Comments on: Junior English major pooh-poohs anti-violence campaign

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:56:42 +0000

Oops - it was Vogue not VF. I don’t like either mag, they seem the same to me - sorry.

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:48:14 +0000

Just found your blog - great that someone is putting this out there.

The part that callow college dudes concerned with their GOD GIVEN right to watch porn (which I have no problem with in theory, but which is hardly ever sexy - just gross and demeaning and oddly anally obsessed….for purportedly “straight” guys)always seem to overlook is that rape destroys a part of that person forever. It isn’t just a one-night stand that went badly.

Just had jury duty last week and one of the magazines in the waiting area (Vanity Fair, Kate Hudson on the cover - no idea what month) had an article written by a woman whose sister was destroyed by an eating disorder, and took her own life. The sister, a former athlete was gang raped in college during spring training, never was able to deal with it…developed the eating disorder and depression…and you know how it ended.

Even with counseling - how to repair one’s world view, trust…after being a victim. They really need to come up with a womens studies course that college age men are forced to take. They can stop taking it when rape stats go down.

By: Thomcat

Thomcat — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:18:32 +0000

Your view on consent is eye-opening. The idea that consent is legal permission to rape, not prevention, really requires more thought.

I’m very glad I followed a link here through a friend’s blog. I spend so much time on political sites I neglect feminist sites.

Now that I’ve checked out some of your articles and your writing style I understand why I’ve heard raves about your blog. I’m sorry it took me so long to stop in.

I’m quiet, so I’ll go back to lurking now. Be well.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 18 May 2008 05:58:04 +0000

It’s probably a bit late to comment on this, but I wanted to say that I work on an infectious diseases journal, and that made his doctor-needle analogy particularly poor. Article after article is about “What can we do to get these people to follow standard precautions?” Most hospitals are _full_ of posters and inservices that “question whether a person is acting ethically.” The point of these things, and the interventions he indicts, is more like “Hey! Try to remember the right thing to do.” Of course, in these studies, the largely male physician group is invariably the least compliant, despite the fact that they have dramatically less patient contact. Hmm. I think these reminders aren’t working. Perhaps overt accusations of shite behaviour would work better.

By: Mary

Mary — Fri, 09 May 2008 22:21:02 +0000

As a student on the University of Maryland campus, I see these signs everywhere. In my dorm, where my wing is femyle-only, there is a huge “got consent?” sign. I agree entirely that this is a ridiculous message and is also highly ineffective. The flyers, presumably targeting men, direct them to “man up” and “get consent.” The message that I hear is that consent is not an open dialogue, not a true question of the wishes of those involved, but rather another hoop to jump through. Consent is to be “gotten” through whatever means necessary, it seems. The message is not “ask about consent” but rather “get consent”… which assumes that the victim will automatically consent anyway.

By: Reaching Men « The Road Less Traveled

Reaching Men « The Road Less Traveled — Fri, 09 May 2008 03:45:26 +0000

[…] Men’s Violence Been catching up on my reading at “I Blame the Patriarchy” and found an interesting commentary from Twisty on a campaign against men’s violence at the University of Maryland. Well, a […]

By: Kali

Kali — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:35:56 +0000

Shakes, you hit the nail on the head.

I also agree with Lisa. Those words “intentionally or knowingly” and “apparent” are there as a back door exit for rapists. All the rapist needs to say is that he didn’t know there was no consent (as Kobe Bryant did so successfully), the burden of proof is on the prosecuter to show that the rapist knew that there was no consent, and in most rape cases that is impossible to prove. Even if the woman was shouting no and fighting tooth and nail, the rapist can claim he thought she was consenting because some women really like “rough”, “edgy” sex. Don’t we see it in porn all the time? Those sluts really like being beaten, punched, choked etc.

This is one reason I like Twisty’s proposal so much. Now the burden of proof is on the rapist and his defense team to show that he received affirmative consent.

By: Lara

Lara — Tue, 06 May 2008 03:50:26 +0000

draconismoi, what you point out is so true. And these students and professors do this because women are automatically suspect of lying or “asking for it.” Women are the ones who are the accused, who are put under the spotlight, who are interrogated.

Shakes, I think I have fallen in love with you…only thing I’ll say, is that if you argue men are raping “out of impulse” then wouldn’t that be saying that it is a natural instinct for men to rape? I am not sure if you intended this…

By: mearl

mearl — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:22:26 +0000

Shakes: I love it!

By: draconismoi

draconismoi — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:56:51 +0000

I just finished up a Gender and the Law course - where we learned, among other things, that rape laws are just soooo hard to write and enforce - especially when those damnable female behaviors make it so hard to tell the difference between a ‘real’ no and a ‘fake’ no. I did suggest that perhaps rape laws should be rewritten so the default assumption is no until a yes is provided (rather than the current way that assumes all women exist in a perpetually sex-crazed state)…and here is what I learned from my peers and professors:

1) It is ridiculous to request a ‘yes’ all the time - what are we supposed to get a contract signed with witnesses? (because the only time women can give real actual unequivocal consent is with a witness to ascertain they were of sound mind)

2) That kind of thing makes it really hard to be a Male Feminist - how can I have sex with women if I always have to assume I am raping them? How can I truly tell when they really want to? (Apparently the White Male Feminist is not willing to consider that he should NOT be having sex with anyone until he is capable of determining when his partners are consenting. He would greatly love AJ Cooke.)

3) That’s ridiculous! Talk about killing the mood! (Right. It is SUCH a turn off when your partner verifies your interest. It’s like a bucket of cold water to realize that he or she truly cares about you and your comfort.)

4) What about when you are married? Is my husband supposed to ask every time? There are certain expectation when you live with someone - sometimes you just go along with it when you aren’t interested. That would make my husband a serial rapist! (Yes, it would. And it does. I admit he’s in a bit of a pickle since you’ve theoretically never indicated lack of interest. But then, who told the two of you about these goddamn “marital expectations”? I’m willing to be it wasn’t your idea).

5) (After reading a case where a teen girl was raped by her boyfriend and he got off because of the “mixed signals” she sent out with her willingness to go to second base). Teenagers like that just shouldn’t be having sex. What did she THINK was going to happen?! (Ah yes, of course. It was the woman’s fault! Why didn’t I see that? Not perhaps the fault of her boyfriend who expected sex since he bought her a beer? No no, he paid for her body in alcohol. Making out = consent. You must be a virgin or a whore. I’m sure the abstinence-only education she got at school really helped prepare her for how to deal with this situation).

What was really depressing about all these little tidbits I ‘learned’ in class was that these were the ‘progressive’ students and the ‘feminist’ professor. The people who intended to change the law for the better. And not one of them could see the fundamental flaw in rape laws. They debated the nature of refusal and different types of force - but no one accepted changing the law as a whole. My professor pointed out that our criminal justice system couldn’t handle it. Which is a logical reason to not attempt change - too many people would be guilty. Therefore it can’t really be considered a crime.