Comments on: “Sex therapist” to women: Just close your eyes and think of England http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/ Sat, 20 Mar 2010 16:01:15 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: bella gerens » Blog Archive » Fucking for Australia http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-157832 bella gerens » Blog Archive » Fucking for Australia Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:36:46 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-157832 [...] Twisty.] Tags: luurve, sex, sexism This entry was posted on Saturday, February 28th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [...] [...] Twisty.] Tags: luurve, sex, sexism This entry was posted on Saturday, February 28th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [...]

]]> By: Fairfax Heart’s Bettina « The Dawn Chorus http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-146858 Fairfax Heart’s Bettina « The Dawn Chorus Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:49:40 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-146858 [...] balance isn’t to publish a well written, articulate and composed response (of which there areso many available) but to instead publish this piece of crap. An article that presents itself as a [...] [...] balance isn’t to publish a well written, articulate and composed response (of which there areso many available) but to instead publish this piece of crap. An article that presents itself as a [...]

]]> By: terese http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145515 terese Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:46:48 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145515 Greetings Fellow Blamers! I read Twisty's post and the comments the other day with the usual mix of rage and frustration at the overarching power of the patriarchy, along with gratitude and relief that I'm not alone in resisting it. (A feeling I've largely come to expect when I enter the IBTP website.) This topic really hit home with me - I spent at least six out of the twelve years with a previous partner 'fearing his hand coming creeping over' and could never get through to him that he couldn't treat me like the (unpaid) maid outside the bedroom and expect wild passion inside it. As has happened everytime up until now, I get to the end of the thread and think "Wow, they were all wonderful, articulate peices - no need to add to that." Amazingly, I logged out, went downstairs to drive to work, turned on the radio to the beginning of an interview with said rape cheerleader. Her condescending tone is almost as annoying as her material but I thought I'd post the link for anyone who feels they can stomach it : http://www.abc.net.au/rn/lifematters/stories/2009/2506980.htm It was so hard to listen to I literally missed two turns on the way to work and arrived twenty minutes late. You have been warned. It was ALL pretty sickening, but the one that hit home personally for me was the assertion that Women's magazines are constantly telling guys to do the laundry and help out with the housework and they'll get more sex. Not true, according to the men Bettina interviewed. They helped out HEAPS and STILL didn't get any! Really. The last ABS statistics I read on the division of houshold labour showed no significant increase in mens household labour - and if interviewing 98 couples as Bettina did qualifies as adequate 'research' to write a book on the subject, I think I could find double that many in a week who would tell a different story. Doing the laundry once a year then demanding sex because of it does NOT count as doing your share of the house hold chores. Running second to that was the assertion that these poor guys felt 'duped' because in the first few months or years of their relationship they got heaps of hot sex, then it petered out. I've got a news flash for you fellas - the women you married feel cheated too. Only in a patriarchy. Greetings Fellow Blamers!
I read Twisty’s post and the comments the other day with the usual mix of rage and frustration at the overarching power of the patriarchy, along with gratitude and relief that I’m not alone in resisting it. (A feeling I’ve largely come to expect when I enter the IBTP website.)

This topic really hit home with me – I spent at least six out of the twelve years with a previous partner ‘fearing his hand coming creeping over’ and could never get through to him that he couldn’t treat me like the (unpaid) maid outside the bedroom and expect wild passion inside it. As has happened everytime up until now, I get to the end of the thread and think “Wow, they were all wonderful, articulate peices – no need to add to that.”

Amazingly, I logged out, went downstairs to drive to work, turned on the radio to the beginning of an interview with said rape cheerleader. Her condescending tone is almost as annoying as her material but I thought I’d post the link for anyone who feels they can stomach it : http://www.abc.net.au/rn/lifematters/stories/2009/2506980.htm
It was so hard to listen to I literally missed two turns on the way to work and arrived twenty minutes late. You have been warned.

It was ALL pretty sickening, but the one that hit home personally for me was the assertion that Women’s magazines are constantly telling guys to do the laundry and help out with the housework and they’ll get more sex. Not true, according to the men Bettina interviewed. They helped out HEAPS and STILL didn’t get any!

Really. The last ABS statistics I read on the division of houshold labour showed no significant increase in mens household labour – and if interviewing 98 couples as Bettina did qualifies as adequate ‘research’ to write a book on the subject, I think I could find double that many in a week who would tell a different story.
Doing the laundry once a year then demanding sex because of it does NOT count as doing your share of the house hold chores.
Running second to that was the assertion that these poor guys felt ‘duped’ because in the first few months or years of their relationship they got heaps of hot sex, then it petered out. I’ve got a news flash for you fellas – the women you married feel cheated too.
Only in a patriarchy.

]]> By: crankosaur http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145298 crankosaur Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:41:09 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145298 I am of the opinion that a large portion of men should not be allowed to have sex with anyone in any situation ever or until they learn to stop being massive douchebags. The kind of men who leave their wives in fear of rape are among these men. May they wake up tomorrow without testicles. I am of the opinion that a large portion of men should not be allowed to have sex with anyone in any situation ever or until they learn to stop being massive douchebags. The kind of men who leave their wives in fear of rape are among these men. May they wake up tomorrow without testicles.

]]> By: PatriarchySlayer http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145267 PatriarchySlayer Thu, 05 Mar 2009 06:26:15 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145267 Jezebella, I quite agree actually. When people start spouting off about all the things I have to do, give up, and the person I need to be in order to be married, I kind of think, okay so basically, it's me minus my brains and desires. Okay...no. Jezebella, I quite agree actually. When people start spouting off about all the things I have to do, give up, and the person I need to be in order to be married, I kind of think, okay so basically, it’s me minus my brains and desires. Okay…no.

