Apr 21 2009

Rape culture and stupidity for your iPhone

Turn your iPhone into a Dude Paradise Generator with this remote control app.

Turn your iPhone into a Dude Paradise Generator with this remote control app.

The iPhone used to be the purview of elitists and geeks. A current Apple commercial says it still is, attempting to illustrate the unsurpassed coolness of its product by demonstrating that it can be used to read books and MRIs.

However, now that iPhones have filtered into the mainstream, they are little more than mediocrity-delivery devices. And less.

As of this writing, the 20 “Top Paid Apps” at the Apple iPhone Lifestyle section contained:

1. Bikini Blast
2. Bible Shaker
4. sexybytes
9. Sexy Spin
18. Bikini Girls 2
19. Sexy Bikini

“Lifestyle.” Man, I love that word. A set of behaviors and beliefs for which you must buy how-to manuals and that you must update constantly with the latest accessories.

That Bible Shaker is a crack-up.

Are you praying for someone to get healed? Shake out a healing scripture to back up your prayer and pray God’s Word […] In these dark and troubled times, you need to be equipped with the Sword of the Spirit. What better way to live your life than with God’s answers right at your finger tips. [sic]

But what’s with all the sexy bikinis? Is this Austin Powers’ iPhone?

Recently released, but too stupid even for the Top 20, were:

  • iControl Her (a “mythical remote control” for women, with an off-switch for “nagging” and an on-switch for “love”)
  • Cute Asian Girls (“Are you down with the asian persuasion?” Photos of women in various submissive poses for 99 cents.)
  • Angels Lite Edition (“With two beautiful angels, you can easily set one to watch over you, and set the other for a family member or friend.” Magical thinking for your phone.)
  • Afterlife – Next life prophecy predictions for your reincarnation (“Using advanced iPhone analysis techniques and the powers of Numerology, Astrology, Chinese Zodiac and Feng Shui ‘Afterlife’ does the rest.” It’s a little-known fact that Apple’s iPhone OS has precognitive abilities and can predict the future you — digitally!)
  • iBlackBook (“This is a must to keep your women in order.” Application with mudflap-girl logo keeps poontang info handy for mack-daddies, stalkers, and rapists.)
  • The Girls of Miss Campus Queen 2008 Calendar (“Exclusive pictures of the most beautiful and talented college girls in Japan.” How could a person be expected to get through the day without ogling a Japanese teen?)
  • Of course the iPhone has applications that emulate “Spin the Bottle,” but just try to take a decent picture with the damn thing. Sex before functionality, that’s Apple’s motto. Who needs video and sound recording, cut-and-paste, and for the lovamike, the ability to send a fucking photo with my text message, when you can click on a “foreplay” button and hit that shit?


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    1. Citizen Jane

      At least they are actually admitting that the reason women “whine” and “nag” at their Nigels is because they resent being kept under their thumb.

      Or is the dude who made this going to stare aghast at any women who complain about it and wonder how this hysteria and “whining” just came flat out of nowhere?

    2. Alex

      I suppose Apple does deserve some credit, though, for lumping the rape apps in with the Bible apps.

    3. Felicity

      ‘How could a person be expected to get through the day without ogling a Japanese teen?’

      Oh here’s that thing where male view becomes everyone’s view in anything mainstream. A person?! I thought it was just the majority of males who have kiddy fetishes? Not ‘people’.

    4. random_anomaly

      We should make our own feminist version of this app.
      Buttons could include “Learn”, “Tolerate”, “Respect”, “Exibit Compassion” etc.
      We could point it at the dude who invented this abomination.

    5. Comrade PhysioProf

      Buttons could include “Learn”, “Tolerate”, “Respect”, “Exibit Compassion” etc.

      “Own Your Privilege, Fucknut”

    6. Lovepug

      Yes, bible thumping and douchebaggery really are just two sides of the same coin.

      Buttons should also include a big red one right in the center that says, “No means no!”

