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May 03 2007

Cheery fuzzy lepidoptera storytime with Twisty

gulf_fritillary_wasp.jpg
T & B (Truth & Beauty) Overload: a paper wasp and a gulf fritillary discuss shoes on a confetti lantana bush. Polistes carolina and Agraulis vanillae incarnata, at the Twisty Compound, Lepidoptera Department, May 2007.

The denizens of the Twisty Bungalow, among them I, Bert, and the above-pictured hexapods, are cautiously optimistic concerning the continued existence of our venerable confederate, the dog Zippy. You may recall (if yours is a memory that may bound across so vast a temporal abyss) that when last I posted, Zippy was suffering a life-threatening gastric dilatation volvulus (a.k.a. “bloat,” or “tortures of the damned”). I am pleased to report that, following emergency surgery to de-flip her stomach and sew it to her abdominal wall, she is expected to pull through. Although I consider her expression to be somewhat hangdog, she nevertheless nibbles on risotto (my convalescent dog recipe: combine water, arborio rice, skinless chicken. Boil.) and wags a diffident tail, much like her former self.

Man, a sick animal always puts me in a melancholic humor, but this episode with Zippy, who is my favorite person of all time, really had me zipped up in the funk-bag for a while.

So thanks for all the good vibes.

I am also delighted, as the unintended result of my parting words “please discuss shoes,” to have become acquainted with the dimensions of so many commenters’ feet. What an unexpected pleasure! Not to mention the wealth of foot-related information, such as that Crocs are ugly, and a method by which one may “elegantly cover unsightly evidence of toenail fungus.” Fie upon all who would dismiss I Blame the Patriarchy as a single-issue blog.

111 comments

  1. teffie-phd

    Nice to hear Zippy is doing well.

    I’m rather glad I didn’t stay for the shoe discussion.

  2. LMYC

    Puppy happy yay! \o/

    Give her a fat smoochie from me.

  3. Orange

    Love your writing, your blooming lantana bush, and your cautiously good news about Ms. Zippy.

  4. kcb

    I’ve been waiting for some good Zippy news. Fingers crossed for an easy recovery.

  5. BubbasNightmare

    As was mentioned before, I’d be curious as to what happens the next time TF is called away and calls for an open discussion of, say, the best kind of lettuce.

    Good news about Zippy, and hopes for continued convalescence.

  6. julia

    hope zippy is zipping around soon. i went home and gave my cats extra snuggles yesterday after reading. i love my kitties; sometimes they deign to love me!

    i became a bit overwhelmed by the shoe discussion. but it was interesting while *i* lasted!

  7. Twisty

    Blamers are strongly opinionated on the subject of lettuce.

  8. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    My favorite dog-comfort-food recipe includes rice, cooked ground meat (the fancy low-fat kind) which is drained, then rinsed in boiling water to further de-grease it, and a smidge of cottage cheese. It’s also been known to lure recuperating cats back to Ye Olde Food Dish.

    Poor Zippy. Here’s hoping she’s soon up & running with her former wild abandon. Stroke her head and tell her she’s a purty gurl (this always makes my dog smile & wag her tail).

    I got up extra early this morning to paint my toenails green so’s I could wear my favorite Doc Martens sandals in honor of all who participated in Discuss Shoes.

  9. Spinning Liz

    I’m SO relieved about Zippy. I’ll be sending her the get-well gift of every dog’s dreams: an entire week’s worth of stinky rotten garbage! Check the mail.

  10. Varnish Eater

    What a gorgeous photo!

    I’m so glad Zippy is expected to make it.

  11. Sylvanite

    Yay to doggy recovery!

  12. TinaH

    Hooray for Zippy!

  13. S-kat

    Yipee for Zippy!

    I nearly lost my kitty last fall so I know all about being “zipped up in the funk-bag” worried about the beloved pet as, I’m sure, we all do.

    Cheers to the successful operation and a solid recovery!

  14. Tigs

    True Story! Yay for healthy dogs!
    My friend’s cat Owen needed emergency surgery a while back because his intestines were tied in knots.
    After the surgery the vet gave her a plastic medical waste bag with what they had pulled out which included:
    several hair elastics
    a length of ribbon at least 2 feet long
    some of those plastic things from around the neck of bottles
    and a section of a forever21 bag with the forever21 emblazoned on it still readable.
    Owen, now several years older and fatter is fine.

  15. Chris Clarke

    Man, a sick animal always puts me in a melancholic humor, but this episode with Zippy, who is my favorite person of all time, really had me zipped up in the funk-bag for a while.

    Can’t imagine what that’s like.

    What is it about them Z-dogs, anyway?

