Jun 15 2007

Message board goes alpha

The forum’s back up! Go forth and amplify.


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  1. gzur

    Notice how nobody comments? They’re all frothing away at the forum instead. Neat huh?

  2. buggle

    Hurray!!! I missed it so :) I swear this blog/forum is better than therapy for me. WAY better.

  3. Vera

    Twisty is a geek goddess!

  4. jc.

    I find the comment that a male shares or does some of the housework to be as relevant and reassuring as when someone advises me that “some of their best friends are…”.
    Employing an underpaid exploited (usually immigrant, illegal or illegal) to do the housework so that economically priveleged women (the hardworking males allready got a free pass, of course)can be empowered to be super moms and fullfilled career women, hip shoppers and still have time for life quality fullfillment is now to be be subsidized by tax breaks in that country that is “ever in the forefront of feminismen, equlity and humanism” Sweden.
    Seriously, housework is drudge work but even guys can manage the techinical skills involved. Any use of how much housework is done by a male as a measuring stick of equality is irrelevant and absurd.

  5. mAndrea

    Finding out in the forum that other women were as frustrated as I actually alleviated a large bit of my angst.

    Rilly. I was ready to rip somebody’s head off with my bare hands. But now, thanks to Twisty, I don’t have to.

  6. CD

    i’ve been over at the forum all morning. i hope it comes to serve, because i’ve enjoyed the IBtP crowd a great deal and look forward to reading more. it is refreshing to have a women friendly blogspace for a change.

    is this comment appropriate? i confess i’m unclear what TF wants in the comments, now that there is the forum again.

  7. Sasha

    I agree mAndrea. For the 8 thousandth time, thank you Twisty.

  8. thebewilderness

    Tacos, many, many, tacos to you, Twisty.

  9. Hattie

    I find most of this discussion to be naive. I consider the dude problem and scut work to be two different issues these days. We have washing machines, pre-packaged food, ready made clothing, and so on. It’s not as if we have to go out and plow the south 40 and then come home and prepare dinner for the work crew while cranking out numbers of spawn and bringing grampa his bedpan. Which is my way of saying, let’s not exaggerate.
    Don’t get me wrong. I think men are for the most part a pain in the ass. Right now we have a couple as houseguests. He is the limit in petulant babydom and a big bore to boot. An endless repertoire of sex jokes and puns is his idea of conversation. His wife is long suffering and has made the mistake of not insisting that he change his behavior. She complains and complains but does not stop him.
    Insist, get that change, if you don’t get that change, leave, has ever been my motto! They have never had kids, which I think in long term marriages is no advantage. Why stay married to a man who is a pain in the patootie when there aren’t even any kids involved?
    I have a completely unromantic view of marriage. I think it’s mostly a financial arrangement. There’s nothing like 43 years of marriage to make a realist out of you. I insist on my share for me and my kids, as I have for many many years. My husband now concurs with my view of life, but he had to change. I never praise him or tell him he’s an exception. Why shouldn’t he live up to his obligations? I always have!
    And I have a right to live as I wish, just the way men do.

  10. shitflinger

    Wow, the marriage discussion is so fierce that it’s spilling over into other threads.

  11. Lexia

    Sure has, Shitflinger. Looks like Twisty got herself a salon/cell. Now where’s my powdered wig and bandolier?

    And thanks to Twisty the last light bulb went on over my head in my never ending quest to figure out why the women of my cohort gave away their freedom with both hands. That light bulb: most of those women figured their best chance to stay in the class they were born into was to marry back into it. The wage-earning logical progression of V. Woolfe’s “sisters and daughters of educated men”. Women who came of age in the 70’s and early 80’s seem to have figured that the jobs that would give them autonomy, self-sovereignty and real equality with their male friends, their husbands, their boyfriends and their brothers were too long a shot. They knew the difference, they just caved. The media since then has been working overtime to obscure any value in those qualities. The laws have gone backwards. Young women will have that stone to push uphill all over again.

  12. Sara

    Thank you, Twisty. Great job! (insert friendly, smiling emoticon here)

  13. SourDad

    Hey I agree there’s more to it than housework, but I don’t recall reading the words love or companionship in your post– marriage is not just about domination. And if it is, why then do some gays want to get married? Are you going to reduce gay marriage to a desire to fit into the domination conformation?

    Some days marriage sucks no doubt, but I still hope I get the chance to grow old with my nuclear family.

  14. maribelle

    That light bulb: most of those women figured their best chance to stay in the class they were born into was to marry back into it.

    Goddamnit, Lexia I HATE this. I HATE IT because it’s TRUE.

    I was born into the upper middle class. When I chose not to marry the asshat who impregnated me and became a single mom at 21, I fell –rapidly–into the lower class. (And that’s with working full-time.) I dragged us back up as far as I could with my HS diploma, worked my way up the ladder at my job and finally bought a small, cheap condo.

    But it was only by marrying that I regained the ranks of the social class I was raised in. (Paradoxically, by marrying a very smart member of the lower class who was on his way up.) That’s not why I married him, to be clear; if I had married either of the second two asshats who asked me, I’d be writing this from a yacht. I didn’t settle–but I am uncomfortably aware that marrying was the best thing I ever did for my financial future.

    (Yes I went on to get my BA and am planning to get my MA–but in this town, jobs are very scarce and so I work part-time. If he ever decides to leave me, my lifestyle plummets. It’s a thin thread to hang security on.)

    Oh, sorry, this was the message board thread. Love that message board, thanks Twisty.

  15. TP

    I like reading Twisty’s highly-polished gem-like prose more than the forums. Plus the layout’s nicer.

    What I’m hoping for is that the comments become more manageable with the forums as an outlet for all the eager blamers honing their chops. Looking at some of the amazingly off-topic posts above me, I lose hope.

  16. maribelle

    Okay, TP, fair enough. But when the topic is: “The forum’s back up! Go forth and amplify” it does seem to invite a free-for-all. (PS how “unmanageable” is a 15 comment thread?)

    On the topic of the forum, I love everything except the outfit I was assigned; how did I end up in gold lame pants? Honey, gold is so not my color.

  17. Jess

    Twisty, tell us: the forum doesn’t replace blog posts, does it? No, it does not.

  18. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Nonsense, Maribelle, *everyone* looks good in Gold Lame Pants.

  19. mAndrea

    That light bulb: most of those women figured their best chance to stay in the class they were born into was to marry back into it.

    In other words, women would rather take the easy way out.


    There will be NO revolution until women are willing to stop taking the easy way out.

    This concept ain’t that fucking complicated.

    Cue the excuses in 5.

  20. mAndrea

    Women taking the easy way out was how we let the patriarchy get established in the first place.

    “Easy” = not wanting to be gang raped or stoned to death, back in the day. Which doesn’t sound so easy, and even today actually fighting against patriarchal brainwashing is extremly difficult. I don’t deny that. But until we are ready to fight tooth and nail, the revolution will never happen.

    The good thing about the forum is that it is a great place for like-minded women to explore the best techniques for fighting back, and Twisty makes a very powerful magnet.

  21. Lexia

    Maribelli, it does seem for women’s rights only, the liberal male mandate for equality is: Earn your own way back up from the very bottom, honey – oh, and we’ll fight tooth and nail to make sure the education and access that might have made you serious job competition mean nothing when it comes to supporting yourself.

    MAndrea, I absolute agree about nothing changing until enough women say enough. Hell, things haven’t even stayed changed without that. Don’t know what’s going to light enough fires to do that, though.

    I’m just glad there’s this board with all its comments and insights that foster my own (believe it or not, mostly silent) exploratory dialogues.

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