Apr 11 2009

Internet gasbag dedicated to ending discrimination against honkys

Things are really hoppin here at Spinster HQ, and there is absolutely zero time for blogging today. For example, I have to slouch in the lime green recliner with a cup of Fair Trade half-caf and contemplate whether to adopt a Great Pyrenees from a rescue. There are some bluebonnets that need photographing. And that’s not all. I have to bait a bunch of mouse traps in the VIP quarters down at the bunkhouse; my sibling Tidy informs me that she’s punting the visiting Faster family matriarch my way, and the joint is fucking infested.

Did I tell you that I took my car in to the shop to remedy a clunking AC fan, and they actually extracted a mouse corpse from it? That’ll be $120, please, thanks for choosing Austin Rip-Off Car Repair!

Oh, and I can’t miss this: my zany mare Maypearl, who pulled a butt muscle last week, is getting a massage this afternoon.

A massage for a horse? Are you effing kidding me?

Nope. Maypearl’s trainer Cristina is a California flower child, and doesn’t hold with the centuries-old cowboy’s “give’er some Bute* and lope it out!” method of equine physical therapy. Cristina has put her foot down. If Maypearl does not receive a 3-hour massage toot sweet it’s animal cruelty and I’m going to hell.

I’ll post pictures.

Meanwhile, you know that Amy Alkon person from yesterday, the one whose views on human copulation and eating fried dough intersect? Well, I was sitting down to write about not writing today, and lard help me, her website was still open in my browser. As you know, the imp of the perverse afflicts me from time to time. So of course I read Alkon’s latest blog post, knowing full well that it would be like unto 47 toothpicks jabbing me in the corneas. As it turned out, it was more like 48 toothpicks.

The Alkon! It’s indescribable. She is outraged over racial discrimination. Discrimination against white dudes, that is.

What’s got her lipstick in a smear is this: back in 2003, 77 applicants took a promotion-qualifying test at the New Haven, Connecticut fire department. 19 African-American firefighters were among the hopefuls. None of the 19 scored high enough to win a promotion, so New Haven threw out the test. Naturally the high-scoring-yet-unpromoted white guys filed suit against the city. “Racial discrimination!” was their embittered cry. The District Court judge said, no, since nobody was promoted, there was no harm. Now the Supremes are on the case.

So Alkon does what any deluded self-promoting misogynist right-wing gasbag would do: she sides with the white dudes and backs herself up by quoting Martin Luther King!

It’s always hilarious when racists defend the Master Race against “reverse discrimination,” and simultaneously attempt to present themselves as non-racists, by trotting out Martin Luther King on judging people not “by the color of their skin by by the content of their character.” It appears to elude these patriarchy-denying chumps that, when the social order privileges a ruling class over a subordinate one based on skin color, there can be no such thing as true discrimination against the ruling class. That’s what makes them the ruling class, dumbshit! Discrimination, like all putrefied shit, can only flow in both directions if the classes in question are of equal status, which, obviously, they fucking well aren’t.

“I’m with him,” says Alkon. She means that she and Martin Luther King are two hearts that beat as one. Yeah, she’s with him, because when King said “I have a dream” what he actually meant was not “End racism,” but “Reward the deserving white guys who skunked the stupid black guys on the test.”

Look, if none — not a single one — of the black guys scored high enough for a promotion, something ain’t right. Something that looks suspiciously like racism. Maybe the test was fucked up. Maybe the white dudes cheated. Or maybe, you know, the black dudes, as members of an oppressed class, were marginalized from the git-go. Ya think?

* Bute is horse aspirin.


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  1. Lin-z

    Amy Alkon is just the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t she. What a precious darling.

    Speaking of, it’s still early…I should find some donuts for breakfast.

  2. JetGirl

    Massage for a horse? Pfft, that’s routine here in Cali. In fact, that’s the minimum equine spa treatment. I know a lady up in Napa who employs a horse acupuncturist. And I would not be in the least bit surprised if there are horses in this state getting high colonics and aura cleansings.
    As for the white firedude supporter, I have my suspicions generally when it comes to standardized tests. They are often biased in some way or other.

