sock in it for the sake of Truth and Beauty, is always compelled to publicly soil himself one last time, in a sulky tone and with ellipses harrowingly deployed. -- Twisty]

    I guess I heve been shunned. It is to be expected. After all this blog is meant to support the agenda of its creator. He/she can do what he/she wants. I apologize for actually having an opinion other than his/hers. Vera just proved my point …again. Feel free to delete this and make up some more self serving rule…….

  112. hedonistic

    We need to write a Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for dealing with (what feels like) the weekly Random Clueless Dude visitation, complete with Twisty’s aforementioned Rules. I think this one invoked them all in the proper order, yes?

  113. Vera Venom

    I must contest his assertion that I proved his point. I have to give credit where credit is due. It wasn’t me who proved his point that he is “big dumb animal”. He did that all on his own.

  114. Crystal

    ‘We were amazed when men used words like “reassurance,” “recognition,” and “connection.” We learned that sex is so much more to them than a physical act; it is also how they connect emotionally with their wives. They also talked about the “wheels coming off” and “the sky falling down” when they lost that connection. One guy called it “soul destroying” when he was rejected over and over again.’

    Yet the “five minute fix” solution seemed to them to be a perfectly viable solution to this aching lack of intimacy. Yeah, a quick blow really makes me feel connected to the person I’m with in a profound way. Perhaps “reassurance,” “recognition,” and “complete obeisance” would be a more appropriate description.

  115. kristina

    I didn’t bother reading the comments because this pisses me off waaaay too much… Giving head will change a marriage from the men’s pov???? are you FUCKING kidding me??? I “like” to give head to my husband and it doesn’t help shit (by the way, by like I mean offer enthusiastically, I know it’s not really feminist, but whatever masochistic tendencies I may have I really do thoroughly enjoy it)… I still do every bit around the house, still get treated like shit, get no praise except for the actual act and again…that fades in about 5 minutes along with the experience…so not only do I willingly degrade myself but I get shit on too??? Men are too fucking much…well if you do this I’ll change… if you give a little I might be inclined to give some…that seems to be the attitude…they don’t realize we’ve been giving so much that we’re about to fucking break…when we nag…guess what…evidence that we’re going to snap…un-fucking-believable…

  1. Feministe » Social Justice Round-Up

    [...] 2. Chris Clarke does a wonderful job of taking on the John Aravosis/Native American blog dust-up. I hope that this time around, Aravosis is paying attention to his progressive detractors. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to grasp how the Indian Mascot thing is offensive, no matter how supposedly tasteful the mascot’s dress and performance is. Chris makes the apt comparison to minstrel shows, which were justified as respectful nods to black culture. I’ll further point out that minstrel shows were part of a multi-pronged attempt to justify slavery (and then segregation) by portraying the Jim Crow character as a happy half-wit, part of the greater slave family of the Mammy happily serving her master, the gentle Uncle, the lazy Sambo who had to be kept in line, the wide-eyed pickaninnies (who were always getting eaten by tigers and alligators), and so on. Contrasted with the images of Zip Coon (the free black man trying to imitate white culture) and the scary black brutes who wreaked havoc and regressed to savagery without the benevolent guidance of whites, Jim Crow served as part of a wider strategy to justify racial oppression. The use of Native peoples as mascots does the same thing — it positions the Native, untamed by civilized whites, as an aggressive, war-like, threatening character. A mascot. Whose purpose has traditionally been to strike fear into the hearts of the team’s opponents, in addition to representing the institution itself. Mascots are scary animals, objects, and… “Indians.” And occasionally representatives of long-dead cultures which have been mythologized for their strength in war (i.e., th Spartans). The image of the savage war-mongering Indian has been long used in this country to justify ethnic genocide, cultural marginalization and ongoing oppression of Native peoples. Using that image for a sports team is unconscionable. 3. I hesitate to touch on anything which might re-flame the Great Blowjob Wars of 2006, but Twisty has a post up which, despite its requisite reference to funk-filled bratwurst (you can’t say she’s not funny), points out the pathetic role that sex plays in female identity. Married women in the UK are being told that the blow job may save their marriage — because it’s a quick way to please your husband without actually having to take your clothes off! The blow job, then, is “valuable” for time-starved and over-worked women. And of course, the men love it! What could be better than having a full-time wife who takes care of the kids, cleans the house, works outside of the home, and gets you off without even for a second thinking about her own desires, needs or pleasures? [...]

  2. The wait is over: mother’s job description formally elucidated by garment industry at I Blame The Patriarchy

    [...] Reader Asheesh sends along the above excellent footnote to our recent discussion on the nature of motherhood. Photo uploaded at Snabbstart.com. [...]

  3. Corpse Bride « Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    [...] I assure you that I have no wedding fantasies; I’ve already been married, I have already spawned, and I’m not repeating these stunts. I’ve already written about why I divorced my wonderful husband, about the “inner housewife”, about the commodification of female sexuality, about the hypocrisy of upper-middle-class married conservative women, about women as brood mares, marriage and career, houswork and consumer culture, and how to romance little old moi, but let me fog on about it a little bit more anyway, ’cause Twisty just critiqued a book about babyproofing your marriage and I’m apparently now up to my neck in bridal crap: Wife-mother is erroneously believed by the Babyproofing authors to be an actual human “driven by instinct and love.” Au contraire, snappy sexpert authors! Wife-mother is an idealized construct driven by the megatheocorporatocracy. [...]

  4. Directories Blog » Blog Archive » Beer.com - Other Crap

    [...] UK housewives: “Deep-throat to save the marriage!” at I Blame The … This process requires her to embrace bullshit ideologies and buy crap in the service of male culture … It is a gift men give to women. It’s not too difficult to see this if you just look at the … http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2007/02/17/uk-housewives-deep-throat-to-save-the-marriage/ [...]

  5. BOINKOLOGY | Anal Sex and Feminism, or How to Take It Up the Ass Without Getting Fucked

    [...] too many women have been giving up the vagina too easily, and even blow jobs are hackneyed now that housewives are writing mundane marriage manuals on the subject. “Regular” het sex just isn’t brutal or insulting enough anymore. There’s no [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>