Sep 02 2009

Tyra wants you

Airbrushed TV hottie seeks mother with “feminist viewpoint.” Photo from tyrabanks.com

Howdy blamers. You know how I am constantly getting emails from people who have no idea what I Blame the Patriarchy is but tell me it’s “great” and hope to use it for their own patriarchy-affirming ends, usually by selling stuff?

Here’s an appeal from a Tyra Banks flack that showed up in today’s mail pile. She searcheth for a “feminist mom” to appear on the supermodel’s talk show. I know I don’t need to mention that the only reason for the existence of the Tyra Banks Show is that it makes money, on the backs of the sex class, for commercial purveyors of femininity.


My name is Erika Wasser and I am reaching out from the Tyra Banks show. We are looking into doing a show on raising young girls/tweens in today’s world and were hoping to feature someone with a feminist viewpoint on the show. Ideally, this woman would be a feminist mom. I was hoping that maybe you could point me in the direction of someone to contact or a place to look. Great site, and thanks so much for any and all help in advanced [sic]. Feel free to contact me anytime via email or phone xxx.xxx.xxxx.

Erika Wasser

Erika, it seems, wishes to locate a woman with female “tween” spawn who will

a) actually cop to being a feminist, and
b) consent to the exploitation of self and kid on national TV, presumably inclusive of frank revelations about sexting and other “shocking teen trends.”

This I’d like to see. Part B is a piece of cake, all righty, but Part A? These days anybody who is allowed on TV and publicly claims to be a feminist isn’t one. She’s straight, conventionally attractive, takes pole dancing lessons, and espouses the belief that femininity empowerfulizes her. If any “feminist” should accidentally let it out that being sexually manipulative has not a high moral purpose, or that patriarchy even exists, let the ridicule fly.

Well, good luck anyway, Erika! I suggest you check out Jezebel. And thanks for reaching out with the nice compliment on my blog. Even though you have obviously never read it, perhaps you were able to divine its excellence from its quality banner, or from the fact that it doesn’t turn up anywhere on Google Blog search .

Incidentally, Tyra Banks also emcees a production called “America’s Next Top Model.” This show is a dilly. Skeletal, swaybacked young women compete in a rigorous, season-long beauty pageant during the course of which all of their visible body parts, the professionality of their catwalk strut, and the cut-throatness of their drive to be Beauty2K-compliant, are painstakingly evaluated on national television. If they aren’t photogenic enough, or if they don’t exhibit sufficient guile, they get eliminated by mean judges. A not wholly unrealistic encapsulate version of everywoman’s life within the patriarchal hegemon. Nice.

Anyway, if any of you blamers want to audition for the role of feminist mom on the Tyra Banks Show, I’ll be happy to put you in touch with Ms Wasser. It could be your ticket outta Savage Death Island once and for all!


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  1. Orange

    Dagnabbbit, I have only the young tween/pre-tween boy. Can I go on TV and talk about how I’ve taught him to edit road construction signs aloud? “Oh, there’s ‘men working.’ I mean, ‘people working.'” I got nothin’ on makeup and and crop tops, though.

  2. DangerMouse

    If A, then OBVIOUSLY NOT B, Ms. Wasser. At least not on your show… maybe on GMA or something, but not on a Tyra production.

  3. Agasaya

    Google blog search does recognize your name(s), Jill.


  4. Jill

    Google blog search does recognize your name(s), Jill.

    What! All is lost.

    Seriously, though, IBTP doesn’t seem to turn up when the search string is “feminism,” “feminist,” or “radical feminism.”

  5. Shelby

    “I was hoping that maybe you could point me in the direction of someone to contact or a place to look.”

    That’s hilarious! I know you’re not a mummy but it’s like saying “Hi Jill, I’m looking for somebody clever and beautiful to help me. Do you know anyone like that?”

    I’ll do it! Of course, she has to fly me and the teen out from Australia. I’ve never been to America before. It’ll be fun!

  6. rootlesscosmo

    I’ve never been to America before. It’ll be fun!

    Not necessarily.

