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Mar 25 2009

Hugs, Twisty: blamer proposes new occupation for spinster aunt

If a person is lukewarm about the blogulative oeuvre of a given Internet feminist, the last thing she’s going to do is send that Internet feminist a transmission expressing the lukeness of that warmth.

The Twisty inbox, for example, has never once contained an email reading “Dear Twisty, I could go either way about women’s liberation from patriarchal oppression, I am indifferent toward your views, and although your writing has not particularly inspired me, I guess your punctuation is OK.”

Nope, according to research here at the Twisty Institute for Blog-based Interfacing, readers who initiate electronic interactions with Internet feminists are either really pickin’ up what the Internet feminist is layin’ down, or they really, really hate it.

Many of those who hate it become so sodden with hate that they begin to hate the Internet feminist personally, even though they have never met her and never will.* Sometimes their hatred is so dreadful, irrational, and acute that they actually lose the will to live. To wit:

You, Twisty, are unquestionably far more oppressive than the patriarchal regimes you rail against. You are clearly a loser who cannot finesse her way through the world and cannot tolerate the opinions of anyone who does not dig their nose deeply and firmly up your ass.

I am signing off forever.

Serene Wright

Don’t do it, Serene! That whole afterlife thing is a scam!

Happily, the lovas outnumber the hatas. Today’s “Hugs, Twisty” email contains not one, but two instances of the word “love.” Love, according to recent research at the Twisty Department of Pleasantness Studies, is significantly nicer than hate.

[Dear Twisty,]

I’ve been reading your blog for a while now – love it. Have you written a book? Would you?

I was feeling like the entirety of feminist thought had disappeared without a trace and it’s a real relief, and galvanising, to read your commentary on pole dancing for empowerment etc. etc. Would still love to see a book though. I promise if you write one I will get all my students to buy it. I was going to write one myself but think yours would be much better.

Cicely

Dear Cicely,

Write a book? Certainly. Your wish is my command. It will make an excellent excuse to start drinking whiskey from small, heavy glasses, wear a tattered bathrobe around all day, and sit, staring at the horizon, for hours on end.

I do all of those things already of course, but now, instead of “She’s a crazy antisocial old hag,” the answer to “What’s up with that chick, anyway?” will be “She’s writing a book.”

Would you prefer this book to be scholarly, or may it avoid all allusions to Lacan?

Also, I believe it’s customary to have a subject, or some sort of unifying theme, lest the work be mistaken for random typing. How about a slender volume of trenchant poetry about body hair? Or the case against religion, TV, public schools, the nuclear family, prisons, “luminous” skin, cheese, and reproduction? 101 Snappy Comebacks for the Radical Feminist? A translation of The Dialectic of Sex into Esperanto? An explication of the femininity continuum using examples from The Simpsons to keep it accessible? A scathing denunciation of Oprah as the opiate of the female masses, Protector of Rape Culture, and Collaboratrice-in-Chief?

Or perhaps some pulp sci-fi? Lard, I’ve got a million of’em. How about the one where radical feminist lesbian separatist aliens — they have giant pulsating obstreperal lobes and also a few superpowers — are on the run from oppression on their home world (not because they’re radical feminist lesbian separatists, but because they owe back taxes). They end up making an emergency landing on Mars, which is where human dude-culture and its bitches had to evacuate once they killed everything on Earth.

But, instead of what usually happens in this sci-fi scenario (or in any pop culture narrative) — which is that earth-dudes show the sovereign aliens the error of their dude-indifferent ways and whip them into porn shape for the good of humanity — the plot takes a female-normative turn. The radical feminist lesbian aliens are so mighty-mighty that they’re all “Fuck all yall rapist motherfuckers!” And off they biff to Earth — which, you remember, is barely more than a smouldering radioactive rock — where they fix the biosphere and live for a couple of centuries in an idyllic paradise with sentient bungalows, giant technicolor butterflies, margarita-mixing robots, talking dogs, and free healthcare.

Once the patriarchal Mars colonists realize how nice Earth has become, they decide they want their planet back. They mount an invasion.

But wait! There’s something about the essence of the idyllic paradise that the Mars colonists don’t know!

And wait again! There’s something else, left behind by a long-dead cabal of patriarchy-blaming Earthlings, that might surprise the radical feminist lesbian separatist aliens!