  3. birkwearingblamer

    Definitely adopt the Great Pyrenees because they’re great dogs.

    Can’t wait to see the Maypearl pics. Hope that she’s better soon!

    Of course there’s discrimination at the firehouse. The male firefighters do their best to keep women out entirely, too.

    Query: What if you copulate with a doughnut? What does that mean? Just wondering.

  4. wiggles

    “Query: What if you copulate with a doughnut? What does that mean? Just wondering.”

    It means you have to accept your punishment for said copulation by carrying the baby-doughnut to term, as god intended.

  5. rootlesscosmo

    A massage for a horse? Are you effing kidding me?

    Like giving the circus elephants their enema–but a lot nicer–it’s show business, isn’t it?

  6. B. Dagger Lee

    I’m concentrating all of my Imp-of-the-Perverse-Rage on Silvio Berlusconi, and I don’t want to dilute its purity with Alkon rage, but I sympathize.

    Word: Cats keep mice down.

  7. Comrade PhysioProf

    I haven’t been able to find it, but there was some kind of blog-versus-blog dustup involving Alkon and some left-wing bloggers that was totes fucking hilarious. Anybody remember this and have any fucking clue what the fuck I’m talking about?

  8. Boudicca

    B. Dagger Lee,
    So cats are the oppressor? Just askin’.

  9. kristin

    “Cats keep mice down.”

    Please to inform my 4 cats of that fact. They seem to feel the job is someone else’s business.

  10. Donna

    Wow. Alkon used to be okay, or at least I thought so back in the early Aughts. Somehow her brain got eaten and replaced by a wingnut pod-brain.

  11. Donna

    Cats often will kill things and bring the corpses to you. I interpret it to mean that my cat thinks I’m God and is honoring me with a sacrifice.

  12. curiousgyrl

    You must adopt a Great Pyrenees because i, myself, do not have a ranch but a studio apartment and would like to live vicariously through you.

  13. pheeno

    My continuing ed courses this year include a class on equine massage. Horses are provided. I can get 12 credits for going to class and massaging horses all day.

  14. downfall

    “Or maybe, you know, the black dudes, as members of an oppressed class, were marginalized from the git-go. Ya think?”

    An excellent argument for fixing schools and related racial justice. A not so excellent argument for, assuming a fair test, mandating diversity among those who order around the guys who rescue people from burning buildings.

  15. Spiders

    Has this Alkon person not heard of cultural bias in standardised testing?

  16. nails

    physioProf- my best guess would be “sadly, no!” for that brand of thing.

    It is amazing to me that white people sue over racial discrimination. Something like that happened to me at a job once (I ended up quitting), and I thought “wow, this must be what most racial minorities go through, and they can’t be sure it wouldn’t happen at the next place”. I guess learning to understand social problems via empathy was just out of the fucking question for those douchebags.

  17. Compcat

    Great Pyrenees are really neat dogs. They do require a lot of grooming, fencing, and their own couch, though. (Without the fencing, you may end up with a dog that nominates itself to the Texas Rangers and patrols most of Rattlesnake on its own.) The rescue group should know the character of the critter.

    Be careful, a Pyrenees might be the gateway dog to more Pyrenees + goats or sheep. Next thing you know, you need a Border Collie.

  18. birkwearingblamer

    I have a border collie mix and she’s fabulous. Border collies are really smart. Highly recommend a border collie.

  19. frenchie

    “Or maybe, you know, the black dudes, as members of an oppressed class, were marginalized from the git-go. Ya think?”

    Haha yes. Since when did the privileged see power in victimhood? That’s why they always use that boll, to get their pathetic asses to where they think the oppressed are (too far).

    And indeed ‘what got her lipstick in a smear?’ I laughed out loud!

  20. K

    But Twisty, will it be Maypearl’s *butt* that is getting massaged? Or her whole body? Won’t it be kind of annoying for her to have someone whacking (I assume that’s what humans do when trying to massage a horse, pls correct if wrong) her hindquarters for three hours? I mean I thought one was supposed to stay away from the rear of the horse in order not to get kicked. As you can see, I know very little about horses.

