Monthly Archive: May 2009

May 21 2009

Enterprising teens use technology to totally screw themselves over

The obsession with wild turkeys frolicking at dawn continues unabated at Spinster HQ. Sexting! It’s the latest teen scourge. Lock up your daughters! Or at least get them iPhones. You still can’t effing text a photo on an iPhone. Sexting, you will be delighted to hear, is when a teenage girl sends, via mobile, an …

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May 20 2009

Outtakes from “Escape from Savage Death Island”

1. While awaiting phlebotomization yesterday at Cancerland, I thumb through a copy of People magazine. Here is what expert sexologist Bristol Palin has to say on the efficacy of magic fundamentalist christian abstinence-juju sex ed: “If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex,” says Bristol, sitting at her parents’ lakeside patio …

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May 17 2009

Pathetic fallacy

Plucked (!) from yesterday’s comments: Saturday Night Live parodies the myth of Nature’s devout commitment to the satisfaction of vulgar human appetites. Thanks, moodygirl.

May 16 2009

Hugs, Twisty: swinesploitation

Sexy pig stripper spreads its trotters for your dining pleasure. From super-gross White Castle ad (link below).

Hi Twisty, Remembering your post about the SuicideFood blog I thought you might be interested in this super-gross ad, featuring a stripper pig. Also, I really enjoy your blog! Melanie Dear Melanie, It was extremely thoughtful of you to send in a super-gross ad, for indeed, super-gross ads always interest me, particularly when they’re savage …

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May 15 2009

Spinster aunt grossed out by example computation in WolframAlpha intro vid

It doesn’t understand “golden retriever” but orange juice and cheese, hell yeah. Would I like to supersize that?

May 15 2009

What has recognizing your male privilege done for you lately?

Some dudes read heartwarming nature crap blogs. I have no idea why, but read them they do. Sometimes one of these dudes will send an email thanking me for educating him in the mysterious ways of heartwarming nature crappists. And I’ll be all like, dude. Shucks. Gosh. That’s really heartwarming. Let me bear your children. …

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May 14 2009

Filler

It goes without saying that — just like you were when Brad and Angelina had celebrity twins — you have been on pins and needles awaiting the first heartwarming photo of my world-famous Eastern phoebe hatchlings. I’ve turned down lucrative offers from The National Enquirer and its sister publication, the New York Review of Books, …

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May 14 2009

Finish your glass of oppression, Billy; it cost $1.98

What a cow in a pasture looks like. Texas longhorn, Cottonmouth County, TX, 2008. Stingray — you remember Stingray, my sidekick? — remarked the other day that Horizon organic dairy products aren’t really organic, but that Organic Valley products are. “What!” I said. “Misleading labeling practices? Here in America? What’s next? Will President Obama fail …

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May 11 2009

Hugs, Twisty: the continuing binary genderfication of America, and the introduction of the Ditwuss Awards

Blamer Kate reports via Blackberry from the West Coast: Dear Twisty, A laughably obnoxious ad cluster I spotted at the intersection of 6th and Anza in San Francisco while doing my very dudely pizza delivery work: [For those of you who can’t make out the slogans in the photo: “Save the calories for bacon.” “0 …

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May 11 2009

Turkey, lurky

Rio Grande turkey poses on the bunkhouse porch. Cottonmouth County, TX May 2009 Following a satisfying fried avocado sandwich and prune juice lunch down at the Spinster Ornithology Lab, I was brushing the damned breadcrumbs off my elbows when lo and I did espy this magnificent specimen glaring at me through the window. Fortunately I …

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