Today’s reader submission comes from blamer eb, who hips me to a petition on Facebook — currently endorsed by nearly 75,000 tools of the patriarchy — to “get pole dancing in 2012 Olympics.”
The originator of the petition, Collette Kakuk, who appears to be affiliated with a California pole dancing studio, invites Facebookians to join her in “shattering old paradigms” by lobbying to have pole dancing recognized as a “legitimate athletic sport.” Helpfully, Collette includes a definition of paradigm, so that the pole dancing enthusiasts will know what they’re shattering. She also provides a photograph of a woman in underwear and 5″ heels, fetchingly inverted on a pole, so the paradigm shatterers will know what pole dancing is. Or, as Kakuk prefers to call it, “vertical ballet.”
Objectively, competitive flailing on a vertical pole makes as much sense as competitive flailing on a horizontal one. Of course, when the uniform includes lingerie and porn shoes, I can’t imagine what paradigm Kakuk proposes to shatter. Does she labor under the misapprehension that the Olympic Committee eschews viewer titillation? Has she omitted to consider the prepubescent gymnasts in their sparkly makeup, the sweaty track & fielders in their hot pants, the ice skaters in their little-girl tutus, the beach volleyballists in their bikinis, the swimming hotties who pose for lad magazines?
The Olympic future couldn’t look rosier for vertical ballet.
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