Ever since the Lightning Strike of Aught Nine took out my radio tower and my satellite and the computer running the missile silos I have aimed at various undisclosed megatheocorporatocratic installations, I’ve been out of the loop.
I just heard that David Letterman told a tasteless joke about Willow Palin getting knocked up. I don’t know what the joke was. But it has inspired a blotz-ton of Internetian (rhymes with “Venetian”) backlashing. Some people are in a lather, demanding that Letterman be fired. Some people are saying, “Letterman was nice to that crazy stalker lady, so obviously he’s a good guy and didn’t mean anything by it.” Some people are saying, “So what if his joke was a little sexist? Don’t tell me what jokes are off-limits, you handwringing old cunt.”
This woman, Jan Tessier, observes some feminist outrage, takes exception to the radicalism, and declares that David Letterman is the real feminist. That’s right: sensitive, compassionate David Letterman is late-nite TV’s Lone Voice of the Feminist Revolution. He apparently embodies the principles of Tessier’s personal feminist heroes Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinam [sic].
Tessier, who — I bet you didn’t know this — has been put in charge of awarding True Feminist Badges to male talk show hosts — is reacting to the remarks of Amy Siskind.
Siskind, writing at HuffPo, has justifiably had it up to here with sex-based joke buttism and the culturally-embedded misogyny that inspires it.
Jan Tessier has read Siskind’s piece, which piece basically says “Hey, media knobs! Critique public figures on the issues, not on their Receptacle2K-compliance.”
Based on Siskind’s assertion that misogyny directed at icky antifeminist women is still misogyny, Tessier has no choice but to designate Amy Siskind a fake feminist. According to this reasoning, women who have been most severely compromised by oppressive patriarchal mores — the collaboratrices — are just asking for it. Tessier feels that it’s perfectly decent of Letterman to make jokes about teen sluts because — and this statement is remarkable in its stark raving lunacy — “there is absolutely no evidence that he hates women.”
Siskind, Tessier avers, is full of shit for maintaining that the media ought to put a sock in it already with the antifeminist one-liners about public women, even when the women in question are themselves antifeminists, like California beauty queen Carrie Prejean. According to Tessier, an “empty-headed” homophobic beauty queen is fair game for boob-job jokes. “That isn’t sexism,” she writes. “That’s comedy.”
What Tessier fails to grasp is that mocking members of oppressed classes simply because they exhibit the characteristics of their oppression is pretty fucking vulgar. Why did Prejean get her despised boob-job in the first place, Jan Tessier? For her health? No, Jan Tessier. The poor deluded kid enboobified herself in order to appease her oppressor, and absorbed homophobic messages for the same reason. The whole fucking system is homophobic and loves huge tits. What’s the big surprise? Mocking women for getting boob jobs is juvenile and unsophisticated. What needs mocking is the system that requires the boob jobs.
As to whether Letterman should be fired, well hell yeah. Of course, I say that about all the old white dudes.
Letterman has apologized, and naturally it’s a classic celebrity non-apology. He claims that when he told the joke he thought he was telling it about the 18-year-old Palin daughter, not the 14-year-old, which apparently makes all the difference.
I smell a Ditwuss!
Well, one thing’s for sure. Whenever an old influential white dude like Letterman cracks wise on national TV about the sluttiness of a teenage girl, no discourse gets enbiggened. No disconsolate soul grasping for Truth and Beauty in the dank subumbra of oppression is enlightened. No tacos are garnished with fresh pico de gallo, and no lobes are bathed in fancy, bubbly happiness.
I mention the bathing of lobes because the permutations of what may and may not be considered feminism, regarding this Letterman/Palin business, are truly lobe-blowing, and I don’t have to tell you, the veteran Blamer, how messy the post-lobe-blow wreckage can be, with its waxy yellow build-up, broken glass, and mountains of empty Cool Whip tubs.