So! Will enlightenment prevail? Or will the transplanted Martian assholes enslave the radical feminist lesbian separatist aliens in big hot-tubs of translucent slime, co-opting their superpowers to fuel the Viagra plant, McDonald’s, and the stripper pole manufacturers, and turn Earth back into a giant, noxious, barbaric brothel, proving once and for all that vulgar desire is the most powerful force in the universe?

Just let me know.

Anyway, I sincerely thank you, Cicely, for the compliment about the blog. Yet a nagging worry plagues me. Just because I am now writing a book, it doesn’t let you off the book-hook. You still have to write one, too. You can’t foist your personal unrealized goals off on me, lady!

Hugs,
Twisty, book writer

________________________
* Hatred is not only mean, it’s unhygienic. That’s because it is an emotion. I was recently apprised by a television commercial that “emotions can cause you to sweat up to 5 times more!” Holy shit!

88 comments

  1. magriff

    WOOOT! Twisty’s gonna write a book. I second Cicely’s avowal to make it required reading for all of my classes.

  2. Marla the invisible

    You have a case against cheese?

  3. Squiggy

    Hell, I’ll gather a big class together and require, uh, memorization of whole passages with extra credit for memorizing the entire book.

    I love Twisty. As long as I have consciousness of some kind.

  4. MissPrism

    I will buy your book.
    Especially if it has “empowerful” in the title.

  5. Marilyn

    I will buy any book you write as long as it has a character named Oprah who dies a horrible death and has no character that would be a suitable vehicle for James Woods in the screen version.

  6. JetGirl

    Forget the book — this amazing plot should be a graphic novel. The hot tubs of translucent slime (with a slight eerie greenish tinge) would make a great cover for Vol.3: “Jerks Gone Wild: Mars Brahs Return To Impose Their Toxic Masculinity on Peaceful Feminist Utopia.”

  7. Ktreu

    Libro Esperanto bonvolu!
    Brakumi,
    Ktreu

    Esperanto translations courtesy of http://www.kafejo.com/lingvoj/auxlangs/eo/tradukilo/

  8. CassieC

    JetGirl would want a graphic novel, now wouldn’t she?

    (I think it’s a wonderful idea too. The original can be as long as Das Kapital and in German, the graphic novel can be the equivalent of the Cliff notes. Oh yes and my bike is called Tank, which I guess makes me TankGirl.)

  9. yttik

    When not here basking in Twisty’s delightful words, I engage in other important pursuits, like visiting the website that did the research that determined “emotions can cause you to sweat up to 5 times more.” I quickly aborted the mission after encountering the first sentence:

    “Using human odour assessors trained to sniff body odour….”

    Oh goodness. It would be an honor to be called a radical feminist lesbian separatist alien. Or a hairy legged radical feminist. I will proudly wander around in a tattered bathrobe drinking whiskey and not even pretend to be a writer, just don’t ever ask me to be a human odor assessing specialist. Oh what a cruel job. I hope it comes with healthcare and a good benefit package.

  10. JetGirl

    Well yes, Cassie, I am indeed a “Tank Girl” fan. I am also a pilot, so it made sense.
    And yes to text only AND graphic novels from Ms. Faster!

  11. wolfhound

    That’s seven books you’ve described Twisty … I want to see six of them (I don’t speak or read Esperanto). You’d better get to work! I volunteer to help out with the horses and the dogs so you have more stare-into-space time. :)
    Speaking of dogs, why haven’t we seen pictures of Bert & Zippy in so long??

  12. Twisty

    Marla the invisible: “You have a case against cheese?”

    Girl, I’ve got a case against everything.

  13. Orange

    And there’s your title, Twisty: “The Case Against Everything.*” The asterisked footnote will mention a couple key things like the patriarchy. You have been generating content for years right here—just do a massive text dump from your archives, sort the posts thematically, and cull the best stuff. Discrete chapters about assorted topics, seen through Twisterrific lenses.

    + Empowerfulmentation, or the case against pole dancing and stripper classes.

    + What “men hate you” means.

    + The case against high heels.

    + Cancer/breasts/mastectomy: the case against boobless swimsuits and gendered “decency” rules.

    + The case against marriage. (I personally enjoy marriage, but that doesn’t get in the way of enjoying what you have to say about the institution.)