  16. kanea

    glad to hear you’re dog is better! nothing is more nerve racking than your dog having surgery (well maybe one’s own surgery is). its good to hear she’s doing (is zippy a girl or a boy?) well especially since she’s 13 years old. (that’s rather old for a dog especially since she’s not small or a toy dog). its amazing how much we talked about shoes….you have some amazing ablities twisty…get people you’ve never even met to talk about a subject that you pick off the top of your head and they just obey with out objection. were you aware of this ablity? ^_^?

  17. alphabitch

    yay Zippy! A smooch to the pooch. My beloved Kuba always liked a bit of pumpkin puree along with her lamb and risotto. Vet recommended it on account of antioxidants or some such. But she thought it was great.

    PS – pretty picture.

  18. CannibalFemme

    Yay for Zippy health! Such a beautiful dog. So glad that the two of you get to soldier onwards together!

  19. schatze

    Such good news for Miz Zippy. I,too swear by “Puppy Casserole”: boiled lean ground meat,rice and cottage cheese. My recipe was for equal portions of that holy trinity and I sometimes just fry off the meat because boiled meat smells yukky. It has cured what ailed several generations of dogs in my family anytime tummy troubles appeared. I hope the Zipster continues to improve by leaps and bounds and has no more twisting.
    Sorry to have no shoe input, I didn’t get the shoe gene.

  20. kathy a

    hooray for zippy! buddy and cora evidently heard the good news via the worldwide dog network (remember that scene from 101 dalmations?), and they have been digging a celebratory hole in the yard.

    kanea, it is well-known that women’s shoes are favorite tools of the patriarchy. this crowd also has opinions on stupid little handbags, pink ribbon fetishes, and free thong underwear, as well as lettuce and the comparative merits of obscure rest rooms. i’m pretty sure we could work up a lively discussion about the correct fencing for one’s yard, the world’s best ice cream, or zits during menopause.

  21. NicoleGW

    So glad to hear that things are looking up for Zippy. I don’t know what animals think they’re doing, going and getting sick or injured. They really ought to have more consideration for their humans’ sanity.

  22. thebewilderness

    I know the funk bag of which you speak. I’m glad you are both on the road to recovery.

  23. Tricia

    Thank you for the update on Zippy. I hope she, and you, continue to do at least as well as could be expected, and FSM willing, a miraculous recovery.

  24. Twisty

    Zits during menopause? Don’t get me started!

    Signed,
    Pizzaface

  25. anne

    I am SO GLAD to hear about Zippy’s cautious recovery. There is nothing like an animal as a friend. Dogs, cats, horses, sheep, birds, etc. They’re pretty much all better than human companionship on a case by case basis.

    You will be in my thoughts, once again.

  26. virgotex

    Huzzah!

    Cheers to Zippy and her continuing health.

    I am now seriously jonesing for chicken risotto, however…

  27. jenevieve

    Glad to see that Zippy’s on the mend. Volvulus sucks.

  28. Bird

    Yay Zippy! Sending good wishes and good ear scritches her way.

  29. Hawise

    Good news about Zippy, hope she is bothering Bert in no time.

  30. lawbitch

    Smooches for Zippy! Glad that she’s able to eat again.

  31. Laura

    Yay Zippy! I just had surgery too (boob removal, though, not tummy knot removal) – we can be recovery buddies! Sending my best wishes that she feels better, stat.

  32. Heraclitus (Jeff)

    Huzzah, Zippy! And that is a really impressive shot at the top, Twisty.

  33. yankee transplant

    Excellent dog news. And conversation on this blog? Nothing, if not varied. And vehement.

  34. kathy a

    best to you, laura, in your recovery.

  35. Rumblelizard

    Glad to hear Zippy’s on the mend! Scritches to her, little cutie that she is. Also, 9 West Cloud Nine shoes are my summer shoes of choice. Nice!

  36. goblinbee

    kathy a: …”the world’s best ice cream…”

    Ben & Jerry’s “Coconut Almond Fudge Chip.” Except, they don’t seem to make it anymore.

  37. Joanna

    What great news about Zippy! I have an image of her trying to wave her tail. Give her some ear scritches from me.
    Laura, I hope you’re comfortable and have folks taking care of you.

  38. Orange

    Spike-heeled shoes are the endive of footwear.

  39. kanea

    kathy a,
    “kanea, it is well-known that women’s shoes are favorite tools of the patriarchy. this crowd also has opinions on stupid little handbags, pink ribbon fetishes, and free thong underwear, as well as lettuce and the comparative merits of obscure rest rooms. i’m pretty sure we could work up a lively discussion about the correct fencing for one’s yard, the world’s best ice cream, or zits during menopause.”

