Aug 05 2008


Lest ye all begin reveling in another “is she dead?” speculation, I hereby announce that posting will be, at best, sporadic for the next few weeks as I try to pack up the contents of the Twisty Bungalow for our massive relocation effort.

Yes. The canids and I are finally moving Spinster HQ in its entirety to the Faster country seat in the Texas Hill Country. This is an epic event over 3 years in the making. Since I am an expert procrastinator, now that it’s come down to the wire I find that I am facing about 4,578,392 unpleasant chores. I view this situation with extreme distaste, because as you know, spinster aunts are built, not for action, but for chillaxing poolside with iced beverages. But rally I must, so to the wheel is puteth the Twisty shoulder.

Anyway, there is unlikely to be an internet connection of any kind out there for who knows how long. If I do post, it’ll have to be from my mobile, which only works on top of a hill 2 miles from the house. So don’t bother emailing me unless it’s a matter of life and death (although I would recommend dialing 911 in that case).


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  1. mir

    I hope your new home is full of love, silliness, beauty, lots of satisfying midday naps and delicious, delicious tacos.

    Dogspeed, Captain, I’ll miss you. May your boxes be sturdy and your furniture light!

  2. PhysioProf

    I am facing about 4,578,392 unpleasant chores[.]

    Jesus Fucking Christ! That’s a lotta fucking chores! Have fun!

  3. Lemur

    Dammit, Captain, now I’ve got the Bob Marley song stuck in my head. Damn you and your reggae-invoking title posts! (I’m wondering now if you can work “Buffalo Soldier” into one of your posts.)
    I’m moving, too, although it doesn’t sound quite as nice as your final location. (A cat, a ferret, the butch and me headed 1,000 miles north in my car.) May your move go smoothly- I’ll throw some good karma your way as I’m loading my trailer.
    Buona fortuna!

  4. thebewilderness

    Great news!

  5. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Best wishes with crating up the Tempur-pedic and the lime green recliner and all of those DVDs you forgot to return to the Netflixians.

    I hope the transition is smooth and that your new digs suit you & the dogs.

  6. Rachel

    Best wishes.

  7. Rachel

    Can anyone suggest any replacements for the irreplaceable Twisty blog?

  8. keres

    One word of advice – only put as many books in one box as you can reasonably carry.

    Oh, and if you are going the “U’ll-Haul” route, remember to secure your load.

    Good luck.

  9. rootlesscosmo

    Good wishes, safe trip, and I trust you packed the corkscrew near the top, where you can get at it.

  10. Twisty

    Are you kidding? After a horrific crisis I learned long ago. Now I wear the corkscrew on a titanium chain around my neck.

  11. Twisty

    I remember helping my friend Liza move when we were much younger. Back pain ensued. “Whaddya got in these boxes, rocks?” Her answer: “Well, yeah.” Never help a geologist move.

  12. B. Dagger Lee

    A perfect opportunity to speculate on your death, sing an earworm song twined in the DNA of anyone raised West of the Miss, embroider the scantily known facts of the situation, and triumphantly work out my horse envy:

    “She comes down from Yellow Austin
    On a dark, flat land she rides
    On a pony she named Stanley
    With a whirlwind by her side
    On a hot Texas night

    Oh, they say she died one summer
    When there came a killing rain
    And the pony she named Stanley
    Busted down its stall
    In a shopping mall he was lost

    She ran calling Stan-ley
    She ran calling Stan-ley
    She ran calling Sta-a-a-a-a-an-ley

    By the dark of the moon – I blamed
    But there came an early rain
    There`s been a garbage truck growling by my window now
    For six nights in a row
    She`s coming for me I know
    And on Stanley we`re both gonna go

    We`ll be riding Stanley
    We`ll be riding Stanley
    We`ll be riding Sta-a-a-a-a-an-ley

    On Stanley we`re gonna ride
    Gonna leave ballbustin` behind
    Get these hard times right on out of our minds
    Riding Stanley!”

  13. slade

    Wish I was there to help…I am the best packer, but not much help in the carrying of those packed boxes.

    Get that paper from U-Haul…it’s worth the $. The best boxes are from Department stores when the stores first open. That’s the worst…getting boxes. Now I keep them.

    Good luck…you’re gonna love your new home. Let us know when the House Warming Party is going to be!

    I keep a corkscrew in my vehicle along with playing cards…but around the neck sounds better.

  14. goblinbee

    I’m a great packer and mover of boxes.
    All I’d need is the air fare out.

  15. L. Anon today

    Twisty, I wish you good luck in your move. Hurry back. Love this site.