    Here’s hoping the photos will be accompanied by an extensive post to answer these and other burning questions.

  21. Pulsar

    I wish everyone had to take the philosophy of race class I took last quarter–maybe then people would stop throwing around words like “race” and “racism” without any reflection as to what significance the words carry.

    George Frederickson defines racism as having two essential qualities: difference and power. There must be a permanent difference (cultural or religious differences don’t count because people can convert or assimilate), and an establishment of hierarchy based on these differences. Poor privileged white folks that whine about affirmative action as being racist don’t understand that the entire policy exists to attempt to balance the inequalities stemming from a pre-existing racial hierarchy. These are the kind of people that argue for “race-blind” policies, which are completely unethical because they fail to take into account past discrimination. They disproportionately benefit the racial group that has always been on top.

    There is no way we can EVER make up for the discrimination that people of color face in every facet of their lives, and when people try to balance this in the tiniest of ways with affirmative action the response is fury from the privileged class at such “reverse racism”. Undoubtedly, this is the only time in their lives that they ever care about discrimination.

  22. Cottonpants

    You should ask Cristina if she’s ever massaged any monkey butts before.

  23. speedbudget

    Oh, Cotton. How could she possibly massage a bright red juicy monkey butt and not go crazy with passion and end up humping that monkey?

    I stay away from monkey butts. They are vile temptresses.

  24. the Omphaloskeptic

    One of the especially unpleasant points of this particular “reverse discrimination” foofaraw is that THIS is the case chosen by the Supreme Court. No cases on race discrimination in the workplace have come up for quite some time now, and then this is the one they think will make the best policy? Somehow I don’t think they’re going to offer a rousing, Twistified smackdown of whiny white dudes.

    I eagerly await the Maypearl pictures.

  25. scout

    “Marginalized from the git-go; ya think?”

    Yup! Here’s where I think women can identify with blacks: from birth, the patriarchy ties one hand behind our backs (through unrelenting acculturation to white male dominance), then sends us into the ring while telling us, ‘You can win, if only you have the right attitude.’

    It’s bullshit of course, because aside from whatever attitude we take, we have one hand fucking tied behind our backs.

  26. tinfoil hattie

    A comment from the “Poor White Menzz!” post at Alkin’s blog, re: the post here at IBTP:

    I checked the above web site..I can’t tell for sure, but it looks like a cross between the Onion and the subtle pushing of some sort of agenda.

    Haw haw haw! That is rich. Nothing “subtle” about it, friend.

  27. tinfoil hattie

    Okay, I apologize in advance – but there is too much rich quote material there to ignore:

    My black friends, just like my white and other-colored friends, are smart and did really well in school and are impressive people in what they do and have done in life.

    If Black-Americans can reach the White House on their own merits, why do they need preferential hiring practices everywhere else? (Note how one dude in 250 years = “Black-Americans”)

    There are a few professions in which I think race is a valid consideration.

    Acting, for example… you generally want to cast a black guy as Othello.

    I can see an argument for needing black teachers and policemen, since they need to serve certain communities. (I’ve worked at a lot of programs for urban youth, and having an all-white staff is a handicap).

    But firefighting?

    I know a really great police officer who’s blonde and about as fair as I am, and she worked Rampart (the inner-city, where the riots started) and flourished there. I think we need to stop with the idea that people’s skin color must match those of the people around them.

    Since feminism is really an elitist movement, it by nature looks down on blacks, especially black males. So to compensate, the feminists consciously ‘big up’ and defend blacks, no matter what the situation.

    and the award winner:

    Incompetence due to ‘oppression’ doesn’t obligate me to place my life, or my loved ones’ lives, in incompetent or even dangerous hands any more than incompetence due to ‘laziness’ or ‘low iq’ or ‘physical incompatibility with the rigors of the job’.

    Tinfoil Hattie: Reading the comments so you don’t have to. I take pride in my public service.

