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Aug 25 2009

Atomic penetrators, and more!

Drunk chick interviews snake assassin as he changes his socks

Drunk chick interviews snake assassin as he changes his socks

It’s Tuesday, and that means it’s time for another installment of Unrelated Spinster Pronouncements.

1. Poor pit vipers. My last post on the Western diamondback rattler revealed that, herpetologically speaking, many of us have something of a gaping void where our common sense and interspecies empathy ought to be. Although I am no snakespert, it is generally acknowledged that a snake’s deepest desire to get the fuck away from humans; given the opportunity to exit your midst, any sane snake will take it. Only when a specimen, such as the diamondback on my porch, is cornered does it resort to self-defense. And even then, there seems to be some reluctance to part with the venom. My rattlesnake rattled like mad, but it never even tried to strike, even though I was but a few feet away and prodding it with a broom.

You can just beetle off, have a marg, and the snake’ll be gone when you get back.

Because of the dread “related videos” feature on YouTube, I found myself watching a portion of a vid wherein some drunk chick named Diane goes around interviewing male snake-hatin’ sickfucks at a “rattlesnake roundup.”

A rattlesnake roundup, in case you have never heard of this sickfuck shit, is a ritual gathering where a bunch of bloodthirsty barbarians catch a bunch of snakes, throw’em into pits, and invite the paying public to enjoy animal cruelty, American-style. The roundup-goers gleefully observe the slaughter and thereafter purchase rattlesnakeskin underwear, rattlesnake meat burritos, rattlesnake fang funnel cake, and rattlesnakeskin assault weapon holsters. Bring the kids! In the aforementioned video one of the macho snake assassins tells Diane, “God has blessed me with a talent.” For rousting innocent rattlesnakes out of their natural habitat, chucking them into death camps, and making F-150 seat covers out of them, apparently.

2. The endless capacity for self-delusion (e.g. slaughtering sentient beings for entertainment is a God-given talent, above) with which patriarchy has imbued the American dude is striking, as in this comment I found in the blog’s moderation queue. I laugh and laugh.

“Men have always been known for their chivalry,” asserts the commenter (affiliated, apparently, with this nutty website).

Well, men have always told everybody about their chivalry, at least.

“If [men] are treated well by women,” the comment continues, “they get treated better in return. If women want to be taken good care of by their men, they need to respect and treat their men with dignity.”

In other words, kiss my ass, bitch, or I’ll make your life a living hell.

The internet fucking cracks me up. Why the fuck would anybody bother to leave these idiotic remarks on a radical heartwarming funky savage death blog?

3. On NPR yesterday I heard some blowhard Pentagon dude allude, I kid you not, to a “thirty-thousand pound penetrator.” His tone was reverent. He appeared to be unaware that his phrasery stood alone at the apex of ridiculousness.

“Penetrator” is apparently what bombs are called down in the old War Room, which Room has always been, as you know, Penetrator Central. The USA, led by handsome, saintly Barack Obama, is, in its benevolence, contemplating penetrating Iran with a bunch of these thirty-thousand pound penetrators. Supposedly all this penetration will prevent Iranian scientists from figuring out how to make atomic penetrators of their own with which to penetrate us.

You know how politicos revere history, pretending that they study it so “we” can avoid the mistakes of the past and glide bloodlessly into a glorious future of peace among the snakes and the women? Bullshit. Men study history so they can avoid the mistakes of the losers and the defeated and the surrendered prison bitches of yore; they only do it so they can figure out how to be King of the Penetrators themselves.

61 comments

  1. Laughingrat

    Oh, chivalry. Yeah, we’ll protect you, fair maidens! They’ll protect us as long as we are, well, “fair,” and maidens, and honkies (I guess that goes back to “fair”), and at least upper middle class, and demure, and submissive, and they aren’t in the mood to treat us otherwise.

    In other words, playing to chivalry is like dancing on a goddamn tightrope. Patriarchy just lives to keep us worried about falling off that rope, because that uses up energy we could be turning towards productive ends. Not that that’s news around here.

