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Apr 10 2009

A couple of stinky stains declare love for patriarchy, MRA-style

Somebody just sent me an email with this subject line:

“Newsflash: Dr. Helen (Instapundit’s spouse) is retarded.”

I.

OK. Even though Liberal Dude role model Jon Stewart delights legions of adolescent boys when he uses it, spinster aunts consider the word ‘retarded’ — once a medical diagnosis used clinically to debase a class of people, and now an insult used pejoratively to ridicule that class of people and to annoy everyone else — to be more or less a slur.*

Instead of relying on bigoted schoolboy epithets to indicate our disdain for the dipshit antifeminist views of dipshit antifeminists, we advocate exercising the flaccid portions of our vast and glistening lobes to compose a more sophisticated and poetical zingerology.

Dr Helen is a stinky stain.

II.

It is not often that we endorse the concept of reason according to just prejudice. However, research conducted at our Department of Sobriquet Studies has conclusively determined that one is in fact wholly justified, a priori, in dismissing as irrelevant, unenlightened, or asinine any opinion proceeding from the mouth, pen, or IP address of anyone calling him/herself “Dr First-name-only.”

III.

Dr Helen, a “forensic psychologist” who plays a talk show host on amateur internet TV, has a funny video up at a funny right-wing website. The video commences with pompous TV news report intro music. That’s funny right off the bat.

Dr Helen’s topic is also a howler: “Gotcha Pregnancies & Men’s Rights.” You know this “gotcha pregnancy” phenomenon? It threatens the very atomic structure of the universe. Here’s how it works: devious women lie to their dudes about using birth control in order to get pregnant without dudely consent. Then they have the unmitigated gall to ask for child support. Men shouldn’t have to pay when the fruit of their loins is obtained fraudulently by deceitful bitches. It’s an affront to Truth & Beauty.

To help endorse the view that males are supreme beings, Dr Helen interviews someone named Amy Alkon, a woman whose professional expertise in the field of sneaky bitches tricking innocent dudes into knocking them up flows from her brilliant career as an AdviceGoddess (Alkon’s bio lists “evolutionary psychology” as one of her fave raves; need I say more?).

The interview is funny because it depicts two women of average intellect demonstrating their Patriarchy2K-compliance by vilifying other women, by crying through pinkulated lips “what about the men?!” and by invoking a phony “phenomenon” as phony evidence that male privilege is just and natural.

Wait. I guess that’s not so funny.

Behold a short transcription. It was all I was able to get before the Pajama TV player went on the fritz. Although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pretty relieved when the browser crashed, so painful to my lobes was watching even 37 seconds of these two tools.

Dr Helen: What do you think about women getting pregnant accidentally on purpose?

Amy Alkon: I think this is just horrible. I mean it’s just so amazing. If you’re a woman it’s totally your responsibility to take care of birth control.

Dr Helen: Don’t you think men should be responsible for birth control at all?

Amy Alkon: Well yes, but you know I think that’s sort of like asking a donut baker to be responsible for whether or not I gain weight.

Dr Helen, trying out the cable TV pundit shit-disturber gambit with an endearing feminine coyness, wonders if the vast hordes of unscrupulous whores who trick men into impregnating them should be held criminally negligent. The AdviceGoddess, though she would hesitate to chuck’em in the hoosegow, nevertheless thinks it is so amazing that these “bilkers” feel entitled to child support.**

Allow me to translate: As a woman you are a member of the sex class and don’t you forget it. Your purpose, as ordained by the Global Accords Governing Fair Use of Women, is as a receptacle for male incontinence. Sex class duties entail making life as comfortable and uncomplicated as possible for men. This extends to complying with their wishes at all times, especially when it comes to the contents of your personal uterus.

For extra credit, you might post videos on the internet declaring your full support for your own oppression.

According to syndicated misogynist Amy Alkon, who takes the rather eccentric view that submitting to the heteronormal peen-pronging imperative is like eating donuts, it is irrelevant that you are highly unlikely to become pregnant unless some dude — an autonomous member of the privileged class — has enjoyed using you for your natural purpose. Remember, the dude’s natural purpose — which always supersedes yours in terms of philosophic value — is to ejaculate and then biff off to a football game, not to concern himself in any way with the method by which he obtains, or the consequences of, his gratification. Unless he feels like it.

IV.

As a spinster aunt, I am one of the world’s leading experts on the causes of male angst, and I know how men can liberate themselves from the scourge of global female oppression. The method follows a rather intricate and convoluted logic, which may account for its failure to have caught on, but I’ll try, for the sake of beleaguered dudes the world over, to put it in layman’s terms: men wishing to thwart the evil schemes of even the most determined sperm-swindling pregnancy tricksters can simply decline to force-feed their donuts to any women. Et voilà!