  28. lucy

    She’s a straight-up racist, quite frankly. I discovered her through reading jackiedanicki.com, and remember some post in which she objected to getting strange looks in Paris because she’s not some “smelly guy from North Africa” who might mug her.

    Thing is, there’s something quite attractive about the way she writes – not dissimilar to msdaisycutter on LJ. Unlike Ms Cutter, tho, she’s right wing, partial to evolutionary psychology, and a racist.

  29. Unree

    Comrade PhysioProf, nails is correct: it was Sadly, No! I won’t link to it–its writers are the original liberal bloggerdudes–but it and Alkon had a kerfluffle starting in August and sprawling forward. Among other things, SadlyNaughts implied that Alkon was really a man, complete with adam’s apple. Alkon yelled back.

  30. lucy

    Sorry – evolutionary psychology should be in scare quotes – I’m sure there’s a legitimate discipline out there that doesn’t involve discussing why feminism is misguided.

  31. yttik

    I have no sympathy for any of these men in the New Haven Fire Dept, regardless of race. All that is needed to create racial unity between men is a woman who threatens the status quo.

    Recently, Broadnax v. New Haven, was a $1.5 million verdict on behalf of the city’s highest ranking black female firefighter. Ms. Broadnax was hounded out of the department when she bumped up against the smoked glass ceiling barring promotion of females. In an exceptionally bitter trial, jurors learned what it was like to be a black woman with ambition left to fend for herself in a sea of hostility.

    New Haven is about 37% black people. The fire dept is about 32% black, nearly exclusively male. Way too often when we fight against discrimination what we really mean is discrimination against black men. And all too often black men view equality as being allowed equal participation in the patriarchy.

  32. Comrade PhysioProf

    the subtle pushing of some sort of agenda


  33. Twisty

    yttik, surely it is possible to oppose discrimination even when individual discriminatees also discriminate? Blaming is not a finite resource; opposition to racism does not preclude opposition to misogyny. One of the most compelling reasons to endorse the collapse of patriarchy is that its shit always rolls downhill.

    Although I must pick a nit: as agreeable as the poetical sentiments expressed in that “sea of hostility” paragraph are, unless you are Norman Pattis Esq (Broadnax’s attorney), you appear to have plagiarized him. Satisfying though it must be to rip off a lawyer, what’s up with that?

  34. Clare

    Yttik you hit it straight on there. At university we have two equality groups, for blacks, and for women; it really seems like the black rights group doesn’t want to get tied up with feminism – they don’t have the stigma attached.

    I honestly detest racism, but know one main thing black men are miserable over is that their inequality sometimes puts white women above them. It’s sad that anybody should be above somebody else based on skin or genitals. But I guess it’s the cold, hard male instinct that to be male, he has to be above women. This doesn’t preclude opressed classes of men, who strongly feel they lose their maleness. As we know a penis means the world to a man, and we should all greatly pity any threat to his penis status. We’re really meant to shed a tear for the oppressed man where we wouldn’t for the oppressed woman.

  35. Twisty

    Coincidentally, Norman Pattis Esq also represented the white firefighters in the New Haven reverse-discrimination suit. And guess what? He invokes the same MLK speech as the Alkon!

  36. Hedgepig

    “checked the above web site..I can’t tell for sure, but it looks like a cross between the Onion and the subtle pushing of some sort of agenda.”

    I larfed and larfed – I wonder if Twisty has ever been accused of subtlety before?

    White women and black men in the US share a couple of characteristcs: they are both at the bottom of a high status group, and at the top of a low-status group.

  37. Twisty

    I’m pretty sure that the “subtlety” thing was sarcasm.

    Although the truth is, I am the subtlest spinster aunt on the block. We are a big and dumb breed.

  38. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    If I knew how to call them, I’d advise a couple of owls for the mouse problem. No mice and you get nifty owl pellets (neat little packets of the unusable mouse-parts delivered by the owl’s digestive system).

    In fact, I’d recommend the owls just because I like ’em.

