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Aug 11 2007

Sneezes are just as good as orgasms: discuss

finnbirthday2.jpg
My young blood relative Finn swats a piñata at her second birthday. It was at this very party that various opportunistic microbes chose to jump from some sick kid’s nose into the guacamole that I eventually ate, forcing me to take to my bed for the past 5 days. Pictured on the piñata are The Wiggles, Finn’s great obsession. The Wiggles are kiddie entertainers, the result of a tragic transporter accident wherein four Australian dorks from Starfleet Academy attempted to beam up with The Monkees.

Have you ever wondered what your opinion would be if you knew more?

This is the question put to me by Margaret Mason, author of No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. She asks it in the 55th idea, “Take Sides.” Some merry prankster sent me Mason’s blogging manual a while back, thinking to poke joke holes in my devout belief in one of the fundamental human truths: that everybody cares what I had for lunch. Anyway, this morning, as I was languishing around the Twisty TempurPedic fighting off two or three infectious diseases recently contracted at a tykely birthday party, I spied this book poking out from under a pile of MIchael Innes mysteries.

“Well,” I said, although not out loud, because my throat looks and feels like roadkill, “I’ve got writer’s block. What the hell?”

I have already, somewhere in this bloated oeuvre, made fun of No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog and its outrageous titular premise, but this morning I picked it up to actually get an idea for my blog. I’ve got writer’s block, see. I haven’t written a post since about 1947.

Mason intimates gently that perhaps I wouldn’t feel so stupid if I just spent an hour on the Internet doing “balanced” research on some “big topic.” After weighing the pros and cons of, as she suggests, “religious freedom” or “human rights” for 60 minutes, I should be sufficiently informed to enlarge on the chosen issue with lucidity and voluble passion.

It took a moment for my appreciation of this crystalline genius to jellify. An hour’s worth of Googling would soon put me right! It was all I needed to transform myself from blogaphasic slob to published authority on a big topic. And I could do it all with my iPhone, without having to so much as coax my fever-wracked physique into a sitting position. Didn’t I tell you guys that that goofy
gadget/tool of the patriarchy would come in handy? This project was gonna be a snap.

It got even snappier when I recalled (with some effort) that I already have an opinion on religious freedom, and so could skip the tedious Google step altogether. That opinion goes a little something like this: keep your creepy crucified misogynist mystics out of my face already.

Then I blew my nose, ejecting fragments of my brain that contained the opinions on the Bush administration and whether little girls in Halifax should be forced to go to glamour camp instead of fishing camp, so I had to do a little reading up after all. It turns out I’m against both.

And then I sneezed convulsively for the 567th time today, and it felt swell, which led me to the biggest topic of all: the great Sneeze/Orgasm Debate. Spasm for spasm, all untoward social ramifications aside, what’s the diff? Pleasure is just an electrochemical reaction. At least with sneezing, nobody gets oppressed or conceived. Although that “bless you” thing that everybody does afterward kind of creeps me out.

Anyway, thanks, Margaret Mason!

Incidentally, my lunch today consists of penicillin, Mucinex, diflucan, Advil, and a thermometer. Which is nothing to sneeze at.

[Glamour camp link courtesy of Slashy]

61 comments

1 ping

  1. ew_nc

    Finn appears to be ready to take a fairly mighty swing o’ the bat at the keyboard-playing Wiggle. I trust it landed with a satisfactory thud.

  2. Funambulator

    Ack! I went to my 4-year-old niece’s birthday last night! Now I’m paranoid!

  3. Reverend B. Dagger Lee

    Well, everyone knows you shouldn’t smoke at all, but it’s probably worse to smoke after sneezing, than after t’other.

    And I know that proves something.

  4. thebewilderness

    I thought the title of that book was just plain silly, since everyone knows we are all fascinated by what you had for lunch. Now it appears that the content is even sillier than the title. Excellent entertainment value there. Particularly good when you are sick, since you won’t remember anything about it after you recover.
    Be well soon, please.

  5. Orange

    I stick with “Gesundheit!” when I acknowledge a sneeze.

    I’ve been a little sneezy in the last few days, and somehow I’m turning into my mother or my Nigel, because the sneezes are accompanied by high-pitched screams. I suspect this is a sign of the apocalypse.

    I need more data in order to consider the sneeze/orgasm issue (and by issue, I don’t mean mucus and spooge). What percentage of the world’s orgasms arise from two-person activity with the potential for oppression or conception, vs. what percentage arise from solo activity, vs. what percentage come from conception-risk-free two-person activities?