    I was just being silly about the shoe conversation. it’s not suprising that the shoe conversation was what it was. this is a blog,a feminist blog, and like you said shoes are a tool of patriarchy, it just amused me that twisty said talk about shoes and everyone did. uh….I can’t tell if your scolding me for my comment or just adding in. I hate text sometimes.

  40. kathy a

    no worries, kanea. i come here for general entertainment, along with the patriarchy-blaming entree of the day. although i once scolded this person whose basic theme was: “you ladies should be nicer to excellent porn-loving really smart feminist dudes like me, or else you’ll drive us off, and then where will you be?”

    ice cream: mint chip cures all ills. but i haven’t had any in a long while. do you think it might cure my stress zits?

  41. Boudicca

    I send deep ear-pit massage to Ms. Zippy, and Faith the greyhound sends a message of encouragement. At least that’s what I assume the sound “hrrroink” means.

  42. mearl

    Happy to hear that Zippy rocks on. The eldest of my two hairy children is going in for surgery next week on a benign tumour, and I am agonising with worry. Maybe the healthy pet vibes will shine upon Winnipeg as they have on Austin.

  43. Twisty

    Welcome to the club, Laura. Ours is a burgeoning minority, thanks to patriarchy.

    And to Mearl: Chin up, old girl. The worry is the worst part. I speak as the veteran of 8 (or is it 9?) surgeries. These days I just show up at the hospital once every 2 or 3 months, out of habit.

  44. Mar Iguana

    So happy to hear Zippy’s doing well. Will she now have a zipper-like scar? Zippy’s zipper?

  45. kate

    I didn’t put my best wishes for the zipster on my boot commentary, but lest it seem I didn’t care, I am here to say I did and I am glad the zip is getting her zip back.

    As for posts and comments I think the assembled intelligencia could pontificate on nearly anything, especially since the patriarchy is wrapped up in nearly everything. According to my fav customer, a veternarian, the patriarchy is pretty wrapped up in that line of work as well.

  46. EN

    I’m so glad to hear some good news about Zippy! I send her ear rubs.
    I nearly lost my kitty a couple years ago, and her recovery food recipe was basically the same (though I think she got basmati rice, and some vegetable bouillion). I’ve been vegetarian for many years, and while she is sometimes interested in my food, she doesn’t usually care one way or the other what I make. Fixing this for her, though, as soon as the chicken smell got going, she looked at me with these huge, shocked eyes that said, “I had no idea you actually knew how to cook!”

  47. Ron Sullivan

    When you overdose on stress so much that the hot flashes come back, so do the zits. Just warnin’.

    However — Good for Zippy!

  48. dryxi

    Ah, good news for Zippy, and for you! I bet she’ll love that meal!

    kanea: “its good to hear she’s doing (is zippy a girl or a boy?) well especially since she’s 13 years old.”

    My first reaction was along the lines of “Oh no, Zippy is a she. Here we go with the he vs. she assumptions.” (This is due to an innate fear of confrontation, either in person or vicariously, not as a reaction to the arguments against labeling people as “he”s if they get it right and “she”s if they get it wrong.) Then I realized: Zippy is a dog. People love girl dogs, people love boy dogs. It really doesn’t matter if Zippy is a she or a he. It isn’t wrong to ask, it isn’t wrong to assume incorrectly – that’s just a minor annoyance if the furry child belongs to you. Which is how it should be for all species. I hope that made sense.

    “Spike-heeled shoes are the endive of footwear.”

    Hey what’s that supposed to mean!

  49. Sara

    Oh, hurrah for Zippy! I do hope the upward trend continues.

  50. Foilwoman

    It’s wonderful that Zippy the Wonderdog is on the mend.

  51. MzNicky

    So glad to hear Zippy is recuperating nicely.

  52. MzNicky

    Oh, and another thing, MzTwisty: Could you possibly consider giving us vegetarian blamers a new welcoming image other than that hunka hunka fried-up sentient-being flesh slathered in flour-thickened sentient-being-fat sauce? I mean, damn, that’s almost as offensive as a Chippendale dancer’s thong. And I speak as a Southerner.

  53. Sunny

    I’m so happy Zippy is doing well. These things have ended ugly before, sometimes in my company. I am glad she turned out better.

    Shoes are such a gendered item that I avoid them when possible. I prefer to talk about dogs.

  54. Sarah Z

    I like the gravy banner photo. I do come here for the patriarchy-blaming, but I stay for the food tangents. By the way, has the frisée thread been formally reopened (as Twisty hinted at upthread)? I may have an opinion about cilantro that belongs there and needs hearing.

