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May 10 2007

Ratzi a-go-go

grackle_jos.jpg
Pope Ratzi’s sinister familiar keeps an eye on me 24/7.

Speaking of creepy beanie-headed woman-hating mystics, Pope Ratzi is currently evangelizing in Brazil, where he has reiterated to thunderous applause his support for compulsory pregnancy and the uninterrupted practice of Catholic doctrine defining women as meat envelopes.

His remarks come in the wake of groundbreaking revolutionary doin’s in Mexico City, where (in an act particularly poignant to the American feminist who has just watched the Supremes ban the ‘partial birth abortion’), last month a woman’s right to control the contents of her own uterus was decriminalized. It goes without saying that Catholic gasbags have condemned to enternal damnation the legislators who voted for this long-overdue reform. Ratzi, en route to Brazil, pronounced as much from the Papal Plane. I can’t imagine why anybody would care if this douchebag booted’em from the Hate Club — my personal reaction to such news would be to throw a houseboat party — but apparently excommunication is a big deal in some circles.

Wherever legislation strips women of their personal bodily sovereignty and claims state ownership of women’s personal uteruses, there lurks in the shadows a pusillanimous cadre of sinister godbags putting the thumbscrews to the politicians. Brazil is no exception. Thanks to pressure from influential Catholic misogynists, compulsory pregnancy is already the law of the land there, which means, as it always does, not that abortions cease, but that abortions are performed by backalley butchers.

Naturally this butchery murders women in untold numbers. The sinister godbags, who chirp, as does Pope Ratzi, about “the promotion of respect for life,” are happy as clams about this. It fits in neatly with their plans. It’s all part of their diabolical world-domination scenario, effortlessly reinforcing patriarchal control by punishing wanton sluts while rewarding women who comply.

Of course, the “rewards” of compliance are nothing to write home about: a lifetime of household drudgery, poverty, dependence on the oppressor, endless pregnancy. But at least, saith the godbags, the ghost of a dead Jew from the Roman Empire “loves” them.

55 comments

  1. lawbitch

    Let’s place the Catholic Church in its proper light–a very wealthy, patriarchial institution used by government as a form of social control. Protestant churches are jealous because they didn’t get into the action until later. Ministers of mega-churches are still trying to get into the game. We got the largest mega-church in the country in my hometown. The minister and his xanax wife scare me!

  2. Dodo

    I’m a long time brazilian reader and now first time commenter on your blog. This year we were beginning to see a very timid but promising debate about abortion rights in Brazil once again, maybe motivated by the fact that we have a pro-abortion (male) Minister of Health. And then, what a coincidence! Here comes the Pope! John Paul II didn’t seem to mind much that the Catholic Church lost millions of followers in all of Latin America to those weird Christian churches that just seem to sprout from the ground like mushrooms. But talk about implementing a socially progressive policy that’s actually going to change people’s lives and you get a papal visit and slap in the wrist in a second.

  3. TruthAndDare

    Completely agree with your analysis here, but I’m realizing, as a Jewish radical feminist dyke, that the whole “dead Jew from Roman Era” description is bugging me. I know exactly what you mean, but it carries a lot of shades for me of a long ugly history of European christians blaming all the crap they pulled on influence by The Jews. And how the Bushites are now happy to blame in the Iraq disaster on the Jewish neocons. Ugh – hate those guys myself, but they aren’t the ones who own the oil companies.

    May I suggest alternative, Jewish-neutral language for same said ghost? I’ve always preferred using “dead boy on a stick,” although apparently that causes some Very Strong Reactions in certain circles…

  4. Twisty

    Alas. One struggles to balance the colorful and the inoffensive, but inevitably one fails. I’m one Jew-happy motherfucker, but I suppose it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to perceive that the endless repetition, for comic effect, of the words “dead Jew” might convey unintended undertones.

    “Dead boy on a stick” doesn’t quite hit the note I’m looking for, though. Not historical enough. And, if you’ll forgive me, a bit too popsicly.

    At any rate, thanks for the clue. The search continues.

