Monthly Archive: August 2009

Aug 25 2009

Atomic penetrators, and more!

Drunk chick interviews snake assassin as he changes his socks

It’s Tuesday, and that means it’s time for another installment of Unrelated Spinster Pronouncements. 1. Poor pit vipers. My last post on the Western diamondback rattler revealed that, herpetologically speaking, many of us have something of a gaping void where our common sense and interspecies empathy ought to be. Although I am no snakespert, it …

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Aug 23 2009

Spinster aunt’s adopted hometown lives up to reptilian moniker

Spinster aunts, at midnight after a half a bot of rosé, are often inclined to sluice out to the back porch, wearing attractive headlamps, to find Western diamondback rattlesnakes hanging out by the door. The serpents wait like patience on a statue, apparently imagining that mice or hunks of filet mignon are about to come …

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Aug 16 2009

Redneck Mother sends incredibly a propos Onion link to spinster aunt

Advocacy Group Decries PETA’s Inhumane Treatment Of Women

Aug 16 2009

Another amateur pornographer deludes self he’s an artiste

This amateur pornographer, known on the website Deviantart.com as “Pelicanh,” snaps photos of naked ladies, stands back, basks in it, and calls it art. Furthermore, he puts it on the World Wide Web and gets thousands of hits a day. Furthermore, he is eager to demonstrate to his followers his superiority in the field of …

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Aug 15 2009

Spinster aunt watches CNN so you don’t have to

CNN has a “Health for Her” segment. “Health for Her” is represented by one of those Venus female symbols in the background, to differentiate it from regular health. Today’s women’s health segment isn’t about boring old breast cancer or vaginas or about how generally unhealthy it is to be female on this planet, though. It’s …

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Aug 15 2009

Immolation

Who doesn’t love the Greeks? First, they invent peach melba. Then Maria Callas. Then they donate a husband and provider to tragic grieving widow Jackie Kennedy. Pretty good, right? But wait, there’s more! No sooner do they set up that hilarious light show at the Parthenon than they produce this excellent mystery woman. The unnamed …

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Aug 10 2009

Spinster aunt posts what amounts to a Dear Diary entry, regrettably

A blamer has sent in a link to the Daily Mail. I hate it when blamers send in links to the Daily Mail. Links to the Daily Mail contain a neurotoxin. The next thing I know I’m reading paragraph after asinine paragraph, each with less philosophic value than the last, until I am saved by …

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Aug 05 2009

Spinster aunt still not dead

This just in from Spinster HQ: I ain’t dead. I don’t even have a summer cold. In fact, a team of experts has measured my vim and found it sufficient. Neither, it pleases me to report, am I (at least this time) one of those internet feminists whose real life is so fascinating or fraught …

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