Dudes continue uninterrupted exercise of divine right to annex uteruses as political tools, almost as if International Women’s Day had no impact whatsoever!
Whups! Looks like I missed International Women’s Day. I was preoccupied with extensive preparations for my “Dancing with the Stars” pre-season gala. No doubt you were, too.
Unlike International Men’s Day — which runs year round (including during International Women’s Day) in an effort to promote patriarchy, marriage, religion, compulsory pregnancy, poverty, global warming, pole-dancing, and violence — International Women’s Day is a poorly advertised 24-hour period when it’s marginally more acceptable than usual for media to acknowledge women who sound off about the global humanitarian crisis afflicting the vaginatariat.
But the next day it’s right back to business as usual, as the first three items in the Twisty Inbox attest.
— In New Jersey two gubernatorial candidates are arguing over which one of them decided to become an anti-abortionite first. That’s right, it’s news when two dudes fuss over the inception date of their support of the state colonization of women’s uteruses. Why? Because the longer a dude politician fœtophiliac has fought for the rights of men to use women, the more lovable he is to his “socially conservative” (i.e. misogynist) constituency.
“I’ve hated women longer than Dude X has! Vote for me!”
“Not true! I’ve hated women since Day 1!”
“Oh yeah? Well, I’ve been tripping old ladies on escalators since 1983!”
“Oh yeah? Well, I’ve been ogling 9-year-old girls on playgrounds since 1978!” Etc.
— Fran Ellers, a pro-choice woman making a “passionate plea” to a Kentucky legislative panel, was obliged to “respectfully oppose” a bill that would impose one of those asinine ultrasound/ cute-beating-baby-heart/ 24-hour-waiting-period dealios that are all the rage right now.
Way to go Fran Ellers, but I focus here on the word “respectfully.” The constraints of patriarchal convention required that, prior to making the wild suggestion that women are human, Ellers essentially had to suck it up and curtsey before the great wisdom of the dudely tribunal and offer deferrential “respect” to the insane idea that women are meatsock fetubators.
Happily the anti-abortionite bill died in committee, but the necessity of pretending to pay homage to that outrageous, barbaric viewpoint — hell, it’s not even a viewpoint, it’s the actual practice of oppression — sorely chaps the Twisty hide. Yet obeisance to this “with all due respect” social nicety is precisely what all women are required to do by the de facto owners of their uteruses if we expect to get a word in. If I ever tried to testify at one of those things I’d probably get hauled off in chains.
Not that it matters one way or another in the long run. One of the dudes who voted against the ultrasound bill claims that his opponents are blocking his bills in other committees, ostensibly in retribution for his pro-abortion ways. Thus, as is justified by global accords governing the fair use of women, uteruses remain the sole property of dudes to squabble over and hold hostage and infest however they see fit.
— Of course you have heard of this particularly mind-blowing case of medieval wankery. I allude to the recent rampage of Catholic Archbishop Sobrinho, Grande Mucky-Muck of the Brazilian Coalition for the Torture of Little Girls. Sobrinho first tried to block the abortion of a pair of fetuses infesting a 9-year-old girl. When that failed, he went on an excommunication spree, kicking out of his moron church anyone who had anything to do with the abortion. He booted the girl’s mother, the girl’s doctors, the doctor’s dogs, and the horses they rode in on.
He did not, however, excommunicate the 9-year-old’s stepfather who, it turns out, is the dickmunch perv who raped the kid in the first place.
Like all Catholic mucky-mucks, Archbishop Sobrinho worships an invisible magic dude who tells him that aborting parasitic growths is way, way worse than raping little kids and then forcing them to bring twin fetuses to term even though the little kids are physically too small to do it. This invisible magic dude will welcome the dickmunch child rapist into his billowing cumulus-cloud arms for eternal bliss, but everyone who advocated for the innocent little kid is going straight to hell. It’s comical, except that it isn’t.
The Catholic dude defends his views by comparing women’s bodily sovereignty to the Holocaust. No shit! Thus is a 9-year-old rape victim who gets a life-saving abortion like unto a Nazi.
Another dude, the president of Brazil, gets a piece of the action by condemning the Vatican.
I don’t personally see what the big whoop is with getting kicked out of an organization that loves pedophile rapists and hates 9-year-old girls. If some priesty barbarian patriarchyist excommunicated my ass from a crummy club like that, I’d rent out Tuscany for the weekend and throw a Butt-Dance Festival.