    Incidentally, despite the grim subject, these posts are really comforting. Reminds me that I’m not alone out there in Boyland, ya know?

  2. Larkspur

    Oh dear. Everything is connected. Pit vipers do not belong in your house, but they belong in the universe, and as any living creature, they deserve respect. And not just because they can be dangerous, but because they belong in the universe. Even if you have to kill one to protect yourself or your dogs, you can and must still show respect. Which obviously Jill you totally get.

    Blood sport sucks.

    I think the word “penetrate” needs to be subdivided. In its one sense, it is an important word: if you are soundproofing your music room, you want to be sure that the materials you use are of sufficient quality that your music-making does not penetrate the sound-proofing and piss off the neighbors or the rattlesnakes.

    But for the other usages, I think we ought to use the word behind the word: wanketrate. Like, “Oh, hello, sir, while I am certain that I apprehend your intentions accurately, I must assure you that under no circumstances will your attempts to wanketrate me be successful, because I can kill you with my brain. Please move along. Like, now.” Or, “The Senator from Obstreperon votes nay nay nay on the proposed bunker-busting Wanketration device”.

  3. ElizaN

    Pentagon-skin seat covers for everyone!

  4. Pantsuit Sally

    Aw, fuck chivalry! If dudes think chivalry is so great, they should put themselves on the receiving end. But they won’t, because they know it’s infantilizing and puts restrictions on their freedoms.

    I’m all for what is understood to be common courtesy, which consists of people treating each other with decency regardless of genitalia, but this chivalry business is crap.

    The last time she came for a visit, my mother-in-law went on and on about how women’s rights are great n’ all, but they made the poor men lose their dignity. Apparently, we’re all supposed to play stupid and incompetent lest the bepenised humans experience a brief bout of confusion over whether they should hold the door open for us.

    It’s also so interesting that the people most vocally decrying the death of chivalry, those who don’t understand why some women don’t find being put on a pedestal complimentary, don’t seem nearly so concerned about stopping rape. I don’t give a shit whether you pull out my chair at dinner; if you really want to be chivalrous, respect women as the human beings that they are.

  5. LauraBee

    This website is brilliant, and my little heart skips a beat with excitement when a new post pops into my RSS. I particularly enjoy reading commenters who put into words my inner rage. Pantsuit Sally, your comment about men not wanting to receive chivalry is spot on. I wish chivalry were dead, then maybe common courtesy and respect as humans would follow.

    Please forgive any abuses of commenting policy; I’ve never done this before. But I will always strive for excellence in grammar, punctuation and spelling. (Anything less drives me nuts. Why do you think you’re too good for capitalization?)

  6. yttik

    One of my more cynical friends called me after election day and asked if we had elected a new phallic symbol yet.

    Under the rigid patriarchal system there really are only two positions available, penetrator or penetratee. The military is especially obsessed with these two roles and dominate their language with one version or another.

  7. coathangrrr

    I’m pretty sure that the “penetrator” in question refers to the “bunker buster” bombs Bush was so proud of building. Basically, they go into the ground and explode instead of blowing up above ground. Probably something no one really cared about, but oh well, I am nothing if ot full of useless knowledge.

  8. Comrade PhysioProf

    Everyone knows that the reason we need HUGE-ASS MOTHERFUCKING PENETRATORS is that the ENEMY possesses a network of CONCEALED HARDENED BUNKERS. You laydeez should stick to knitting and other laydee crap and leave the warmongering and shit to us manly men who know what the fuck we’re talking about.

  9. incognotter

    I believe chivalry means “I will be codependent towards you and you owe me sex and all your worldly goods in return, because I make the rules.”

    I heard that NPR report, too, and was also sickened. Yes, the “penetrator” seemed to be a bunker-buster being referred to with the same thrill the boys used to have for “market penetration” before Bush upped the penis-waving insecurity ante. I also noticed the man interviewed was so lacking in vocabulary that the description of the penetrator he was crushing on was something like “it penetrates more.” Isn’t it nice to know that our war toys are New and Improved, like a happy meal with more happy? After all, viagra solves all problems.