    7. Langsuyar

      3rd party apps are always a minefield. But seriously, why can’t I send a picture via text message? My free phone that is now four years old can do it. Why can’t my iPhone? What is wrong with apple?

    8. Citizen Jane

      It turns out that they came out with a Control a Man in answer to the Control a Woman remote control. The amazing thing is that I can’t figure out which of these two are more degrading to women.

      The Control a Man remote has:

      Stop – Snoring/Farting/Belching
      Tell Truth
      Put toilet seat down
      Get hint
      Orgasm +/-
      Talk about – Feelings/Shopping/Shoes

      Egads, how can they cram so many insulting stereotypes into one stupid novelty toy? I daren’t even roll my eyes, because the amount of rolling required would severely strain the ocular muscles. The “Talk about feelings” one is the most amazing. Us ladies don’t get enough of hearing about how men feel. We want more. Seriously. It’s on our Top Ten List of things we would make men do if we had the power to control them and were evil enough to use that power.

      I’m not going to link to a pic, because it would give free advertising to one of the sites selling it.

    9. Tomecat

      I think the remote forgot to include a “stop stabbing me” button. Because anyone who thinks they should be able to treat another human being that way (or thinks it’s funny) should expect a response in kind.

    10. yttik

      I want the taser iPhone.

    11. Jonathan

      I want the taser iPhone.

      Combine that with the “no means no” button, and you have the best personal electronics device that I can imagine. The ads for it would be fantastic too: “Say Hello to the iPhone” would take on a whole new meaning.

    12. Squiggy

      There are far more human stain dudes making apps (like Lucy in the chocolate factory) than Blamers. I’m not saying it’s right. just pukingly predictable. What if all you bright women commentors here each made a great app? It might be just a chip out of the granite boulder of the P, but a significant voice for (r)evolution. Twisty’s app would start the revolution! It could be as simple as Blamer Shaker. Each time you confront the Patriarchy, shake the iphone and immediately you have Twisty’s wit to assuage the pain.

    13. procrastinatrix

      Curious blaming n00bs would like to know, did Twisty coin the term “megatheocorporatocracy”? Well, I would like to know, anyway. It’s a very apt term for the owners of the patriarchy.

      Apple increasingly reminds me of the “liberal dudez” often described at IBTP, or what we described as SNAGs (sensitive new age guys) when I was in college in the late 80s/early 90s.

    14. hero

      Sensitive New Age Guys! The Christine Lavine song? Loved it! Haven’t thought about that since, well, college/grad school in the late 80s/early 90s.

    15. PatriarchySlayer

      What would a SNAG actually look or sound like exactly? I wonder if I know any?

    16. thebewilderness

      “Curious blaming n00bs would like to know, did Twisty coin the term “megatheocorporatocracy”? Well, I would like to know, anyway. It’s a very apt term for the owners of the patriarchy.”

      She did.
      She did it right here on this blog.
      I read it happen.
      It was a thing of beauty.

    17. Pinko Punko

      I’m mad that I know this without even having one, but iPhone OS 3.0 will allow you to send pix of horses with blamemail on the TF phone.

    18. procrastinatrix

      *waves at hero*

      @PatriarchySlayer: The SNAG as I understood him in the 80s/90s shared aspects of the Nice Guy tm and the Liberal Dude. He had all the vocabulary of fighting oppression/fighting for social and economic justice/fighting to overthrow the patriarchy just right, but after listening for a while, his ego and unexamined privilege shone through. When challenged, his new age mellow facade would erupt into vituperous polemics about the challenger’s personal flaws and lack of authority to challenge him. I could go on, but this is getting long! Ah, memories.

      @thebewilderness: Thanks for filling me in. A thing of beauty indeed!

    19. Twisty

      iPhone OS 3.0 will allow you to send pix of horses with blamemail on the TF phone.

      Dude, email is so 1985. SMS is where its at.

    20. Pantsuit Sally

      Why must EVERYTHING be about men’s erections ALL THE TIME? If some kind of being from another planet were to visit Earth and view our TV shows, movies, news, and advertising, and read our books, and study our technological gadgets, it would have to conclude that straight male humans would die without a constant stream of wank material.