  7. veganrampage

    Oh shit Jezebel.
    NICK DENTON owns it and he infamously fired every single woman writer he could from all the other sites he owns late last year, among them Gawker. Ian Spegelman, a sorta hard drinking maniac blogger at Gawker but cool guy too quit in protest because of the female-hating the last day a certain writer Sheila worked at Gawker. Ian wrote a flaming comment I have copy of decrying Denton’s misogyny, that Denton had fired all the women becasue he was afraid of them and secretly hated them, and the reasons given for the firings of the women at the different sites(low numbers, writers are paid by click numbers),and for Sheila specifically were total bullshit lies. I also stopped commenting and quit that site forever in worded protest that day in a symbolic gesture that only I cared about. I was one of the few feminists on Gawker and used to try to fight the onslaught.

    Jezebel does employ women writers, and Denton does have a screwy way of paying, I think it still may be by the amount of times readers click on the blogger’s story. Denton most likely the cheap bastard that he is, does not count fairly, I have no proof of this, just my instinct. I know when he changed the way the writers were paid they were not happy about it and I am sure that a blogger at a site has no power whatsoever, especially a woman working for a known misogynist NICK DENTON , owner of Jezebel.

    If you read Jezebel by feed, then DENTON does not get paid, but the writers do not get paid either. This was the situation last December 2008. Do what you want, as you should. I only wrote this to inform all IBTP feminists so you know who you are dealing with. How the hell would you know the fucker who owns Jezebel hates women? Odds?
    La barf. I am going to go boil my skin in the shower now, just from thinking about that whole situation.

  8. Pinko Punko

    They will probably get an exploited model from an American Apparel catalogue. I think AA and PETA have the same agent.

  9. Orare Lee

    My advice to any aspiring feminist mums is run for the hills. Exploitation doesn’t come close to describing the reality of media manipulation. Here in Australia we have just had a shock jock scandal after the hosts of a radio program, featured a 14 year old girl wired up to a lie detector and asked questions about her sex life . 14 is under the age of consent here. The presenters got the girl’s mother to ask the questions. The shit only hit the fan after the girl told her mother, on air, that she had been raped when she was 12. The mother said she agreed to the interview because she was concerned about her daughter and wanted help. The scandal will blow over. The hosts were rapped over the knuckles. Big media outcry and no action. I just hope the kid gets some appropriate support.

  10. veganrampage

    I found it. This is the comment that Ian wrote on another blogger’s post on Gawker when he quit in protest over Sheila McClear’s firing, and the other women’s firings from sister sites that NICK DENTON, owner of Jezebel and known woman hater had fired to “cut costs.”
    The Gabe that Ian mentions is the new GM Denton had hired, while cost cutting by firing all women writers except for Jezebel.

    Feast your eyes, for feminist protest quit rants written by straight white men are as rare as pro-choice, right-wing southern evangelical ministers.

    I won’t speak for any of Spiegs other actions.

    Early December 2008

    “54 replies, 25 by friends ian spiegelman
    8:12 PM
    Ug. This is fucking disgusting, Sheils. Youur page views were consistently as good as anyoe’s. Thaat’s a fact. Nick Dentn hates women. Did he fire even ONE male writer from Gawke? Of ccourse not. I fucking quit, and everyone at Gawker should have when he let us know he was reducing our salaries retroactively and only backed down from that after we informed him that that was against the law.
    Yes, we had to inform Nick and Noah that their plan to retroactively pay us less was literally against the laws of the State of New York. Because Nick and Noah are fucking thieves and human waste.
    Back to the point: Women scare the fucking shit out of Denton half the time and the other half he dismisses them as meaningless. Watch out because he’s going to point to Sheil’s stats and conveniently forget that she posted under two different names. He’s totally going to rip her off for money. But now Gabe will do it instead of Noah.
    What a happy family you’ve bred, Nick and Noah. And welcome to it, Gabe. I hope you all feel very good about yourselves, you scared little prejudiced fucking pieces of garbage. But, well, women do live here in America. You can’t avoid them all the time, you total fucking pieces of shit.”

  11. Valerie M

    Hey Blamers! Anyone with too much time on their hands feel like helping me out in the comments at Richard Wiseman’s attack on women?