    + The case against being openly disdainful towards those who give up and get boob jobs, wear heels and makeup, etc., because they haven’t figured out how to resist the patriarchy as yet. This issue is particularly hard for many people to wrap their heads around, I think.
    =========

    Really, you have many chapters’ worth of fodder for those topics and more. Just stay away from tackling gendered language, because that’s a book idea I’m pondering.

  14. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    A snappy comebacks book for my coffe table, please. With food por – er, photos. And recipes.

  15. ivyleaves

    Then there are those of us who really, really, really hate Serene Wright, especially when I checked this out as apparently her first post (when Twisty was absent and we were worried about her:

    Serene Wright
    October 17, 2007 at 2:48 am
    Y’r n yr lst lgs, y vctmhd lvng cnt, rn’t y? It’s rthr bvs, y knw.

    Which I translated to:
    You’re on your last legs, you victimhood loving cunt, aren’t you? It’s rather obvious, you know.

    Fortunately, there is no afterlife.

  16. Emily

    What’s so bad about cheese :(

  17. Spiders

    That comparison to an oppressive regime was pretty fuckin’ dumbass.

  18. Lovepug

    Well, shit fire! This is well worth coming out of commenting abstinence.

    Write that book! Get your bathrobe on and get to gettin. Don’t even care what you write – it’s all good. Make sure there’s a forward by someone like Stingray or Rev. B Dagger Lee. I’ll even buy a case and distribute them on the streets like Watchtowers (“Excuse me, would you like to hear some Good News about patriarchy’s downfall?”).

    Oh, and don’t forget the photos. Maybe a scratch and sniff taco page as well.

    Ooooo, and feminist trading cards.

  19. Virginia S. Wood, Psy.D.

    How about just a collection of your essays–Best of Twisty?

    Although I really like the whole feminist alien thing, I have a feeling that what with the whiskey and all, it will be quite a long wait. Collecting and editing your essays would get done much Faster (that was an accidental pun, I swear. But I liked it, so I’m leaving it in.)

    P.S.: Could the aliens’ motto be non serviam?

  20. Samantha

    You propose to write sci-fi that overtly recognizes the existence and oppressive nature of patriarchy and confronts it head on rather than using said patriarchy as the metaphoric if not actual pole around which sexy, green, alien fem-bots dance? You will shatter the very nature of the sci-fi genre.

  21. not a dudetiful wife

    I think a good title would be: “Make Love the Twisty Way”

    I think that would be great in the store window of Borders. And the people who would need to hear some patriarchy smashing thinking would be sure to pick it up.

  22. Mooska

    Orange! Oraaannnngggggeeeee!

    “+ The case against marriage. (I personally enjoy marriage, but that doesn’t get in the way of enjoying what you have to say about the institution.)”

    How? How do you do this?

    I have a sh1tload of guilt anyway, due to my dear old white-haired uber-patriarch daddy, but all the things I do that I agree with Twisty shouldn’t be done make me feel like crap. It takes a lot of time and effort to combat your conditioning and in the meantime, I often feel torn between what I think I want to do and what I know I don’t think I should do. And until I get to the stage where I CAN avoid this femininity bollocks, I’d much rather just accept myself along the way.

  23. rootlesscosmo

    Another vote for Orange’s proposed title and back-cover copy. The Case Against Everything belongs in every airport in this great homeland of ours.

  24. Helen Huntingdon

    “Nope, according to research here at the Twisty Institute for Blog-based Interfacing, readers who initiate electronic interactions with Internet feminists are either really pickin’ up what the Internet feminist is layin’ down, or they really, really hate it.”

    Heh, I had both going at once for quite a while. I used to think your takes on some things were too extreme. Now I laugh at the memory of thanking any such thing.

  25. gayle

    “An explication of the femininity continuum using examples from The Simpsons to keep it accessible?”

    My vote’s for this option. Although I’m pretty sure you could work a critique on Oprah into it somehow.

    No more Lacan, please!

  26. BadKitty

    I am highly offended by the anti-cheesist tone of this thread. I was unaware that this blog harbored such anti-cheese beliefs. I am therefor going to sign off forever* so I can eat my cheese in peace, undisturbed by all you cheese haters.

    *Not really

  27. Twisty

    Orange: “Just stay away from tackling gendered language, because that’s a book idea I’m pondering.”

    Suddenly, all I want to write about is gendered language.

