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Mar 21 2008

“Noted female authorette” won’t “vote with vagina”

When Oprah minion/lapsed Jew/”spiritual activist” Marianne Williamson isn’t penning such inspirational classics as Emma and Mommy Talk to God and Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships, she’s appearing on Rush Limbaugh — yeah, I thought he was dead, too, or at least in some sort of home — to explain “real feminist values.”

And she should know. Remember, last year in Vegas, at Fredericks-of-HollywoodCon ’07? When all the feminists got together and made Williamson King of the Women?

Anyway, Williamson thinks — and, surprise, Limbaugh agrees — that the kind of feminist who objects to having her status determined by the degree to which she capitulates to Dude Nation is bad. Apparently the fatal mistake made by “that wave of feminism in the 70′s” was the devaluation of women’s precious femininity. Williamson, drunk with love for Jesus and a social order based on binary sex roles, asserts — and this will come as something of a shock to some of you feminists, so brace yourselves — that the “new feminist vision is to be genuinely feminine in how we show up as women with no apology.”

She utters these moving words in response to Limbaugh’s having asked her why, “as a feminist,” she won’t vote for Hillary Clinton (duh, because the manly, fighty Clinton has the unpalatable cheek to “show she’s powerful”). Of course Limbaugh immediately interrupts Williamson to use the word “vagina” 4 times in 3 sentences. He also makes his “noted female authorette” sit through a series of vulgar Bill Clinton jokes and his bitter reminiscences about the 70′s, when feminism-damaged broads apparently declined to curtsey whenever he felt moved to offer his opinions of their appearance.

The upshot of the interview? Thanks to “feminist” Marianne Williamson, to the vagina of which female authorette Limbaugh actually ascribes voting power, feminism is returning femininity-starved women to their dude-appeasing roots. Or, just because you’re a chick doesn’t mean you have to elect one. Especially one who hardly ever sports any cleavage.

Dang it, if Williamson can do it, I can do it. I’m gonna start calling myself an evangelical pro-life Republican. I’ll go on talk shows and say, “Well, Rush, the mistake made by the old evangelical pro-life Republicans was that they relied for their ideas on a 2000 year old novel written by misogynist barbarians. The new evangelical pro-life Republican says that if you want to spend your free time appeasing an invisible racist celestial ghost, go right ahead, fool, but put a sock in it in the public arena. Also, we now assert that scientific method is an excellent way to ascertain facts. Also, we now assert that women and brown people are fully human. In fact, the new evangelical pro-life vision is the overthrow of the patriarchal order.”

46 comments

  1. Betsy

    These damned feminists! Will they never shut up with their loony ideas? I told you they were screwy.

  2. Kaethe

    >n fact, the new evangelical pro-life vision is the overthrow of the patriarchal order.

    Thanks for that. Just this morning I was wondering why the overthrow of the patriarchal order would look like. Now I know: Rush Limbaugh looking gobsmacked.

  3. CafeSiren

    Thank the gods we have the feminist movement to liberate us from all those cultural forces holding us back from being girly-girl sexbots. I was starting to feel all oppressed and stuff.

    ((excuses newly-liberated self to go put on a crinoline and false eyelashes))

  4. Joselle

    Ha, that is rich. When I was 12 about 16 years ago, I had a spiritual Oprah/Marianne Williamson phase. Luckily, I was 12 and got over that real fast. Anyways, I remember reading her book, A Woman’s Worth, which is all about the “mystical feminine.” I cannot quote verbatim but I remember a passage about women needing to and even enjoying capitulating to their mens in their bedroom because powerful women are just so darn tired after a day of running the world. Yeah. She really did write that. And when expressing the “power” women have over men, she told a story about one of her boyfriend’s calling to say, “When I thought of you today, I got an erection.” THAT you can quote. Even when I was 12 and buying some of the crap she was selling, I knew something was rotten when she equated being the inspiration for some guy’s boner as global feminist power!

    Anyways, you are the best. I’m totally obsessed with your blog now. And your Spitzer coverage has been spot-on and has got me totally rethinking my positions on legalizing the enslavement of so many women AND men through prostitution and porn. You’re also a damn fine and funny writer. Thank you so much.

