A blamer has sent in a link to the Daily Mail. I hate it when blamers send in links to the Daily Mail. Links to the Daily Mail contain a neurotoxin. The next thing I know I’m reading paragraph after asinine paragraph, each with less philosophic value than the last, until I am saved by some merciful interruption, like a puppy dashing through my lab with a dead egret, or a phone call from a telemarketer. But wait, did you know about Michael Jackson’s “secret son”?
I am especially mesmerized by a blurb describing a brand of torso-squishing underwear with “bio-crystals” that “melt” cellulite. It has UK shoppers in a panic. I bet these are really comfortable. Just the thing to slip on under your Utilikilt on a 105-degree day. All that melting cellulite will ooze out and form a crust which will attract flies and small carnivores. You’ll be the envy of the subdivision.
But wait, do they even have subdivisions in the UK?
I have now lost the original link, which of course had nothing to do with Michael Jackson’s secret son or spandex cellulite-melters, and so am forced to change the subject entirely.
So I’m all, right on Sotomayor! But as refreshing as it is to see an Hispanic woman take the oath of any high office, the Supremes are still one of most penis-ridden enterprises going. At the present moment, their own website doesn’t even list old Sonia as a member. Yeah, yeah, baby steps, whatever. “Dent” in the glass ceiling, whatever.
You can’t dent glass, I realize. Tell it to this guy. Honestly, does nobody think for five seconds anymore before they butcher a hackneyed metaphor and throw it into a headline?
Crap, look at the time. I was gonna drone on and on about abortion — RU486 in Australia, the panic over whether Your Tax Dollars will pay for abortions come the new health care bills, etc, but I must hie. Meanwhile, behold the heartwarming cuteness of Fran, my yella lab puppy.