  12. orlando


  13. speedbudget

    I would totally do the show, but I would have to borrow my friend’s inexplicably radical feminist daughter to come with me. I say “inexplicably” because her mom, while she tries, is definitely caught up in B2K compliance, and this girl, on her own, makes her own gender-bending Halloween costumes and the radical things that randomly come out of her mouth are amazing. I am in awe of that girl.

    Anyway, I would totally lie and tell them she’s my daughter and then we could both go on and stick our radical foots in our mouths.

  14. Comrade PhysioProf

    “Thanks…in advanced” is causing me physical pain.

  15. Pantsuit Sally

    Clearly Tyra is looking for the “everything that’s empowering to me looks exactly like patriarchy but I choose it so it’s feminist” type- there’s no way she’s hoping a mom appears on her show to talk about how hard it is to raise your daughter to have any sense of herself what with all the ridiculous, soul-killing, unrealistic, dangerous standards promoted by the fashion and modeling industry.

    It’s obvious that Ms. Wasser didn’t actually read anything on this site. Maybe you should send her some of your mastectomy photos so she has a better idea of what we’re about here.

  16. buttercup

    But I don’t want a ticket off of Savage Death Island!

  17. nails

    I have watched a lot of America’s Next Top Model in my pre-blaming days.

    Tyra Banks is just morally a bad person. Not for being a reality show judge (just picture how shitty you would feel about yourself, treating people that way on national television). It is a lot of other stuff.

    On her talk show she dressed up like a homeless person and spent a whole 24 hours on the street begging for money (while a camera crew was with her), and had the balls to do a homelessness related photoshoot on ANTM and say that the topic was very serious and close to her heart because of that one day. here is the photo of her from then, holding a sign that says “will pose for change” while she is wearing clean expensive clothes.

    I saw Tyra talk down a stripper trying out for a spot on ANTM because she thought that stripping and modeling have stuff in common. Tyra thinks she is way classier than a stripper and was really mean to that woman as a result.

    Her fake support of positive body image for women irks me too. She talks about how her ass is huge and so she knows what its like to not be beauty 2K compliant.

    She invited Sasha Grey on to talk about being in pornography, and clearly edited out all of Grey’s responses. She also insinuated that she must have been molested by someone as a kid. It was really infantalizing and condescending. This truly would be the worst day in the world for a feminist mother, dealing with the horrendous editing that the Tyra show uses.

  18. PilgrimSoul

    I must say, Twisty, though, there’s a part of me that would adore seeing you bust some chops on a talk show. If the chops happen to belong to Tyra, all the better.

  19. verona

    I hate some of the lameass wording that passes for professional these days. For example: “My name is Erika Wasser and I am reaching out from the Tyra Banks show.” Reaching out? Hunh? Why? I picture freezing people clinging to Titanic debris and trying to grab onto an overloaded lifeboat as it passes. Or maybe somebody in the lifeboad stretching an arm over the side toward a loved one who, alas, sinks beneath the icy waters.

    Why is she reaching out? Does she need to be rescued? Does she think Jill needs to be? Reaching out my ass. She’s simply contacting, or writing; either is a much more efficient and accurate use of language. Whenever I see the catchphrase “reaching out” I know what I’m reading is manipulative PR bullshit.

    Another catchphrase that makes me swallow bile is “share.” For example when somebody is quoted, as in “‘Language should be used to state what is actually taking place,’ shared Verona in a Thursday tirade.” Hell no I did not share that statement like it was half a sandwich or a ride to the airport. I stated it. Or I said it.

    You’ll often find that “Reaching out” and “share” are warmfuzzy terms used to feelgoodify articles targeting female audiences. Presumably because us girls are all about warm feelings and connection. It’s so patronizing.

  20. Shopstewardess

    Speaking from the other side of the Atlantic, I’m not sure what Tyra Banks is like but that is one scary photograph.

    Hollywood has to be one of the most patriarchal businesses on the planet, so the chances of a feminist mother and daughter getting a fair hearing on a show are about nil. But the chances of finding a feminist mother and daughter who would both think doing this show would be a good idea seem even smaller. Which could be the answer – Jill has been contacted out of desperation. So complimentary to be someone’s forlorn hope.