Now that — like all imaginary absurdities — would be funny, like when the grizzled cowboy asks the grizzled drill sergeant if these Hello Kitty jeans make his butt look big. Dudes must prong. Bearing the consequences of male penetration behavior is strictly girly shit.

______________________
* Other words that may be similarly turned into insults: gay, feminist, and blogger. And gay feminist blogger. As in “Chad isn’t going to Gazonga’s Topless Sports Bar and Foie Gras Grill with us; he’s such a gay feminist blogger.”

** A commenter on Dr Helen’s blog describes child support as “a profitable incentive for deceit.” Churn’em out and rake it in, ladies! Everybody knows that men have a proven track record of stepping up and providing the mothers of their unwanted children with a life of luxury. Thanks to a steady child-based income, most of these lying sluts live on the French Riviera and have chauffeurs. That’s probably why the US Department of Health and Human Services doesn’t bother dedicating a whole department to child support enforcement.

Oh, wait. Yes they do.

64 comments

2 pings

  1. another voice

    “Dudes must prong. Bearing the consequences of male penetration behavior is strictly girly shit” When you put it like that, I must say it makes me never want to leave the house.

  2. Notorious Ph.D.

    So let me see if I’ve got this right:

    Option 1:
    a) I catch preg (accidentally or otherwise) because of sex with MRA dude;

    b) I want to keep and raise offspring, but need financial (if not emotional) support from MRA gamete-bearer;

    c) MRA gamete-bearer doesn’t feel like supporting incipient offspring;

    d) MRA dude wins: I am compelled to give up offspring (before or after birth).

    Option 2:
    a) I catch preg (accidentally or otherwise) because of sex with MRA dude;

    b) I want to abort potential offspring, because of lack of financial or emotional resources, or think giving birth is a barbaric process, or whatever;

    c) MRA gamete-bearer wants incipient offspring;

    d) MRA dude wins: I am compelled to spend 9 months pregnant and push offspring through my vaginal canal.

    In sum, either way: my body, his choice. Have I got that right? I just want to know, in case it comes up.

  3. el

    I think that’s sort of like asking a donut baker to be responsible for whether or not I gain weight

    I haven’t been that disgusted for ages!

    Yes, Notorious Ph.D., you’ve got it right. Men always know best.

  4. D

    I thought that men who did not want their pregnant former girlfriends & one-night-stands to actually carry to term simply shot and killed them. At least that’s what I keep reading in the newspaper each week.
    You mean they actually pay child support?! Huzzah!

  5. Shira

    We should treat child support payments the way we treat education. It’s a public good when mothers and children have a decent standard of living, so why the heck don’t we put a progressive prong tax on the men and give that money, indexed to inflation and to need, in monthly payments at some multiple of the poverty line, to mothers?

    Oh wait I forgot about patriarchy for a second. Damn.

  6. Shira

    Oh, and a prong tax to compensate victims of unwanted male pronging and attempted pronging, so that no women have to submit to male pronging for economic support. As long as I’m dreaming of a just universe here.

  7. Laughingrat

    Well yes, but you know I think that’s sort of like asking a donut baker to be responsible for whether or not I gain weight.

    Oh Christ, oh Sweet Zombie Jesus, because of this hideous comparison I will be unable to eat donuts for weeks now. Weeks. Fuck you, Patriarchy! Fuck you a lot!

  8. Purple Pooka

    Here’s a story I’ve heard that doesn’t make it onto the agenda of aspiring daytime TV hosts so often. This was confided to a friend of mine by a dude who, apparently, up until this point, had seemed OK.

    They got talking about sex, as happens, and he said that he refused to use contraception, on the basis that it denied him his manly right to spread his seed. Some women, though, being all uppity and thinking they had any business controlling what went into their bodies or came out of them, would periodically refuse to let him prong them without a condom, and so he carried one. It was a special one, which he’d previously opened and pricked little holes in, then carefully wrapped up again, just so those uppity women would unwittingly be the receptacle for his incontinence after all. He saw nothing wrong with this.

    Yet we are the devious bitches who dupe men into impregnating us against their will, because being a single parent on child support is such a great lifestyle. IBTP.

  9. Betsy

    Begging Dr. Helen’s pardon (actually, I don’t), I point out, as a lawyer, that child support is a right accruing to the CHILD, not the mother of the child. The parent receives the monies on behalf of the child and is required to spend it on the child’s needs.

    Also, child support is also due from BOTH parents. It’s calculated according to their respective incomes and whether the child spends a lot of time with one parent (imputing funds expended by that custodial parent).