    Self-wrangled orgasms involve no oppression or risk of pregnancy, and no risk of disease transmission. Sneezes, on the other hand, spread plenty of diseases. Pending additional data, I have to give the edge to orgasm.

  6. PhysioProf

    My favorite Wiggles tune is “Fruit Salad”, cause it’s yummy, yummy.

  7. citywood

    Re: the Star article – I am pleased to see that Lydia already seems to be a young blamer.
    Get better soon!

  8. magickitty

    I’ve been sick for the past two years. I blame the small child who lives with me, preschool, and public transport.

  9. pisaquari

    It was always my understanding sneezing was a way for the body to expel the unwanted.
    See, now, if orgasms did this, sex might have a snowflakes chance in hell under the P.

    But, of course, Uncle Pat lets nothing go unbranded:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sneezing_fetishism

  10. ::wendy::

    The similarity doesn’t end with the pleasant convulsions… …and the a-a-a-a-anticipaTIONNN. You can pass the pleasure of sneezing to people near to you through genetics (e.g. allergy sneezes) or microbe sharing such as young-bloods are wont to do.

    Welcome back.

  11. Flash

    They do blog manuals now?

  12. notalady

    I like to acknowledge sneezes (which are tolerated in mixed company better than orgasms) with a hearty “Yahoo!” or “Yeeha!” After all, the person has just successfully ejected something irritating from their face. That deserves a compliment.

  13. Jennifer

    “Sneezes are just as good as orgasms. Discuss”

    Um, no. I don’t think so.

  14. Sarah

    After someone has sneezed I make a point to ask them “did you have a good sneeze?” and most of the time people are so startled by the lack of bless-yous and presence of an answerable question that they stop and think about their answer a while. My mother, whom I have long suspected of being sexually frigid and perfectly content, always responds with a hearty “no! I hate sneezing!”
    As for myself, now that my best friend has taken it upon himself to ask me how my sneezes have been, I always say “fantastic!” because, they are.

  15. sun rat

    The appropriate response to a sneeze in the Rat household is “EWWW! SNOT!”

    Sometimes I really do try to behave like an adult in the workplace.

  16. niki

    I have this problem when people at work sneeze, because I was raised in a family that taught me that if you don’t say ‘bless you’ after someone sneezes, you’re an asshole. None of us are religious, either, I always assumed it’s just one of the weird ritualistic behaviors my mom picked up in foster care as a kid.

    But then I got ordained by the Universal Church of Life (free! online!) in order to marry a couple of crazy friends in Philly next year. So lately, to balance out my atheism and my innate need to try to be nice, I’ve been responding to sneezers with ‘Bless you, my child. Let me know if you need a marriage or burial, I can do those things now, I’m a Reverend’.

  17. femhist

    I always go with “salud” (health), which seems an appropriate response to sneezing.
    And, my goodness, that is one articulate 9 year old! Good on her.

  18. kindacoolblindchick

    I’m kind of a freak…to me orgasms and sneezes (at least the successful ones) feel pretty much alike. shrugs…I dig it, anyway.

    Re: sharing the pleasure of a sneeze, anybody remember “The Lonely Guy”?

  19. TP

    Lately I’ve been wondering if it isn’t simply the erection that fuels man’s cultural addiction to hypersexuality. I mean, look at that boner drug men invented that starts with V – the most useless drug ever invented for achieving orgasm. But just fine for having an erection.

    I have half-remembered wisps of information that seemed to be about research that showed that women have more powerful orgasms. In the course of my own sex life, I’ve noticed vast and unsubtle variances in the effects of orgasm. I have mused if men have really crappy orgasms because they can’t relax during sex, they end up blaming women instead of the patriarchy. It’s part of the mystery of why men hate women so much and are so freaking angry all the time.

    Meanwhile, over in my latest Harper’s, I noticed a favorable review of Dworkin’s Intercourse, which has been reissued. The reviewer acknowledges Dworkin’s prose skills more than once, supports some of her arguments, and can only counter them by noting that Dworkin doesn’t address the issue of sexual pleasure as well as she should.

    There’s a blog entry there for you, Twisty! Please get well soon.

  20. Shira

    If you’re still blogaphasic, I’d love to hear your take on this story about an artist who photographs herself raping and marrying her custom-made realdoll doppleganger.