  5. lawbitch

    Toxic leaders must have their scapegoats. There have been plenty of “Christian,” toxic leaders.

    Religious ideas and images are so fully-loaded that it’s not possible to discuss religion without offending someone.

  6. S.C.U.M.

    Thanks for the brilliant illumination of the Catholic doctrine of domination. But let’s not forget other worthy targets like those sensitive “dudes” of the new age community and the Buddhists too who see sex as a “distraction” to enlightenment. It is extroadinary that whenever sex is demonized inevitably women are too, as we by nature are the “site” of sex as you so brilliantly illuminate referring to this position as the sex caste. Remember that priests and popes int he catholic church were not celebate until the 11th century when in attempt to smash the matriarchy land holding of Europe, the church carried out the burnings (3 million – 30 million women dead) and declared all priests to be celibate, whereby their property on the time of death would hence not pass to their wife and heirs but back to the church. It’s all money baby.

    Back to new age dudes… My brother huge New Age writer and company owner and bullshit wannabe mystic I just found out (my sick father who fucking raised him like this just happened to mention this after eight years) tried to strangle his ex-wife and was taken away by the cops. She has since killed herself. After witnessing a moment of his sick verbal abuse (he does it to me too which is why I never fucking see him) I knew what she was in for. Tried to warn her. Nobody listened. This prick stands up and talks about God bag love and blah blah blah.. He creates Now and Zen clocks for meditation. VOMIT. and is about to publish a book. VOMIT. About universal awakening. Help me! This has been eating at me since I found it out three weeks ago. I am jumping out of my skin. And yes, he has remarried another woman. This one is a total groupie, starry eyed little Skweeky Fromm. Hopefully she will take up arms.

    I am overwhelmed sisters.

  7. thebewilderness

    Organized religion always seems to start with a megalomaniac and blossom into a hate club. I think the only safe religion is disorganized religion. Quick as they get organized it’s all about submit, or die, and out come the torches and pitchforks. Criminy.

  8. jc.

    The pope having the deep respect he does for the sanctity of life I was surprised that he hasn´t excomunicated the legislators that voted for the war in Iraq. Probably just an oversight, right?
    Hopefully he´ll excomunicate all the morons that voted for Bush, while he´s waving his excomuno-stick.
    Hard to replace the “dead jew” thing, it gets in so many shots in on christianity; Jesus was a jew, a small detail that most christians sort of slide over and find somewhat inconvenient and he´s DEAD, that is if he was ever born.
    But “dead boy on a stick” is pretty good.
    In the name of the father, the dead boy on a stick and the holy ghost.
    Amen

  9. Twisty

    Dang, S.C.U.M. Stay away from that dude.

    There is certainly no shortage of stories about dudely godbags masquerading as pious prophets to futher their own sick interests. Catholic, Buddhist, Church of the Mystery Machine Ascending, what have you. As my fellow Texan Janis Joplin so succinctly put it (speaking about something entirely different), it’s all the same fucking day, man.

  10. B. Dagger Lee

    Okay, now my dander is up. Porn, prostitution, blow-jobs and whatnot, okay. But don’t harsh on crows. Period.

    yrs, BDL

  11. mearl

    “Wherever legislation strips women of their personal bodily sovereignty and claims state ownership of women’s personal uteruses, there lurks in the shadows a pusillanimous cadre of sinister godbags putting the thumbscrews to the politicians.” – the imagery is so rich, Twisty, so rich….I am still wiping tears.

  12. TruthAndDare

    re: Gurus and Wannabees — one of the most important lessons I’ve learned dealing with new agers and new age (“renewal”) Jews, and the freaks I grew up with — “charismatic leadership” is neither thing, not ever. It’s always just abuse waiting to happen. Real leaders are crusty and difficult and sometimes contradictory and get done what needs to get done, by themselves if necessary (hmmm, no wonder nearly all of them are women….).

    Maybe you could replace “dead Jew ghost” with “dead scapegoat Jew ghost” — that keeps the historical reference, the fact that he WAS a Jew, but adds a word to refer to how the christian powerful use his life and teaching to now justify all manners of generations of atrocities, including atrocities against Jews. I don’t know, not quite right yet, but maybe someone will come up with something.