    If the child is most of the time with its mother, and the father makes more money than the mother, which are both the case in most circumstances, then the balance flows from the father to the mother because of simple MATH.

    The check going from Dad to Mom doesn’t have written on it all the math that went into the legal support calculation before the check is cut (such as the paltry $200 a week or less that is imputed to the mother for all that she does, and everything she spends, for the child’s upkeep). It’s simply the ‘balance owing’ after calculating what both parents owe the child for its support.

    And the receiving parent simply receives and spends the money in trust for the child.

    (All this, too, is of course because of the patriarchy — but even the patriarchal legal facts prove “Dr” Helen to be wrong, and her opinion, baseless.

  10. Sharon

    Thanks for helping more people understand why there are better and less hateful and dis-empowering words than “retard” to use about people who spout rubbish. It’d be good if the really ugly expression “fucktard” was replaced with better terms too.

    Good rule about people calling themselves Dr “first name”.

    I like Notorious PhD’s breakdown of the sperm depositor’s ways of controlling women’s options.

  11. frenchie

    I don’t get that side that makes women speak out against their sex, where if actions followed through they’d suffer.

    What annoys here is the ‘demonise women’ tone of it. Oo devote everything to discuss how evil and soul- destroying women are you… woman!! Can’t they get a fucking clue?

  12. yttik

    Colbert of the Colbert Report did a satire about a NY Times article with a chart of how many paid days off Labor and Industries will grant you depending on which body part was amputated on the job. Six weeks if you lose a toe, 9 weeks for an arm, etc. His snark was about how now people will start deliberately amputating body parts at work just so they can milk the Gov of money. It was a ridiculous idea and good for a laugh, but I know why he deliberately avoided using any women as examples. People wouldn’t have found it funny. The patriarchy says women are money hungry enough to put their bodies thru 9 mos of pregnancy, labor pains that can rival amputations, and 18 yrs of childrearing, just to get a few hundred bucks a month out of some poor unsuspecting dude.

    I absolutely blame the patriarchy.

    As to men and the women who declare them too foolish to avail themselves of condoms, vasectomies, or abstinence, are they saying men are incompetent and ruled by hormonal urges? If men really are that inept, should they be running for public office? Flying airplanes? Making decisions about financial matters??

    (Wait, given the current state of our economy, I may have to rethink the argument I was going to make. Perhaps they really are inept after all? I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Never mind.)

  13. Twisty

    It’d be good if the really ugly expression “fucktard” was replaced with better terms too.

    I got taken to school on that issue some years back, having once been a bit less than the elegant sophisticate you now see before you. Once I examined this issue thoroughly, the word “fucktard” was banned. I attempted to replace it with “fuckard” (as in “dastard” or “drunkard”) but it didn’t take. Here’s the tedious post explaining the whole thing.

  14. Comrade PhysioProf

    peen-pronging

    “peen” and “prong” just make me laugh so hard!

  15. slythwolf

    Oh, dudes. When will you understand: not knocking someone up is the simplest thing in the world to do. You just have to sit there.

  16. Lovepug

    Thank you Betsy! The same people who would blow off a doctor’s head for performing an abortion seem to shelve their baby loving sentiments in this scenario.

    It’s amazing how babies are God’s Little Miracles unless having one is actually the woman’s idea.

    And, trust me, if you live in California, as far as child support is concerned, the system does not favor women, especially the stay at home mom variety. My attorney told me that the state’s position on stay at home moms – no matter how young their kids are – is pretty much too bad, go get a job.

  17. Lauren O

    I feel sympathy for men who have to pay child support for children they never wanted in the first place, I really do. It’s a much lesser strain of the sympathy I feel for women who have to have children they never wanted.

    I just have to wonder how often this MRA scenario happens. Because if you’re just having a one-night stand, you should be using a condom. If the woman gets pregnant through a failure of birth control, she has the option of getting an abortion. Obviously deliberately skipping your pill to get pregnant is no way to make money – a child is going to be a much huger cost than any child support payments would ever bring in – so that would have to be involve a colossally stupid woman, of which there aren’t many, though there are, I suppose, some.

    And if you are one of the men in the extremely rare, quite possibly nonexistent situation of having this happen to you, would you really deny your own child money for school supplies just because you’re mad at its mother? The kid didn’t do anything to you. The kid had no say in the matter. If you aren’t the hugest gaping asshole in the world, you can at least make sure your child gets properly clothed, even if you never have anything else to do with it.

  18. Anna Belle

    I have to agree with the commenter at Dr. H’s place. I am living lavish and large on the $340 I receive each month as compensation for being pronged 16 years ago by a man 14 years my senior. Although, that’s not actually what the payment is for…it’s actually a fee he pays so he doesn’t have to ever see the consequences of his right to prong.