  21. norbizness

    I’m still reeling from the cancellation of the Kathy Ireland Municipal Affairs Roundtable.

  22. Miss Andrist

    I’ll do it.

    With my mohawk and my short-cropped 10-year-old offspring. Give me half a chance and I’ll make the episode into an Andrea Dworkin tribute.

    (Ooh, ooh, can we line up Susan Brownmiller or John Stoltenberg as a guest caller? Jill, I -know- you have strings in the Austin area, can’t you just give Robert Jensen a buzz? Wow, okay, that seriously would be unbelievable. Almost – not quite, but almost as cool as having Jill herself tear it up. Okay, now I’m just being silly. We all know Tyra wouldn’t allow anything that might legitimatize feminism. But hey, a girl can dream, right?)

    Seguay for Brilliant Book Alert:
    Coercive Control, How Men Entrap Women In Daily Life. Describes charming phenomenons such as partner rape as what they are – rape – and tears apart the buffoonery surrounding BWS by comparing male aggression against females in the isolation of the patriarchally-proscribed hetero relationship to a situation otherwise unique to prisoners of war and kidnap victims, only worse. Especially refreshing was the chapter that described the question, “why doesn’t she leave” as an act of societal victimization and patriarchal silent approval and collusion in abuse of women, with the earth-shattering relevation that it’s the abuser that perpetuates coercive relationships. A must-read.

    Valerie: I backed you up. ^_^ Go look, might chuckle you.

  23. Valerie M

    Cheers Miss Andrist! I did indeed chuckle.

  24. Pantsuit Sally

    “I’m still reeling from the cancellation of the Kathy Ireland Municipal Affairs Roundtable.”

    It is statements like these that make getting up to face another day in the patriarchy tolerable.

    Another thing about Tyra that bugs me, which someone somewhere else in the feminist blogosphere pointed out recently (sorry, brilliant feminist, that I don’t remember your name off the top of my head): there’s always so much emphasis on ANTM on women who aren’t conventionally pretty, but they’re “interesting” or “editorial”, which seems like a refreshing change of perspective on the surface, until you consider the fact that all the “ugly pretty” women are thin. “Plus-size models” are still required to have faces that fit mainstream Cosmo ideas of beauty.

  25. birkwearingblamer

    Tyra is crazee. Remember the screaming rant about not being fat? I don’t watch t.v. I saw the clip on the internet. She apparently has some issues.

  26. Lu

    Hey, Valerie and Miss Andrist, thanks for doing that over on the Richard Wiseman site.

    I recently got into something similar with a commenter at a site I usually love, “World O’ Crap,” because he used the word “pussy” in a certain way. He turned on me like a rabid dog, making some argument I couldn’t even make sense of, except that apparently I am a scold with no moral compass because I objected to the characterization of women as the collective noun “pussy” while criticizing fundamentalists for their inconsistency.

    Anyway, then a “cool guy” commenter started making pussy jokes, I presume to show me up. After my second or third reply, I got out of there and haven’t been back since. (It’s on the recent Pastor Swank thread, in case you’re interested.) No one backed me up before I had enough and went away. I really hate it when I get scared off from a fight, but I can’t deal with people jumping on me like that.

  27. Nolabelfits

    Miss Andrist,

    That “why doesn’t she just leave?” argument has come up recently in the news surrounding the recent discovery of Jaycee Dugard. As in “why didnt’ she leave when she had the chance?” Jaycee’s stepdad has said Jaycee saw the relationship with that dirtbag Garrido “almost as a marriage.” (albeit forced, like child brides of the middle east, I suppose) If married women with far more agency can’t even find the opportunity to leave crappy marriages, I hardly doubt that a kidnap victim whose been conditioned for years with horrific violence and forced childbearing and god knows what all else is going to find any way to leave. Of course, its mainly dudes with privilege that I have heard say those things. Pisses me off to no end.

  28. Laughingrat

    Well, Nolabelfits, Patriarchy must blame its victims for their own victimization, because to do otherwise would risk admitting that Patriarchy’s authority is illegitimate. Not that you don’t know that, it just feels good to be able to bust out with something like that in a safe space.