    More seriously, congratulations on Zippy’s improving health.

  55. Catherine Martell

    Best wishes and positive vibes of the most intense sort to Laura, Zippy, mearl’s elder pet, and the hexapods should they require it.

    goblinbee:

    Ben & Jerry’s “Coconut Almond Fudge Chip.” Except, they don’t seem to make it anymore.

    Since we’re at it, I also blame the patriarchy for that. And for the inexplicable disappearance of Haagen-Dazs Cookie Dough Dynamo. The B&J version just isn’t the same.

    I found the shoe discussion unexpectedly impressive. Having minimal interest in said objects myself, I was nonetheless enheartened, as I so often am here, by the diverse range of opinions, clear-eyed awareness of the patriarchal politics of footwear, concern for the welfare of manufacturing workers and possible abuses of the same, and constructive interest in fair trade. We’re all brilliant.

    And, if we’re doing lettuce next, I would like to deplore the lettuce-farming industry’s treatment of its workers, point out that eating tons of something with no nutritional value is environmentally questionable, and assert that lollo rosso tastes of dishwater.

  56. Helen

    As the owner of a Zippy lookalike, I find that recipe very interesting (the mince rice cottage cheese). I’m filing it away under “remember later?. You know, in case. I’ve only owned three dogs, and they’ve all been complete greedyguts to the end. This balloon-animal phenomenon sounds scary.

  57. Sylvanite

    I hear ya, Catherine Martell. What the hell is the point of iceberg lettuce? I can’t abide it, and the fact it has no real nutritional value (not even appreciable fiber content, it seems) makes me wonder why I keep having to face it. At least things aren’t as bad as they used to be. When I was a kid there was no such thing as a “spring mix” and spinach salad was a rare delicacy, always slathered in a bacon dressing. “Salad” pretty much meant a mix of iceberg lettuce, raw onions (bleah) and raw tomato slices, drenched in some fatty something-or-other to void whatever health benefits the salad actually had.

    Of course, I’m sure I’ve just stepped on the toes of anyone who really likes that sort of salad. And, of course, every lover of bleu cheese dressing.

  58. julia

    how did we morph into ice cream? but while we’re here, the best, a childhood fave and still, is neilson’s black cherry (yea for canadian dairies!). fond memories of the HUGE cone for a quarter in the parkhill variety in peterborough ontario. and trying to keep all the cherries in one cheek before being scolded to swallow them – ‘what would the queen say?!’ my mum would ask.

    kate, i totally agree regarding the assembled intelligencia!

    pats on the head to zippy.

  59. delphyne

    Glad to hear Zippy the dog is on the mend, Twisty.

  60. Frumious B

    the world’s best ice cream

    Dove ice cream, any flavor. It has a layer of chocolate ganache on top. mmmmmm. If you can’t find it in the grocery store, check the convenience store.

  61. B. Dagger Lee

    Zippy running bears a resemblance to an old dog of mine, Douglas Funbody, aka “the Bullet Pig,” for his running style. He went into the big mysterious void at the age of eight, not long after Sept. 11.

    The Animal Medical Center is a veterinary teaching hospital here in NYC, open 24/7 and just a frantic, 2AM cab-ride away. It’s a miserable glorious place where on the same night I saw four people in a rugby scrum rush a pug with an oxygen mask on through the waiting room (apparently there is an animal ambulance service here), and a Jordin Sparks-like giantess (but not as giant as me) pull a ferret out of her bosom and stand weeping and cradling the long scrap of panting fur.

    It’s traditional to speed up on the ring roads around Manhattan so as to keep people terrified of driving into Manhattan and many’s the time I’ve been hurtling down the FDR Drive at a terrific pace and turned my head to see into the very exam room at the Animal Medical Center where Doug died.

    As I’ve been saying to Miss Patsy for the last three years as her ancient poodle tramps over us all night long and pees on his feet: After 12 years, every day is frosting and gravy my dear, frosting and gravy.

    Congratulations on more frosting and gravy.

    yrs, B. Dagger Lee

  62. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Sylvanite, you truly echo my feelings about iceberg lettuce. It’s pretty much just cellulose and water. Makes me burp deafeningly and uncontrollably (TMI, I know). And raddichio can be hella bitter. The spring mix stuff gets swampy if you don’t eat it all.

    I like me some romaine. Butter lettuce is yummy too. Spinach is good with mandarin orange, strawberries & sliced almonds. It took me the longest time to figure out that salad could be combination of greens, raw veggies, nuts, seeds, herbs, fungus, fruit and whatever else I fancied, with or without dressing.