  10. slythwolf

    This post made me think of this George Carlin bit.

    The whole bit is good, but the particular part I’m talking about starts around 3:30. It’s funny because it’s true.

  11. Martha Maus

    I never thought the day would dawn ( actually, it’s almost 2 pm here in Australia, sorry) when I would learn about ordnance by indulging myself in a little postprandial Psmith and pals, thanks particularly to coathangrr and Comrade PhysioProf. It’s a well known scientific fact here in the Antipodes that a bit of blaming aids the digestion.

  12. Nolabelfits

    What exactly does that chivalry comment have to do with any of the recent posts? I see no relationship to anything and the website is creepy.

  13. Erzebeth

    Wow, until today I thought the Simpsons’ “Whacking Day” was just fiction. Turns out it was inspired by this sick rattlesnake roundup thing.

  14. Martha Maus

    It is obvious to me, at my safe distance of many thousand kilometres over the oceans, that the Western diamondback rattler , and all Psmith’s other strange and beautiful Texan “nature crap “, was never fated to hurt her. Psmith’s destiny is to blame. How else could I have read that immortal phrase “thirty-thousand pound penetrator.” hee hee. Still laughing, still digesting. Thank you.

  15. norbizness

    Erzebeth: We also use ours as an excuse to beat up the Irish.

  16. wow

    That iibc is mesmerizing. The sex appeal section is just – wow… I’m going to have to cancel all my appointments and devote the rest of the day to absorbing wisdom like:

    ” Tip: It’s the way you think and talk and to know when to be tactful enough to let the other believe he knows more than you. This works in some ’situations’ “

  17. blondie

    Man’s capacity for savagery against every living thing appears to be endless. No doubt you are all aware that Ghandi said, “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” yay america

  18. blondie

    Actually, Gandhi said that. Ghandi was the grumpy neighbor who said something about staying off his lawn.

  19. wiggles

    Sort of related to penetrators and the military: Last night I watched this doc on Maya Lin, the woman who designed the Vietnam war memorial in D.C. Y’all wouldn’t believe (actually, you probably would) how much shit she got for not making the thing an obelisk, like the world needs another one of those. That’s all the male architects and designers and opinion-givers could think of. Obelisks adorned by flags and statues of white dudes.

  20. Notorious Ph.D.

    Point #3 just reminded me of Dr. Strangelove. If you can’t fuck it, kill it, apparently. IBtP.

  21. Kristyn

    Terry Jones of Monty Python fame has a very amusing video series about (and helpfully titled) Medieval Lives, wherein it is explained that ‘chivalry’ as a concept is actually extremely terrible for women, both medieval and contemporary. Mr Jones so much as refers to the average man as ‘a cross between a serial killer and your local rapist’ — and makes it clear that he thinks this is a Bad Thing.

    The notion that chivalry is good and dear and born solely of purehearted intentions of Teh Menz, as opposed to the product of greed, desire for bloodshed, and the neverending male need for dominance, is a product of the Renaissance and of the Victorian era. In other words, it is yet another smokescreen thrown up by men to delude women and other men.

    Surprise.
    IB … well, you know.

  22. fishbane

    On the rattler roundup topic, if you can stomach it, I highly recommend reading _Feast of Snakes_, by Harry Crews. It is a seriously twisted, but entertaining, book that could use some quality blamery.

  23. yttik

    Today is Women’s Equality Day.

    http://www.nwhp.org/resourcecenter/equalityday.php

  24. Chris Grealy

    Uh, no, snakes aren’t sentient. I’m pretty sure about this, or they would have turned up in “Star Trek”.

    And, uh, no, bombs aren’t now being called penetrators. The ones they are no doubt referring to are more like excavators, sorta.

    Hey, are you sure you were sober when you posted this one?

  25. Solniger

    What yttik! One whole day! What should I do with myself! Can I fart amongst my friends and be treated with applause? Not that I have any desire to do such. I just don’t know what to do with all the equality being thrown my way. Oh I wish some chivalrous knight would save me from my misery.

    p.s.- not harshing on you specifically.