    21. Jezebella

      For those of you looking for an example of a SNAG, check out Tim Robbins’ character in High Fidelity: world music, ponytail, huaraches, weed, and yet entirely bourgeois.

    22. procrastinatrix

      Right on, Jezebella! He portrays it much better than I could ever describe. Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen that movie.

    23. humanbein

      Pantsuit Sally is so right.

      It’s all about using the most primitive button you can to market useless crap to those who don’t need it. It’s what they use to market their entertainment: music, TV, movies. It’s what they use to market their clothes and fetishize femininity.

      Men grow to expect everything they see (that isn’t male) to be an object to be judged on how much it swells or wilts their eternal tumescence. Marketing is responsible for much of the objectifying of women, by presenting everything and everyone as an object of desire.

    24. Barbara P

      When I first saw the “Bible Shaker” I seriously thought it was a way to let you shake a bible at someone, and I couldn’t imagine anything more bizzare. (Alternatively, it could be a way to make a delicious beverage out of pages from the Bible, but that’s not what first came to mind.)

      Now that I know what it really is, I think a “Blamer Shaker” would be an awesome idea. If not an iPhone app, then at least a web page linked to this one where you can click a button and get a random Twisty sound-byte.

    25. Jezebella

      I would so buy an iPhone if someone made a Blamer Shaker, full of juicy tidbits of Radfem Blaming. A little Twisty, a little Firestone, add Dworkin in the mix. Oh yeah.

    26. Sabayon

      “It turns out that they came out with a Control a Man in answer to the Control a Woman remote control. The amazing thing is that I can’t figure out which of these two are more degrading to women.”

      Indeed it is a conundrum. I am going to go with “control a woman” because it reinforces the idea that men are powerless before there nagging bitchy wives instead of acknowledging that men hold most of the power in the fucking universe, a fact which is if anything, demonstrated by “control a man”. After all, what do men apparently want, for women to shut the hell up (as demonstrated by “mute” “don’t answer back” and “volume” buttons) whereas women want men to occasionally consider their needs and interests and maybe actually listen to them every once in a while. Remember folks, this is the patriarchy’s vision of love and marriage. Cheers!

      Also, what the fuck is white men’s obsession with Asian women about?

    27. Sascha

      Y’all forgot the “Grow up” button to be aimed at men. If they did that, we’d have a lot less problems in this world.

      It’s just that they never do.

    28. Anna Belle

      Dang it, and I was just about to get an iPhone this summer. Is there a non-misogyny-reinforcing (or at least less misogyny-reinforcing) alternative?

    29. yttik

      You ever notice when they catch these psychotic woman killers, like the Craigslist creep, all the neighbors come out and describe him as “smart, nice, charming, intelligent, sweet, terrific person..?” Blech. If a female ever becomes infamous for some atrocity, the neighbors line up to say, yep, I always knew there was something wrong with that evil bitch.

      I blame the iPhone. And the patriarchy that has given us so many irrational stereotypes.

    30. Squiggy

      Blamer Shaker. The beginning of the end for the Patriarchy. Go.

    31. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

      Dang, what a depressing list. So much genius technology, and this is what’s most popular?

      I say anyone who has *any* of those apps deserves to have their iPhone permanently disabled, after the fashion of your mother turning off the tv and telling you to go find something more embiggening to do.

    32. KMTBERRY


      Because I take ALL my major purchasing cues from you, Twisty (Ever since I got the same camera, which I adore beyond any other device), and I am JUST ABOUT to get an iPhone.

      In fact, I do not have a cell phone AT ALL, because I have been holding out for an iPhone. (Waiting for the rates to go down, which I hear they are going to do in June!)

    33. Squiggy

      The iphone has tens of thousands of apps to choose from. I love my iphone as limited as it is in some ways. The dudez will use any opportunity to expand their dudeliness. It’s better than, say, tv because you custom make it for yourself. Cut out the chaff. TV and radio blasts you continually with adverts that sicken with all things Patriarchal.
      The iphone is more like the internet. Lots of shit, horrible shit.
      It also has amazing profound stuff.
      At least I don’t get Cialis ads by iphone.

