Today’s “Hugs, Twisty” letter comes from Adrienne, who endears herself by quoting me in an excellent essay in which she reports on a demonstration in Boston against Exodus Ministries. You remember those Exodus knobs? They’re the ones who think they can convert homos through “the power” of the ghost of a dead Nazarene on a stick.
In the essay to which I allude — which essay, she says, “turned up on every radical/anarchist/queer website on the planet” — Adrienne uses, probably for the first time anywhere, the phrase “gratuitous homoerotic canoodling.”
But Adrienne’s most recent email leaves all that fluffy shit behind to concentrate on matters much more dire. That’s right. Phonology.
Dear Jill [ Note: Adrienne didn't actually begin with "Dear Jill," but I know she felt it in her heart of hearts ]
Yay! I can never get over how awesome you are.
Meanwhile, I don’t read the comments on your blog, but the posts you’ve made about people trying to call you out all the time sound awful. So awful, in fact, that I kinda feel bad about bringing this up, but it has to do with phonology, rather than philosophical unsoundness!
You write ‘enbooben’ when it oughta be ‘embooben.’ b is a bilabial phoneme and n is a velar nasal one and English affixes match the phonological traits of the roots, e.g. enact, embody, invariable, impatient, illogical, irrespective, ensure, embalm, enact, emulate, innocent, immature, irredeemable, illegitimate, envious, empathy, and so forth.
Please don’t hate me!
P.S. good luck with that well.
P.P.S. many a year ago, you caused me to reconsider my uses of ellipses. Thank you.
Oh, you! I could never hate anyone who knows what a bilabial phoneme is.
Of course I can feel but a pale twinge of the pain you must have experienced upon perceiving my coarse phonological gaffe, but if it’s anything like the tiny razor blades that slash my eyeballs whenever some commenter considers it a matter of personal style to eschew the shift key, I can sympathize and how.
But I must tell you: It is part of the daily programme here at Spinster HQ to destroy the institutionalized discrimination governing the deployment of certain affixes in our language. Furthermore, as a spinster aunt I am professionally and morally obligated, for the sake of the revolution, to misspell made-up words describing or denoting the dominant culture’s crimes against humanity. Into which category falls the made-up word currently under review.
Thank you for taking the time to ponder the human rights crisis that is enboobenationalism, as well as for giving ellipses a second thought. And for becoming a feminist in 2005, and most especially for calling me “awesome.”
P.S. We will soon have some crappy video of the ag well pump repair; a more sweeping epic will have rarely been seen on YouTube.