    And, Twisty, your metaphors and spoonerisms help me make through many days. I still laugh out loud every time I think about “empowerfullment.”

  13. Bubbas' Nightmare

    As to the euphemisms list:

    “patriarchal stick puppet gone wrong”
    “non-nattering nazarene”
    “Catholic Church poster boy”
    “savior on a spit”

    and many others with even more obscure references and less taste

  14. Bubbas' Nightmare

    BDL–

    Crow? Or grackle? (It’s not a raven or cowbird.)

  15. LMYC

    I sort of like “dead, radical tax protestor,” myself.

  16. LMYC

    You know, this all reminds me of the last nail in the coffin of my catholicism (12 years of catholic school, remarkably guilt-free, it never sank in much).

    We had to take four years of theology in high school — taught of course by a fucking PRIEST. Can you imagine a class full of GIRLs being taught about sex by a purportedly celibate MALE? Talk about preposterous. I remember one time totally derailing the class when I said, “Yes, but if the Virgin Mary came down to earth right now, she couldn’t consecreate the body of her own son?” when the priest started “explaining” why women couldn’t be priests. The entire class started nodding up and down and going, “Hey, yeah … ” and he changed the subject REAL FAST …

    Where was I? Okay …

    Anyhow, one of the last topics they covered before we graduated (I suppose to be sent out into the world to be good little propaganda-spouters for the cause) was “Evidence for the Historical Existence of Christ.” I remember getting SO PISSED OFF about that. I was like, “You mean there’s DOUBT? There’s been DOUBT ALL THIS TIME AND YOU FUCKERS HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT?”

    I think I went from lackadaisical, who-cares, vaguely agnostic pantheist willing to ape the rituals to hardcore atheist bitch at that point.

    Need I add that NONE of the evidence was terribly compelling?

  17. Twisty

    BDL, it’s a grackle. A great-tailed grackle. Hilarious birds.

  18. LMYC

    I think maybe “ghost of a dead not-a-Christian-BTW” might get the point across …

  19. stekatz

    I hear ya S.C.U.M. You’re absolutely right to have those instincts and feelings. What a shame about your sister-in-law.

    Buddists can be some of the most sexist jerks you’ve ever met. I locked horns with a new age guru type once in a seminar on energy work (that I paid good money for and felt completely fleeced afterwards). Even men like Ram Dass I hold a certain caution about.

    And no one get me started on that gassiest of the gasbags Deepak Chopra. If enlightenment is roughly the size of one’s ego than that guy’s halfway to heaven already.

    As for Ratzi — other Catholics wonder why I have zero interest in returning to the church (not that I was ever really a Catholic anyway, just baptized that way).

  20. LMYC

    stekatz, same here — not your classic lapsed catholic by any means, despite the fact that I went to 12 years of catholic school. The benefits accruing thereto follow: I got used to not having a grade curve, so I busted my ass about nine thousand times harder than anyone else in college, because I had about ten heart attacks the first time I got a test back in college and saw a 68% — that’s a failing grade in a catholic high school. I freaked out before finding out that it was an A. Never lost that freakout habit, and god thing because I kept blowing the curve from that point on. That is the sum total of the benefits I got from catholic high school. Nothing else springs to mind aside from learning grammar quite well. They’re good at teaching arbitrary rule systems.

    But the guilt never stuck; I seem immune to all kinds of guilt except the creeping fear of underwork, which comes in find from my Italian background, where “lazy” is the worst insult you can level. “So-and-so doesn’t know how to work.” Them’s fighting words.

    Thankfully, the rest of the stuff that came from my Italian upbringing trumped all the catholic shit: food? LOVE IT! EAT EAT! Something feels good! ENJOY IT! Hey, my ancestors invented the hot tub, what can I say?

    The rest of it came I think from a scientific bent: if something fails to make sense, you just stop thinking it. *shrug* What’s the big deal?