    I think you could throw out any topic here from elephant dung to the music of the spheres and discover that Blamers have very firmly established opinions about it. At the very least, they’d have some highly amusing stories to tell about it, with little or no inhibition. That’s why I love this blog.

  63. lawbitch

    I’ve got a 15 year old cat. She eats baby food (Gerber 2 chicken) and sleeps on my pillow all day. Deinitely frosting and gravy. I will miss her terribly when she’s gone. With 2 dogs and one more cat, chez lawbitch will still have a healthy pet population, though.

  64. lawbitch

    “deinitely”?!?! LOL! More COFFEE needed.

  65. kathy a

    lawbitch, i have a cat of delicate intestinal composition, and he eats gerber turkey plus baby rice cereal. he would prefer the dry food the other cats get to eat, but we had something of a public hygeine crisis until we hit on the baby food diet. the duke of earl had a massive infection when he was rescued as a kitten — stunted his growth, left him blind, etc. — he is without question the most joyful creature on earth, has no idea he is disabled.

  66. CannibalFemme

    Goblinbee, on Coconut Almond Fudge Chip: oh hell fuzzy yes. And I am *furious* that I can’t get it anymore! Grrrr! I’ve asked for an ice-cream maker for my birthday, so’s I can roll my own, so to speak. Which might actually work out, as my only complaint about that particular divine confection was that it was just a touch too sweet. Here’s hoping.

    B. Dagger Lee: I adore you so much it hurts. Yay and ow. And yay.

  67. BubbasNightmare

    MzNicky:
    “Could you possibly consider giving us vegetarian blamers a new welcoming image other than that hunka hunka fried-up sentient-being flesh slathered in flour-thickened sentient-being-fat sauce?”

    I for one really like fried-up sentient-being flesh, and I especially like flour-thickened sentient-being-fat sauce. (Waistline issues keep me from enjoying them even more.)

    But then I’m a rabid non-vegetarian.

  68. Varnish Eater

    As far as the header is concerned, it appeals to my sense of irony to view a pornographic image every time I come to this site.

    And as far as ice cream is concerned, I have only one thing to say:

    Ciao Bella blood orange gelato eaten concurrently with a bar of very dark chocolate.

  69. MzNicky

    BubbasNightmare: I was thinking of something along the lines of a nice grilled tofu on a bed of fresh spinach leaves with Thai peanut sauce on the side. Or perhaps a slice of lemon meringue pie. Not pie on spinach leaves, just on a plate. Perhaps a black & white patterned plate. I think I want to be a food stylist.

  70. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    So happy to hear about ze Zipster.

    Cheers to Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia!

    Down with iceberg lettuce, worker exploitation, frisee and teeny purses!

    Meanwhile, I have extremely strong opinions on the best way to clean up cat barf. We may discuss this at your leisure.

  71. Bird

    I found out last year that I am both lactose and gluten intolerant, so dessert has become a bleak affair. I am eternally grateful for the existence of Lactaid pills, since they allow me to indulge from time to time in strawberry ice cream (made with real strawberries) with large dollops of chocolate sauce. The rest of the time, dairy-free gelato (in lemon or blood orange particularly) is a wonderful thing.

    As for salad, I like all those odd greens. Iceberg lettuce is an abomination that has no place on my plate. My favorite salad lately is a good, homemade tabouli (I use quinoa instead of the bulgur).

    I also adore cilantro—a good rice-wrapped salad roll with lots of cilantro and a nice spicy peanut sauce is a delightful thing.

  72. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Bird: Me too on the gluten/dairy!!!! However, I’ve discovered (as so many other celiacs have) that if you go a few years without gluten and dairy, that dairy will no longer be as bothersome. I waited at least two years before reintroducing dairy into my life, in small, high-quality, and mostly organic amounts. Plus, I’m almost sugar-free these days, so ice cream is mostly out of the question for me. So far, so good!

    Actually, I haven’t had my Cherry Garcia in – yup – two years. My favorite wheat-free dessert is the flourless chocolate torte they serve at PF Chang’s (chain restaurant), which has a gluten-free menu!

  73. Sara

    Oh, BDL, that was wonderful. Thank you.

  74. Bird

    HPS, nice to know I’m not alone. I’m Canadian. No P.F. Chang’s for me. But there are two excellent gluten-free bakeries in my city, and I’ve discovered a pizza place that has gluten-free crusts and delivers! My favorite Italian place also offers rice pasta, and they’ll allow you to sub non-dairy sauces.

    I find I can eat hard cheeses and yogurt relatively easily, and milk products that have been cooked past a certain point, like set custards, seem to be okay. So crème caramel and crème brulée are still on the menu, for which I am eternally grateful.

