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Jun 12 2007

The love song of J. Twisty Faster

cactus_flower_pink.jpg
Coryphantha sp. Cottonmouth County, May 28, 2007

Been unavoidably detained. Not by cops. Completely forgot I had blog! Will likely stage triumphal return later today. Meanwhile, I leave you with (a) this super-trippy cactus flower, and (b) this thoughtful comment I found in the moderation pile (the commenter flatters me, in the first part, with a quotation from one of my own posts!):

“Rare is the behavior the humanitarian outcome of which may be said to improve when performed by insensate mobs, and perpetual penisism is no exception; the phenomenon of internet voyeurism magnifies a zillionfold the misogyny of a single hubba. To wit:”

T.S. Eliette you aint.

And now, I must go and wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

80 comments

  1. Hawise

    Pretty flower and now my curiosity is piqued. Whyfor trousers rolled? When Twisty return? Why cannot anonymous commenter spell Elliott?

  2. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    To paraphrase:

    Oh do not ask what is it;
    We’ll let you go and make your visit.

  3. Queen of Spades

    Thank goodness.

    This lurker-usually has been meaning to ask, Twisty, if nature photography is your real-life occupation.

  4. Flamethorn

    *sings*
    “Twisty and Anotherspinsteraunt sitting in a tree,
    K-I-S-oh, wait, no trees in Texas.”

  5. Jessicat

    I always thought Mr. Eliot was a bit too honest with the following words:

    “Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
    At times, indeed, almost ridiculous–”

    But yet I continue to be an audience for dead white dude poets. It must be the rolled trousers.

  6. Jezebella

    There are SO! trees in Texas! What, did you think it’s all a desert, like a cowboy movie?

  7. The Reverend B. Dagger Lee

    T.S.’s lugubrious tone always fills me with the giggles.

  8. rootlesscosmo

    Go ahead, have a peach. (I don’t know anything about Texas peaches but I remember eating Poteet Valley strawberries in San Antonio and they were fantastic.)

  9. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    This is going to make me sound perfectly illiterate, but I sometimes confuse T.S. and Wallace Stevens.

  10. Calabama

    Yeah, his querulous portentousness can induce unwonted hilarity, but damn! What about:

    “I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

    I do not think that they will sing to me.”

    Self-pitying, sure — but “each to each” just kills me.

  11. curiousgyrl

    The pecan (pee-can) is the state nut. It comes on a tree. But it does lead me to wonder whether there aren’t better candidates for the designation, like Ron Paul or the guy who owns H.E.B

  12. Twisty

    Evidently Flamethorn is unaware that the Lone Star State is also The Land of Contrast. We’ve got trees and jackalopes!

  13. magickitty

    I have been wearing my trousers rolled, of late. It must be because I am thirty-eight.

    Priceless, the looks on people’s faces, when I say to my son at the end of our day, “Let us go then, you and I, with the evening spread out ‘cross the sky, like a preschooler etherized on a table.”

  14. TinaH

    “In the room the women go
    talking of Michaelangelo”

    TinaH Elliot would have said

    “In the room the women go
    talking of Radical Feminist Revolution”

    I need work on my iambic pentameter and my rhyming.

  15. the Omphaloskeptic

    You have seen the eternal Troller quote your post, and snicker,
    And in short, you were amused.

  16. Vilda Dentata (Formerly Shakes)

    T. S. Eliot is an anagram for Toilets.

  17. Rikibeth

    “Each to each” doesn’t particularly get me, but “till human voices wake us and we drown” does, every time.

  18. Liz

    My person of choice and I discussed that poem at great length when we first met. Then I beat him at Scrabble.

  19. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Vilda D., you want to explain to my office-mates why I’m laughing loudly and stamping my feet?

  20. yankee transplant

    Great photo.

  21. goblinbee

    I would pay for a signed copy of that photo.

  22. rootlesscosmo

    If it’s anagrams on poets’ names you want–with poems to suit–then visit

    http://www.yarnivore.com/francis/Holy_Tango.htm

    Sample:

    MULTICOLORED ARGYLE SEA
    (SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE)
     
    It is an ancient Mariner,
    And he taketh lots of drugs,
    And he thinks his beard is made of snakes
    And his body crawls with bugs. [etc.]

  23. communicatrix

    I say that Thoughtful Commenter has no need of coffee spoons for measuring out life or wit.