  5. First Lieutenant B. Dagger Lee

    As new evangelical pro-life Republican warriors, I’d like to suggest the adoption of a command structure which is a mash-up between the Salvation Army and Star Trek.

  6. Sally

    I say, vote your best. There are reasons to vote for candidates. But lord save me from the empowerful women who won’t vote for Hillary to show that they are empowerful enough to rebel against women and not vote for an older woman. See how liberated they are to LOUDLY declare that not voting for a woman is the most empowerful thing? I smell mommy separation issues.

  7. crowlie

    Make sure, Twisty, that when you’re on a talk show sorting out all those retrograde Republicans you mention ‘voting with your dick’ on numerous occasions.

  8. Debby

    I won’t vote with my vagina either, I usually don’t want to touch the candidates with a ten-foot pole, let alone my vagina. Plus the machines are so unsanitary. bah-dum-bum.

    Groan (sorry, no one had made joke yet, and I couldn’t resist)

  9. KMTBERRY

    Crowlie:

    Isn’t it weird, the phrase “Voting with your DIck” makes it sounds as if the voter IS VOTING for a woman (as in “thinking with your dick”)

    Yet voting with you vagina (who comes UP with these dreadful phrases?) means you are voting FOR a woman

  10. Pinko Punko

    The Rise and Fall of the Funky Bratwurst: Pro-Life Evangelicism’s Transition to Human Rights, by T. Faster.

    Also, if I may quote one of my fave TF quotes that showed up on our quote generator last night:

    “This ‘egalitarian’ notion that science should be ‘balanced out’ with mythical literary debris dreamed up by ancient barbarians has got to go. Good luck, Florida”

    Huzzah!

  11. bushfire

    You should definitely go on talk shows with that idea! Wouldn’t that be fun!

  12. Kathleen

    Best part of Marianne Williamson’s website: she deploys the phrase “A Mighty Wind” unironically.

  13. Feminist Avatar

    OOOh! Femininity is the new feminism? Does that mean instead of turning to Twisty for witty insights into the operation of the patriarchy, we can now turn up for advice on leg-waxing and what shade of lipstick will get the right balance between virgin and slut?

  14. tinfoil hattie

    My vagina wanted to vote for Hillary Clinton. But I locked it up at home. Unfortunately, while I was out, my vagina voted for Hillary Clinton, via absentee ballot! Damn vagina. Being all independent and everything.

    I had no idea it knew how to fill out a ballot! Much less use a pen.

  15. Carol

    I like the statement “show up as women with no apology.” Well, I certainly don’t apologize for being a woman. I won’t apologize for expecting to be treated as a person, not a subhuman.

    Somehow, I don’t think that is what she meant….

  16. octopod

    KMTBERRY, this astute observation of yours leads one to conclude that genitals of any sort, left to their own devices, vote for women.

    Can you say “sex class”?

  17. atheist woman

    I’m not sure if repulsive crudity is appropriate here, so please feel free to remove if this is out of bounds. In response to tinfoil hattie I would say that many heterosexual vaginas are quite skilled with the pens.

    Also, I cannot wait for the resulting book deals. All the titles would be like this:
    “The Millennia After: Sex, Fear, and the Patriarchy.”
    “Godless: The New Church of the Patriarchy.”

  18. atheist woman

    I love the new look, I hope it stays.

  19. Kathleen

    Twisty — shouldn’t you change your “gentleman farmer and spinster aunt” moniker to “noted female-type bloggerette” to fit with the new top banner? ;)

  20. amazonmidwife

    “As new evangelical pro-life Republican warriors, I’d like to suggest the adoption of a command structure which is a mash-up between the Salvation Army and Star Trek.”

    Can I be an ensign (or whatever the equivalent Salvation Army rank would be)?

  21. Bird

    OOOh! Femininity is the new feminism? Does that mean instead of turning to Twisty for witty insights into the operation of the patriarchy, we can now turn up for advice on leg-waxing and what shade of lipstick will get the right balance between virgin and slut?

