Comments on: Answers to burning, itching reader questions, Medical Prosthesis Dept.

By: Mar Iguana

Mar Iguana — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:47:38 +0000

During a CPA masculinity crises occurring in the early 80s, the firm I was working for joined others to form a basketball team to compete in some local yuppieboy league. One of them, CPA Numero Cinco, asked everyone in the office for suggestions as to what to call the new team.

I submitted “The Sphincters,” it never occurring to me he would like the sound of it (he thought it had something to do with gladiators) (little did he know*), never bother to look it up, present it as his first choice at the weekly meeting, causing CPA Numero Uno to spew coffee out his face unto the sacred CPA papers on the conference table plus a lower-numero CPA who turned his coffee mug over in the confusion. CPA Numero Cinco was not happy with me. Oh well. Wah** Things were already going downhill fast for me around that joint anyway.

*”Elite males could have sex with males or females of lower status as long as they avoided erotic excesses, which might upset a male’s body chemistry, and as long as the elite individual was the dominant, insertive partner.”

http://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/bmcr/1999/1999-10-36.html (Interesting read BTW.)

**As office grunt, I’m the one who had to clean up the mess and re-copy the coffee-soaked sacred CPA papers and reschedule the day’s appointments and catch the flack for setting poor Numero Cinco up for such embarrassment and answer the phones while I was at it. Oh yeah, and wash all the mugs, etc. at the end of the day in the bathroom down the hall, shared with all the other businesses on that floor. Whatta bunch of professional sphinkters, ja.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 10:33:02 +0000

I imagine these will become popular for the partners of heterosexual women who refuse to engage in sodomy.

Arsesome!

By: Hattie

Hattie — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:21:59 +0000

As they say in German, what an Arschloch!

By: invisible

invisible — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 02:02:42 +0000

I would bet her anus works better than mine, at this point. How lovely for her. But what about her leg ?, or whatever.

Wondrous.

By: Mamasquab

Mamasquab — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 12:28:24 +0000

Excellent, Twisty! I propose the Annual Twisty Faster Artificial Anus awards for those who most deserve one. Trouble is, you’ll be giving them out daily.

By: Pinko Punko

Pinko Punko — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:56:07 +0000

But who will start the anus dentatus legends?

By: Twisty

Twisty — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 01:45:38 +0000

They should make’em in designer colors. “Pole Dancer Pink.” “Virgin Vermillion.” I predict anal replacement will be the hot cosmetic surgery of 2008.

By: magnoline

magnoline — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:49:07 +0000

Website names it “a German Artificial Sphincter System (GASS).” Holy frick.

By: Nine Deuce

Nine Deuce — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 17:43:26 +0000

Wait a minute! What kind of materials are these fake anuses made of? Can they withstand regular bleaching?

By: j

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:55:01 +0000

Hi crowlie,

Landover Baptist is a parody. The fact that it could very well be serious is the frightening part.