  39. Narya

    I had a good friend who had mice & snakes removed from his vehicle, and the bill for services was similarly itemized.

  40. Jezebella

    @downfall: “An excellent argument for fixing schools and related racial justice. A not so excellent argument for, assuming a fair test, mandating diversity among those who order around the guys who rescue people from burning buildings.”

    Well, here’s your problem: you’re “assuming a fair test.” If a test is easy for one group of people (say, white men) and nigh impossible for another group of people (say, black men), well the test just ain’t fair. It is biased. This is simple statistics. Educational testing companies spend years sorting out which questions are biased and which aren’t before they land in, say, the SAT. It is, alas, an inexact science, but the results of this particular test situation are pretty clear: the test is biased and/or, possibly, the test preparation was biased. In other words, black firemen were provided with less training than white firemen.

  41. The Ranteuse

    Ever read any of Amy Alkon’s rants about any woman who doesn’t look like a twig? According to her fat woman are repulsive freaks who don’t deserve happiness or a sex life. Per Amy Alkon, only a fat fetishist likes a full figure gal. I guess I’m imaging all those couples where the woman is plump, chubby or even rotund that I see every day.

    Oddly enough, she has yet to criticize overweight men or claim they should expect to be treated like crap.

  42. Jezebella

    There does seem to be a positive correlation between being a tool of the patriarchy and being a fat-phobe, doesn’t there? I believe that Coulter woman is also a hater of anyone with meat on their bones.

  43. Twisty

    It makes perfect sense. I have a little poem about it.

    make the best polices.

  44. sonia


    Alkon writes for our weekly county paper, The San Jose Metro. She always has some lame “postfeminist” nonsense to spew to people in need. and she is, totally, postfeminist=

    “In worst cases, a woman will eat herself so big that Greenpeace tries to save her — until they realize that’s a scrunchie on her head, not a decorative blowhole.”



  45. PandanCat

    Sweet Lard, Sonia! I knew the name sounded familiar! Oh, the good ol’ Metro, the South Bay’s finest purveyor of eyeroll puns and massages for nice gentlemen. Why am I not surprised?

  46. wendyann

    If anyone has any doubt that men hate women, just read the comments on that Alkon person’s website – you’ll get a quick reminder of what a random sampling of men think of you.

  47. The Ranteuse

    What’s worse is the women who agree with these men. Alkon has yet another anti-fat rant up today. The topic: a man is ranting about how his wife, after 7 years and 3 kids put on a whopping 20 pounds! The horror! She must be exiled from society. Of course, he doesn’t mention how heavy she was in the first place or what his current weight is.

    My guess is that Alkon was a fat kid who got teased.

  48. Twisty

    “Postfeminist,” always and without exception, means “antifeminist.”

  49. Jezebella

    Ranteuse, what’s up with that? She was a fat kid who got teased, so now she hates fat people? Not likely. Suggest you re-examine your assumptions about what happens to fat kids who get teased. On the whole, we do not turn into fat-hating assholes. Most people who got teased and bullied as children do not turn into bullies as adults.

    Oh, wait. Were you just calling her fat because it was the meanest thing you could think of? Because that’s what it seems like to me.

  50. Drew

    @Clare: “I honestly detest racism, but know one main thing black men are miserable over is that their inequality sometimes puts white women above them. It’s sad that anybody should be above somebody else based on skin or genitals. But I guess it’s the cold, hard male instinct that to be male, he has to be above women.”

    But one main thing that white feminists are miserable over is that their inequality sometimes puts Black men above them. And one can argue that it is the cold, hard white instinct that to be white (or to be humyn), one has to be above People of Color.

    Perhaps white feminists should have sympathy for the fact that Black men are offered Patriarchy by the white male ruling class as their means of escape from their own oppression, and the only way they are to “measure up” in the eyes of the powerholders. Similar to the way white women are offered whiteness and racism, power of our own, placating both groups by offering small bits of superiority to reconcile us to our exploitation. And let’s not forget where all that shit leaves Black women.

  51. nails

    That makes a lot of sense, Drew. Thank you.

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