Have you seen this thing? I wish I had found this hilarious website back when I was suffering an attack of unsightly butt-boils; never did a spinster aunt’s ass more sorely need to be laughed off.
You will laugh your ass off when you grasp the premise of the ludicrous raptureletters.com. It promises sanctimonious jesusians that when they get sucked up by the Exalted Celestial Hoover come the Rapture, it will send emails to the Left Behinders of their choice. The emails will explain that the sanctimonious fucks were right and the heretic recipients — those who just shrugged and went “whatever” whenever it was suggested that they devote their lives to an invisible omniscient honky old American male fogey who is obsessed with the minutia of human reproduction and who can be contacted merely by closing your eyes and thinking really hard — were wrong. Nyah nyah.
Because what good is an invitation to Paradise from the ghost of a dead Nazarene hippie if you can’t thumb your nose at all the poor slobs who didn’t make the A-list?
Rapture.com explains its free service this way:
After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won’t listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?
We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.”
Here’s an excerpt from the actual letter:
This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken up to heaven.”
It gets better. The website will send the Electronic Message e-mail) on the first Friday after the rapture, and again every Friday thereafter.