    But if I go to one more event and end up with a fruit plate for dessert, I think I might throw a temper tantrum—howling, kicking and beating the floor included.

  75. Twisty

    But MzNicky, the bannner image is intended to represent the gross excesses of patriarchy. I mean, it’s supposed to make you queasy. I’m told it has the desired effect even on carnivores.

  76. MzNicky

    Iceburg lettuce has a place on my sandwiches. Limpy leaf lettuce just doesn’t give that wonderful crunch. Also, a wedge of iceburg lettuce with walnuts and sun-dried tomatoes slathered with blue cheese dressing is sheer heaven. Some would add bacon bits, but that would be wrong.

  77. MzNicky

    Hedonistic Pleasureseeker: Please please share your cat-barf-cleanup advice! My son just moved back home and brought his three cats with him. His and mine seem to be going for cat-vomiting records to see which one can race into a carpeted room and barf first. And it’s always either green from their nibbling at my plants or tinged with Red Dye No. 2 or whatever that is cat-food manufacturers use to make the stuff resemble meat. Or whatever. Sorry to be so disgusting. My carpets are teh gross!

  78. kanea

    “no worries, kanea. i come here for general entertainment, along with the patriarchy-blaming entree of the day. although i once scolded this person whose basic theme was: “you ladies should be nicer to excellent porn-loving really smart feminist dudes like me, or else you’ll drive us off, and then where will you be?”

    good. I wasn’t sure if you were just adding into the conversation or didn’t get what I said was silliness…or it was a bad joke and I’m an idoit. I too who scold the porn loving feminist dude. and it’s obvious we’d be alot happier when we finnally drive off the porn loving dudes. also dudes who say they love porn and also say their feminists or pro women tend to just be saying that in the hopes that they’ll seem sensitive, see more naked women, or they think that female liberation somehow means that men will get laid more.

  79. Joanna

    I must resist the temptation to connect the banner image with cleaning up cat barf.

  80. kathy a

    i wish the local cat barf looked as good as the banner image. and alas, it was not the barfing end of a cat that led us to the baby food diet.

    and how does this relate to the patriarchy? well, i harbor deep suspicions that mr. feminist empornful dude would feel much less sex-aaayyy if he was on the clean-up end of life’s biological disasters and annoyances. a dude scrubbing poop and sanitizing the environs may be thinking dark thoughts about whomever else he believes is more worthy of the task, but he is less likely to be thinking, “hey! porn is great and empowerful! how come chicks don’t love it?”

    is it any mystery why i wonder if ben and jerry’s new york fudge chunk is still available? or if baskin-robins mint chip will still cure anything?

  81. MzNicky

    the banner image is intended to represent the gross excesses of patriarchy. I mean, it’s supposed to make you queasy.

    Oh. Okay then. Uh, mission accomplished.

  82. slythwolf

    I’m glad Zippy’s surgery went well. I’m sure her good attitude about it bodes well for her recovery. Am continuing to send good vibes in case that sort of thing helps.

  83. Sylvanite

    You have a good point, kathy a. Could it be that men’s love of porn is due in part to not having enough to really occupy them? Idle hands are the devil’s playthings, after all.

  84. mustelid

    Ear rubs and kisses to Zippy! And may her recovery be easy and fast.

  85. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    OK, to all who care!

    1. If you are lucky enough to be in the vicinity when you hear that “glug glug” sound, do what you can to coax Fluffycat to a harder/darker surface than your white carpet.

    2. Should you not get to Fluffy in time, SOFTLY pick up/wipe up the barf IMMEDIATELY with a doubled-up PAPER towel (not a washcloth, not toilet paper, not kleenex, unless you like cat barf oozing on to your fingers). This will minimize the staining, which is always very bad.

    3. SOFTLY blot off as much moisture that you can with a paper towel. DO NOT RUB YET.

    4. Here is the important step I didn’t know about for a good 10 years: Dampen a wash cloth and squeeze a little bit of dish soap on it. Use it to scrub away at the spot for about a minute. Don’t use too much soap.

    4. Pour some enzyme cleaner on the spot. You can find enzyme cleaner in almost any shopping center that has a pet supplies aisle; it’s usually on the bottom shelf in a half gallon or gallon jug. Don’t buy an enzyme cleaner you need to mix before you use it (because it’s annoying). Go do something else and let it sit for awhile. It won’t bleach out the stain, but it will neutralize and break up the barf. NOTE: This works on cat pee/poo too!

    5. BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL about commercial carpet stain removers and “oxy” type cleaning solutions. Some of them will bleach your carpet if it’s not colorfast! Test in an inconspicuous place first! I’ve had satisfactory experiences with RESOLVE (red bottle, supermarket). Right now I also have Bissell’s OxyGen2 cleaner for my white carpet and the Hoover Pet Stain and Odor Remover for everything else. Those last two may be found wherever vacuum cleaners are sold.