    But yeah, I’m gettin’ rich on my deceit. Sheesh!

  19. rubysecret

    “I feel sympathy for men who have to pay child support for children they never wanted in the first place, I really do.”

    I really don’t. Because:
    “Oh, dudes. When will you understand: not knocking someone up is the simplest thing in the world to do. You just have to sit there.”

    Seriously. Men who don’t take responsibility for potential pregnancy have the easy job when one should occur. They can biff off, go on disability, claim poverty, form a dummy corporation to work under the table, claim that the mom is a lyin’whore, and their friends and family feel sorry for them, and the system takes fer-feckin-ever to catch up with them. Later, if they should happen to show an interest in the spawn, it could reduce their child support payments. Kid loves daddy who brings gifts and never says no. Plus, bonus points with the chicks who think “single dads” who spend an afternoon a month with their otherwise ignored kids are awesome. He gets to take the 4-5 tropical vacations per year with his new chick who thinks the kid is soooo cuuuuute!
    Meanwhile, the mom gets the job of giving birth, giving up her entire life plan and raising the much loved child in near poverty conditions, experience housing and job discrimination, and verbal abuse from the dad who never lets her forget she ruined his life, even though they were in a relationship for years and talked about having kids one day.
    Oh, wait, this wasn’t about me?
    Whatever. This happens all…the…time.

  20. Cat Ion

    I certainly don’t recall us living high on the hog when my mother was single and raising me and my brother. In fact, I’m pretty sure she had some grueling 12-hour shifts at a cannery — even during those months Dad decided to stop fucking around and actually pay> what he was required by the courts to pay.

  21. Notorious Ph.D.

    I’m not sure why the cultural conservatives haven’t leapt on this problem with the same solution they propose for pregnant women: If those men don’t want babies, then they shouldn’t have sex. And if they do have sex, those dirty, sinful men deserve what they get.

    Oh, right: patriarchy.

  22. rootlesscosmo

    @Betsy: your account of the law matches what’s reported by Radfem Oakland (CA) Family Lawyer. She adds that when guys realize the court will make them pay something–but, under California law, the amount is reduced in proportion to the time they spend with the kids–they start making extravagant demands for visitation, not because they want to be with the kids but because they’ve done the math. And the kids’ mother, more often than not, agrees to accept less support than the law and the formula require, to avoid a fight over this. RFL (Oakland CA), who represents only women, describes her job in these cases as “buying women’s children back for them;” the standard forms happen to put the visitation percentage on Line H, as in “hostage.” Bilkers, forsooth!

  23. humanbein

    The mindset of the MRA male is that he is living a fantasy life of wealth and privilege which the conniving bitches want to horn in on. Once you realize this important facet of the scam, you realize that this is also the wealthy and would-be wealthy protecting their economic privilege just as much as anything else. Conservatives have learned to posit all their poison from this seductive standpoint, simultaneously flattering their drooling believers that they are so wealthy that such a scenario is god’s own truth while spreading the venom that there exists a horde of poor folks beneath you who’d love to get that miserable shack and wreck of a car you drive out of your hot little hands.

    I love to notice how there’s always many different hierarchies involved wherever the Patriarchy tromps the scorched earth of shattered dreams for a better world. Liberation from the pecking order, please.

  24. terristrange

    Thank you to the women who’ve shared your experiences with child support, it’s obviously not an ideal situation to be put in.
    I have some ideas.

    Free 24 hour childcare in every neighbourhood.

    Communal kitchens and laundry services.

    Create Jobs by having people work doing domestic tasks that are
    currently not valued because women do them for free (housework).

    Free education from cradle to grave.

    Free universal healthcare.

    Abolition of all special priviliges awarded to nuclear family participants.

    Any other suggestions?

  25. Orange

    Yes, Michael Bérubé’s occasional posts about the infelicity of “retard” and affiliated words have absolutely cleansed my vocabulary. I could not help noticing the tour buses in New Orleans from the Hotard company, though.

    My kid has a friend whose noncustodial dad wasn’t asked for child support for the first 10 years. And now? Oh, he has no job. That restaurant? It belongs only to his wife. Visitation? He wants eight weeks in the summer. And for sport, he tried to get a restraining order against the mom (who is 100% harmless to him), though the judge sagely nixed that. He also counteroffered that instead of paying $1000 a month to support his son, maybe he could pay $100 a month. (The threatened restraining order, of course, was a clumsy attempt at extorting the mom’s acceptance of a raw deal on behalf of her son.) Mere anecdata, sure, but ain’t it so typical?