    Okay, everyone else…this is off topic but maybe you could direct me to some kind of information on the effects of working in the sex industry (stripping, specifically) on women.

    Here is the background. I’m in a current debate with a, well, a Nigel. Many, many years ago I briefly earned a living while in college at a topless bar. I take responsibility for this very unwise decision, but at the time, I had severe and urgent money issues and not much time to put in work hours. Anyway…his response is that he doesn’t hold it against me.

    Well, good. Now I feel all warm inside, right? Here is my issue. It is great, I suppose, that he doesn’t hold it against me. But he doesn’t hold it against the men who treated me (and everyone else) like crap either). Like, it was just a bad job and it is too bad but if I didn’t like it I should have just left but he can understand why the money was “tempting.” For me, although I recognize that I had a bit of agency in choosing this road and take responsibility for that (while recognizing that much of it can be attributed to my patriarchy indoctrinated youth) I feel to this day, victimized by the men there. It sometimes haunts me. I see this as being somewhere on the “rape continuum” and it still affects how I deal with men. Because this was in a relatively small college town and I knew (or other people knew or knew of) some of the customers and these were just “regular guys” in their day to day life with wives and kids. (One was a principal at a school I interned at. He was great with the kids, and then he would be just squicky nasty with me and my co-workers.) So, you never know what is really going on with men, right?

    I guess what I am asking for is some kind of direction to a website or blog or (not too advanced) book or article to back up what I am trying to say to him. And this isn’t about proving something to him so I can date him or whatever, that isn’t the situation. It is a lot more about me. I want to be able to articulate this, to have some kind of validation about how essentially I got paid (and men paid me) to basically violate me and treat me as less than human and how that will effect you later.

    Anyway, thought if anyone had some good ideas on this, it would be here. Thanks, fellow blamers!

  16. K.A.

    Good luck with the move! Funny how things have a way of disappearing during a move no matter how careful you are, so take care and all that! The countryside ranch sounds incredible. Do enjoy your break there from the misogynocracy while you’re not wired!

  17. Katherine

    Oh dear. Moving is hell. But the endpoint sounds well worth the effort.

    Not only the corksrew, but the teakettle, too, somewhere you can find it. It’s insane, but a hot cuppa does wonders, even on the hottest and most hellish of days.

    Good luck, and when you next sign in, hope it will be from pastures green, next to the pool.

  18. Sylvanite

    I hope you’ve put a couple burly folks on retainer for the lifting effort.

    Yeah, between my rocks and my books, no one likes to help me move.

  19. Ron Sullivan

    Brown paper grocery bags are perfect for moving books. Just sayin’.

    L Anon, first: Agency does not equal guilt. Second, that Nigel needs a good dose of Slapthology for his presumption. “Won’t hold it against you”?? Who the hell does he think he is? Pfui.

    When he starts healing from having his face slapped off, then maybe you’ll condescend to speak to him as if he were a real human being.

  20. Tarr

    Also, feel free to throw the crap out.

  21. Eevoid

    Hey Twisty.

    Coming out of lurkage on your blog after having spent lots of time here and a bit of time on the forum (rip). You’re totally awesome.

    Best of luck with the move. I find culling cathartic. I’ve just made arrangements to send my clothes, books and records (the embarassing ones) to better homes before my own big move.

    Hope you get a chance to rest up and enjoy your new homestead soon.


  22. Jan

    For L. Anon today:

    From Women’s Space. Also look around the site for other posts on porn, prostitution, exploitation, etc.


    BB’s account of her experience as a stripper at age 16. The entire archive of her writing is an invaluable resource.


    And this from the *sniff* now defunct IBTP blog. So grateful for the archives!


  23. K.A.

    Run far, far away from a dude who can’t grok why that kind of misogynist abuse is traumatizing, L. Anon. You don’t need to be a raving feminist to understand that reality; you just have to have a few brain cells to rub together and/or lack of contempt for women.

    I understand your desire to want to know how to articulate the experience anyway, but seriously, subjecting yourself to this guy is just repeating the same dynamic you were subjected to (not that it’s your fault) at the topless bar. It sounds like some sort of self-sabotaging pattern or something, where you are drawn to these kind of men like a moth to a flame for whatever reason. Fuck them, and fuck him! If he needs an explanation, he is too stupid to be around, much less keep as a boyfriend! ICK! Whatever love-blindness you have for this dude, honestly, realize he is not so different from them.

    It’s still on all of them to not be misogynist assholes, not your fault, but I’m evaluating the obvious psychological aspect of this from an outsider’s P.O.V.