    6. The last resort for a white or off-white synthetic and colorfast carpet? Plain old household bleach.

    7. I learned this from the owner of a pet shelter: Mix a couple of smooth, clean river stones in your cat’s food dish. Enough to make Fluffycat GLARE at you, like WTF is in my bowl? S/he’ll get used to it. S/he’ll need to carefully pick around the stones to get at the kibble (dry stains less than wet food), and will eat more slowly, and barf less often.

    8. Don’t buy highly-colored cat food. Try chicken and rice; it’s nicer on their tummies anyway.

    Back to the Kitty Barfarama,
    HPS

  86. Twisty

    Nature’s Miracle, from Petmart, makes both stain remover and chowder-powder. It’s stupid expensive, but it gets the puke out.

  87. MzNicky

    Well, thanks HPS and Twisty. Damn. I was hoping for something a little less expensive and labor-intensive. Something along the lines of, bring on the dogs and see if they’ll eat it. As I’m lazy and cheap, I’ll probably just wait til things are beyond repulsive and recarpet. Or put down hardwood. Yeah, hardwood, I think. Maybe concrete, with a big drain in the middle of the floor. That way I could just hose everything down.

    Plus, my cats are so DUMB they’d probably eat the damn rocks. I know the dawgs would.

  88. stekatz

    I missed all this worry about Zippy. Glad she’s doing well and enjoying her rissotto. I hope she continues to do well.

    Best Wishes Zippy!

    And between my 19 year old cat with a puking fetish and my crazy German Shorthair with urninary calculi, if it wasn’t for Nature’s Miracle I wouldn’t have pets.

  89. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Ah, that’s why you use the ones that are too big to swallow!

    The lazy woman’s guide to cleaning up cat barf:

    1. Get rid of the carpet and if there are no hardwood floors underneath, put down (treated, nonslip) tile or laminate.

    2. If you can’t get rid of your carpet and Fluffycat barfs on it, let it dry for a week and then run over it with the vacuum cleaner.

  90. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Nature’s Miracle was the first enzyme cleaner I ever tried, but I had to buy it from my local vet as the Petsmart is too far away. Wayyyyy stupid-expensive. That’s why I buy the knockoff brands at Target.

  91. bitchphd

    Yay Zippy.

  92. roamaround

    So glad Zippy is feeling better! Me, my constipated ten-year-old cat and my happy puppy send tail wags.

    Post-shoes, could we address the high prices and snake-oil salesmanship of vets nowadays? Par example, why would I spend five hundred dollars to get my Turkish cat’s teeth cleaned when the (human) immigrant children I teach can’t get decent dental care?

    My beloved cat has had ten years of frosting and gravy, but the vet insists on mo’ money. Something is wrong with the world order.

  93. goblinbee

    CannibalFemme: “Coconut Almond Fudge Chip…my only complaint about that particular divine confection was that it was just a touch too sweet.”

    I’ve wondered about this too (“hmmm…most ice cream is sweet to the 30th power, but am I detecting the 31st or 32nd power here?). I, too, have started making my own ice cream. I make a very simple vanilla, then put a berry medley concoction on top. Oishii!

  94. CannibalFemme

    Ooooh, Goblinbee: awesome, I can’t wait to try that! The closest I’ve gotten to that is each Fall season when I buy pomegranates, dissect and seed them while blasting Joan Armatrading on the stereo (I have utterly no idea why she is the Voice of the Pomegranate for me, but she is, just like Joni Mitchell is the Voice of Making Bread), then squeeze the seeds for juice and pour it over a honey-vanilla or vanilla-bean ice cream. With no sugar added to it, pomegranate juice is *perfect* to cut excessive sweetness. Yum!

    Many thanks for sharing your sweetness-tempering savvy.

  95. goblinbee

    CannibalFemme, how DOES one squeeze pomegranate seeds for juice–I’ve always wondered. My mom has a tree and I’m a huge fan (she sent me 60 lbs. of pomegranates this year), but I’ve never done anything with them but eat them fresh or give them away. I would LOVE to eat them in juice form over ice cream.

  96. lightly

    Glad to hear the happy news for you and Zippy.

    A couple of years ago I got the inspired idea to combine necessity (needed a second job) with my own wishes (spending time with dogs). The result is that I now work weekends at a kennel.

    Insofar as you have the time or energy, I recommend working with dogs in any capacity, from fosterings to rescue.

    What a blessing for those of us who gave up on humans long ago.