  28. Orange

    Wait! I change my vote. Screw The Case Against Everything: Hugs, Twisty. I want Make Love the Twisty Way. Or maybe Lose Weight the Twisty Way.

    Mooska, I was raised without the whole guilt thing. That helps. I enjoy reading what Twisty says, but I’m not fully sold on the idea that marriage is always bad. (I know: heresy!) I think a marriage with a goodly allotment of equality and a mouthy woman is OK, because hey, I love my Nigel and would prefer to keep him around. Unions centered on female submission and male dominance suck eggs, though. And Mooska, if you are absorbing a feminist mindset and try to live according to those principles in the most important ways (the ones about power, equality, affirming the humanity of woman, speaking up against anti-feminist crap), don’t beat yourself up over makeup and heels. You might give those up later, but there’s no use flagellating yourself over Not Being Quite Good Enough.

  29. Helen Huntingdon

    “The International Horse Soccer League”?

  30. littlesister

    “101 Snappy Comebacks for the Radical Feminist” by Twisty Faster, i NEED IT!!! so does my sister and mother and all my female friends and relatives.

    WRITE FASTERRRRRRR!!!

  31. Michelle

    Your punctuation could never be considered merely “ok” by anyone other than a complete barbarian. Your use of punctuation elevates the English language to a level that makes my left temporal lobe fairly shiver with pleasure.

  32. StillWater

    Lesbian separatist aliens huh. Anyone else reminded of Katherine V. Forrest’s “Daughters of a Coral Dawn”?

  33. Cathy

    Say it ain’t so, Serene! I don’t think I could bear to read this blog without your intellectual take-downs of Twisty. We all know you are truly The Enlightened One, not her; you are the sole reason most of us even bother to read IBTP.

  34. terese

    I have to say that I’ve thought for quite some time that a Twisty book would be fantastic. In my musings it was one calling us to arms for the glorious revolution, but now I really, really want to read the sci-fi one first.
    Perhaps you can add it as a sidebar and give it to us in installments?

  35. birkwearingblamer

    Make the sci-fi story a script for a movie. It’s got box office potential. I want to be an extra in the movie, too.

    My case against cheese only extends to the goat variety. Maybe you could explore the particular evils of goat cheese? There must be many! Actually, I’m anti-any-goat-milk-product.

  36. Jo

    Unfortunately, I was subjected to Oprah yesterday. If there’s anyone I’d love to have a radical feminist awakening*, it’s her.

    Also, I’d like to sign up for a margarita-mixing robot, once the planet is resettled.

    *or boot to the head, whichever works. I’m a semi-pacifist: only in favor of quick** deaths of patriarchal male oppressors.

    **or slow and painful, preferably Sisyphean, in itchy lace and stilettos.

  37. Jonathan

    Making a book out of a massive text dump from your archives sounds great. It makes your wisdom accessible to the offline crowd, and it cuts down on authoring duties so that you can continue with the rest of your life. This is how many of the dudely comedians/journalists/politicians/bloggers write their books, right? Don’t they just bolt together a bunch of their few-page articles and print them? You could do the same thing, only your book would benefit humanity. You could even print it on the pulp of all those catalogs that the stores keep sending you. That would show em!

    I realize that I am running over the horse with the cart here, but that you are not already the author of several books and the director of the Center for the Study of Empowerfulness and Gendered Language at Harvard is yet more proof that the Patriarchy is a stifling anti-intellectual hellpit.

    Your blog already serves an incredible need and your writing is fantastic! Book or no book, my S.O. and I are just happy that you’re out there! And if I ever get a decent coffee table, I’ll print out your blog, bind it, and have my very own tabletop IBTP.

  38. Martha Maus

    A Twisty Book! What a great idea.

    And what a personal co-incidence. Realising that comparisons are odious, but relying on Twistiness in both author and blog readers to accept that humour will out, whatever human it was packaged in, I was, yesterday, struck by the thought that the Twisty humour reminded me of another jaundiced eye: that of the late and rarely lamented, Hunter S Thompson, who wandered from journalism to book and I wondered why there was no Twisty segue from blog to book .

    Blamer Disclaimer: I haven’t read anything of his since Uni days, more than a 1/4 of a century ago and in blog parlance , he may well now be a RWDB and not so funny anymore.

  39. rowmyboat

    And they feminists are humorless.

    Bah.