    34. Twisty

      Do not get me wrong. I still love my iPhone. It is one of my all-time favorite inanimate objects. For example, I just downloaded a birding field guide application that has sound files of all the calls! So I can tweet right back at the robin!

      But the device is not without its little flaws.

      KMTBERRY, I still love the camera, too.

      I am strangely attracted to the Blamer Shaker idea, though. Who can tell me how to write this thing?

    35. Jonathan


      Marketing is responsible for much of the objectifying of women, by presenting everything and everyone as an object of desire.

      Gotta love the term “marketing”; it makes it sound like their goal is to push products, when in fact their primary goal is to create a slavish patriarchal consumer culture. The product manufacturers are the underwriters for the propaganda: they prefer hawking goods through patriarchal crap than through all other forms of (less demeaning) advertising. Most companies won’t even niche market to non-feminine non-obedient women, no matter how much discretionary income those women have.

    36. slythwolf

      An actually useful “Control a Man” app would include a button labeled “stop hitting”.

    37. Anna Belle

      Oh cool, so I can still get one. And rates are going down in June? That’s just when I wanted to get one!

    38. Popes

      Ah! I can tell you how to make an app! Well, Stanford can. They teamed up with Apple to create a course distributed free on iTunes. Check it out. And DO IT! (I might buy an iPhone just for the Twisty shaker.)

      Here’s the article about the app class. Enjoy!

      Very related, my S.O. is actually a third party iPhone developer. For a while, he’s been wanting to develop a game that explains patriarchy for the obtuse. The hurdle we haven’t gotten past is playability. We’ve got concepts, but nothing sounds especially fun to play for more than five minutes. (Not surprising, since we’re talking about a patriarchy simulation; illustrating what it’s like to make daily choices and carry out daily activities in a patriarchy.) Any ideas out there? If we can get a decent concept, this is actually something that we will make.

    39. Jezebella

      Can you make the iPhone release a slight electrical charge and zap the holder every time he makes a mistake? Or is that against Geneva Conventions?

    40. Twisty

      Popes, you interest me strangely. Cogitating begins now.

    41. Citizen Jane

      It’s so simple, Twisty! You design it, and then you tell those of us blamers who happen to be computer engineers to code it for you.

    42. Popes

      Cogitate, please. You and all the brilliant people out there. Like I said, we’ve been talking about this for about a year and a half or two years.

      More information:

      1) He’s a game developer, not an apps developer, so that’s what we’re looking at.

      2) The goal was to illustrate, primarily to Westerners who think sexism is over and womenz don’t know how good they got it, the multitude of ways in which patriarchy erodes the quality of life for women.

      3) I haven’t mentioned it to my S.O. yet, but it just occurred to me that a game illustrating the rape continuum could be a good direction to go. I don’t mean that anyone would get raped, obviously, but some type of unmasking of all those supposedly “innocuous” images, practices, and sound bites. Thoughts?

    43. otoc

      Popes, I have been thinking about making some kind of media project where I collect all the sexist images I run across in a day, then switch them to the reverse, so that I see a man in skin-tight undies shaking his bulge on my TV/internet every 5 minutes, or dancing around cooking and cleaning, or a news story of a man “having sex with” another man after having ingested alcohol and showing comment after comment about how men shouldn’t be allowed to drink or that they just do these things for attention, etc. You get the idea. I think something like that could be very effective if done well. I throw it out there for anyone to use.

    44. Squiggy

      Dear otoc, Please do that. How ’bout an internet series? I’d pay to see it. Heck, you’ll be on all the tv morning news programs in no time. It’ll go viral for women and girls. Freedom. Truth. Revolution.

    45. hellonhairylegs

      This may not be one of the most original of ideas, but if you’re stuck you could do a series based on addictive games that people play now. Maybe Whack-a-Patriarch or something, except more subtle, helping people identify the evils of culture (like spot the sexist statement, you have three lifes, you earn points by guessing correctly and can upgrade to better weapons.)