  21. medrecgal

    Orange, I’m totally with you on this one. You hit it dead on when you wrote: “Self-wrangled orgasms involve no oppression or risk of pregnancy, and no risk of disease transmission.” There’s nothing that says women have to be deprived of the pleasures of their own bodies just because the P suggests the only way to get a “proper” orgasm is through heterosexual intercourse. Entire treatises about this belief have been written, and some of them–by a few of the world’s most prominent men– are naturally replete with sexist, patriarchal, outdated, misogynist attitudes regarding women and their sexual response.

    As to whether sneezes are just as good, I would have to disagree generally, but it could depend on context. Usually sneezes are caused by illness or allergy or some other irritant; however, perhaps many women also find sex to be an irritant as well. It all depends. I vote for the orgasm, but only in the context described by Orange.

  22. high-strung oddball

    The link to the poor Canadian girl who isn’t allowed to go fishing because it’s “for boys” brought back sooo many memories of my youth. Glamorous Girls camp sounds like hell on earth to me. Getting a pedicure would be WAY too much touching for me now, not to mention when I was a lass of five to twelve. And five- to twelve-year-olds getting makeup smeared on their poor little faces? Sounds so wrong to me. I mean, to each their own, but if that’s the only girls-only option, that’s a pretty clear statement: “get ready to have no fun at all for the rest of your life.”

    I can’t possibly even get into debating the title. :) orgasm =/= allergies

  23. lawbitch

    Sorry that wigglin’ with the young one got you sick. Hope that you’re feeling better soon.

    BTW, my favorite Wiggle is Maury. He’s so kind to the children during the concerts. I observed him making sure that each child that wants to meet him has a chance. That’s why the Wiggles rock!

  24. Jezebella

    When I’m sick, there is nothing more satisfying than a sneeze. I don’t even want to think about sex.

    When I’m healthy, well, I’ll have to vote for the orgasm.

  25. Patti

    My cat always meows at me after I sneeze. I have no idea what he’s saying.

  26. Iris

    I have some pretty intense dust/mold allergies, and it is a rarified occasion on which I enjoy a sneeze, rather than feel plagued by thousands. I live in a run down Detroit Victorian house (in month 10 of my repairs), so mold ain’t hard to come by.

    I also prefer “Salud”. Is it weird that we acknowledge some bodily expulsions with congratulation or well wishes?

  27. Twisty

    “Is it weird that we acknowledge some bodily expulsions with congratulation or well wishes?”

    Maybe not, when you consider that sneezes often portend illness. Back in the olden days, when they made up all these social requirements, it was probably sneeze today, dead tomorrow.

  28. Shira

    Bart: Well if your souls real where is it?
    Milhouse: It’s kinda in here… and when you sneeze, that’s your soul trying to escape. Saying god bless you crams it back in. And when you die, it squirms out and flies away!
    Bart: What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean.
    Milhouse: Oh, it can swim, it’s even got wheels, incase you die in the desert and have to drive to the cemetary.

  29. Iris

    Huh. Just read the Chicago Reader article on the rape/marriage RealDoll art. When you push through the mindblowing stupidity in the comments, one commenter asks what it means when an artist makes a video of rear penetration by both a man and a women and calls it art, and the fact that women do that everyday for survival. My visceral reaction is that this is a prettl Liberal project, but maybe I’m wrong. I like that it touches on American narcissism and the commodification of the body, but her commentary on her lust for the doll doesn’t come across as satire, or introspection. Iiiii dunno, I’l read it again.

  30. Sasha

    Sneezes — not so good. I apparently had instilled in me at a very early age a semi-automated mechanism to supress sneezes. So instead of a satisfying full blow (yeah, yeah) sneeze, I have this inward explosion with a tiny sound. (IBTP) Fortunately no one instilled a similar reaction with orgasms which remain free and noisy.

    I would write an Ode to Mucinex by my fingers are tired.

  31. Jodie

    Usually I am sneezing due to allergies, which means that my nose is uncontrollably itchy, which is very unpleasant. If it’s all the same to you, I’ll take orgasms, thanks.

  32. Twisty

    Iris, it is impossible to tell from a breezy, sexy, edgy article in the Chicago Reader what is going on with that piece. It seems unlikely that staging mock rapes for public consumption could entail any philosophic value, but, as I posted over there under the predictable deluge of “I’d hit that” commentary, I’d be interested to hear the artist’s defense of this as feminist rebellion.

  33. rainie

    I must not be sneezing right.