    Consequently, the only holdover I still have frmo my catholic past is palpable taste for instrumental Christmas carols and a love of holidays that involve shameful amounts of food and overeating. Fuck Good Friday — Easter has CANDY! And PIE! Christmas? Yeah, yeah … let’s hang lights! And make cookies! And EAT A LOT! And play music!

    Italians are all 75% pagan anyhow …

  21. j

    Grackles scare the living daylights out of me.

  22. LMYC

    I haven’t found that looking Italian or BEING Italian has caused men to treat me any better or worse.

    I don’t know if my ethnicity or last name makes them treat me differently, but I pity them if they do, because in my experience, Italian women are no-bullshit field marshals. Fuck with us, we’ll break your arms. It may be that the other appearance-related horseshit I carry along for the ride has swamped any effect that my ancestry would have had.

    I have nonetheless found that Italian men are sort of like giant, 6-foot-tall eight year olds. They claim to worship their wives and mothers, treat women like vending machines, and wanna be a fireman when they grow up, or a astronaut! Or a policeman!

    That’s nice, dear.

  23. B. Dagger Lee

    Oh well fuck grackles.
    –BDL

  24. slythwolf

    Pope Palpatine strikes again. What an asshat.

    My mom was raised in the Catholic church. Catholic school until high school, and she knew at 5 she didn’t want to be a part of it. Dad’s an atheist, Mom sort of vaguely spiritual in that she figures there’s probably some kind of a higher power and believe in reincarnation. Between the two of them they decided to raise my sister and me in the Unitarian Universalist fellowship in our area, on the basis that it was probably our best chance to understand what a variety of religions were about, and the Sunday school class did spend a few months visiting all the churches in the area.

    I find it very telling that both of us, having been raised in an atmosphere of “check it out, see what makes sense,” grew up to be atheists. Because, we figure, if there was really somebody in charge of the world, wouldn’t it…suck less?

  25. 'soup

    As a lapsed Buddhist (mostly Zen) and former seminary student I can tell you that all the major sects (although not all temples) of the big B in the US have had scandals involving teacher/leader predation of some sort and nearly all male on female. Even some teachers formerly thought above/beyond that have been found out, sometimes after death. It’s the big family secret that doesn’t get talked about much until someone gets hurt by it. People often get involved in these organizations because they’re hurting in some way and are easy prey for spiritual vultures.

  26. Mar Iguana

    Aw, christ on a stick, this has kept me in stitches all the way through. Brilliant. This may be my all-time most favorite post/comments to date.

    I like cake or death better.

    S.C.U.M., that would be a piss off. Sorry you are going through all that. Familes. Gotta love ‘em. Right?

  27. KM

    Is it possible to be a feminist AND a Catholic? End of the day, both are beliefs which an individual struggles with, a perspective which affects your decision-making, yardsticks by which you measure your life, that you will argue with those who don’t want to listen. As with feminism, there is a sense of liberty in knowing what you believe, however some people continue to see it as something that is merely oppressive.

    I get really fed up with people constantly telling me how shit (powerful, opressive, etc) the Catholic Church is. I am not denying that people in positions of power have historically made bad decisions. However, anything positive that has happened is conveniently forgotten, provision of health and welfare services in developing countries, community and youth work etc in the UK. It’s not always about godding people up, true Christan belief call one to try and make the world a better place! Better to remain part of a community or society and challenge and act for change than just sling your hook and slag off those you left behind.

    Catholics are a minority, yet we are treated like this amorphous group who swallow down doctrine like we haven’t thought about it. I am pro-choice, but I still believe in the sanctity of life – life is beautiful!!!