  26. PatriarchySlayer

    The fact that the situations we’re describing of horrible parenting on the part of the father is “typical” is probably the saddest part of all, for me. My father couldn’t care less if all his kids were dead. We were used as a weapon against my mother, plain and simple. And yet, whenever I mention the lack of responsibility that has become the norm of not only fathers, but men in general, I only hear one answer. Blame the feminists. Men were much more willing to get a job and support the family, back when women were waiting at the door to rub their husband’s feet and ensure that supper was on the table. Why is the blame never placed where it belongs?

  27. Catherine Martell

    I agree with PatriarchySlayer’s point about the history of the issue, but am struck by this subtle and common assumption:

    And yet, whenever I mention the lack of responsibility that has become the norm of not only fathers, but men in general…

    Become? Or always been? I don’t have an answer, and expect it’s impossible to find one: I can’t imagine, statistically, how you would compare the behaviour of deadbeat dads 50, 100 or 200 years ago with deadbeat dads today. The fact it was more common for parents to be or remain married in no way implies better, more functional or even more consistent relationships between fathers and mothers, or fathers and children.

    Most “illegitimate” children and all single mothers had a crappy time of it back in yore, too.

    I don’t see much reason to think divorce, child support laws or alleged changes in sexual behaviour have meaningfully changed this situation. They have certainly brought it into the public eye, but the fact the consequences of bad father behaviour were concealed before doesn’t mean they were different or nonexistent.

    I certainly don’t see any reason to think the supposed 1950s norm of solid nuclear families (which, I would argue, was largely imaginary anyway) protected women from the negative consequences of being knocked up. Thanks to the enduring magic of patriarchy, things sucked for mothers then, and they still suck for mothers now.

    I would offer Amy Alkon the chance to dress up as a grizzled drill sergeant and kiss my entire Hello Kitty denim-covered ass, but actually she really needs to stop kissing ass and acquire some self-respect.

  28. speedbudget

    …nearly one in four women botched up their birth control.

    I like the unclear statistics. Nearly one in four. That could be a negligible number of women, and “botching” could be anything from forgetting to take a pill to putting that ring on wrong to a patch falling off in the shower.

    And what if you don’t “meet some guy in a bar”? What if, like many women in this thread, you have a relationship and have discussed getting pregnant beforehand?

    Why do you think it is that people treat men as not having any reproductive rights at all?

    You do have rights. You have the right not to have sex. It’s unfortunate that my personal uterus is located in my body and not yours. Tough titties.

    The keep it in your pants faction is very unrealistic. I mean, this is just stupid.

    Unless we are talking about women. I fucking love double standards.

  29. speedbudget

    By the way, I just learned html block quotes. I’m going to quote everyfuckingthing from now on.

  30. Silence

    Dudes, if you put it in, you’re responsible for what comes out. Why is that concept so hard to grasp?

    Oh, wait — I forgot. You’re men, and therefore slaves to your manly urges. You must prong or else, er, your peens wither up? Something horrible, I reckon.

    Seriously, my brain is spinning. When people gain weight, everyone is quick to accuse them of stuffing in McDonald’s and doughnuts for every meal. Alcoholics are told to put down the bottle. Junkies rarely receive a lot of sympathy. So why, in this one particular case, are we repeatedly told that it’s not a man’s fault when a woman gets pregnant? Why are men not expected to have any self-control when it comes to sexual behavior?

    Yeah, don’t respond; I know the answer. Under the patriarchy, it’s the duty of every dude to prong the sex class just to prove their solidarity with the dominant culture. Gotcha. But Jeebus, why does the damn patriarchy have to be so damn illogical?

    ‘Keep it in the pants faction is very unrealistic.’ Snort. Yeah, dude, there are just millions of women out there waiting to pounce on you, yank out your peen, and avail themselves of your swimmers if you won’t be a gentleman and prong them of your own free will.

  31. Virginia S. Wood, Psy.D.

    Dr. Helen may have a little ethical problem here, in addition to her stupidity problem and her political backwardness in general. We are enjoined from making public statements in our roles as psychologists that can’t be supported by data (never mind that fly in the face of the data, which I suspect is the case here) and from expressing opinions, as psychologists, with which the profession as a scientific body would not concur.

    So rates of birth control failure due to user error/noncompliance would have to be drawn from actual data–which, if memory serves, varies from method to method but across the board is less than 5%. And this gotcha phenom would have to be supported by data too; it’s a safe bet that there isn’t any.

    In my work with adolescents I have over the years encountered two young girls who got pregnant on purpose, but (a) they never claimed it was by accident, (b) didn’t lie to the boys about birth control, and (c) they wanted a baby to need them, love only them and love them totally. It was not for child support. In 28 years of clinical work, primarily with women and girls, I have never run across a case of “gotcha”. Or read of any in a peer-reviewed professional journal article.

