I know how you all look forward to these close-ups of my fresh incisions.
Me: I always forget. How long does this stuff take to work?
Anesthesiologist [depressing syringe plunger]: You probably won’t even remember me saying th–
Me: What am I doing with this Taco Cabana taco wrapper in my hand? Why am I in your car? Man, it feels like somebody harpooned me in the collarbone. What’s that horrible smell?
My sibling Tidy: Dad-gum, how many times do I have to tell you this? You said you couldn’t wait to eat until you got home, and you ordered extra onions.