    Hell, demitasse would be stretching it…

  24. Vilda Dentata (Formerly Shakes)

    Bravo, rootlesscosmo!

  25. rootlesscosmo

    Thanks, Vilda Dentata (formerly Shakes), but all I did was find the site–I can’t take credit (if that’s the word I want) for the material.

  26. Ron Sullivan

    It is an ancient Mariner…

    Damn. Now the Gilligan’s Island song is stuck in my head.

  27. pheeno

    *indignant sniff*

    I do not pronounce it pee can. A pee can is what one takes on a long trip with a sadistic driver. One eats a peh cahn. Or one lets one’s weinie dog eat them, because they are disgusting. And they do not taste good in pies, nor tuna fish salad.

    And we do too have trees. The weinie dog is annointing one right now.

  28. thebewilderness

    This one does not eat the pey con, nor does this on call those shrubby things trees, nor those bumpy hills mountains.
    That cactus flower is a stunner, though.

  29. Jezebella

    thebewilderness, are you serious? I am flabbergasted that there are people who think all of Texas looks like El Paso. There are REAL TREES in Texas. Oaks, even. Lots of them. All over Austin, Houston and elsewhere. I don’t know if y’all have heard, but Texas? Texas is a really big state. With a variety of ecosystems. Good lawd.

  30. kate

    And indeed there will be time
    To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
    Time to turn back and descend the stair,
    With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—”

    The white American bourgeoisie struggled with itself even then, self important, self consumed and yes, Reverend, lugubrious when attempt is made at a moment of clarity.

  31. thebewilderness

    Jezebella,
    No, indeed I am not. I have been to Texas several times, and have observed the diverse flora and fauna, as well as the varied landscapes it has to offer.
    However, upon my first venture out of my home state, I did spend several fruitless minutes scanning the horizon for the snow covered mountains, a friend was attempting to point out to me, before I realized the foothills in my eye were the mountains in hers.

  32. Vera

    Do not let the weenie dog eat pee cans, according to my daughter the pre-vet student. Pee cans or peh cahns, the are too rich.

    According to my weenie dog, though, pee cans and peh cahns are both just fine to eat, as is everything else on my plate, your plate, and anyone else’s plate.

  33. roamaround

    “I don’t know if y’all have heard, but Texas? Texas is a really big state.”

    I’ll say. You can’t hardly get outta the darn place. When we were driving across Texas on our many cross-country journeys, my New Yorker mother was fond of saying in her mock-southern accent:

    “The sun is riz, the sun is set, and we is still in Texas yet.”

    Don’t know where that saying came from. Maybe Okies escaping from the dustbowl? Or maybe it was just my mom.

  34. Bubbas' Nightmare

    Pheeno:

    I do not pronounce it pee can. A pee can is what one takes on a long trip with a sadistic driver. One eats a peh cahn. Or one lets one’s weinie dog eat them, because they are disgusting. And they do not taste good in pies, nor tuna fish salad.

    You will want to be very careful admitting such in the Lone Star State. There have been hangings over lesser offenses. (And yes, it is pronouned puh-cahn’. You can only get pee’-cans in Gohga.

  35. Bubbas' Nightmare

    Roamaround: It is 801 miles from El Paso to Texarkana, which places it closer to Chicago than to El Paso.

  36. Vilda Dentata (Formerly Shakes)

    I like pee’-cahn. It’s the best of both.

  37. Vilda Dentata (Formerly Shakes)

    Although I do remember the National Pecan Shellers Association conducting a poll about the nut’s pronunciation on their website. I don’t know what the outcome was.

  38. Cunning Allusionment?

    Any chance of a hi-res version of this or any of your other pictures being posted any time? It’d make a wonderful background.

  39. pheeno

    “You will want to be very careful admitting such in the Lone Star State. There have been hangings over lesser offenses. (And yes, it is pronouned puh-cahn’. You can only get pee’-cans in Gohga.

    They’re too shocked upon learning I drink my tea unsweetened and with lime.

    Then they just figure Im crazier than hogans goat.

    Vera- stopping the weinie from eatin puhcahns would be like whipin my ass on a wagon wheel.

  40. Catherine Martell

    Pheeno, what the bejiminy is wrong with you? You can neither pronounce pecan correctly nor, apparently, appreciate its sweet, voluptuous majesty. I envy your weinie dog.

    The correct pronunciation of pee-can is in fact peeeeEEE-can, as established by Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally. I am aware that romantic comedy is patriarchal propaganda of the premier cru, but then again so is everything. Including T.S. Eliot. And toilets.

