Jun 22 2007

Inferiority complex on wheels


UPDATE: Zippy is home, tentatively diagnosed with peripheral vestibular disease. Dog presents with puking, staggering, weird eye movement. In other words, she’s seasick. A full recovery is expected. Thanks for all the well-wishes. Looks like they may have worked.

The dog Zippy, Spinster Aunt HQ’s oldest denizen, is in the hospital again. I’ll be abandoning my post once more until she resolves it one way or the other. Meanwhile, on the way to the vet this morning, I pulled up behind a sun-bleached, blackish, dented GMC van of the sort one imagines is seen parked in front of government buildings just before bombs explode. The driver, reflected in his rear-view mirror, was wearing — that’s right — a green beret. Through the back windows of this van I could make out rifle cases, rolled up American flags, and a black velvet (I think) painting of a bald eagle. On the exterior were four stickers. One was about 2 feet square and proclaimed that the van was a Proud Member of the NATIONAL GUARD! The other three were regular bumper stickers:

“Don’t Steal; The Government Doesn’t Like Competition”

“Keep Honking … I’M RELOADING!

and the sweetest of the sweet:


On NPR yesterday I heard a guy telling how the cops had pulled him over because of his bumper sticker. What did it say? “Powered by 100% Vegetable Oil.”


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  1. anne

    All my best to Zippy, and to you.

  2. Sara

    Oh, poor pumpkin. I hope things resolve pleasantly, and that she feels better soon (and you, too).

  3. Carol

    Sending good vibes your way! Hope Zippy gets better. As for the bumper sticker thing. Kinda scary, eh?

  4. Ganza

    I wish Zippy good luck and health. And to you, Twisty, good luck avoiding militant Green Beret-wearing National Guards-men who like to reload and run over cats.

  5. legallyblondeez

    Hugs to Zippy.

  6. lectric lady

    Sending Very Positive thoughts to Austin.

  7. ChapstickAddict

    Best wishes for your dog.

    And whenever I pass cars with bumper stickers like that, it always reminds me of the dumbass-ahedratron from ATHF.

  8. Rikibeth

    Best wishes for Zippy’s health (and yours).

  9. Zora

    Best to Zippy and you both.

  10. Gayle

    I have an elderly girl, too. She’s my all-time favorite person, just as Zippy is yours.

    I hope she feels no pain and that the two of you pull through this the best you can.

  11. cycles

    Oh, mang. Good luck to sweet Zippy.

    So, North Carolina is going after small-time biodiesel users who aren’t paying fuel use taxes because they buy their eco-friendly fuel from a place that doesn’t charge fuel use taxes, and the fuel-use laws don’t have a good system set up to accept payment from small-timers other than through retroactive fines and riduculously high security bonds? Bravo, North Carolina. Way to use your law enforcement resources wisely.

    I’m a bicycle commuter, and I’ve encountered similar sentiments from certain car drivers who think bikes should stay the hell off the road because they don’t buy gas and don’t pay taxes on it. Not only is that kind of thinking stupid – we don’t live in some kind of pay-as-you-go libertarian nightmare – but it’s not even true. Gas taxes go to highways, where bikes aren’t allowed. Streets are funded by local sales taxes, which everybody pays. I could also point out that cars and trucks do a hell of a lot more damage to these streets than bikes, but I still have to pay for repairing the potholes caused by 2000-lb Hummers. And pollution abatement. And ambulances for car-crash victims. And on and on. I could bitch for hours, but I won’t, because I’m happy to live in a society that divvys up its common resources kinda equally regardless of how much you paid in.

  12. magickitty

    Aw, poor Zippy. Good luck, keep well.

  13. norbizness

    All my best to the puppy dog.

    As for Mr. Bumper Sticker, I think you’ve found Austin Community Access TV’s most loyal viewer.

  14. Gender Blank

    I had a radical friend who bought a used car with a bumper sticker for a Christian radio station already on it and decided to keep it, despite not being a Christian, so she’d be less likely to be pulled over. Or at least cut a little slack if she were. I thought she was a bit crazy, but the NPR story might indicate otherwise.