    BTW
    ‘Ratzi, en route to Brazil, pronounced as much from the Papal Plane’- it was the Brazilian Bishops that said the politicians would be excommunicated, the Pope kind of avoided being drawn. The issue is the separation of religion from politics. Not sure about elsewhere in the world, but my belief is that here in the UK we are still able to do that, just look at how the religious belief of politicians is described…

    Last thing…as we consider the effect that oppressive images and language has on women and act in a positive way to challenge this, please consider the effect that some of the language which is being used here, which ridicules faith has. Would be similar language or ridicle be levelled at, for instance Sikh or Muslim belief? Just a question, but I think you know what I am getting at…

  28. Sylvanite

    Ah, grackles. The common grackles around here a hella aggressive. This morning was the first time I witnessed a grackle giving anything respect – a blue jay visited the feeder that the grackles like. Boy, did the grackles freak out. They sure as hell don’t give me that sort of respect!

    There’s nothing quite like being raised Catholic to make one thoroughly disgusted with any form of authoritarianism. Provided the brainwashing doesn’t take root, of course. I gotta agree – who the hell wants to have some celibate guy lecture you on family planning? What the hell do they know about having and raising kids? Given the delusional way most men view their own mothers (My mother was a saint! She loved being a mom! She found wiping snotty noses completely fulfilling!), I always doubted that you could trust a single word out of their mouths about the subject of sex.

  29. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    LMYC, your antecedents and mine have a lot in common.

    I am a seriously lapsed Catholic. It took me the longest to figure out that it was the Church and not God I had the issues with. Any institution that puts itself between you and your Higher Power is not your friend, or His. You do *not* need a guy in a pointy hat and a brocade dress waving around a tin can full of smoke to intercede for you (and take your cash).

    I’m still Christian (don’t blame the Ghost from the Roman Empire for the stupidity, greed, and hatred of some of His followers) albeit a seriously non-traditional one. I think God is way bigger than Muslim, Christian, Jew or Buddhist. (This is how I interpret the thing the Ghost said about In my Father’s house there are many mansions.) We’re called to love and mercy, not hate. For this, I think you gotta establish your own relationship with God, and run away like a monkey’s uncle from the organized churches.

    Besides, I love the food, music and festivities of the holidays. And I seriously love grackles.

  30. Mar Iguana

    KM, the language here does not ridicule faith. It ridicules religion. A woman can have all kinds of faith in her own spirituality without the boys’ woman-hating (their raison d’etra) religions. Cock ‘em all for co-opting faith and spirituality with their sicko father-worship.

    And, yeah, the UK is so great at the separation of church and state they can require only clueless virgins can marry the prince. And, once she births a couple princelings, she’s supposed to just shut up, make herself scarce and remain faithful to Mr. Prince while he continues his relationship with his old girlfriend. Or die. Plus, your queenie believes in divine right while she advises prime ministers. Good grief.

    I was born and raised catholic and wish with all my being that a world-wide class action suit would be brought against the church for child abuse, not just because of the pedophilia, but for their basic dogma. It certainly shat all over my female childhood. They single-handedly made sure the barbaric, patriarchal Roman form of hierachal power and government endured for centuries to the present as it is how corporations are structured. Ratzi the nazi and his richly gowned boys can all perch and twirl.

  31. lawbitch

    IMHO, it’s not possible to be a feminist and a member of a church that forbids women to hold leadership positions (e.g., Catholic, Southern Baptist). Why would I want to sign up for a program that makes me a second class citizen? When these religions reform, then I’ll reconsider.

    Unfortunately, organized religion is patriarchial in our society. Perhaps it does some good, but it reinforces the patriarchy and its norms.

  32. lawbitch

    The Catholic Church did not corner the market on sexual abuse. The Catholic Church got hit with law suits first because it has deep pockets. More recently, victims of sex abuse are suing other religions (like the Baptists). A decentralized organization makes it harder to recover from this church.

  33. vera

    “Cock ‘em all for co-opting faith and spirituality with their sicko father-worship.”

    The monotheistic religions worship a pathological personality type. An angry, judgmental, overbearing ego–the type of person you’d cross the street to avoid–magnified and deified into Giant Sky Father.