    T.S. Eliette might be the feminine version. Twit twit twit. Jug jug jug jug jug jug.

  41. Margarita

    “For i have known them all already, known them all –
    Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
    I have measured out my life with coffee spoons”

    That always gets me, every time. I love this poem! And yep, i’m also one of those who starts up with the “Let us go then, you and i” every time i leave someplace with a friend. It drives them mad, it makes me smile.

  42. bethany

    it’s true that you aren’t TS Elliot. Way less pretentious and obtuse. I vote: compliment.

  43. Hawise

    Alright roamaround, you made it stick in my mind and so I have to let it out.

    A Texas oilman was visiting Newfoundland and it had been arranged for a local to show him the sights. As they were driving about the province, the oilman droned on and on about how big everything was in Texas and how much better everything was and the Newfoundlander would just nod. The silence was starting to annoy the Texan and so he started his main story. He said, ” My ranch is awesome. I can get into my truck in the pre-dawn cold and drive in a straight line throughout the heat of the day and not stop until well past dusk and I won’t have even gotten off of my ranch.” The Newfoundlander nodded and said, “Yup, I had a truck like that once too.”

  44. Penny

    Years ago I was lucky enough to catch Fiona Shaw’s one person rendition of The Wasteland as she toured it around the world. The version I saw was in the basement of a brewery lit by a single light bulb (or that was the illusion, anyway). She was awesome.
    The film’s out, but I have no idea how to get hold of it.
    After she finished the tour, she went back home to play Richard II. I love this woman.

  45. mAndrea

    Thebewilderness, someone was trying to tell me about some foothills, and I thought it was a bump in the road.

  46. stekatz

    I wear my trousers rolled because if I’m not in the mood for hemming pants there are few other options for a short, fat woman.

    I blame the patriarchy.

    I’ve got a big bee in my bonnet to visit Big Bend National Park one of these days. The only Texas experiences I have had thus far have included a drive through Amarillo and a layover at Dallas-Fort Worth airport.

    I shall now go listen to some Michelle Shocked in the meantime.

  47. HelenJ

    Thought you might be interested to know that in England the BBC is reporting that sex offenders might be offered ‘castration medication’ in an effort to control themselves – the myth being that uncontrollable sexual desire is the cause of sexual violence – ha! Anyhow, they also warn about the potential downside to such treatment – the feminisation of those who take it!

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6748789.stm

    “The side-effects of the drugs are also likely to be taken into account by anyone considering joining the programme. In addition to losing his sexual interest, a man taking them is likely to become more feminised. He may lose his body hair, and gain weight around his middle. He may also experience hot flushes like those experienced by women during the hormonal changes of the menopause, lose muscle density, become anaemic and irritable. In the long-term, he will also run the risk of osteoporosis as his bones get thinner”.

  48. Christina

    http://www.usedgirlfriend.com/

    In the tradition that brought you craigslist to get rid of furniture and bookmooch to get rid of books, a new website will help you get rid of another irksome object — your girlfriend! Although furniture and books are less likely to be described as “downright fat.”

    IBTP so hard.

  49. Merkin

    Your post and the comments made my day.
    I like T S Eliot, but listening to recordings of him reading his own poems makes me literally roll on the floor laughing. He just sounds so much like an old prick, so much “For I have known them all already, known them all…”; ironically, so much “I am Lazarus, come from the dead/ Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”. Well, I blame the patriarchy for this tone ;-)

  50. blondie

    I’m still smilin’ about the Toilets anagram.

  51. Flamethorn

    No, really, see, I looked out the window of the DFW airport once and it was all brown and stuff.

    Those “trees” are a LIE, I tell you, a LIE! The Illuminati put them there in your sleep last night so’s you would all get on this post and go “there ARE SO trees in texas.”

    But I know the truth. Ha! My tinfoil hat protects me from the fake trees.

  52. goblinbee

    When I was eight years old, I went by train from L.A. to N.Y. It seemed that for days, every time I would ask my dad where we were, he’d say “Texas.”
    I did not see a single tree.

  53. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    When I was a kid, we took car trips between San Diego and Cleveland, OH. These are the things I remember about Texas: the size of LBJ’s (dubbed El BeeJay by my hippie sister) ranch, and a truly apocalyptic thunderstorm at night. I’ve never seen such spectacular lightning since.