    Good vibes to Zippy!!

  15. slade

    Please get well Zippy….and to give you something to look forward to…soon you can piss all over that Nat’l Guardman’s legs.

    There has to be a semi out there with that beret-wearing asshole’s name on it. A ‘splat’ that certainly will make the world a better place.

  16. rootlesscosmo

    Best wishes to Zippy and the whole Twisty HQ group.

  17. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Poor Zippy. She’s my favorite dog on the intertubes, so I’m sending happy get-well thoughts her way. Here’s hoping she’s soon up and striking fear in the hearts of mailmen. Also on accounta she’s your dog.

    I’d also wish for your National Guardsman’s deployment to another place, but I wouldn’t wanna inflict him on other people. There’s nothing quite like a homegrown terrorist asshole. He’s scarier to me than the foreign-born fellas.

  18. delphyne

    I hope poor Zippy will be OK.

  19. CLD

    My best to Zippy and to you, Twisty.

    I steer clear of Guard Cultists and their frightening modes of transportation. I also keep my kitties inside, where no harm nor tires can find them.

  20. lawbitch

    *Hugs for Zippy and Twisty.*

  21. tinfoil hattie

    Best to sweet Zippy & to you too, sweet Twisty.

  22. Hattie

    All my best to the dog. As to the Green Beret: well, when we get universal health care let’s not let him have any.

  23. alphabitch

    awww Zippy. Ruby sez woof woof.

    That scofflaw biodiesel guy on NPR is my pal Bob Tiexiera, whom I met via a sign on a coffeeshop bulletin board that said “Puppy needs home, call Bob” and there was a picture of the most beautiful pointy-eared puppy I’d ever seen. That was about twelve years ago now, but Stella is still ambling along after two knee surgeries and a pit bull attack. She sends Zippy her best wishes too.

    I’ve been looking into running an old diesel car on vegetable oil here in North Carolina myself, and was pretty amazed by all the hoops to jump through regarding the road use taxes, etc. They don’t make it easy, that’s for sure.

  24. jodie a.c

    Hope you and Zippy will be okay.

  25. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Sniff. Poor Zippy! (Hugs)

  26. Repenting

    My best wishes for Zippy as well, for all its worth! Animals can be better friends than humans, sometimes.

  27. shitflinger

    My dog’s been in and out of the vet as well lately, getting old sucks. Her spine’s collapsing and she’s missing toes and her legs don’t work and it’s all just awful really. Give Zippy a big hug for me when she gets out.

  28. thebewilderness

    IBTP for critters short lives. I know the stinkin P probably isn’t responsible, but I’m blamin’ on ’em anyway because I feel like acting like an entitled asshat for just a minute, unlike the home grown terrorist in the green beret.

  29. tinfoil hattie

    “I’m a bicycle commuter, and I’ve encountered similar sentiments from certain car drivers who think bikes should stay the hell off the road because they don’t buy gas and don’t pay taxes on it.”

    Oh, come ON! You don’t pollute the air and use up the earth’s valuable natural resources, so you shouldn’t use “our” ROADS? WTF?

    We are backwards. Insanely backwards. And for that, I do BTP.

    Now to go find something to be cheerful about.

  30. annared

    *small sob* look after the zip and your self.

  31. Patti

    Thinking of you and Zippy today.

    I converted my oil furnace to take biodiesel. I hope my delivery peeps don’t turn me in.

  32. OM

    So sorry about your doggy.

    As for inferiority complexes on wheels, I call them “sorry about your penis” vehicles.

  33. Brianne

    Good luck to Zippy.

  34. Sylvanite

    I love how the green beret-wearing jackass belongs to the National Guard and hates the government. What is it with these people?

  35. Sylvanite

    Oh, and best of luck to poor Zippy.