    APA does not, to my knowledge, have any specific policy statements on pregnancy per se but it does have an extensive set of guidelines for working with girls and women, with an excellent Reference list.

    http://www.apa.org/about/division/girlsandwomen.pdf

    While not radical feminism by any stretch of the imagination, it does at least discourage sexists from presuming to involve themselves in women’s affairs. Dr. Helen should read it.

    Which relates to my final ethical concern, to wit, that we do not practice in areas outside of our expertise (by virtue of training and experience). Unless her practice has focused on paternity, custody, child support, and/or sex crimes, Dr. Helen could be violating that Standard as well.

    Non serviam.

  32. VibratingLiz

    Most “illegitimate” children and all single mothers had a crappy time of it back in yore, too.

    Yeah, now that you mention it, I don’t recall Arthur Dimmesdale paying any child support to Hester Prynne. For example.

  33. another voice

    Virginia S. Wood, PsyD – thank you for bringing some data to our conversation. It strikes me that someone might write to Dr. Helen with our concerns about her ethical breach and her lack of data (or lies, if you will). Do we have a contact? Would you mind being quoted?

    non serviam!

  34. sonia

    I feel like she practiced that donut baker b.s. in the mirror before the show.

    Why is it these women have nothing better to talk about?

  35. AnnaArcturus

    Just once, I’d like to see side by side statistics of “gotcha pregnancies” versus rapes. I think that might bring a little perspective to this MRA nonsense.

  36. Donna

    Here’s a story I’ve heard that doesn’t make it onto the agenda of aspiring daytime TV hosts so often. This was confided to a friend of mine by a dude who, apparently, up until this point, had seemed OK.

    They got talking about sex, as happens, and he said that he refused to use contraception, on the basis that it denied him his manly right to spread his seed. Some women, though, being all uppity and thinking they had any business controlling what went into their bodies or came out of them, would periodically refuse to let him prong them without a condom, and so he carried one. It was a special one, which he’d previously opened and pricked little holes in, then carefully wrapped up again, just so those uppity women would unwittingly be the receptacle for his incontinence after all. He saw nothing wrong with this.

    Meanwhile, the purveyors of evo-psych claim they are merely making drily objective scientific observations that have no real life consequences.

  37. Donna

    I don’t get that side that makes women speak out against their sex, where if actions followed through they’d suffer.

    What annoys here is the ‘demonise women’ tone of it. Oo devote everything to discuss how evil and soul- destroying women are you… woman!! Can’t they get a fucking clue?

    Very often misogynistic women will be described as “self-hating” but I think that misses the mark. My experience with such women is that they seem to have a surfeit of self-regard, viewing themselves as highly exceptional to the norm of the female gender. Somehow they convinced themselves that the patriarchy gave them get-out-of-the-sex-class-free card. They will hold this view even in the face of their own deviation from the ideal. A perfect example of this is forced birther women who slink into clinics to have abortions, demanding that they not have to sit in the waiting room with the regular sluts getting abortions. After they have the procedure, they are promptly back on the picket lines.

  38. Donna

    Hit blame before I finished my comment. You bet your booty that if either Dr. Helen or Amy Alkon had an unplanned pregnancy and opted to carry it to term, they’d have no trouble demanding the father pay his fair share. Their situations would be different and their offspring worthy of support, unlike those dumb bitches who forced the MRAs to feed them donuts.

  39. MissPrism

    If I am very good and work very hard, and live to a ripe old age, I hope I will one day be able to write a sentence as beautiful as that one about Dr. Firstname. Please write that book, Twisty! Just in case blog archives are unavailable after the Revolution.

  40. Kate Dino

    Does this mean I have to stop referring to my 200,000 sq feet of internal customers at work as “yards of ‘tards”? Yeah, I guess it does. Doggone, and I was still giggling at that, too.

  41. Theriomorph

    I so profoundly wish right now that I still had my old computer, on the hard drive of which was the response I got from none other than Amy Alkon when I wrote to creators dot com complaining about the purveying of debunked non-science ev-psych swill on ‘Advice Goddess,’ which had appalled me with a (common for the site, it turns out) bit of EV women-blaming for everything from ‘date’ rape to domestic violence to the global discomfort of terribly oppressed men with blue balls (or something).

    I wrote to the hosts of the site, but they forwarded it on to her:’Debunked? Debunked?!’ she screamed for a dense and long paragraph without punctuation of any kind and capital letters only to increase her volume. ‘I will have you know I was just at a CONFERENCE with a hotel FULL OF PEOPLE who practice the science of evolutionary psychology’ and on and on in paraphrased apoplexy.