  24. Twisty

    L. Anon: dump him. Just dump him. You’ll be doing it sooner or later anyway, might as well get it overwith. Tell him to give you a call when he can write a 2500 word essay explaining the link between rape, porn, and male privilege.

    It’s not your responsibility to teach him that you are human.

  25. mir

    L. Anon- it’s said far better than I can articulate it above (Jebus I love the Blametariat. You brilliant women rock my socks. Blame on, you crazy diamonds).

    But I’ll add this: He doesn’t believe you. Your experience, your words, your considered opinion on your OWN EXPERIENCE and your emotions about said experience- he doesn’t believe it, and will never believe it, or you. This is because you are a woman. The P told, tells, and will continue to tell him that what you think, feel, believe and say are unimportant (or simply false), no matter what sort of ‘proof’ you offer him. Remember that.

    The struggle, for me, in this stupid, stupid world has been to learn to believe myself. To trust that what I know, feel, believe and think is just the fucking truth, Ruth. I pretty well get it now- ain’t nobody going to tell me my reality isn’t, you know? I wish that for you.

  26. TP

    L. Anon, there is an entire philosophy devoted to the idea that those who have wealth, or are born into the right families, or have accumulated wealth and power by virtue of birth or class or sex; that these few are the privileged ones in the world. These privileged ones, who are men and those who serve them well, like some women and servants who derive their privilege from their acquaintance with these few, espouse a powerfully addictive idea that many of us buy into at one point or another in our lives: That those with privilege have the right to use those without privilege as they see fit.

    This world view is properly called fascism, a word that is bandied about far too much without being understood. Fascism was the less nationalistic version of Nazism and conflating the two is all too common. This hierarchical way of thinking is everywhere you see authority without wisdom and dominance without consent.

    The rejection of this obvious injustice is a central tenet of feminism, with the emphasis on ending male supremacy. The idea of ending privilege in general is what can attract men to the idea of rejecting masculinity and working for an end to the male supremacy, too. Some people with male parts, like me, believe that male identity is nothing but male privilege codified, and want no part of it.

    Your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend has never questioned and may never question the right of a boss to abuse an employee. The idea that workers might have rights appears to be something he hasn’t considered much. This is probably something he accepts because he was raised in a world where such talk is almost completely forgotten.

    Start with this idea, that a boss has no right to abuse, insult or cause humiliation for anyone, and see where it gets you. If he refuses to concede the point I would advise against trying to continue the conversation into feminist territory, because it would mean that he obviously admires and desires privilege himself. And dudes like that will never learn.

  27. Lemur

    L. Anon, I have to add my voice to the chorus of “don’t bother”. Not just with dating the dude, but even trying to explain to him. I’ve dealt with enough guys like that to know that a) they’re blinded by privelege and b) if they don’t get it when you tell them the first time, you don’t have enough time and energy to beat it into their pointy heads another 8,000 times just on the off-chance that they finally will. Also, “he doesn’t hold it against you?” Uppity douche-cornet. Puh-leaze.
    It’s good that you want to be able to articulate this for yourself, though; I get that.
    Slade, I will send you tacos if you could somehow give me packing tips. My upcoming move has me all discombobulated and I’ve no idea where to begin. You say you’re the pack-master- I’m the pack-disaster. Any ideas, oh please?

  28. keres

    L.Anon, it’s not your lack of “articulate” argument – everything you wrote was on the mark – it’s his lack of empathy that keeps him from understanding what you’ve told him.

    Or put more succinctly, the “lack” clearly isn’t your’s Sweetie, it’s his.

    While I don’t give a damn about men, I constantly fall into the “if only I could explain my position better” trap when it comes to my mother (a right-wing fundamentalist christian). Which means I spend far too much energy (sometimes lay-awake at night) trying to come up with exactly the right words to get her to understand and accept me. But of course, I know that’s NA GA NA HAPPEN. Her whole sense of self/world view is constructed on the premise of the GODFATHER and all that flows from that. Yes, there are tons of logical chinks in her mythical armor, but exploiting them just causes she and I to hurt each other (and blame each other) and never brings about any actual epiphany of understanding.

    My advice, find a Nigel who has done his homework, like the big burly union rep my partner works with, whose office is plastered with feminist posters and who I recently found out belongs to my volunteer group that protects threatened native plants. They do exist.

  29. FrumiousB

    Now I wear the corkscrew on a titanium chain around my neck.

    Oh hell yes.

    L. Anon: dump him. Just dump him.

    At the risk of sounding repetitive, oh hell yes.

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