  34. Ron Sullivan

    I’ve had some sneezes that were kinda almost right up there with orgasms, but orgasms never give me a headache or made my nose bleed. I’m trying to figure out which half of that sentence makes me all privileged, what with all the allergies. Plus that first year working pedes, whew. Felt like a walking petri dish.

    There’s a reason we named our middle imaginary child Vector.

  35. slythwolf

    Disturbingly, the “bless you” thing comes from the antiquated belief that when you sneeze your soul exits your body and has to get back in, but before it can, if nobody blesses you right away, a demon might get into you instead! I say it anyway, though, because I live in rural Michigan and not to say it is considered insulting, especially if you know the person who’s just sneezed.

    I like orgasms better than sneezes, partially because I can choose when to have them and consequently can make my mess in private instead of in front of strangers.

  36. the little one

    It is hard to think of the sneezes as orgasim issue when you’re telling us again that you have writer’s block. What’s up? Maybe the sickness is making your brain soft? Nah, we all get the dreaded block. May I suggest that you do tell us about your lunch? (Okay, you do – nice btw.) Tell us about whatever. We don’t care. I’ve heard (of course, most of what ya hear is crap, but still, maybe . .. ) that the way to get through writer’s block is to write. Okay, doesn’t make sense, I know. Still, you don’t have to give us the most insanely great feminist critique every day. Just give us something. We’ll take whatever you got.

  37. PhoenixRising

    Vector, heh. Ron, I left my young’un with my sister the scientist and her non-husband, also a scientist, for the night. (Overnight babysitting required over an hour of instruction plus a written manual, which I felt was a bit much since the child speaks for herself at current age.) On pickup they asked a number of questions about the details and costs of childcare, which led to revelations about their reproductive plans.

    Little sister was saddened more than amused when I explained that she, a person with an immune disorder, simply can’t consider group care a cost savings measure. Because kids are the best vectors you can imagine and she will miss months of work at best.

    I also shared with her that our other sister, who has a child, is working on the final touches for the band we plan to form as soon as our kids are older, the Unexpected Effluvia. We think our song ‘Pre-School is a Cesspool’ will go platinum. Working on a deal to get the single shrink-wrapped with diaper wipes.

    Twisty, you’re far too valuable to society to attend birthday parties. They’re lively with effluvia.

    On topic, I’ve never had a sneeze that made me want to repeat contact with the allergen, so I gotta hand it to orgasms. (Not that I don’t want ongoing proximity to my dog, just that her presence is less welcome due to the sneezing rather than more so.)

  38. kate

    “Have you ever wondered what your opinion would be if you knew more?”

    All the time and everytime I put forward an opinion I know it is sorely lacking.

    I posted over there where that article was as well. I agree, there isn’t enough information to really form an informed opinion and I’m sure I’ll never see the real show, so oh well.

    I have a problem with women commercializing and objectifying themselves and then proclaiming “See, women objectify themselves all the time! How about that!” I’d like for once to see a feminist artist make a statement without using her sexuality as the central thesis of the statement, especially if she’s trying to say that women are participating too much in their sexualization.

    Well shit, I guess I’d know the answer if I studied art in university.

  39. larkspur

    Sneezes and orgasms. Hey, what if orgasms could be similar to sneezes: if you have intercourse with a man, and you don’t wish to become pregnant, you must have an orgasm within eight hours of the event, thereby expelling the unwanted spermlets (or at least the fastest swimmers) before they even get into the home stretch. The funnest contraception ever. And with the eight hour window, you can go off (and get off) alone in your own special comfy place.

    Hmm. I think I’ve detected a small flaw. What if you wish to become pregnant? You would have to be careful not to have an orgasm while you are having intercourse. Yes, I know this is really difficult, a serious problem, O yes, because 99% of women orgasm simultaneously with their partner. This is my opinion, and I am sticking to it. At least until I know more.

    Anyway, I vote for orgasms. Because look: if a sneeze is coming, you really really need it to happen to get some relief. One can feel that way about an orgasm, too, but usually you get to that gotta-have-it point by a deliberate, concerted effort. It’s not like, pinata, guacamole, small crowds of moppets, sporks, ribbons, orgasm.

    Plus after orgasms, my nether regions never get congested, and I don’t have to prop ‘em up on pillows in order to get to sleep.

    It occurs to me that people may be referring to sneezes unrelated to rhinoviruses. The One Perfect Sneeze versus the One Perfect Orgasm. Not to be confused with the One Perfect Rose or the One Perfect Limousine.

