You sexually unfulfilled girls will be happy to know that your problem has been analyzed by brilliant evolutionary psychologists at the University of Newcastle who have been working round the clock to unlock the unknowable mysteries of women’s orgasmicality.
Their conclusion: You have not been boning wealthy men.
Rich dudes, quoth the sexperts, are able capitalize on women’s hardwired predisposition to be physically gratified by money, causing their partners to sexplode with greater frequency than they do when putting out for mere Joe Sixpacks.
Because the brilliant evolutionary psychologists grasp the little-known fact that all women are straight, there is no word on whether wads of cash influence the number of orgasms “gay” girls experience. Thus it is my conjecture, based on this exciting new research, that “lesbians” only exist because they were, in their formative years, unable to find rich enough guys, thus giving them the erroneous impression that sex with men was kind of gross.