  26. yttik

    LOL, Solniger! You only get one day, so don’t waste it. Revel in all that equality while you can. I think it expires at sunset.

  27. slythwolf

    Fuck, the sun’s about to set here. I could have been out in the world being equal all goddamn day and I missed it.

  28. pheenobarbidoll

    Thanks to roundups, soon the rattlesnake will go the way of the horny toad.

    I remember as a kid you couldn’t walk down the street and spit without hitting 19 horny toads.

    Ol’ Rip isn’t just a cutesy name anymore.

  29. Shelby

    On the yang side, in Tucson, two cojoined diamondback rattlers are to be separated in a delicate operation.

  30. ambivalent academic

    Shit! The sun is well-past set here and I didn’t even know about my day of equality until it was over. *Whiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnne* I have to wait a whole ‘nother year now? Dammit.

    Shelby – that’s cool! Links?

  31. Frumious B.

    Lovin’ the iibc site. Mature skin? Nope, sorry, my skin is as immature as the rest of me. Wrinkles? Now those I got in spades.

  32. Squiggy

    Shelby-’in Tucson, two cojoined diamondback rattlers are to be separated in a delicate operation.’
    For real?

  33. karinova

    On point #2:
    “If women want to be taken good care of by their men…”
    Yikes. That sentence makes my head hurt. That’s quite a bit of grammatical backflippery just to get it into the– what is that anyway, the passive voice? I know I shouldn’t click that link.

    But I know I’m going to.
    What can I say: fish gotta swim, blamers gotta blame.

  34. Squiggy

    OMG. It is for real. Such a sweet story.

  35. PandanCat

    The last paragraph is dead on; I wonder why I never thought of it that way before.

  36. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Oh, dear. Ever since reading the Snakes on the Porch post, I was fearing the rattlesnake roundup topic would rear its ugly whatever. It gave me nightmares the first time I saw it on some news digest thingamabob.

    Man, that shit upsets me. Pit vipers got just as much right (and maybe more) than any human to go about their viperly bidness on this planet. You named it right when you called it sickfuckery.

    As for the chivalry, the offeror of this fresh manly wisdom can stick it up his ass. And light it on fire. I’d prefer human agency.

  37. Jill

    Uh, no, snakes aren’t sentient. I’m pretty sure about this, or they would have turned up in “Star Trek”.

    And, uh, no, bombs aren’t now being called penetrators. The ones they are no doubt referring to are more like excavators, sorta.

    Hey, are you sure you were sober when you posted this one?

    Uh, any internet user who thinks the non-word “uh” is ever appropriate in a comment on a savage death feminist nature blog is not sentient enough to post here.

  38. ambivalent academic

    Newsflash – the word “sentient” applies to other contexts besides Star Trek.

    Sentient (adj):

    1. Conscious or aware.
    2. Experiencing sensation or feeling.

    Sentient (noun):

    1. Lifeform with the capability to feel sensation, such as pain; thus most beings are sentients.

    Uh, I’m pretty sure that snakes can experience sensation, sorta, or else how would they know when to shake their rattles at me?

    That definition’s from wiktionary which isn’t even a particularly good online dictionary. Yeesh, you’ve got the whole intertubes at your disposal! Put them to good use and learn something!

  39. pheenobarbidoll

    We need P d00d round ups.

    I wouldn’t eat one though. I’m sure they taste like shit.

  40. yttik

    I do believe the “snakes not being sentient beings” thing was sarcasm. I could be wrong, but it reads like snark to me, but so do most newspapers, so what do I know.

    “Lifeform with the capability to feel sensation, such as pain; thus most beings are sentients”

    “Most” beings? You mean there are exceptions?

  41. ambivalent academic

    “Most” beings? You mean there are exceptions?

    Wiki’s words – I won’t guarantee accuracy here.