  34. thebewilderness

    I get really fed up with people constantly telling me how shit (powerful, opressive, etc) the Catholic Church is. I am not denying that people in positions of power have historically made bad decisions. However, anything positive that has happened is conveniently forgotten, provision of health and welfare services in developing countries, community and youth work etc in the UK. It’s not always about godding people up, true Christan belief call one to try and make the world a better place! Better to remain part of a community or society and challenge and act for change than just sling your hook and slag off those you left behind.
    KM

    The flaw in your argument is that the Catholic Church, like other organized religions, has institutionalized the power disparity that promotes oppression. That is what makes organized Christian religion a haven for those who believe they stand so near to God, they need not follow the teachings of Christ.
    You wish to claim the good done as a credit to the church, but you lay the evil to individuals making bad decisions. Then you make the “true Scottsman” argument. At the same time you demonstrate that you are not a ‘true Catholic’ by being pro-choice.
    I am not unsympathetic to your dilemma, it is not easy to find our way to resolution. I found it necessary to carefully measure any and all religious dogma against the teachings of Christ. After all, I am a Christian, so who else would I attempt to follow. As a result, I reject organized religion. As I said upthread, as soon as the authoritarians get organized, out come the torches and pitchforks, and another hate club is born.

  35. Catherine Martell

    Mar Iguana:

    And, yeah, the UK is so great at the separation of church and state they can require only clueless virgins can marry the prince. … Plus, your queenie believes in divine right while she advises prime ministers.

    Please don’t forget that we Brits also have unelected Anglican bishops sitting in the House of Lords, i.e. actually affecting our legislature, in addition to Her Maj cheerfully spouting off her high Anglican godbaggery to the PM once a week. I rarely tire of pointing out to people that the separation of church and state in the UK is significantly less advanced than that in Pakistan.

    To be fair, though, there is no constitutional, legal or even social requirement for princes to marry virgins. They often haven’t and don’t. A big deal was made out of spousal virginity for the first (also, probably, the last) time when Charles got married. Much of that publicity was due to a creepy uncle of Diana’s, who wouldn’t stop giving interviews attesting to her “unspoilt” virtue – how he knew, I don’t want to know.

  36. Catherine Martell

    KM:

    please consider the effect that some of the language which is being used here, which ridicules faith has. Would be similar language or ridicle be levelled at, for instance Sikh or Muslim belief? Just a question, but I think you know what I am getting at…

    Unfair. I, for one, ridicule faith all the time, but I’m certifiably an equal-opportunity ridiculer. On this very thread, there’s been plenty of opprobrium heaped upon Buddhism, and I’ve definitely had a pop at it myself here before. I am more than happy to have a go at Sikhism or Islam (or anything else) if a story comes up about them. Elsewhere, I have.

    Here’s where I disagree with Mar Iguana’s point about ridiculing religion rather than faith, though: I actively ridicule faith as well as religion. I don’t think that anyone should be able to claim special exemption from criticism, least of all on the basis that their beliefs are held without evidence. Faith is just unreason: “I believe this thing even though there is no evidence for it”. Why should anyone be able to ask that others tiptoe around them, simply because that they’ve defined their opinions as “faith”? It is obvious why people of faith might feel instinctively that their least logical assumptions should be wrapped in cotton wool and kept away from the discourse, but it is dangerous that some of them ask for this privilege. Some, not all. I have met plenty of religious people – representing an extremely diverse range of backgrounds – who are more than happy to engage in free debate, to have their ideas challenged, and to challenge mine vociferously back. I respect and admire their willingness to do so without constraint.

    Of course, you have every right to believe whatever you choose, and I will absolutely defend that right. Everyone in this world must be allowed full freedom of conscience. But, equally, everyone must have full freedom of thought, and that includes the right to criticise and, yes, to ridicule any and all ideas held by others.

    You may feel blissfully free to criticise and ridicule any of my ideas. Having been a radical feminist, socialist and atheist for all of my conscious life, I am pretty used to it by now. But, if you’re going to claim special privileges because your ideas are “faith” rather than “reason”, I think that’s absurd and I can’t respect it. Sorry.

  37. delphyne

    He knew because some by royal appointment gynecologist was hired to give Diana the purity test before her arranged marriage.

    Yuck, yuck, yuck.

