I’ve had some sneezes that were right up there with the other involuntary spasm, but if I sneeze too hard or too many times in rapid succession I sometimes pee my pants. That’s never happened to me with the other thing, although a pants-wetting sneeze and a seismic O both make me wanna leave the premises in a hurry.

I’ve never expelled green or yellow slime at the approximate speed of sound upon experiencing orgasm. A sneeze can sneak up on a person unawares and unprovoked, but the other requires a kind of specific hokey-pokey, sometimes involving appliances. And a knee-buckling climax is not very often a symptom of disease or allergy.

Both are inconvenient and can get a girl uninvited to all the really important parties.

Yeah, I heard that one some years back. Ever since, I’ve had visions of the soul as some nebulous amoeboid thing attached by elastic strings of snot, flying out through the nose and bungee-ing back in again, maybe only when prompted.

Puts a damper on that “Bless you” reflex, it does.

Their bodies are commodities and objects in an even more literal sense than women who are not strippers. Thus they are subject to an incredibly high rate of violence, murder, disease, rape, assault, depression and drug addiction. There is no power in being paid to do what men want you to against your will. It is certainly not their choice!

And What is an Orgasm, The book posited. “An orgasm is like a sneeze only much, much better.” Of course this made immediate sense to both young scholars.

The neighbor girl conspiratorially confided that she masturbated. She was careful to pronounce the word correctly.

I of course responded that I most certainly did not share her interest in her newfound hobby.

At age 10, I was a very good liar, as were we all.

Ha! I’d forgotten all about that.