  40. rowmyboat

    By which I, of course, mean, “And they say feminists are humorless”; many apologies.

  41. nails

    I liked the Oprah stuff the most.

    “Lose weight the Twisty way” is a great idea for the title.

  42. Hillary Rettig/The Lifelong Activist

    Twisty – your sf opus holds an eerie similarity to a wonderful sf book A Door Into Ocean by Joan Slonczewski, which is really an amazing book that I wish everyone would read.

  43. Kate Dino

    Dear God, what about the cheese?

  44. thebewilderness

    If there were a street corner equipped with actual pedestrians anywhere near me I would print out and distribute your blog posts daily.
    Alas, I am many miles from an intersection so equipped.

  45. dr. fantastic

    Along with Jo, I would very much like the radical feminist paradise complete with margarita mixing robot. Gracias!

  46. ceezee

    I would pay $8 or so for a book entitled “101 Snappy Comebacks for the Radical Feminist”. Double that if it is written by Twisty.

  47. incognotter

    Twisty’s tale of radical feminist lesbian separatist aliens does remind me of Daughters of a Coral Dawn, but with far more plot. It sounds like the cross-pollination of a Naiad and some of the better lesbian fan fiction. I hope someday you do write it, Twisty, so we can have Blaming, plot, grammar, punctuation, vocabulary and humor all in one story. Books like that are still pretty rare.

  48. Hattie

    Esperanto!!!!

  49. Helen Huntingdon

    “The Twisty Workout: Exercises for the Obstreperal Lobe”

  50. Other Liz

    my vote for book title is “I Blame the Patriarchy”, as it would accurately and pithily describe the book’s contents, the author’s third favorite passtime, and the new favorite tag-line of everyone who reads it.

    PS:Kate Dino: hee!

  51. Other Liz

    I sincerely apologise for capitalisation mishap.

  52. Betsy

    I googled “biffs off” and got only one relevant result. It was Twisty’s blog.

    Of the irrelevant results, one was mildly noteworthy: a feature story from an August, 2006, London tabloid newspaper:
    “Jack Russell Biff Tumbles 150ft off THIS Cliff Chasing Rabbits. & LIVES” (sic)

  53. humanbein

    I’d like a Wooster Twisty with a robot Jeeves sitting up in bed every morning and being clobbered by some obstreperal lobe-popping example of feminist empowerment gone wrong, like Roller Girls mixing burlesque into their skating fun, which causes troubles that she fixes with the aid of her computer/robot thingie. It would be a world almost entirely without men, except when they are causing some kind of throwback Nigel-like trouble for one of her many friends or Aunts.

    In other words, a world as it should be, with minor complications related to the vestigial cultural remnants of a vanquished patriarchy.

  54. nails

    ooh maybe ‘how to land a man: the twisty way” could be good too.

    I do want the term empowerful to make it into mainstream culture somehow. I really can’t think of a word that is only meant to be used sarcastically, its brilliant.

  55. teearr

    I would buy as many copies of “101 Snappy Comebacks for the Radical Feminist” as I could possibly afford.

  56. Edith

    Word, Twisty. Take it to the masses. I’m envisioning _I Blame the Patriarchy: The Guide_ in every Barnes & Noble across the US displayed in the window next to the latest novel-length-rant featuring whatever some misogynistic “politically progressive” asshole finds comical. Do it, yo.

  57. KMTBERRY

    I’ll even buy a case and distribute them on the streets like Watchtowers (”Excuse me, would you like to hear some Good News about patriarchy’s downfall?”).

    In all seriousness: why haven’t we Feminists done this BEFORE? I am certain we would make ten thousand times more converts than the Jehovah’s Witnesses make. Plus it would scare the Patriarchs witless. It is their deepest fear to have the other shoe fall!

  58. Rayedish

    “Lose weight the Twisty way” Of course we refer here to the weight of patriarchal oppression, a weight that we all need to lose!

  59. Megann

    Yay for the radical feminist lesbian separatist aliens! You have made me very curious about the ending of that. It would be a brilliant book that I would love to read. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you actually will write that.

  60. admirerofemily

    Oh yes yes yes yes so yes! Now I don’t have to continue my recently begun project of selecting Twisty highlights as I recently declared I would.