    I was in Houston in aught-two for a conference, but this was work-related and kinda dull.

  54. TinaH

    What sort of madman (or madwoman) puts *anything* in tuna fish salad except for tuna, mayo, finely diced celery and lemon pepper?

    The horror!

    /snark

  55. Medbh

    T.S. Eliot is number two on my Over Rated “Canonical” Dead White Men list.
    He wore green powder on his face in order to cultivate some sort of suffering poet persona and was a woman hater of the highest order.
    #1 is F. Scott Fitzgerald, in case you were wondering. “The Great Gatsby” is one of the worst novels that always makes the big lists.

  56. Alie

    Oh, Medbh, it burns, it burns!

    “I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.” (Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby)

    I loves it!

    In a literarily related note, next term I’ll be an adjunct in my high school’s English Department. Upon seeing the DeadWhiteMen-filled curricula for the various classes I’ll be pseudo-teaching, I asked, “James Joyce, huh? No Virginia Woolf?” and was promptly offered a few weeks to teach it to the AP Juniors, provided I think a slew of 16 year-old boys can “handle” it. And I do.

    (I’m currently leaning towards opening their world to magical realism and gender bending via Orlando.)

  57. pheeno

    The Newfoundlander nodded and said, “Yup, I had a truck like that once too.”

    Yes, but could anyone understand him?

  58. pheeno

    http://x5d.xanga.com/65781563043a831791350/b22131684.jpg

    see? trees!

  59. pheeno

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/azareal/Odessa/TriptoOdesa008.jpg

    more trees!

  60. Twisty

    You should all know that Texans love Texas, and that we genuinely believe that the global compulsion to mock our homeland stems from a willful, spiteful ignorance.

  61. Merkin

    Alie, good luck with teaching Virginia Woolf!
    Last year I took a brief general Engish Lit course at university. The only book written by a woman that we discussed was Pride and Prejudice. I was outraged when I saw the reading list, but what was there to do? My (male) instructor apparently saw nothing wrong about it.

    I really think TS Eliot is worth reading, if only as a source of inspiration for Jeanette Winterson :-) #1 on my personal list of overrated Great Dead Men is Joseph Conrad. I think he made up for his awful English pronunciation by writing in a convoluted language ;-) Well, ‘never use a big word if you can use a diminutive one’.

  62. Hawise

    the global compulsion to mock our homeland stems from

    George Bush. It was mostly localized, personal experience mocking before he made the national news.

  63. Medbh

    Merkin, Conrad ranks at #3 on my list. I had to read that pernicious little ode to imperialism, “Heart of Darkness,” a total of six times as an undergrad and grad student. It’s Racism 101.
    Look, I’ll read anything and I’ve never denounced a book without reading it first because that’s just sloppy and lazy, but Gatsby? I’m sorry Alie, but the book is pedestrian at best and Fitzgerald was a sycophant to the rich. That green light business romanticized venture capitalism is all. But well done on getting Woolf onto the reading list.

  64. pheeno

    “George Bush. It was mostly localized, personal experience mocking before he made the national news. ”

    Bush is a yankee. He was born in New Haven or some northern hell hole like that.

    It’s 102 outside, so Im not loving Texas all that much right now. Effing desert.

  65. Jezebella

    Even naturalized Texans who don’t live there any more love it like Twisty says. It’s a mysterious thing to find myself defending it, when I only spent seven years there.

  66. Flamethorn

    Pheeno, clearly even your camera has been subverted by the Illuminati! There’s no hope for you.

    :-)
    :-P

  67. pheeno

    hahaha

  68. Cathy

    Hey, Jezebella, trees even grow in El Paso, too.

    Rich people have to plant and water them to get them to grow, but there are a few in EP.

    It reminds me of a West Virginia cousin who came to visit, landing at the nearest airport. She asked, “What are all them sickly green bushes?” She was referring to the juniper brush, which is all you can see (besides sand) from the air.

    There is beauty in the desert, like the above cactus flower. You have to look hard, and differently.

  69. Mar Iguana

    “Bush is a yankee. He was born in New Haven or some northern hell hole like that.” pheeno

    True, but he found the like-minded (stupid), crazy-ass Texas oil boys Eisenhower warned us of:

    “President Dwight Eisenhower, Republican, uttered these words on November 8, 1954: “Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid.” In addition to being a war hero, a decent fellow, a moderate Republican before they began to go extinct, President Eisenhower apparently was also quite the prophet. Little George W. Bush was about 9 years old at the time…” Snopes

    Yeah, decent except for that little misogyny thing. Still. Sure hope he proves to be correct about that political party going into oblivion too.