  97. CannibalFemme

    Goblinbee, I hope this provides you with as much amusement as it does me: the first step for me in the seasonal process of pomegranate juicing is to call up my femmiest friends and beg from them a stocking or pair of pantyhose. I refuse to buy any myself, but I’m happy to trade fresh pom juice for one. Seeds go into the stocking (the *clean* stocking, needless to say), put in large-mouth jug, squeeze mercilessly and ruthlessly until both hands are covered with vitamin-packed gore.

    It’s like popping bubble wrap. Insidious and compelling.

  98. mearl

    Oh, this made me throw back my head in hideous laughter. Hairy Child the Younger is a hurl machine. In the past I have had to empty half a bottle of Nature’s Miracle into a washload of clothes after he threw down some bodacious hurl action on my CLEAN LAUNDRY BASKET. HPS covered all my bases on the subject of cat barf intervention, but I can also recommend running as fast as you can when you hear the ominous “glug glug” sound, paper towel in hand, throwing yourself towards the heaving cat like you are stealing third, and sliding the paper towel down just before the barf hits. It CAN be done. I’ve even done it from a dead sleep.

  99. MzNicky

    mearl: Why?

  100. kathy a

    most of the barf action chez nous is all hacking, with the occasional wad of slime, furball, or recently ingested cat food. big whoop. it is the other end of a poorly digesting cat that one needs to worry about; the grossness with no sound-track. chicken and rice, sisters and brothers, as the chorus has sung.

    and mint chip ice cream for the cleanup crew.

  101. BubbasNightmare

    A late entry to the cat barf cleaning Secrets of the Universe:

    Depending upon the dye composition of the food, lots of plain club soda, easily blotted in, will take out about 80% of all such stains. As HPS mentions, DO NOT RUB IN.

  102. hedonistic

    Once upon a few years ago my McKenzie (lawd rest his furry soul) stood over my head (on my bed) and tried to hurl on my face while I was sleeping. The glug-glug sound woke me up, and I was able to catch it in my hand at the very last second.

  103. LouisaMayAlcott

    OK, Hedonistic, you take the trophy.

    This is a story to passed from dog-owner to dog-owner around the planet, starting with my daughter.

    Thanks!

  104. mearl

    MzNicky: so you don’t have to clean anything!

  105. MzNicky

    “running as fast as you can”? “throwing yourself towards the heaving cat like you are stealing third”?

    Sorry, mearl! It’d take more than fear of cat barf to rouse me from a “dead sleep,” let alone run fast or throw myself at something.

  106. hedonistic

    I have another suggestion for those of you in a position to re-do your floor coverings: Whatever you decide to go with, make it the color of your pet’s fur. Or, the color of cat barf (gold? brown? terra cotta? Meow Mix colored tiles?). Multi-colored-pet problem? Pick a design. Pets always coordinate well with one another, so voila: There’s your color scheme! Now you need to clean only half as often.

  107. kathy a

    oh, i’m dyin’ over here, hedonistic! we actually do choose carpet for what is least likely to show the detrius of life. but the best choice ever was our kitchen counter, a blue corian fake stoney thing that we chose so it wouldn’t show ants. and by god, it doesn’t. the counter is the single most effective non-poison solution to the “oh, hell, the ants are back” problem ever.

  108. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Louisa/kathy a: Thanks (smiley emoticon). My attempts at amusement over here is my way of avoiding the “Vile” thread, because I don’t want to spend the rest my day sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth.

  109. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Yes, HPS, I wholeheartedly agree that cat barf and the means of eradicating it is preferable reading before breakfast compared to the “Vile” thread. And I ain’t all that dainty.

    I wait until it’s dry, then vacuum it up. Any remaining stains can be removed with a mix of peroxide & water. If your mother-in-law will be visiting before the barf-pile dries, pick up the solid portion with a paper towel and then apply the peroxide & water solution.

    My two don’t hurl that often (I think anything that gets past Blue’s gullet is his to keep), but when they do, this usually works. And the dog only barfs when she drinks too much water too quickly, so that’s ordinarily just foamy stuff that can be blotted up with the aforementioned paper towel.

  110. mearl

    MzNicky: I once read a quote from the wisdom of Gavin de Becker, which tells us that “Human beings will go to greater lengths to avoid pain than they will to seek pleasure.” I hate cleaning up cat hurl so much that to interrupt my sleep in order to perform an astonishing act of acrobatics and thus effectively stem the flow of hurl from HCTY is the lesser of two evils. I see your point, though, totally.

  111. mearl

    Shit, I meant “WHO tells us that”

    I’m off to pick up Hairy Child the Elder from the vet now. A large taco to all y’all.

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