    I never intended to usurp The Honourable One, merely wanted to collect for myself some ammunition when patriachers patriarched. When I said on the site that this is what I wanted to do (thinking of it as merely a personal project), the word came back ‘share it, we need it’

    So then I started thinking, oh god, do I have to make this a collaborative venture? Should I maybe propose a wiki where we all paste our favourite bits and comebacks etc etc etc?

    I was thinking that our blaming bloggerette was otherwise taken up with photography, sampling of local cuisine, ranch-hand wrangling and wildlife observing to want to do anything other than write her blog when it damn well pleased her. Sad that this was the case, cos TWISTY WE NEEDS YOU!, I thought, oh well, someones got to do it, might as well be me.

    But then life started hotting up, and I thought, nup, damn it, as Twisty does her blog as ‘it’s mine, I do what I like with it’, so shall I compile my own personal summary. One day, I’ll show it to Twisty and if she want to do something with it, fine. But it’s gotta be my summary for my needs cos I just don’t have the spare energy to make this a big project (as vital as it is).

    So in the mornings I’ve been sitting in front of my computer, bowl of meusli in one hand, pasting the entire day’s blog into a word document and then cutting the superflous stuff. And thinking, when the hell am I going to get through the archives? Cos hell I need those comebacks and I need them NOW!!!

    So this news is excellent! Put me down for a container load – I too shall walk from door to door spreading the Twisty good news.

    (I’ve used lots of ‘I’s’. I’m also not quite sure what ‘write opinion before they “share experience.”’ but suspect I’ve just done it. But I also thought it’s quite relevant to the topic at hand. Damn I wish I was allowed to use ellipses….)

  61. speedbudget

    *confetti* And Serene finally biffs off. Wonderful news, that.

    Even better news, a book. I, too, would love to see [i]101 Snappy Comebacks for the Empowerfulized Radical Feminist[/i]. Perhaps you could start each comeback section with one of your essays or an anecdotal story (because we’ve all had the same experiences, i.e. the getting yelled at by dewds in the streets, the “why don’t you smile?” BS, you know what I’m sayin), give your wonderful jaundiced assay of what it means for a radical feminist, then give the comeback (or comebacks) to use in the appropriate situation.

    I would make my book club read that, yo.

  62. speedbudget

    Okay. So I finally think I’ve learned my html tags and I don’t have to have the dang tutorial open while I type them in, that is what happens.

    I’m going to go stand with my bathrobe open in front of the living room window and sip my coffee and contemplate html.

  63. Jon

    Twisty, your writing amazes me. You make me think and laugh even early in the mornings… Thanks for doing what you do.

  64. Chocolate Tort

    Every since a good friend of mine introduced me to IBTP, we’ve been asking ourselves, “When will Twisty write a book already??” We had in mind an old-fashioned Life and Times Of, but the sci-fi version sounds even better. And everyone needs radfem snappy comebacks! Now, thanks to some fellow blamers, I have two more sci-fi books to check out. This post is an all-around win*!

    *Okay, they’re all all-around wins. But this one is extra win.

  65. slythwolf

    I was recently apprised by a television commercial that “emotions can cause you to sweat up to 5 times more!” Holy shit!

    I think I saw the same commercial. 5 times more than what, I wanted to ask? Than a robot? Because I’m pretty sure 5 times 0 is still 0.

  66. Kathleen

    yessssss!!!!!!!! and also many thanks to Cicely for suggesting what I (apparently among many others) was afraid to: write a book write a book write a book! It felt like enough to be getting the blog, but the book will reach a different audience and will be suitable for distribution to friends and relations, huzzah.

    (that line to Mr. S. Wright about the afterlife being a scam, oh mercy).

  67. HazelStone

    Wow, your RadFem scifi book idea is similar (but much better) than the Radfem scifi film idea I daydream about.

    Please write this book!

  68. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

    Lose Weight the Twisty Way: DTMFA

    “That’s 200 pounds right there, there ya go!”

  69. undercover punk

    Twisty, you used the dreaded S word!! Bwhahahahahaha! (that’s my evil laugh and no, I cannot stop using ellipses) Though I shall not hold my breath for your eagerly-anticipated book release, any day that Twisty Faster describes a radical feminist lesbian separatist utopia–with talking dogs to boot– is a fine day, indeed!

  70. Orange

    “Patriarchy Blaming for Dummies.” “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Radical Feminism.” Hey, I’ll bet neither one of those product lines really covers patriarchy blaming yet.