    Only if she will give us the name of her mother’s hairdresser.

  22. slade

    When are the bumper stickers coming out?

    “THE EVANGELICAL PRO-LIFE GAZETTE SAYS IT.
    I BELIEVE IT. THAT SETTLES IT.”

    Ever heard of the ‘Yes Men?’ I think that is how these two dudes refer to themselves. They sell themselves as World-Renown Specialists in Business/Climate Change/Whatever. They set up a website and end up being asked to speak at Conferences. Well, the result is just hilarious. I saw their movie…and they have done something since.

    It would be cool if Twisty could get invited to a big Pro-Life extravaganza to speak! We could all get dressed up like rich repugnants (like billionaires for bush) in pink, of course, and rock that crowd with some mind-blowing ideas!!! Oh what fun!

  23. Somebody with problems

    Sally, the ONLY women I know personally who are going out of their way not to vote for Hillary Clinton are, to the last one, incapable of dealing with other women.

    One is stinking of the mommy separation issues you mentioned. One cannot handle being in the same room with another capable woman. One is a barracuda who badmouths any other woman who weighs less than her. One is happily economically insulated frmo the effects of sexism and hence the whole thing is rather academic for her. Another has never been able to get along with a boyfriend or husband’s mother, ever.

    (The rest, the ones I know online, are going out of their way to prove how empowered they are by not leaping like a sane person at the best chance for empowerment they’ll ever see.)

    If women wanted power, we’d have it. Put power in a woman’s hands, and the first thing she’ll do is wander around vacant-eyed with her gob gaping looking for someone else with a penis to give it to. We put everyone but ourselves first, and then wonder whinily why we are always number two. We make some contemtible show out of falling on our swords all the time and then piss and moan when men stab us with theirs. I really have no hope.

  24. cypress

    I hope there’s room for lots of ensigns in the command structure. I’m signing up too. First Lieutenant B. Dagger Lee please include me on the flow chart!

    Perhaps we can have a banner like the new one above to carry in the no doubt already burgeoning number of demonstrations we’ll be invited to participate in.

    We could spin and weave it. Or embroider it in sequins, that would be more in keeping with our realiziation, no?

  25. lawbitch

    Sargent Lawbitch reporting for duty!

  26. uh huh

    The new banner had me lauging aloud. I’ll second (third?) the concept of mommy separation in the women who protest about Hillary. I have a friend who keeps bringing up gender every time I bring up politics. She keeps saying that she “won’t vote for Hillary just because she’s a woman.” You guessed it, mommy issues AND age issues. I think many women won’t vote for Hillary because they themselves are aging, and she reminds them that people do not approve of women who actually age all humanly and such. As if voting against her will make the bad wrinkles stop.

  27. liberality

    Here in good old red Indiana the primary is in May. What really freaks me out is that I know so many republican women who are going to switch parties and vote for Hillary because they feel sorry for all the abuse she has taken in the media. At least that is what they proclaim. On the other hand, younger women who are liberal are supporting Obama to prove they are not racist. This state of affairs has me confused to say the least.

  28. Sally

    I get that some people have thought out a vote for Obama. But there’s a cluster of young women who, I think are for Obama because A) it’s just easier to socialize with their African American co-workers and friends to be righteously for Obama than a very qualified woman running against him. But let’s face it, next, there will be the first hispanic man, the first Korean man, the first gay man…(unless that has already happened), and a parade of firsts before the selfish women get in there. B) they give each other points for rebelling against the tyranny that is Gloria S. and the previous generation. And they give each other points for being the purest, the most high minded by not voting selfishly for their own group C) it’s just easier to get laid if you’re for a man. D) is there anyone these consistently white, college degreed, liberal arts, preppy young women hate more is an accomplished older white woman who won’t kiss their ass? I don’t think so.

  29. Lieutenant Reverend B. Dagger Lee

    I would say that Willa Cather, Gertrude Stein, Emily Dickinson, Sappho, Audre Lorde, Adrienne Rich, Harper Lee, and Elizabeth Bishop, among others, prove that lesbian vaginas are also rather skilled with the pens.

