May 13 2007

Sweatin’ with the gems

Undoubtedly you are already hip to the lady-jams of “internet lady” Leslie Hall, but just in case:

I’m giving the cold shoulder to Stingray, who has known about Leslie Hall since she appeared in an emcee gig at Michigan last year, but who only deigned to turn me on to her today. That’s right. Stingray actually kept this to herself for nearly a year.

Do yourself a favor. To savor feats of geekdom heretofore unimagined by any honky, watch Leslie’s Willow Don’t Cry vid:

With Leslie Hall, we celebrate the journey of Willow, a small farmer/apprentice magician and together they journey through a war-torn land of magic and monsters, to save a baby princess from death at the hands of an evil queen.”

Willow saves the “dykey child” and Leslie emits death rays from her gold lamé gut. This is what the internet is for, girls.


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  1. thebewilderness

    kilt me daid.

  2. Sniper

    I looooooove her! How could anyone not?

  3. Dr. Helmet Breath

    I highly recommend her album, “Doorman’s Daughter”. She fucking rules.

  4. Sniper

    I was introduced Leslie the Gem Sweater Queen through, of all people, The Manolo. He may have ruined himself forever by getting into bed with Satan (Pajamas Media) but he does recognize style.

  5. BubbasNightmare

    Sorry folks, just too geeky for me.

    (Although that’s big talk from a fan of A Flock of Seagulls.)

  6. lawbitch

    OMG! I’m still laughing.

  7. Margarita

    Waah, supreme awesomeness, the perfect relief from late night essay typing! I want Leslie’s suit to wear to the supermarket!

  8. stekatz

    Gee whiz! Where can I get me one of them gem sweaters?

  9. lawbitch

    Be sure to check out Gold Pants Lullabye, in which Leslie wears her shiny attire out and about.

  10. Sniper

    Her wikipedia entry (!) has a ton of links. She’s amazingly self-assured about flying her freak flag, especially for someone so young.

  11. weezie

    Oh dear bedazzlin’ goddess, I love her! The emcee gig at Michigan was a last minute fill-in, she actually did a whole set earlier in the week on day stage. Did Stingray miss that? It was a beautiful thing. I would say the highlight was when she was suspended from the middle of a long pole with dykes holding up both ends. She kept making ’em turn her around and around. It was hilarious, and that skin-tight gold suit is a sight to behold in person.

    Wow, I just broke my three year lurkdom. All for the love of Mz Leslie.

  12. Rosie

    OMG! Too awesome. Twisty, thanks for the link. That is so awesome. Geekcore 4-evah, and her website with the Gem Sweater photo gallery is pure gold. It was just the thing to lighten my mood and make me feel better about being human after having to wrestle my stomach down from projectile-puking at the horrifying D&G advert.

  13. B. Dagger Lee

    I purposely withheld knowledge about YouTube from Miss Patsy because I’ve been a little paranoid since the time Miss Patsy caught me watching a “documentary” on voluntary amputees (probably the Discovery Channel or the “Learning” Channel) in the middle of the night.

    She sat bolt upright in bed and shrieked, “NO! No! No! Turn that off right now! You cannot watch that! I will not allow it!” She can have a somewhat imperious and intimidating manner, and I felt guilty about having sunk to this kind of TV low and so I turned it off.

    I didn’t tell her anything about what people get up to on YouTube, but she found out about it somehow and then she developed a secret YouTube addiction that she felt shame about, so we were each secretly watching the Baby Panda Sneezes and Tickle Me Elmo on Fire.

    You probably took Stingray to a bad restaurant or something.

    But Leslie Hall, definitely a mood lightener.

  14. Brianne

    I have long loved the Gem Sweater.

  15. kate

    My daughter Willow must absolutely see the Willow song.

    The big glasses, the chewing gum smacking, the hair pulled back, the GEM Sweaters! The Winnebago Oh my god! Its so Midwestern, so Hoosier state! Let us go together Leslie, lets get a two bedroom modular home with an aluminum swimming pool in the backyard. Let’s grill .99 hotdogs on the gas grill, sit on our white plastic lawn furniture into the night while the bug killer lamp zips and blurts the hundred deaths of our pale skinned nemesis.

  16. Cunning Allusionment?

    This is the kind of thing that makes me realize that I must be squandering my potential not to have done something this awesome yet.

    Recently a friend of mine reminded me of a time when I – having found a shiny, bronze colored chair coaster behind his couch – proceeded to spend the next several hours standing on the sidewalk pointing it out, silently, but insistently to passing motorists. Drivers, overcome by curiosity turned around to find out what the shiny object in my hand was. “It’s *this*!” I replied. Now, I have no recollection of this, but based on the rationale for the variety of other times I do remember pointing at cars/drivers/objects, I believe I was attempting to remind my fellow street users that despite our forgetfulness, mystery and uncertainty is an inextricable element of our everyday experiences. It’s a sad thing that we so easily forget – indeed have evolved to forget – the extreme strangeness of practically every aspect of our daily lives.