    But in attempt to answer your question, plants/fungi for sure and possibly some bivalves. As far as I understand it, most bivalves can respond to light, and some tactile sensation, but do not respond to “pain stimuli” (whatever that means). Basically, perceiving pain requires a basal threshold of complexity (and the bar is pretty low) in their neural network, or so the available evidence tells us.

    Plants and fungi don’t have nerves (but they are beings) so they don’t feel pain. Bivalves are also beings that have very very simple neural networks and it is possible that they do not experience painful sensation. If my Swiss cheese memory serves me, Peter Singer talked some about this in some of his writings about vegetarianism. I’m not advocating eating clams on an absence of evidence for pain sensation, and I’m really not an expert on this sort of thing, just offering the few tidbits of info I have available.

  42. Gayle

    So Whacking Day is for real then?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701292/combined

    And there I was thinking it was just a great Simpsons episode.

  43. Gayle

    Erzebeth
    August 25, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    “Wow, until today I thought the Simpsons’ “Whacking Day” was just fiction. Turns out it was inspired by this sick rattlesnake roundup thing.”

    Yep, I had no idea either.

    “Whacking Day” even has its own Wiki page:

    “It was pitched by the “animal conscious” George Meyer who wanted to create an episode against the mistreatment of snakes. The episode marks the first appearance of Superintendent Chalmers. It features an Itchy & Scratchy parody of Oliver Stone’s JFK, and won a Genesis Award.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whacking_Day

    This mistreatment of snakes reminds me of the mistreatment of sharks. People feel justified in murdering them en masse because we are afraid of them.

    Even though some of them have the ability to hurt or even kill us, they have little to no real interest in people. They’d rather stay the hell away from us entirely. The shark situation has gotten so bad people have tried to stop shark hunting all together. Before his death, the author of Jaws even joined the cause.

    Yet another Wiki page:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Benchley

    “Benchley was a member of the National Council of Environmental Defense and a spokesman for its Oceans Program: “[T]he shark in an updated Jaws could not be the villain; it would have to be written as the victim, for, world-wide, sharks are much more the oppressed than the oppressors.”[9]?

    So far, no luck.

  44. TwissB

    Chivalry – The iron hand in the velvet glove

    Chivalry offended (per Flo Kennedy) – You don’t want me to open the door for you?? I’ll slam it on your hand.

  45. Feminizzle

    I have to tell you that I love this post. And now I may be falling in love with you. I never agreed with a person so whole-heartedly!!! I love that you don’t take any shit and don’t apologize for your opinions… I’m getting very tired of the PCness of a lot the feminists I know.

  46. C. Atrox

    I’m really enjoying the rattlesnake posts. Here is a Youtube video I did of a diamondback a couple of weeks ago. This snake didn’t even rattle, just peaceably crawled up an embankment.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwOB6M2AOFc

  47. virago

    That chivalry shit again, huh? I’m so sick of men talking about how women are treated so good because of “chivalry”. There’s always some stupid MRA going on and on about how all the men gave up their lives so that the women could have the lifeboats on the Titanic. Well, did it ever occur to them that if the lords of patriarchy would’ve had the foresight to put enough lifeboats on the Titanic in the first place, EVERYONE would’ve probably survived the sinking? There certainly was enough room for more than enough lifeboats. But no, the MEN who built the damn boat were too busy trying to promote it as “unsinkable”. In fact, according to a documentary on the history channel, they almost didn’t put on any lifeboats because they thought it would take away from the looks of the Titanic. They finally relented and put on some (but not enough) because they thought the passengers might feel safer. Well, the reason why so many people died-men and women- was because of arrogance and human error-MALE HUMAN ERROR. But, hey, let’s have the Titanic shoved down our throats to this day as an act of chivalry because women and children, who didn’t built the ship and didn’t have rights, nor any say AT ALL about anything were allowed to be the first ones on the lifeboats. That said-one “chivalrous” act in history doesn’t make up for all the rape, murder, and lack of basic human rights that women have put up with for CENTURIES. It’s easy for Dude Nation to pat themselves on the back for a few acts of supposed “chivalry” when they had all the rights and owned all the property. In fact, some asshole MRA suggested to me that it was chilvalrous act to give women rights in the first place-you know, not because we’re PEOPLE or anything who should AUTOMATICALLY have had those rights all along, but hey, it’s all about the menz, right? Puke! I’m sick of hearing about chivalry. Chivalry was only something that was given to women as a consolation prize while simutaneously depriving us of our basic human rights. And “chivalry” was only given to women who behaved like the patriarchy wanted them to. IBTP.