    Yay. For several minutes now I haven’t been thinking of DOS attacks.

  40. Carpenter

    For me orgasm beats sneezing hands down. However there have been times where I had to pee sooooo bad that when I finally got to it almost rivaled an orgasm.

  41. incognotter

    I’d go with the orgasm. But perhaps I just need to do facial exercises to improve the tone of my rhinal muscles?

  42. metamanda

    I second that, Carpenter.

    For me it’s not so much that sneezing feels like orgasming, it’s more that getting almost there and then failing to sneeze is frustrating in the same way as the orgasmic equivalent. I’m getting irritated just thinking about it.

    I say “gesundheit”, which amuses my German-speaking friends. When I was little (4 or 5), I used to correct people who said “bless you” or “God bless you” by pointing out that I didn’t believe in God.

  43. Urban

    I always thought that the reason people say ‘Bless you’ after you’ve sneezed was because it was the last in the list of the symptoms of the [insert nasty medieval disease here] bubonic or black plague. As in:
    “Ring o’ ring o’ roses (circular red rash)
    A pocket full of posies (flowers, to cover smell of decaying flesh)
    Atishoo! Atishoo! (sneezing)
    We all fall down.” (death)

    I thought people said ‘bless you’ because there was nothing more to be done for you once you’d got to that stage, and they were blessing your soul before its entry into the afterlife, or whatever.

    I’m sure I learnt that at primary school, though I could be mixing up my stories. Or maybe the teacher was having a laugh with us poor impressionables and I’m a gullible fool. But if true, it does make ‘bless you’ even more depressing a response to a sneeze.

  44. Marytracy9

    This has nothing to do with this post, but since I wanted to send you an e-mail and I can’t find your address, I might as well write it here.

    The other day I got assaulted by a feminist doubt, and I was wondering if you and your obstreperal lobe could help me with it.

    It basically goes on like this. Strippers have, according to mainstream views, “power”. (Yeah, right, they are so empowerfulled they could run the world one handedly). The question is, why, once the stripper comes down, she’s so hated? Of course, what I mean is that they are hated “more” than the average female is. It’s the same situation with “high class” strippers of the Britney Spears clan. When they are up there, they have all the power and money a woman can aspire to have, but then, crap is being thrown at them left, right, and centre, from men, women, children and their dog.
    I know it has to do with “the oppressed class can’t have power over the oppressor class and get away with it”, but I can’t quite understand the theoretical reasoning behind it.

    And while I’m here, I wanted to congratulate you on your blog once again.

  45. slashy

    There are sorts of orgasms that are the pleasure-equivalent of sneezing, in that satisfaction has been achieved, I guess, after a sort of build up process. In fact I’d even say that sometimes sneezing is more satisfying because it’s hard for a sneeze to be unsatisfying (unless it gets tragically cut off), whereas it’s quite possible for an orgasm to be unsatisfying. However, once you’re up the big end of town, with the sorts of orgasms that seem to arrest various seemingly-unrelated body parts and set them all aflutter, then comparisons with sneezing seem like an affront. Every time I give myself one of those orgasms I want to go make myself a martini as congratulations. It certainly seems like an occasion worth marking.

    “Here lies Slashy, who just gave herself a toe-curling whopper of an orgasm, and who will be with you in just a second when her brain-function returns.”

  46. Iris

    Aye, Twisty. My visceral urge to vomit in my keyboard was correct.

  47. scrappybadger

    “After weighing the pros and cons of, as she suggests, ‘religious freedom’ or ‘human rights’ for 60 minutes, I should be sufficiently informed to enlarge on the chosen issue with lucidity and voluble passion.”

    Ugh. Is “Margaret Mason” a freshman in college? She sure sounds like my composition students. 1 hour (or less) googling, yahooing, and/or scouring whatgodthinksyoushouldthink.com = quality research.

    slythwolf said, “Disturbingly, the ‘bless you’ thing comes from the antiquated belief that when you sneeze your soul exits your body and has to get back in, but before it can, if nobody blesses you right away, a demon might get into you instead!”

    Interesting, but I’d prefer the demons in me. Maybe one day I’ll respond with “Fuck you” just to see what happens.

  48. Sean

    “You are SOOOOOOO good-looking!”