    I wanted, briefly, to point out that epic stupidity has often been practiced in large groups, and that in fact, large groups do not a science make, but decided the entire communicative episode had been pointless. I wish I still had that email, though. It was one of the most rageful and simultaneously vacuous instances of Stockholm Syndrome For Profit I’ve seen.

  42. mearl

    I, for one, prefer to designate people like Amy Alkon with the term “Fucko.” It’s politically correct, as far as I know, and terribly satisfying to yell out loud after reading about their seemingly endless idiocies.

  43. rootlesscosmo

    “Fucko”

    The unheralded Marx Brother?

  44. keshmeshi

    under California law, the amount is reduced in proportion to the time they spend with the kids–they start making extravagant demands for visitation, not because they want to be with the kids but because they’ve done the math. And the kids’ mother, more often than not, agrees to accept less support than the law and the formula require, to avoid a fight over this.

    In the event that the biological father is not abusive, I’d propose playing chicken with him. If he got what he claims to want, he’d very quickly find out what having his kids around will do his relationship with the new girlfriend or wife. Passing them off to a babysitter would also likely be much more expensive than just paying child support to the ex. Unfortunately, plenty of men are willing to use their children as pawns to get back at their exes, and so will pay any amount of money for babysitting just to get even. But, in that scenario, his children will find out very quickly how useless he is. It took me 20 years to figure that out and to realize that my father’s not loving me was entirely his fault and not mine. If I hadn’t been forced to live with him as a teenager, I’d probably still be in denial, something my older sister hadn’t managed to escape before he died.

    The mindset of the MRA male is that he is living a fantasy life of wealth and privilege which the conniving bitches want to horn in on.

    In the only confirmed case of pregnancy accidentally-on-purpose I personally know of, a friend of mine got pregnant in an effort to save a failing relationship, which is that much more depressing considering that children will only put more of a strain on a bad relationship. Money had nothing to do with it, and, if it did, my friend would have to be certifiable as her boyfriend has been chronically underemployed his entire adult life.

    I bet MRA types also love to imagine that women are out to ensnare them in long-term relationships. As if!

  45. Hedgepig

    @Theriomorph, mearl and rootlesscosmo: LOL, great Easter long weekend entertainment blamers, keep it up.

  46. speedbudget

    Just once, I’d like to see side by side statistics of “gotcha pregnancies” versus rapes. I think that might bring a little perspective to this MRA nonsense.

    Oh, Lard, no. Then the MRAs will just start calling rape “gotcha” sex and you know that shit will catch on.

  47. Amy Alkon

    she screamed for a dense and long paragraph without punctuation of any kind and capital letters only to increase her volume.

    Um, am I awful enough without making up lies about me? If there’s anything I am, it’s fanatic about punctuation. I tried to find the e-mail but I don’t have it. Pity.

    You ladies are pretty cute. Or is that lydys? Or Wymn?

    FYI, I get letters constantly from men who’ve been tricked into fathering children. Got one yesterday. Woman told him she had a tipped uterus or something, and couldn’t get pregnant, and the guy was dumb enough to believe her.

    Of course men should use condoms — and bring their own and maintain custody of them every step of the way, unless they have good reason to believe a woman is ethical. But this TV bit wasn’t the Amy Alkon show — I just answered the questions — and I didn’t go into a comprehensive lecture on what should be common sense for any man having sex. Really not that interesting.

    Furthermore, regarding your other post — found it when one of your terrified commenters (too terrified to post as anything more than “d”) came over to leave the link on my site. Too afraid to actually engage with the commenters on my site, not surprisingly. Should I start an affirmative action program for your commenters to make it okay for them to speak their minds in the midst of people who actually put reason behind their comments?

  48. Amy Alkon

    Whoops, that was supposed to be “Am I not awful enough without making up lies about me?”

  49. gerda

    hmm. lots of “actually”s in that post. oh, and a “constantly” – care to quantify that, amy dear?

  50. Le Chat Noir

    terristrange:

    “Any other suggestions?”

    Free vasectomies.

  51. Clare

    Amy Alkon –

    Twisty really did tear your post apart, punctuation and all!! Wholly surprised you didn’t find it ‘interesting’ to mention how men have to prong to get women pregnant in the first place.

    Bet you’d expect child support for your child. Second thoughts, don’t pass on your rubbish illiterate genes. Just to step in with Donna, you’re not an exception to the witch/ bitch/ spitfire hellcat image of women you keep blabbing on about. You’re not *above* any sexist generalisations against women, even if you make them! Is that rational enough for you, you’re not special and one of the dudes? You’re just a manipulative bitch like the rest of us. Indeed if we made generalisations from women like you, our sex would be in shit. I hope a male overseer is sexist enough to sack you!