  48. muchell (mesaventure)

    There’s a “rattlesnake roundup” in Sweetwater, TX every year–not to far away from me. I heard from someone who lived there and visits often that the rattlers around there are beginning to learn or evolve to deal with their hunters. Some are no longer using their rattles to warn predators off. Sounds like intelligence and sentience to me, reacting this way to a predator who takes your warning signal as an invitation to pounce, guns blazin’.

  49. speedbudget

    Sing it, virago. I love when you get your rant on.

  50. Agasaya

    Chivalry hasn’t really got anything to do with women except incidentally, or as is connected with modern day concepts of the Middle Ages practices of defense of the weak. Word derivations tell us that a ‘chevalier’ was a knight or ‘horsed’ warrior of some (however minor)wealth and sufficient power to require control. In order to keep them in line, there was a code of loyalty binding them to their overlords. That is the code of chivalry.

    It’s a psychological orientation serving male to male power hierarchies, with the usual side images of defending the weak (females) to make it look ‘righteous’. Primarily it was about defending your oath of loyalty no matter how badly you were treated or how rotten your superior in wealth and power (master, king…).It helped ensure the safety of the overlord against a takeover by his own minions.

    The P is about men trapping men in servitude with the image of their superiority (versus actual inferior status),maintained by each man’s absolute power over any woman on the planet. Often women ‘given’ to them as prizes for playing the game (“Tell him who he’s won, Johnny”).

    Women don’t mean enough to be the focal point of patriarchy from what I’ve seen of history.

  51. larkspur

    Agasaya, yeah, male power hierarchies, and loyalty. You take an oath to protect your overlord’s property. Like the castle and the livestock and the hunting parks and the women.

    And anyway, escaping from a disaster doesn’t have a lot to do with chivalry. According to a couple of books I read recently (The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes by Amanda Ripley, and The Survivor’s Club by Ben Sherwood), human responses to emergencies aren’t nearly so formulaic. Younger, slimmer males are most likely to survive. (Duh.) Then again, groups of people often freeze in a kind of denial. Other times, something in the group dynamic enables people to work together quickly and compassionately. I’ve read of people leaving the stairwells of the WTC and moving aside as other people ran by carrying burn victims. (One book points out how we all need to do a lot more pre-disaster drilling – like while exiting a high-rise, the upper floor people should keep going down, and each floor should follow after the one above. Otherwise you’ve got the opposite of a stampede and the upper floors never get out. Also, burn victims can still be brought by more quickly.)

    So “women and children first”, chivalry: it’s a symbolic concept that’s supposed to make us shut up and count our blessings, and maybe to serve as a buffer so they don’t reflexively kill us when they’re done. (And also, I suspect it was all part of the big theme of purity that men seemed to need so they didn’t have to think about the blood and that place, at least insofar as their high-value property was concerned, i.e. female property needed to produce heirs.)

    And in terms of non-disaster behavior: damn, most sane people just do the most efficient thing. If I get to the door first, and the person behind me is apparently unencumbered, I open the door for myself and then turn to make sure the person behind me has it. If the person behind me is using a walker or carrying packages, I hold the door. At a four-way stop, the cars move in order and everyone gets where they’re going promptly and predictable and no one has to waste a single moment assessing the genitalia of the persons involved. And I know most people get this, so the other noise is just alarmist, regressive noise. La la la.

  52. yttik

    This is is what chivalry has gotten us, as we eulogize Ted Kennedy today, the media can’t help but mention that woman left under a bridge so long ago. This one sentence from an article sums it up for me, (because of all the good Ted has done,) “Who knows — maybe she’d feel it was worth it.”