  38. daedalus2u

    Actually a good thing regarding his statement that any Catholic that votes in favor of abortion rights is automatically excommunicated is that it provides an excellent rationale for the Catholic members of the Supreme Court to recuse themselves if they are ever called to hear a case involving abortion.

  39. S-kat

    “I get really fed up with people constantly telling me how shit (powerful, opressive, etc) the Catholic Church is. I am not denying that people in positions of power have historically made bad decisions. However, anything positive that has happened is conveniently forgotten, provision of health and welfare services in developing countries, community and youth work etc in the UK. It’s not always about godding people up, true Christan belief call one to try and make the world a better place! Better to remain part of a community or society and challenge and act for change than just sling your hook and slag off those you left behind.”
    KM

    Whenever I hear stuff like this I thank god I wasn’t raised with any of that religion nonsense. I simply cannot see why you defend such a vile institution with “but they do good works (sometimes)”. You know what, other people run charities too and Christian are overwhelmingly NOT trying to improve the world. At least not in my humble experience they ain’t.

  40. lawbitch

    Don’t forget that the Anglican church was conveniently created by Henry VIII so that he could get rid of Catherine. Catherine was very popular, having led her people in Henry’s absence. Henry’s scheme got his divorce and the church’s wealth, too. We all know how that turned out for Ann Boleyn.

  41. Taig

    Itis obvious by your hate speech you are bigoted against the Holy Roman Catholic Church .

  42. lawbitch

    Go ahead and excommunicate me, Taig. Woo-woo!

  43. Catherine Martell

    delphyne: oh, yuck. Though how one even performs such a test on a 19-year-old woman who has spent most of her childhood horseriding, I really don’t know.

    I’m picturing a bewigged flunky with kind of sexual activity Geiger counter hidden in a sceptre. He waves it around your ladyparts and, if you’ve ever thought about anything other than rainbows, kittens and fairycakes, it starts up with the Big Ben bongs of shame. There’s probably a bishopy dude sitting in a throne to proclaim you sluttia maximus before they hurl you into the deepest pit under the Tower.

    Speaking of which, lawbitch, don’t forget that the whole Henry thing turned out pretty crappy for Jane Seymour (died giving birth to his son), Anne of Cleves (sent back to Flanders for having a big nose – actually rather a lucky escape), Catherine Howard (beheaded) and Katherine Parr (had to get it on with ageing, syphilitic Henry whenever he told her to), as well.

    There’s a fine line between “toxic bachelor” and “mass-murdering rapist psycho”, and to my mind Henry crossed it.

  44. lawbitch

    ROTFLOL! The Ol’ Royal Snatch Checker.

    If you fancy historical fiction, The Other Boleyn Girl is a good read. I read it for my book club, and our discussion of Henry was absolutely hysterical.

  45. Mar Iguana

    You may feel blissfully free to criticise and ridicule any of my ideas. Having been a radical feminist, socialist and atheist for all of my conscious life, I am pretty used to it by now. But, if you’re going to claim special privileges because your ideas are “faith” rather than “reason”, I think that’s absurd and I can’t respect it. Sorry.

    I would never ridicule you, Catherine Martell. I save that for the boys. But I do point out to gaudbag and atheist alike, “There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

    Webster’s defines faith (excluding the religious meanings) as:

    “1.a. allegiance to a duty or person.” My allegiance is to radical feminism.. And, one boy, my son.

    “1.b. (1) fidelity of one’s promises (2) sincerity of intentions.” I let my mouth write no checks my ass can’t cash. I try my best to always have good intent and ask myself, sometimes many times a day, “What would love do?”

    “2.b. (1) firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) complete trust.” This is where the Shakespeare quote comes in. Science is great, beats the hell out of religion. But, to quote the name of a recent movie, “What The Bleep Do We Know?” The more physicists learn, the more they sound like William Blake.

    I have no proof of certain impossible experiences in this incarnation, but will a few witnesses do? Won’t bore with my stories here. However, I do know time and space, not to mention reason, ain’t all they’re cracked up to be. Shake it down from there.

