Yipes, that dang-ole BBC news feed! As mentioned yesterday, the thing infests the Twisty mainframe with a resilience matched only by the Great “Law & Order” Marathon of ’03.
I allude to a dark interlude wherein my formerly happy-go-lucky keister became inexplicably fused to my lime green recliner while, according to a rigorous schedule, I consumed tubs of Cool Whip and continuous “Law & Order” episodes. Hideous, but mesmerizing. Amazingly, considering the depth and saturation of my exposure to patriarchal narrative norms, I didn’t morph into a Liberal Dude. I was one of the lucky ones; one frabjous day I was scratching my head absently, whereupon I accidently discovered the Patriarchal Messaging Unit, a brain implant of alien technology commonly employed by a secret government agency to control spinster aunts. I pried it out of my lobe toot-sweet, and I’ve been Law & Order-free ever since.
But I digress.
The blamer will certainly enjoy today’s Beeb piece, for it summarizes a study and contains our phrase-of-the-week, “sexual swellings,” with regard to non-human primates! This is not just any old study, either. This is exciting evidence, based on observations of Ivory Coast chimpanzees, that the patriarchal social order is hardwired.
Chimpanzees enter into “deals” whereby they exchange meat for sex, according to researchers.
It goes without saying, since “male” is always the default, that by “chimpanzees” the article means male chimpanzees, and that by “sex” it means “copulation.” Female chimpanzees do not, apparently, exchange meat for sex. Their role is not active. The females passively accept meat from males whereupon they are adjudged to be under an obligation put out over the long term. The article portrays them as recipients of male largesse and as receptacles.
The words “sex slavery” spring to mind, but for some reason are conspicuously absent from the article.
Gee, I wonder if the researchers will draw any conclusions about human behavior based on these patriarchy-informed observations of an isolated primate population belonging to a totally different genus?
“This has got me really interested in humans,” [said researcher/chimp voyeur Cristina Gomes]. “I’m thinking of moving on to working with hunter-gatherers.”
Chimps are pimps, so obviously there are enormous ramifications for our understanding of modern human relationships, which clearly ought to be viewed entirely in terms of male troglodyte copulation skills.
I swear, no more BBC. Well, maybe just one more. I mean, I can quit anytime I want. Maybe tomorrow.