]]> By: Nolabelfits http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145170 Nolabelfits Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:49:00 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145170 good point Joolya. All that monogamy crap is just another form of control. good point Joolya. All that monogamy crap is just another form of control.

]]> By: Joolya http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145169 Joolya Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:35:22 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145169 Ok. I'll cop to being a boy-shagging (call me 75% hetero) woman. And I've been reading a lot of late about the low-libido phenomenon in women in long-term domestic partnerships. It's being blamed on all kinds of factors, but you know the one that resounds in its absence? Maybe the ladies are just *bored* of their long-term (male) partners! It's well-chronicled in menfolk that familiarity breeds, if not contempt, then at least disenchantment. Why is this no considered a viable option to explain why, after 7 years or whatever, the ladies are not getting hot for their gentleman loves anymore? For serious. It's so beyond the pale for nice girls to even admit, that while they maybe still love Nigel, that love is just not enough to make the sight of Nigel's hairy ass for the seven thousandth time get the old juices flowing. So this obvious explanation gets sublimated into, "Gosh, what is the matter with me?! I guess my libido is just dried up! Uh-oh!" Why why why is it off-limits to suggest that maybe humans just get acclimated to and bored of their life-partners after a while, not for any bad reason, but just because we are animals that crave noveltly and hot sex with persons whose dick we've never had to cheer up when it wasn't feeling well or whose menstrual blood we've never seen drip onto the fresh sheets or never peed in front of or had to get used to the snoring of or watched every season of the Sopranos with over a cold snowy February, which is fun, but not sexy. Why? Ok. I’ll cop to being a boy-shagging (call me 75% hetero) woman. And I’ve been reading a lot of late about the low-libido phenomenon in women in long-term domestic partnerships. It’s being blamed on all kinds of factors, but you know the one that resounds in its absence?

Maybe the ladies are just *bored* of their long-term (male) partners!

It’s well-chronicled in menfolk that familiarity breeds, if not contempt, then at least disenchantment. Why is this no considered a viable option to explain why, after 7 years or whatever, the ladies are not getting hot for their gentleman loves anymore? For serious. It’s so beyond the pale for nice girls to even admit, that while they maybe still love Nigel, that love is just not enough to make the sight of Nigel’s hairy ass for the seven thousandth time get the old juices flowing. So this obvious explanation gets sublimated into, “Gosh, what is the matter with me?! I guess my libido is just dried up! Uh-oh!”

Why why why is it off-limits to suggest that maybe humans just get acclimated to and bored of their life-partners after a while, not for any bad reason, but just because we are animals that crave noveltly and hot sex with persons whose dick we’ve never had to cheer up when it wasn’t feeling well or whose menstrual blood we’ve never seen drip onto the fresh sheets or never peed in front of or had to get used to the snoring of or watched every season of the Sopranos with over a cold snowy February, which is fun, but not sexy. Why?

]]> By: caitlinate http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145116 caitlinate Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:21:56 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145116 Sorry Rayedish! I really should have put a 'do not read if you value your sanity' note on that Elizabeth Farrelly link. Here is <a href="http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/a-shot-across-the-bows-in-unending-battle-of-the-sexes-20090303-8ndd.html" rel="nofollow">an article</a> from Catherine Deveney that might put a bit more cheer in the hearts of Australian blamers. Maybe. Sorry Rayedish! I really should have put a ‘do not read if you value your sanity’ note on that Elizabeth Farrelly link. Here is an article from Catherine Deveney that might put a bit more cheer in the hearts of Australian blamers. Maybe.

]]> By: Antoinette Niebieszczanski http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145055 Antoinette Niebieszczanski Tue, 03 Mar 2009 14:19:10 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145055 For any fella whose wife's libido has gone the way of the titmouse and disappeared, I'd suggest the purchase of a fur mitten and some astroglide. In my world, this is the only sex partner you're entitled to on a 24-7 basis. For any fella whose wife’s libido has gone the way of the titmouse and disappeared, I’d suggest the purchase of a fur mitten and some astroglide. In my world, this is the only sex partner you’re entitled to on a 24-7 basis.

]]> By: genstar http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145009 genstar Tue, 03 Mar 2009 08:18:15 +0000 http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/02/28/sex-therapist-to-women-just-close-your-eyes-and-think-of-england/#comment-145009 Oh thank god for you people - I have been reading this article and references to this article all day, filled with posts from usually rational people saying things like 'relationships are about compromise' 'if you don't put out, you can't blame him for going elsewhere' and variations on 'men are animals and have insatiable sexual needs also they can't clean up because cavemen never cleaned' until I thought I was going mad! That was beautifully said, Twisty, as always. My own Nigel wants sex far less than I do (I know, I do not exist in Bettina-land, no in depth studies for me. Sigh). We get around this almost insurmountable problem by, having sex when we're both in the mood. Crazy, wild idea - but somehow sex doesn't seem the same if you know the other person is doing it from some guilty sense of obligation. I am blaming very hard over here Oh thank god for you people – I have been reading this article and references to this article all day, filled with posts from usually rational people saying things like ‘relationships are about compromise’ ‘if you don’t put out, you can’t blame him for going elsewhere’ and variations on ‘men are animals and have insatiable sexual needs also they can’t clean up because cavemen never cleaned’ until I thought I was going mad!

That was beautifully said, Twisty, as always. My own Nigel wants sex far less than I do (I know, I do not exist in Bettina-land, no in depth studies for me. Sigh). We get around this almost insurmountable problem by, having sex when we’re both in the mood. Crazy, wild idea – but somehow sex doesn’t seem the same if you know the other person is doing it from some guilty sense of obligation.

I am blaming very hard over here

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