    It was chivalrous for you to have died for the cause, Mary Jo.

  53. larkspur

    Damn, yttik, women are so just vehicles for whatever craptastic pseudo-revelations they want to load onto us. I am having the beginnings of a fantasy of women like Marilyn Monroe, Mary Jo Kopechne, Terri Schiavo, Laci Peterson, etc., meeting up in the afterlife for a round of afterlife-y libations and some raucous commentary about how they or their survivors should at least get a cut of the profits from their post-mortem exploitation. Can’t you see Marilyn Monroe and Terri Schiavo especially as fearsome, flame-throwing, thunder-clapping warrior-avenger Stupid Slayers? That is, Slayers of Teh Stupid. Rock on, angry but oh-so-free dead women.

  54. Bella Donna

    yttik,

    I would have been happy to read an article with only one sentence devoted to the idea that Mary Jo’s life was an acceptable price to pay for the wonder that was Teddy Kennedy: Senator.

    Instead I read a whole article devoted to the idea.

    From that putrid slurry of manure:

    “Yet if one weighs the life of a single young woman against the accomplishments of the man President Obama has called the greatest Democratic senator in history, what is one to think?”

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/aug/27/edward-kennedy-usa

    Yuck.

  55. norbizness

    Jill: Can Major Lance have a savage death island exemption?

  56. Jezebella

    Larkspur, your implication that women aren’t free until we’re dead is depressing as hell. Especially since there’s no afterlife in which to be free. Bummer.

  57. Larkspur

    Oh, Jezebella, I’m sorry. See, I have this ability to be an atheist at the same time as I envision an afterlife. It’s not that I think we can’t be free until we’re dead: it’s that these particular women were treated so rudely in life that I have to imagine their spirits as being free from the fetishization their memories are subjected to here. Where we are. Wherever that is.

    It gives me hope to imagine them that way. It’s like every time I don’t take some patriarchal shit, or every time I see anyone take a bite out of the patriarchy, I think of them and say, “All right. That’s one for our side.” And I picture them doing fist-bumps.

    Ever time I see some woman or girl surviving something or doing something despite really long odds, I think of the women and girls who tried hard but didn’t survive, and I imagine their pride. And fist bumps.

    So Jezebella, honey, I’m sorry. We can totally have our moments here and now. And lots of times those moments are made possible by stuff we learned from those who came and went before us.

  58. Jezebella

    Oh, thanks, Larkspur. I’m just having a shite week, it’s not your fault.

  59. veganrampage

    You are right at that vegan precipice. One more tiny push and WHAMO, a glass of milk ain’t a glass of milk, it’s the whole fucking patriarchy in a glass, and you’d rather choke then drink it!
    Sickfuck Shit is a Chapter in my book GD it all!

  60. Windswept

    This comes late but some anecdotal fun from personal experiences, since Chris Grealy was saying snakes aren’t sentient (which we all know is bull, but bear with).

    I own five snakes, looking into a sixth. Each one is a damn sight smarter then you’d ever think snakes would be. One is curious about everything, adores people and all human attention (even children-pokings), as far as I know she thinks she’s a little person (she also falls asleep for long car rides). One is a bit shy, and won’t let a soul touch him except me. One, my real big girl, has been sick lately and is clever enough to devise new strategies to avoiding her meds every week. When she’s angry she also turns to look me straight in the eyes, which is a little unnerving from a 9ft animal and gets her point across immediately.
    All of them have their moods, some days they love me and some days they’re crabby, and so forth.

    The interesting thing is, I’ve talked to many a (male) ‘expert’ who firmly believes snakes are nothing more than primitive brain-clusters of instincts, and any experiences of personality/awareness/intelligence are simply anthropomorphizing. I know that is a common perception given to animals, but the notion appears to be especially prevalent in the snake industry.

  61. Jill

    “Snake Industry.” Band name!

    A group of 6-spotted whiptail lizards has colonized the bunkhouse environs, and nobody will convince me that these reptiles don’t have a sense of humor.

    Texas Spotted Whiptail

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