How long has it been since you’ve had the pleasure of reading some opinionated spinster auntly pronouncements?
Well, that’s too long.
Today I have two things to say, and, as usual, I’m probably gonna use too many words to say’em. So, if you’re short on time, here’s the synopsis:
1. A link shows up in my Huffington Post feed entitled “Denise Richards Funbags.” It’s a video in which Denise Richards, a Beauty 2K-Compliant celebrity, says the words “my funbags” about 893 times. At the end there are little boys saying it, too, as well as a little girl who can’t wait to grow up and have funbags of her own.
You know what kind of bag would be really fun? A bag full of obstrerperite, a synthetic programmable nanobot compound found on my home planet. You find the knob who made that asinine video and sprinkle this obstreperite into his latte. It bonds to his lobes and compels him to abandon his career as a misogynist video prick, whereupon he takes to standing on street corners, wearing a pencil skirt and a sign reading “I am a human stain. Kick me.” If you program it right, the obstreperite will also give him a permanent erection, making him a social outcast.
2. The next link is “Tijuana: Body Found On Fire, Head Wrapped In Packing Tape”.
Another drug-related gangland-style execution. For the lovagod, legalize the fucking drugs, already!
That goddam War on Drugs! One of my least favorite wars. Like all wars, it’s classist, racist, misogynist, anti-kid, violent, unnecessary, and absurd. But the drug war takes war-absurdity to the next level. For example, it is absurd to the point of insanity, this arbitrary prohibition of chemicals XYZ, based on nothing but uneducated emotional response and cultural conditioning. As you know, delicious, legal cigarettes kill two-and-a-half times more people every year than homicides, suicides, car crashes, liquor, firearms, all drugs (including regular old medical pharmaceuticals), and snakebites combined. Way, way, way more people croak because they like sitting on their butt with a plate of Twinkies than because they overdose on heroin. But neither social policy nor legislation calls for the incarceration in state prison of anyone who gets busted with high triglycerides. I’m not saying it should. I’m just saying this paternalistic “it’s bad for you, therefore it’s illegal” crap makes no sense. Marijuana never kills anybody.* [cite]
It is also absurd to the point of insanity for a society to grant the state the power to wage a war against its own citizens. If the ruling class really were motivated by a moral imperative to preserve human life, you’d think they’d stop murdering their own supplicants with tobacco and Twinkies.
“We love the human race, therefore we hereby voluntarily cease production of Marlboros and creme filling. But feel free to grow your own.”
However, the ruling class is not motivated by its love for humanity. It appears more likely that the ruling class is motivated by a self-preservational imperative to create classes of, and maintain control over, the poor and the marginalized.
Because what’s actually getting snuffed out in this “war”? Not drugs, that’s for fucking sure. Surprise. The real casualties are people. Specifically the oppressed classes. According to the HuffPo article, over 10,000 people died in Mexico’s drug war in 2006. I don’t think I’m going too far out on a limb to surmise that few of them were rich white guys.
These folks aver that the drug war is actually a war on education; it has created its own permanent underclass by siphoning youths out of society and into prison. Once kids are jailed for drug offenses, they don’t get educated and they have a prison record, turning them into untouchable outcasts. So back underground they go, doomed to lurk forever in the dank subumbra of America’s effed-up drug policy.
According to Human Rights Watch, black men are incarcerated in state prison on drug charges at 13 times the rate of white men. Human Rights Watch does not include anything about women in their “Key Findings at a Glance” chart — why should they, since women aren’t human — but I was able to ferret out of the Internet this statistic:
At midyear 2007, the incarceration rate of black women held in custody (prison or jail) was 348 per 100,000 U.S. residents compared to 146 Hispanic women and 95 white women. With the exception of females ages 55 to 59, black women were held in custody at higher rates than Hispanic or white women across all age categories.
And I don’t have to tell you what goes on in women’s prison. But I will.
In 1997 a US Justice Department investigation of women’s prisons in Arizona concluded that the authorities failed to protect women from sexual misconduct by correctional officers and other staff. The misconduct included rape, sexual relationships, sexual touching and fondling, and “without good reason, frequent, prolonged, close-up and prurient viewing during dressing, showing and use of toilet facilities.” (CIV97-476, US District of Arizona). [cite]
The War on Drugs wrecks lives, rapes women, orphans cute babies, and kills people. It’s gotta go. If you wanna eat Twinkies on the couch all day, I’m with you! If you wanna shoot smack on the couch all day, I’m with you!
I propose instead a War on Rapists.
* Quite the opposite. Back when I had the cancer, if you will excuse a brief excursion into my personal past, you woulda had to pry my one-hitter out of my cold dead hand.