Fans of compulsory pregnancy should be pleased that a new law in Missouri, taking effect next week, will put the government all up in women’s business and further solidify the state’s claim to ownership of American uteruses. The law twists the coathanger in several gruesome and trendy directions. For instance, suddenly abortion clinics will have to become ‘ambulatory surgical centers’, which are subject to unnecessary government regulation and are vastly more expensive to maintain. A clinic in Columbia, MO, home of the University of Missouri, will have to shut down unless Planned Parenthood can cough up the $2 million for renovations. Leaving thousands of women in the lurch.
Not only that, but representatives of Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers will be barred from anything to do with sex education (teaching, educational pamphlets illustrated with cross-sections of gonads, et al) in public schools. Instead, abstinence programs — where the gym teacher says “grow an iron hymen or Jesus will kill your parents” — will receive funding. This should be a real godsend for compulsory pregnancy advocates whose niche-fetish is loving teen pregnancy.
Last but not least — my personal favorite — the law will rubberstamp a program that gives grants to compulsory pregnancy centers where embryos are promoted as sacred fairies encrusted with their mothers’ entire sense of self-worth.
Planned Parenthood is suing for an injunction.
It may be too late for Missouri, but have you heard what’s about to go down in Ohio? Check out this troglodyte state house bill, HB 287. No time to read tiresome legislation? Here’s the money shot: Anyone seeking an abortion first has to secure the “written informed consent” of the father. Don’t know who the father is? You have to buy paternity tests for the usual suspects. Were you raped? Relive the experience by providing proof of this to your abortion provider. Think you’ll get your best gay dude friend to fake consent for you? It’s “abortion fraud,” a first degree misdemeanor. If you commit a second abortion fraud, it’s a felony.
This bill is actually being framed in terms of the terrible unfairness to men presented by the idea of woman’s personal bodily sovereignty.
So in Ohio, the state is generous with its awesome power. It has faith in its male citizens. And to demonstrate that faith, it’s willing to cede ownership of your uterus to your asshole ex-boyfriend.
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Oh, and an FYI: the next time you’re in a hot debate with an embryo-worshiper, and she trots out that tired old crap about how abortions — particularly medical (RU486) abortions — cause complications in later pregnancies, tell her that the New England Journal of Medicine just published findings that abortions of any sort have no impact on subsequent reproductive efforts.