  36. Lindsay Beyerstein

    Twisty, I’m so sorry to hear that Zippy’s not well. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

  37. dr.sue

    Hoping for the best possible outcome for Zippy.

    The green beret guy may have gone over the edge based on experiences with the military, causing him to hate and distrust the goverment. Maybe we’ll get him on our side yet.

  38. kathy a

    scritches to zippy. tacos to her clan.

  39. Patti

    Ew, poor Zippy! Makes me dizzy just hearing about it.

  40. dr.sue

    GOVERNMENT. Jeez. Sorry.

  41. kate

    I love how the green beret-wearing jackass belongs to the National Guard and hates the government.

    Ain’t that the truth girl, some of the biggest screamers are the ones sucking the hardest on the teat.

    GOVERNMENT. Jeez. Sorry

    No, gubmint. As in, “All da gubmint does is take ma hard earned monee fer ta pay fer dem mexeecins ta git on welfare…I mean looka the taxes they take outta ma fire man’s pension, if it weren’t for da social security and ma veteran’s pension, I’d have to sell my boat or work part time or some damn thing!”

  42. thebewilderness

    I think green beret man is going for the McVeigh look.

  43. Mar Iguana

    So glad to hear Zippy’s going to be fine.

  44. tinfoil hattie

    Whew! Way to go, Zipster. All your dogs is belong to us, you know.

  45. Sara

    I’m so relieved. She’s such a cutie-pie.

    Snuggles and pets all round.

  46. rootlesscosmo

    Glad to hear Zippy’s expected to recover. Is there some veterinary equivalent of Dramamine? I used to get airsick, before there were commercial jets (yes, I’m that old) and Dramamine helped.

  47. ew_nc

    Here’s hoping Zippy gets past the doggie-ralphs soon. I hope you don’t wake up to a pile of it next to your bed in the morning, Twisty.

    And as for the van guy, I guess his “Show Me Your Tits” bumper sticker fell off.

  48. Grumpybear

    Get well hugs to the doggie!

    Here are some neat-o bumper stickers that I have seen driving the vast spans of Texas highways:

    “I love animals. They are delicious.”

    “If they call it tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?”

    “Keep out of Austin, weirdo”

    Those are just my three faves out of the mijillions of double-takers I’ve seen ’round these here parts.

  49. Helen

    Hugs to Zippy, and an “aaaaaarrghoooooooeeee” from maggie, our own black and tan fur kid.

  50. Sasha

    Glad to hear Zippy’s prognosis is good. YAY! I hate hate hate it when my pup (my 18 year old pup) is ill.

  51. Cass

    I arrived too late for the bad news, and just in time for the good. I’m so glad Zippy’s going to be all right.

  52. sw

    I, myself, had the exact same diagnosis 2 weeks ago–the doc predicted it would go away in half a week. It took about 10 days! I feel for Zippy, but glad for you both that that’s *all* it is.

  53. Silence

    Ah, seasickness is rotten, but glad to know she’s going to be fine once she gets over it! Just adopted a new dog — a retired racing Greyhound — so my thoughts are with all poochkind right now.

    No comment on the bumper stickers, but a psychologist could probably have a field day.

  54. The Reverend B. Dagger Lee

    Puking, staggering, weird eye movement–oh sure, peripheral vestibular disease. Is she argumentative, too? Maudlin? I suggest you look behind the toolshed or in the woodshed and whatnot. I suggest a large collection of empty bottles will be found.

  55. Penny

    My partner had what Zippy had and made a full recovery – good health Zippy!

  56. josie my source of most frustration

    Antoinette, I’m with you on the subject of deploying that guy. Our reputation abroad is bad enough! Let’s keep him here, where we can ostensibly keep an eye on him.

    I’m also glad that Zippy’s feeling better and that it was nothing serious.

  57. Ron Sullivan

    Are you sure Zippy hasn’t just recently learned to read bumperstickers? Sounds likie a reasonable set of after-effects to me; I’m assuming she encountered one or two before the trip to the vet. They’d be at her eye level, remember, and she’s not an old jaded cynic like some of us.

