As far as interventions – I had none during the pregnancy, by choice. I gave birth exactly on schedule 2 days after I turned 40. I refused amniocentesis to determine birth defects because I knew I would not abort at 4 months no matter the results. That was a personal choice that every woman has the right to make. I took birthing classes with my partner given by a nice puppies and rainbows birthing enthusiast like yourself.

The labor was extremely painful – just like most of my periods only more so. And when I said painful AFTER, I mean after the birth I was still in pain from contractions, even when given a high dose of morphine. BTW, this was a cesarean birth, but the pain was internal cramping, not the surgery part. Demerol later on controlled it very well, thank you. I had the surgery after lack of progress for hours due to the extremely large head of my son and his birth position. I believe the fact that about 20 women gave birth that night resulted in so little intervention that he would have been (painfully) repositioned to allow a vaginal birth had conditions been more optimal at the time. No one WANTED to give me a cesarean because they were too busy. None of this negates the negative aspects of childbirthing as it exists in hospitals today, nor does it point to the likelihood of a positive experience precisely because this state will be the one most will encounter! My point being, exactly as so ably detailed by denelian, that the rainbows and puppies only apply to the few or the brainwashed, and you can’t know in advance. (Kidding about the brainwashing, but that feels like your main input here, nolabel)

To add another perspective, I have a friend who gave birth shortly after me, and at the same general age. She does bodywork, her husband is a homeopathic practitioner. They planned the perfect birth as well. Due to a horrible accident with the umbilical cord, their son has mild cerebral palsy from lack of oxygen. I reiterate, you just don’t know what you are going to get, and perfection is rare.

i am probably a day or so late, but i hope that you are still watching this thread.

because yes, i DID take your post wrong. for which i VERY much appologize – i keep getting these lectures from the older women in my family about how “pregnancy is wonderful – it’s totally worth the 80% risk of you dying just to experience it!”.

which is my fault, for running with my first reaction, and not your fault, for posting how you feel. i AM very sorry.

I do realize I was very lucky in that I never had a day of morning sickness. I can’t imagine what that’s like for women who do, and a number of my friends have expressed feeling flu-like symptoms for months, which has got to wear on a body and mind.

We do have a great tool for personal birth narratives and re-framing pregnancy: Our Bodies, Ourselves. They update it every few years. I found my first copy in a library at the tender age of 13, and bought my daughter her first copy at the tenderer age of 8.

Sorry for the hijack.

Well said. I’m don’t claim to be the most articulate person out there, so I appreciate those who are. My whole point, which I apparently failed to make, is that Patriarchy, and the whole male dominated medical profession, has hijacked the entire process jof pregnancy, labor and delivery, and much of the pain (but not all) experienced in labor and delivery are the result of medical procedures that complicate rather than assist a pregnancy. Excessive tearing of the vagina, for example, is usually a result of some method of expediency, either by forcing labor using drugs like pitocin, or not having sufficient massaging of the perineum (which midwives do but OB’s don’t.) If the Patriarchy did not control the whole damn process from conception to delivery, horrible pain would likely be the exception, rather than the rule. I never said it was easy, hell I pushed out a nine and half pounder, and it was hard fucking work.

Pregnant women *should* be able to lie down and nap or take the load off their feet whenever they feel like it. They *should* be able to get massages and other supportive, therapeutic touch, they *should* be free of the stress of trying to keep a job or making ends meet or finding healthcare or childcare, they *should* have a wide choice of medications that are thoroughly tested to be safe for pregnancy and access to delicious nutritious food and forms of movement that make them feel good. They *should* be encouraged to birth how, where and when they feel most comfortable down to the last fucking detail, free from lies and unnecessary fear, and they *should* be free from worry about how their pregnancy, motherhood, physical changes and all that changes their status in the patriarchy.

That they are not, that they have to labor under myriad large and small burdens in addition to, you know, growing another fucking human being with their own bodies, makes pregnancy a huge pain in the ass even for those of us who really enjoyed being pregnant and had a largely pleasant experience free of major discomfort.

It’s not that being pregnant and giving birth are in themselves horrible, degrading or a torment. It’s that having to do those things in a world that doesn’t accommodate them is guaranteed to be a negative experience on some level.

Sorry.