    And, as a Californian, I’m still a tad testy about:

    “Perhaps the most notorious of Enron’s disastrous plots was its role in the 2000 and 2001 California energy crisis. Desperate to dig themselves out of a hole, Enron execs began exploiting loopholes in California’s energy deregulation policy — the company’s traders began ordering power-plant shutdowns to drive up the price of electricity. As images of California brush-fires and rolling blackouts flicker across the screen, Enron plays recorded conversations between the corporation’s traders as they whoop with glee at the rising price of energy, wish a plague of natural disasters on the state, and guffaw over the possibility of retirement “by the time we’re 30.” The cost to California? $30 billion and one recalled governor, the film alleges.

    Enron points to a 2001 meeting between Lay and Arnold Schwarzenegger, implying that the corporation helped Schwarzenegger take advantage of an environmental fiasco the company had created.” Sorry, can’t remember where I lifted this from – a review of the movie “The Smartest Guys In The Room”

    So, California thanks ya a big bunch, Texas, for: Rolling brown-outs, smart boys gloating over fucking California grannies in the ass, helping make nazi boy our governator and unleashing stupid oil boys upon the world.

    Not to mention the fact that my mother was born in El Paso and grew up in Juarez, where I had to spend one gaud awful Easter-week a year visiting her catholic relatives in the anus of America/Mexico. Gah!

  70. pheeno

    As a NA woman, I just thank white folks for making it all possible.

    And Jaurez? Yikes.

  71. Cass

    I just wish someone would clue our resteraunts in to the existence of the green chile.

  72. Twisty

    But you can’t go around vilifying entire regions of the earth just because some chump or other emerged from them. By that logic you’d have to blame Ohio for Charles Manson, or Louisiana for Jim Dobson, or New York for Ann Coulter, or Austria for Hitler.

  73. pheeno

    Indeed. Plus, it’s only a shallow dip into the surface of the problem. A deeper dip reveals much of the issue stems from that culture of domination. Clubs are replaced with money as weapons to dominate everyone else. That domination belief isn’t region specific.

  74. po-mosucks

    Your photos… “what it is I cannot say, but with gratitude my tears fall”

  75. Mar Iguana

    “But you can’t go around vilifying entire regions of the earth just because some chump or other emerged from them. By that logic you’d have to blame Ohio for Charles Manson, or Louisiana for Jim Dobson, or New York for Ann Coulter, or Austria for Hitler.” Twisty

    Oh, sure I can. Ohio, Louisiana, New York or Austria doesn’t have a bunch of oil-soaked crazies running around with shoot ‘em up cowboy mentalities who managed to get their swaggering, sneering, rah-rah bushboy appointed leader of the most powerful country on the planet, making me doubt there will be an election in ’08 or ever again, because they’re going to stage a “terrorist attack,” declare Marshall Law and finish turning us into a broke-ass, facist third-world country.

  76. Hawise

    Let us be clear that there is a difference between vilifying and mocking. I would not vilify an entire region based on a single comic book-like character but I feel fine mocking it.
    Texas is beautiful even if the trees are low to the ground and hidden in washouts. Most Texans are fine people but they should be more careful about which citizens are allowed out on day passes if they don’t want to be mocked. (Dallas the series didn’t help your cause any.)

  77. crys t

    Charles Manson was from Ohio??!?

  78. Twisty

    “Oh, sure I can. Ohio, Louisiana, New York or Austria doesn’t have a bunch of oil-soaked crazies running around with shoot ‘em up cowboy mentalities who managed to get their swaggering, sneering, rah-rah bushboy appointed leader of the most powerful country on the planet, making me doubt there will be an election in ‘08 or ever again, because they’re going to stage a “terrorist attack,” declare Marshall Law and finish turning us into a broke-ass, facist third-world country.” — Mar Iguana

    I believe I speak for the millions of non-oil-soaked, non-crazy Texans when I say that you are misinformed.

  79. Caukee

    Is that the Marshall Dillon Law ?

  80. Mar Iguana

    Ha, doh. That’s Martial Law.

    I’m sure there are millions of non-oil-soaked, non-crazy Texans. Never said there wasn’t. So, what would I be misinformed about?

    Eisenhower was a Texan, by the way.

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