    “3. something that is believed esp. with strong convictions.” I choose to believe patriarchy will end. Just because I want to.

    Shame how religion cocks up absolutely wonderful words. For this, IBTP.

    Your paragraph about the Geiger counter is hilarious. “Big Ben bongs of shame” and “sluttia maximus:” Priceless. Once again, the blamers have given me some greats yuks after a hard week’s work. Thank ya’ll.

  46. Mistral

    I rarely tire of pointing out to people that the separation of church and state in the UK is significantly less advanced than that in Pakistan.

    We (in the UK) have *no* separation of church and state. As you pointed out, the Lords Spiritual sit in one of the legislative chambers, and the head of state is also head of the established church (the Church of England).

    However, anything positive that has happened is conveniently forgotten, provision of health and welfare services in developing countries, community and youth work etc in the UK.

    Except that the provision of services (frequently paid for – in part – by the state, a la “faith based initiatives”, or funded through quasi-public money like the UK lottery money or foreign aid programmes) comes with strings. For example, hospitals that deny access to emergency contraception, and adoption agencies that would rather close down than abide by the new UK law that prohibits unequal access to goods and services regardless on the grounds of sexual orientation. A sincere desire to do right is not exculpatory of those who seek to bend others to their narrow and unyielding moralities.

  47. shiv

    Crows are not sinister.

    Crucified-Jew-eatin’, zombie-cannibal-worshippin’, altar-boy-diddlin’ guys in bad gowns (celibate! holy!) are sinister.

    And what is “sinister” but left-handed? We’d say instead evil, or vicious, or psychosexually immature, or uberpower-humpin’, or fullblown batguano insane are all better adjectives for Herr Inquisatore Nazinger.

    There is a tendency on your blog for you to view other than human species with the same contempt, projection, mythologization, and utility-based thinking that men turn on women.

    This is no accident, it is the roots of patriarchy. The gulf humans fabricated between “humans” and “nature” is the real “fall from Eden.” It started long before the agricultures, but was codified and explicated by them, since controlling sexual reproduction has huge profit possibilities. If you can devolve into a slavemaster and spend your life exploiting beings allowed no resistance.

    And then just as agriculture was arising gender was made bipolar and turned into a prison. The old Mesopotamian sickness, though humans had already been slaughtering and extincting large mammals (and who knows who else) for hundreds of thousands of years, if you believe the evidence of paleozoologists, and we do.

    The crow on the roof has nothing to do with the Pope. Or his rank, stinky, projected “evil.” If you want to blame patriarchs, great. we’re with you. But when you start turning into one, by making fun of “animals,” by hinting at their sinfulness, by laughing at their imprisonment, by making them the butt of jokes or negative metaphors, then we get off the bus.

    shiv and slasha

  48. Twisty

    The above wins Asinine Comment of the Month. And you people wonder why I need a vacation.

  49. Reverend B. Dagger Lee

    Twisty Faster: soft on spiders, harsh on grackles.

    Time for an auto-da-fé!

  50. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    I can’t quite work out whether or not Asinine Comment of the Month was intended to be funny. Not that it is; I just don’t know if it’s supposed to be.

  51. Crystal

    Though this thread is pretty much dead, I have to voice my agreement about the general shit of new aginess. At least Catholics admit that life can be pretty shitty. I mean, at least Jesus turned a few tables over in the temple. The new agers will tell you to just happy-think the exploiters out of existence.
    I work at a health food store, and I’m amazed at how many people can act like the Pope is the devil and then spend a weekend and several hundred dollars to listen to the Dalai Lama speak. It makes me seriously wonder if they’ve actually read any of his books or even know what “Free Tibet” entails.

  52. Crystal

    I also knew a new age strangler. It was my cat in this case though. Now he just LOVES humanity and smokes a shitload of marijuana.

  53. Mar Iguana

    “…a shitload of marijuana.”

    Works for me.

  54. Crystal

    I guess I should have turned that sentence around. Mar Iguana, I think that you’re my favorite blamer.

  55. Mar Iguana

    Why, thank you. Thank you vurry much.

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