    Twisty, let’s co-author the gendered language book. You bring the rad-fem chic; I’ll get the hook-up with lexicographers. (I’m friendly with several, and one is even a woman.)

  71. goblinbee

    Yes! I’ve been clamoring for some time for a Twisty book. I’m usually not a consumer, but I would buy anything you would get published. You could write a laundry list. A book of photos. A feminist treatise extraordinaire.

  72. Twisty

    Thanks for the words of encouragement, folks. I am pleased to report that I have begun the novel. It starts like this:

    “The first unnatural death in over a thousand years was Lydia’s, and it was no fluke.”

    Gripping, what?

  73. Schnanneken

    Twisty. I will read any book you write, with or without Lacan.

    I may not be able to actually purchase said book, as I continue to earn only 77 per cent of my actual worth.

  74. Bushfire

    Please write a book!

  75. Comrade PhysioProf

    It will make an excellent excuse to start drinking whiskey from small, heavy glasses, wear a tattered bathrobe around all day, and sit, staring at the horizon, for hours on end.

    I do all of those things already of course[.]

    You’re Ernest Motherfucking Hemingway!

  76. Lurker

    At last. You are writing a book. Thank you.

  77. Other Liz

    “The first unnatural death in over a thousand years was Lydia’s, and it was no fluke.”

    You killed a female character in the first sentence?

  78. Carolyn

    All of these ideas are superb, but I’d like to toss in a suggestion about horse learning. My equine behaviour teacher said for the second time in class yesterday that it is physiologically impossible for a horse to learn by observation. I hope to have rememebered to print out the post about Stella to bring to next week’s class. Seriously, though, if that’s the standard current belief you should be able to scientifically disprove it.

  79. Cottonpants

    I would love to see a Twisty book that leads in the unsuspecting female reader with empowerful, “You go, girl!” platitudes, gets her agreeing, and slowly?gently?ups the ante until she’s driven to throw herself out of her very chair, screaming, “YES! YES! THE PATRIARCHY IS REAL!”

    It would be a triumph for the entire human race.

    PS: Another vote here for “Lose Weight the Twisty Way!” It has the layers of an onion, yo.

  80. Cottonpants

    Damn you, nonworking em dashes!

  81. Mary Tracy9

    Is there any feminist in the blogosphere who wouldn’t buy Twisty’s book?

    Lard knows I would love to have one!

  82. mg_65

    Dear Twisty, delurking here to say I love you.

    I would like to read a book about How Lydia Lost Her Lacan Cheese Weight the Twisty Way On Mars!

  83. Jenny from IL

    I will not only buy it, it will become the primary gift I give and required reading for the offspring.

  84. kmcg

    All I can say, vis-a-vis ambivalent attitudes towards certain internet feminists, is that even when I’m not in the mood for any patriarchy-blaming (being a dude and invested in the patriarchy by my nature), I still like to check in here once and a while and see that you aren’t dead. And it’s always a relief to find you alive and kicking. Also, I find your punctuation to be outstanding.

  85. Dicey Venison

    Yes!
    A book would be great!
    A graphic novel would be even more greater-er!
    Include “Empowerful” in the title, as well as a section on becoming aware of the functions of one’s Obstereperal Lobe, a crucial component of The Blamer’s anatomy.
    The sci-fi storyline is brilliant.
    Exciting times, indeed.

  86. Screaming Lemur

    Technicolor butterflies and margarita-mixing robots? I. Would buy. This book. I would buy 10 copies- one to read, 2 as spares (just in case), and give the others as gifts. If Twisty were to write a book, I would click the “buy” button so fast my mouse would catch fire.

    …That is all.

  87. a Nigel named Dave

    When I think of what a pulp sci-fi novel by Twisty would be like, I think of something very much like The Female Man by Joanna Russ. I hope that is taken (as I intend) as a compliment to both Russ and Twisty — it is a terrific book, that I sincerely recommend to all blamers. I buy every second hand copy I see just so I can gift it to friends. And her non-fiction blaming classic How to Suppress Womens Writing has valuable cautionary advice on literary life.

    And I thank you, Twisty, for the lifestyle tip. I also already rock the bathrobe/whisky/staring lifestyle, and I indebted for the revelation that merely be writing a book, I can transform it into a more socially acceptable choice.

  88. Stella

    This book should have vegan taco recipes.

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