  30. BadKitty

    Oh please please please can we not extend the Obama vs Clinton flame wars onto this blog? I come to Twisty’s site for an intelligent, humorous break from the crap I get everywhere else. Could we just stick to the topic at hand?

    P.S. Love the new look.

  31. atheist woman

    Lieutenant Reverend B. Dagger Lee,

    I mightily apologize for the misconception. I was merely descending into cheap innuendo (pens=penis, therefore hetersexual vaginas are skilled with pens) and revealing my very young onion status to all the blamers here. I would never suggest that lesbian vaginas were not skilled writers. I would also like to express my surprise that Emily Dickinson was a lesbian.

  32. Sally

    Speaking of flaming crap and the acceptance of Williamson’s crap of women needing to accept the power of creating erections, Oprah had a show this week on Polygamy (of course, multiple spouses ONLY means multiple wives – kind of like when we say oral sex, we ONLY mean oral sex on the guys). She was so non-judgmental and enjoying the display model “sister-wives” so much for the 7 minutes I watched it in disbelief.

    No one mentioned that inherently, women have less power in those marriages. Instead, the talk was all about “choice” and the power to make a choice to be in these harems. No talk of multiple husbands for women in these sects. Just Oprah’s loving acceptance of differences. Please twist off at will.

    Apparently, it’s all about the scientology-like positive vibe where you don’t get into the hatin’ and judgments of obvious fetishism of having a man as lord over women in a household.

  33. crowlie

    Comandante Crowlie feels that since penii are so often used as weapons or threats thereof, voting with one’s cock would constitute a vote for some Republican warmonger and misogynist… That’s what was in mind.

    But yeah. Sex class. *sigh* Isn’t there some sort of anti-viagra we can slip into the water supply?

  34. RadFemHedonist

    I’ve never attempted to write with my vagina before, I didn’t know you could, I’m sure the menz will be all over that one “oh yeah? well I can write in the snow!”

    I would probably vote for Hilary if I were in america.

  35. tinfoil hattie

    Yes yes, b. dagger lee, but did their vaginas do the writing?

  36. Bitch, Esquire

    The real question is, how fast can my vagina type? And does it know PowerPoint?

  37. dairon

    Holy crap, I love the new banner…I laughed out loud for over a minute. Seriously. *wipes eyes*

    -dairon,
    aka “yet another evangelical misogynistic cult escapee”

  38. Ron Sullivan

    …the menz will be all over that one “oh yeah? well I can write in the snow!”

    To quote a friend of mine: “So can I. I just need a stencil.”

    Luv the Gulf fritillary, Twisty. The species has made it here to northern California, following the trail of ornamental passionvines in gardens.

    I rather like the wasp, too.

  39. Twisty

    Ron wins the Lepidoptera Identifier of the Month Award (a “Leppy”). But can she Name That Wasp?

  40. First Lieutenant B. Dagger Lee

    atheist woman, a pretty apology soothes the crankiest breast of the hairiest lesbian. All is forgiven.

    Lt. Rev. BDL

  41. Ron Sullivan

    But can she Name That Wasp?

    Edna. I don’t think she’ll come when you call her, though.

    Closest I can get with the (very general) Kaufman guide is some Polistes or other. Got paper?

  42. Twisty

    Ding ding ding! P. carolina. I share my eaves and soffits with about 157,893 of’em every summer. At the end of the season the joint looks like a giant chunk of Honeycombs cereal.

  43. sevanetta

    Shit, Twisty, the I-am-a-pro-life-Christian-advocating-patriarchal-overthrow might be one of my favourite battle tactics of yours yet. Love the new banner.

  44. Ron Sullivan

    Heh. Float like a butterfly; sting like a wasp.

    They must be interesting commensals. (What am I saying? I’m pretty sure we have s few of their relatives ourselves, P. fuscatus or dominulus or something, in our eaves. I know there are some next door.)

  45. Carmencita

    I love you all.

  46. lightly

    I always liked the way Shulamith Firestone characterized this stuff. She said women are encouraged to think that the very things we have in commonwith every other woman are the things that make us most unique and special.

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