    Maybe Leslie Hall’s dedication to the gem sweater is provocative in that by adopting and adapting the cliches of not-so-far-by-gone decades she reawakens us to the totally absurd nature of things that we take as normal.

  17. manxome

    The “Gem Sweater Stripper Floaty Pen” is now at the top of my wish list.

  18. Mandos

    OK. That is awesome.

  19. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    If I had a hankering for a Gem Sweater, I think I’d check out consignment shops in & around the Midwest.

    I sing praises for all who awaken our appreciation of our Inner Geek.

    Thanks, that vid cheered me right up on a slightly nauseated, hangovery Monday.

    And B. Dagger, we all have fetishy little TV/internet fascinations. I’m a closet fan of “I Can Has Cheezburger?” http://icanhascheezburger.com/ and I go there when the heavy-duty blaming starts making me feel all helpless and blue.

  20. lawbitch

    Blowing my bitchy cover, I visit http://www.cuteoverload.com

    I also like http://www.mycathatesyou.com


  21. Trout

    That’s great Twisty. I loved it.

    Just in case my mail is getting trapped in your spam filter, here’s a link I think you’ll like to blog about. It’s about anti-abortion types who’ve gone and gotten an abortion. (I do love tales of godbagger hypocrisy!!)



  22. Catherine Martell

    Wow, Trout. That’s quite some story. I know hypocrisy isn’t exactly a brand new gem sweater to that crowd, and yet wow.

  23. Rhea

    I’ve seen her live a few times here in Boston and met her at one of the Gem Sweater exhibitions. She’s hilarious on stage.

  24. Sniper

    What? You can’t have “I Can Has Cheezburger” and “Cute Overload” on your favorites and still be a bitch? What about “Hello Cthulu”?

  25. Trout

    Sniper, Hello Cthulhu is one of my major favorites, and IMHO it’s bitchy as hell, though the art is cutesy. I’m totally bummed because it hasn’t been updated since December, though the “Nativity of Cthulhu” cartoon is fantastic. (If you haven’t experienced the sheer bizarre wonder, it’s worth a look.)

  26. MzNicky

    Blamers: Let’s see if I’ve got this right: She’s making fun of people who make fun of people who wear gem sweaters by wearing a gem sweater, and that’s funny because everyone knows it’s really tacky, but in a sort of infinitely regressive-way it’s okay that we’re laughing at people who wear gem sweaters, and big out-of-fashion glasses, and big hairdos, and so forth, because we’re ostensibly laughing at someone who’s ironically and allegedly embracing said tackiness, only not really? Or am I just too old to get it? Someone help me out here, cuz I love to laugh.

  27. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    I can’t explain it, MzNicky; I was just absolutely delighted with her fearlessness.

  28. Sniper

    I was just absolutely delighted with her fearlessness.

    That was it for me too. Despite not looking like a fembot she won some kind of high school pageant thingie by campaigning in a thrift store dress and a neck brace. She’s ahead of her time.

  29. Sylvanite

    I must go out into the world and share this with others.

    Just as others have shown me the New Zealand band Flight of the Conchords. While on Youtube, look ’em up!

  30. MzNicky

    Ahem. Still waiting for an explanation. I think my questions are perfectly valid.

  31. lawbitch

    MzNicky, I think that it puts me in touch with my inner-nerd. Like the movie Napoleon Dynamite. That and I have a twisted sense of humor.

  32. Twisty

    Great Scott, MzNicky! Don’t tell me you’ve developed a butt-pickle!

  33. MzNicky

    Twisty: Not that I know of. I’m just out of it. Please pardon my cluelessness. I’m old.

  34. Twisty

    Nah, you ain’t old. You’ve just got taste.

  35. Cunning Allusionment?

    I thought you answered your own question MzNicky.

  36. Bonnie

    MzNicky – And ya didn’t even ask about the music! It’s so delightfully early 80s goofiness. That made me laugh most of all – she literally hit all the right notes.

    Shoulder pads comin’ to git us – brilliant!

  37. lawbitch

    I admire this woman’s chutzpah. Not everyone could pull this off.

  38. Ron Sullivan

    What I admire most is how she gets her mouth into such a perfect rectangle. That’s just — not everybody can do that. Wow.

    I think I want a gem sweater now.

  39. stripper

    I was lucky enough to attend the Michigan show. And yes, it was freakin’ orgasmic.

  40. MzNicky

    Ron Sullivan: I agree; that rectangular mouth is pretty amazing.

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