  58. coco

    11 year old Yellow Dog had a vestibular scarys this winter. She couldn’t make it up or down the two steps into the house without falling but recovered completely in about two months. Zippy will too, just know it. All the best.

  59. Miller

    Oh good, I’m so glad to hear she’s doing well. I hate to read about pets not doing well: too sad.

  60. Miller

    I should have written that it’s great to hear she’s going to get well.

  61. Twisty

    “Is there some veterinary equivalent of Dramamine? ”

    Yup. Dramamine. It works, too. But I can’t give it to her often enough to keep her completely asymptomatic. So she’s gonna be under the weather, off and on, for a while yet.

  62. Joanna

    Poor Zippy! I had a similar case of the staggers (no pukes though) a while back, and it was scary. I’m glad it’s something relatively minor.

  63. TinaH

    Best wishes to Zippy Dog. I hope she feels better soonly. And her person as well.

  64. Buttercup

    My best wishes to Zippy, from a fellow sufferer of vestibular disease… may the Zip make a full and complete recovery and not be afflicted with chronic issues like yours truly.

  65. Catherine Martell

    I’m late too; grossed out by bumper stickers; relieved by forthcoming recovery of dog. A scronch to the ear of Zippy. A clip to the ear of nutcase Timothy McVeigh impersonator dude. And that’s a clip as in this sort of thing:
    … rather than another distasteful joke about reloading.

  66. stekatz

    Best wishes Zippy! Glad she’s home and doing better.

  67. Theriomorph

    Get well right quick, Zippy –

  68. lindsay

    awww, peripheral vestibular disease is a sad thing to see, we just had a lil dog named daisy at our hospital who had the same thing. walkin’ all kindsa sideways. goes away with time though, and i know you’ll take good care of zippy while she recuperates.

  69. Laurel

    So…I suppose a bumper sticker that said “keep being a sexist, woman-hating asshole, I’m reloading” would be totally and completely wrong? Okay. I knew that. Just checkin’.

  70. ProseHack65

    Delurking to say how great to hear Zippy’s good news.

    I have a 17 year old Australian Shepherd mix who presented the same way. Assuming it was a stroke, and having promised to never put her through “all that” because I couldn’t let go, I took her to the vet to have her euthanized. Luckily, the vet was very familiar with the disease, common especially in geriatric dogs, and talked me into giving her 48 hours…

    Needless to say, there was slight improvement that continued. She’s now about 98% of her old self (still gets a bit addled now and again), and I’m very grateful to my vet.

    I figure since she’s 17, I only have about 10 good years left with her as it is. ;-)

    Best to both of you.

  71. mustelid

    Kisses and ear scritches to Zippy! Here’s for a quick and easy total recovery.

  72. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Aww, Zippy, I’ve felt the same way in the back of a van on a ride down Mt. Tamalpais, and if there’s something more miserable, I don’t wanna know. I’m hoping it will pass off quickly, but I’m happy to hear it isn’t anything more serious.

  73. Otter

    Twisty- one of our dogs had that condition when she was an old girl. It was distressing to witness, and required intervention… but with a little medicine, TLC and time, she recovered.

    Best to you both!

  74. Anne

    Cute dog. Get well Zippy!

  75. Flamethorn

    Well wishes to Zippy and for your daily dose of reader-submitted patriarchy to blame here’s a photo collection from Radar Magazine about Japanese theme brothels.

  76. Flamethorn

    Correction, here’s the start page. http://www.radaronline.com/features/misc_content/060908_japan/index.php

  77. Clio Bluestocking

    Zippy should bite that bumpersticker dude on the butt. Might make her feel better!

  1. Diggin’ « Circle of Fifths

    […] Jun 23rd, 2007 by ds Reading Twisty’s post about the National Guardsman with the bumper stickers reminds me of a trip I made to Canadian Tire a few years ago, looking for something to kill ants. […]

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