Today’s unrelated arachnid predation photo: Spinybacked orbweaver weaves orb outside Twisty kitchen window; eats head off bee. Gasteracantha cancriformis, North South Austin, August 2007.
As longtime readers know, so that I can stay on top of developments in my field, Google sends me news’n’blog alerts, to the tune of hundreds a day, on topics relevant to spinster aunting. Dogs. Weird scientific research. Cool Whip. Only occasionally do I force myself to look through the ones on depressing stuff like feminism, abortion, or godbags. But that’s precisely what I did today.
For purposes of sloth! If I’m reading about how Log Cabin Republicans have launched a “video attack” on Rudy Giuliani, I can justify not running around town reading to the sick, or failing to grow up.
Of course, in order to more completely delude myself that information from the Internet improves me to a greater degree than chores, I need to turn it into a blog post. Toward that end I herewith present a small but representative sampling of web-based misogyny, godbaggery, and buffoonery culled from the Google alerts that showed up in my inbox over the course of just a few hours this morning. I’m omitting from the pool the zillion or so mainstream news items pertaining to violence against women; the sheer volume in that category is overwhelming.
Well, except for the report on this astonishing survey from the Uganda Bureau of Statistics, which reveals, among other horrors, that 60% of men and 70% of women “believe that there are some situations in which a husband is justified when he beats his wife.” Pack that in your bong and hit it, patriarchy-deniers!
Meanwhile, this woman thinks that females, with their well-known predisposition toward mindless violence, shouldn’t be permitted to carry designer Tasers. Women, she argues — apparently basing her views on the behavior of that diaper-wearin’ astronaut who is so exemplary of all women everywhere — are such irrational flibbertygibbets, they might easily go off the deep end, Taser in hand. Somebody might get hurt!
This guy thinks that his job as a respectable white male tour guide in Germany is just like being a prostituted woman. Seriously, it’s the same exact thing! Why? Because sometimes his clients buy him drinks and “extra enthusiasm makes [him] much more money” (his “I am a prostitute” statement seems to be the product of an unsettled mind; in the post immediately preceding, he declares himself a “teacher/professor”).
Speaking of prostituted women, news that a Detroit ‘sheriff’s deputy’s wife’* has been charged with solicitation continues to generate such thoughtful commentary as “can’t turn a whore into a housewife!” Media reports about women charged with prostitution, all of which employ the lively term “sting operation,” are nearly as numerous as those about murdered and raped women, and foster much dudely sniggering. Stories about johns getting busted? Not so much.
Contrary to what certain blamers have suggested, there are insane antifeminists in Canada: The distraught dude president of godbaggy Vote Life, Canada! responds poetically and threateningly to the news that Amnesty International has officially come out against compulsory pregnancy, and to the grim realization that not only are some members of Amnesty International probably Catholics, but that the sect’s pointy-headed bishops did not strike these heretics dead on the spot: “Woe to the Catholic Bishops of Canada who now share in the blood of a new and vast ocean of murdered Unborns appearing just on the horizon.”
“Murdered Unborns,” eh? And tell me, were they once mortal men of great power who became neither alive nor dead under the power of the Nine Rings? What next, I wonder? “Revenge of the Unborns”? Or “Thingonomicon: Book of the Foetuses”?
And some dudes debate abortion, with hilarious results! I mean, it wouldn’t be humor if nobody referenced a hand job.
* In accordance with Natural Law, her actual name doesn’t usually appear in these reports until a subsequent paragraph, it being of secondary importance to her marital status.