      Walking the line between simplistic and mindboggling will be really difficult for the type of ap you’re talking about Popes, but if you pull it off it would be really awesome. Good luck!

    46. phiogistic

      In its Software Development Kit (SDK), Apple says that “Applications must not contain any obscene, pornographic, offensive or defamatory content or materials of any kind (text, graphics, images, photographs, etc.), or other content or materials that in Apple’s reasonable judgment may be found objectionable by iPhone or iPod touch users.”
      Here’s an article about 9 apps that were rejected.

      Maybe someone can scare up an email address to send complaints about offensive contents.

    47. Jezebella

      Is there an Anti-Feminist Bingo app yet?

    48. Tassie Devil

      I’m only an occasional visitor here (tho I do catch up on all the unread syuff each time). Popes – how about a game that simply reverses the male/female ratio for everything that we do/see/hear? everything from female dominated corporations/politics to advertising, local councils and so on. Plus the fetish with what women wear, especially if they have power…Women going crazy and killing their husbands and children because they’ve failed on the stock market…

      I know it’s an idea that’s been done before, but it’s worth revisiting just to force people who think we now have ‘equality’ to see that we don’t.

      BTW, if you think that the iPhone is bad then you should look at the 3D graphics industry. I’m trying to do some 3D work for a book, and I needed to find some 3D female figures, various shapes and sizes, ages 30-60. I found two after an extended web search that took three days.

      The 3D industry exists essentially to serve the porn industry. There are some high level companies doing advertising and the odd film, but the rest is involved in pornogrifying the female form, either to train male teen gamers in how a woman should look, or to create hardcore porn that gets around the legalities. You only have to see how many ‘restraints’ are available for the various 3D female figures, plus premade scenes such as ‘dungeon’ ‘cellar’ and ‘abandoned house’. Even being on the periphery of this industry nauseates me.

    49. Barbara P

      Tassie Devil – try “regender.com”. You can put in any URL and it will change the gender of everything. Very fun!

      Twisty – on Friday I tried to email you a “blamer shaker” web page that works like a “magic eight-ball”, and I was wondering if you received it. (I didn’t want to pester you by sending it again.)

    50. hellonhairylegs

      It would be awesome if the feminist bingo app had an the option to click on one of the boxes and have a concise, Twisty-style explanation of how that person was being a total loser. It would perfect for the blamer who doesn’t want to deal with 101 stuff (again!) but wants to do some educating anyway. If successful the app could expand into fat acceptance bingo and all sorts of areas.

    51. amyj

      fat acceptance:)
      Isnt it amazing i mean the amount of money time and energy and money put into selling an image of what women *should* look like, as opposed to the amount of time energy and money in the self help industry for women with low self esteem just because they are who they are .
      Theres something just really wrong out there I mean why has the world got like this where the male idea of what a woman should look like is constantly tweaked into higher and higher versions of perfection… just like a *latest new improved* kind of car
      Doesnt that only truly serve to create disatisfaction in men doesnt that keep them immature and enslaved to unrealities unable to appreciate and bond with real women?
      The Islamic countries put their women in burkas because men just cannot control themselves around the beauty of women.While western cultures do all they can to turn that same thing into some kind of marketable commodity.When is the world going to grow up:(
      Someone was talking earlier about snags the sensitive new age men of the late eighties ninties.. I miss all that you know.. I believed in that, What on earth happened to that? I had a cool snag bf in the ninties who turned into a workaholic leaving me to struggle alone and disapeared over the horizon.
      Only for me to meet up with him years later to hear him say “im not as nice as I used to be .. and women change and become depressed as they get older thats just what happens”before packing up his 20 thousand pounds worth of musical equipment hed bought for himself and settling down with a nice asian lady.
      I mean come on I just want to live in a world where I can be me work to my strengths and have a little support and love, without being bombarded with shit 24/7.

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