  49. Dawn Coyote

    Well, I, for one, am relieved to see you blaming up a storm again, rhinovirus notwithstanding. I don’t want to make you feel obligated or anything, but I feel compelled to tell you that I’m about halfway through the blamer transformation, and this stage is particularly unpleasant. Imagine one of those alien creatures who is shedding its adopted form and returning to its natural state, and for the moment is some weird hybrid, with the each part at war with the other: I’m all hairy legs and high heels and upraised fist. And pissed off. Really, really pissed off.

  50. Dawn Coyote

    And to your question: orgasams probably deliver more oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins (is oxytocin dependant on 2nd party assistance? I dunno). A good run is better than either.

    I’m with scrappybadger:

    “Interesting, but I’d prefer the demons in me. Maybe one day I’ll respond with “Fuck you” just to see what happens.”

  51. Spikat

    I often respond, “Pooh bless you.” I just like the way it rhymes. Feel free to insert your own favorite imaginary character.

  52. Twisty

    “You are SOOOOOOO good-looking!”

    Ha! I’d forgotten all about that.

  53. Mme. Termagant

    Madam is reminded of an early chapter of her experience with L’éducation sexuelle: The little neighbor girl brought out a book she was given by her parents on this delicate matter. Inside were whimsical cartoons which took us on a guided tour of the body.

    And What is an Orgasm, The book posited. “An orgasm is like a sneeze only much, much better.” Of course this made immediate sense to both young scholars.

    The neighbor girl conspiratorially confided that she masturbated. She was careful to pronounce the word correctly.

    I of course responded that I most certainly did not share her interest in her newfound hobby.

    At age 10, I was a very good liar, as were we all.

  54. Iris

    MaryTracy9: How do strippers have power? They are often brokered as the property of men, against their will, usually have a history of sexual abuse, are not subject to the same scant legal good-ol-boy protection against rape as ‘non-strippers’ (except that we’re all whores, right?), are often mauled, raped, harassed, insulted, belittled, possibly murdered and/or prostituted on the job, often become addicted to drugs that only their ‘high’ income can maintain-to the benefit of their managers/pimps, are mocked as expendable dregs in the media, etc. They are also often driven to the job by desperation, –or naively believe that when they become glamorous strippers, they’ll have ‘power’.

    Their bodies are commodities and objects in an even more literal sense than women who are not strippers. Thus they are subject to an incredibly high rate of violence, murder, disease, rape, assault, depression and drug addiction. There is no power in being paid to do what men want you to against your will. It is certainly not their choice!

  55. Cooper

    Did anyone else look at the picture and think that Twisty had used photoshop to make a pinata depicting Sulu, Kirk, and a red shirt from Star Trek cast playing in a band in some kind of strange bid to end her writer’s block? On the plus side, I guess I can finally call myself an adult, now that there are major kid trends I don’t recognize immediately by sight.

  56. alphabitch

    Ruby barks at me when I sneeze. She also barks at me when I have an orgasm. So yeah, sneezes are as good as orgasms at making the dog bark.

  57. Zora

    Sneezing is fun, but I prefer a really great crap myself.

  58. Ron Sullivan

    … the antiquated belief that when you sneeze your soul exits your body and has to get back in…

    Yeah, I heard that one some years back. Ever since, I’ve had visions of the soul as some nebulous amoeboid thing attached by elastic strings of snot, flying out through the nose and bungee-ing back in again, maybe only when prompted.

    Puts a damper on that “Bless you” reflex, it does.

  59. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Sneezes versus orgasms, hmm. It’s a puzzlement.

    I’ve had some sneezes that were right up there with the other involuntary spasm, but if I sneeze too hard or too many times in rapid succession I sometimes pee my pants. That’s never happened to me with the other thing, although a pants-wetting sneeze and a seismic O both make me wanna leave the premises in a hurry.

    I’ve never expelled green or yellow slime at the approximate speed of sound upon experiencing orgasm. A sneeze can sneak up on a person unawares and unprovoked, but the other requires a kind of specific hokey-pokey, sometimes involving appliances. And a knee-buckling climax is not very often a symptom of disease or allergy.

    Both are inconvenient and can get a girl uninvited to all the really important parties.

  60. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    As for the soul, like Dr. Larch in “The Cider House Rules”, I suspect it of lurking somewhere in the liver.

  61. Chicago

    I have often personally compared the feeling of my orgasm to a sneeze. Yes, the anticipation, the feeling, the brevity. But no one else has mentioned the “here it comes here it comes here it comes oh crap it disappeared!” phenom.

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