  52. Michele

    I was innocently reading this post, checking out the comments, laughing my ass off at the wit and spark coming from so many, and then I read the comment from Amy Alkon. It was such an odd feeling, I really wanted to tell her to go away, we were all having such a lovely time without her laughing at her ridiculous statement. And then curiousity got the better of me and I clicked on her name to see who she was and what she was all about. And I read for about 30 seconds, got bored and tried to come back to IBTP and COULDN’T get back. She TRAPPED me in her website. No amount of left-arrow clicking would take me away. And then I realized that is exactly how those poor men must feel. Those poor, poor boys…

    Yeah, right.

  53. mearl

    @ rootlesscosmo: Fucko Marx, the unheralded Marx brother, now the vociferous leader of the MRA (conspicuously rhymes with NRA). I am wiping tears after a well-needed howl. Where is the Reverend Lt. BDL to compose a screenplay with this material? It could include a half-hour-long boat chase scene with Sweet Zombie Jesus.

  54. Rugosa

    Why is it so hard for men to understand that if they don’t want to impregnate a woman, they should either (a) not have sex with that woman or (b) use a condom, properly donned, every time they do have sex with that woman? If they follow these rules, they can’t get trapped into being dads and having to support their offspring.

  55. Sylvie

    Dear Twisty

    Just spent great part of what was promising to be an uninteresting Easter weekend reading your site and laughing like an eejit. Thanks.

  56. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Oh please. “Tricked” into impregnating a woman? It’s the easiest thing in the world to *not* get a woman pregnant. All you have to do is keep it in your pants. If you’re not capable of that, you belong in restraints.

    It’s not “unrealistic” to insist that men keep their bodily functions under control.

  57. Jezebella

    Perhaps, Amy, your “tipped uterus” guy was actually tricked by his girlfriend’s DOCTOR, who told her she couldn’t get pregnant.

  58. PhysioProf

    HAHAHAHAH! Alkon is a total loon!

  59. Jezebella

    No! She’s a WACKALOON!

  60. Lu

    Jezebella, excellent point about the tipped uterus. I was trying to find a way to say that all this supposed “trickery” cuts both ways. What Alkon and her fellow travelers are saying is that, in case of accidental pregnancy, they can always find a reason to blame the woman or at least create a hostile enough environment for people to be suspicious.

    The message I get from Alkon and MRAs is basically, “Hey babe, your right to do what you want with your uterus ends where my d*** begins.” In case of a draw (as in the case of a surprise pregnancy), said prong trumps uterus. Whatever dude wants goes. It’s like rock-paper-scissors! If he wants the baby and she doesn’t, then she’s a murdering bitch. If the situation is reversed, she tricked him.

  61. PhysioProf

    URRITE!

  62. slythwolf

    You know, and of course men who complain of being “tricked” into DNA-match-hood* are always telling the truth. Men never blame things on women’s lying trickiness that are actually not the sneaky, conniving woman’s fault or plan! And every word that comes from a man’s mouth has the dulcet ring of Fresh Manly Wisdom and cannot be denied.

    *I thought of using “fatherhood”, but I wouldn’t call what these dudes do “being a father”. The commonly used term in this situation seems to be “sperm donor”, but as a friend of mine memorably remarked, “Sperm donor implies it was free.”

  63. speedbudget

    I’ve never understood why, just because someone tells you they have some kind of condition that makes it so they can’t get pregnant, people just…go along with it.

    Unless you’ve had a vasectomy, tubal ligation, or hysterectomy, there is always a chance, however vanishingly small. So if you’re this dewd and you don’t want to be tricked into being a cash cow for some slut, either wear the condom ANYWAY or keep your junk in your trunk.

    Sheesh.

  64. Lisa

    Catherine Martell: I agree, “become” seems like a strange word to use, given that men have been walking off and leaving women holding the bag since time immemorial. My grandfather on one side left my grandmother in the sainted 50s and never paid support, despite the fact that she and his five children were left living in a house that only intermittently had heat and electricity.

    On the other side, my great-grandfather just up and disappeared one fine day in England in the nineteen-twenties or thereabouts; the family heard once that he was tending bar in Oregon somewhere, but it was my grandfather and his sister who had to leave home as teenagers and emigrate to Canada in order to send money back to support their mother.

    The only difference between then and now (apart from child labor laws frowning upon sending fifteen year olds thousands of miles away over the ocean to work in logging camps as schoolmarms) is that the law sometimes attempts to take notice of these abandonments and enforce the abandoners’ obligations upon them. The abandonments themselves are nothing new.

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