  29. Valerie M


    It’s great when we can provide each other with support in these situations! I thank every woman who went over there and called out Richard Wiseman’s and his commenters’ bigotry. I’m sure he has plenty of readers who were offended by the post, but didn’t want to say anything (and who can blame them – look at the reaction, mild as it is so far). Maybe next time they will find their voice too.

    What I’m worried about now is that Jill will be getting a lot of abuse from my recruiting of help here – a collaborating female by the name of Julia has linked to the ‘man-haters’ as she puts it. Sorry Jill if that happens!

    Lu, I will check out the post to which you refer.

  30. Lu

    Hi, Valerie. Thanks!

    It will be a shame if even more people come over here just to make ridiculous comments, but that’s the way it goes on the Internet, which after all was apparently constructed as yet another venue for the free ‘n’ easy exchange of patriarchal values and gender norms. (sheesh) Let’s hope they’re at least funny.

  31. Stella

    I don’t think Tyra exactly has an explicit antifeminist agenda. I think she thinks she is a feminist. I just think she’s not that bright.

    She thinks her “I’m not fat” rant was a revolutionary feminist statement. She doesn’t realize that the whole “fat” label stuff – and resisting it – isn’t really news to the rest of us.

  32. Stella

    Also, people throwing around the “manhater” insult kind of cracks me up.

    I only hate people who hate me first, Julia.

  33. virago

    Tyra Banks looks like she needs a few good meals. That said, I’ve only seen her talk show one time, and her modeling show a couple of times. I wasn’t really impressed. On her modeling show, there was a girl who actually looked liked a woman should-average weight that is. She didn’t look fat at all, but every other girl on the show looked like a toothpick. Of course, Tyra kicked the average size girl to the curb after giving her some patronizing comments about how nice she was, but she didn’t have it in her to be a model. Of course, Tyra Banks never came out and said the girl weighed too much, but it wasn’t hard to figure out the real reason. That girl looked better than any of those scrawny girls did.

  34. rajmahall

    there was a girl who actually looked liked a woman should

    Oh, for fuck’s sake.

  35. Natalia

    I would totally do this. I think it would be hilarious. Can I get her contact info for real?

  36. nails

    virago- according to your statements I guess Jill needs ‘a few good meals’. Some people are just very skinny. Assigning an abnormal amount of moral value to any type of body is the problem here. The post about mastectomies further down the main page are a good illustration of that.

    Recruiting on IBTP- If you don’t link to them (make people copy+paste) the website you recruit to then the raidee will not figure out it is people from here, unless a blamer mentions it.

  37. sallpal

    I’ll have to say, it’s a good sign to get contacted for this show. You could take your horse.

    Seriously. Sure, the show is jacked up, but the fact that they are attempting a show about raising kids with a feminist view is a step in awareness. It’s devoted time to the subject, and I believe that although she doesn’t wrap her mind around patriarchy and still believes in empowerful beauty, I don’t think she’d mock the subject proposed for this show. Not like Kelli Ripa or the Fox morning crew.

    I got a smile out of the story after my horrible day, so there’s that too. At least their market research of feminist sites picked yours up. I mean, they didn’t stop at iVillage or any blogger name with the word “mom” in it. So that’s someone giving it a go, because they have to know that “I blame the patriarchy” is not a Ripa poser.

  38. nails

    Natalia- its hilarious until the editing. I seriously urge you to watch Sasha Grey on the Tyra show compared to her usual interviews (there are a million of them).

  39. Jill

    No way they let a radfem through without vilifying, mocking, or ridiculing her. The radical feminist worldview is fundamentally incompatible with everything the Tyra Banks Show promotes. They aren’t gonna cut their own nose off to spite their face, is what I’m sayin.

    But don’t let me stand in your way. if you wanna give it a go, Natalia, I’ll send your email address to Ms Wasser. What is your email address?

  40. rootlesscosmo

    Agreeing to debate is a risky choice, insofar as it tacitly acknowledges that the question under discussion is debatable. Is patriarchy real? Does porn = pictures of women being harmed? “After the break: the Earth–round or flat? We’ll hear from experts on both sides. Now this.”

  41. mayya


    Thank you. That bothered me too.

  42. Hedgepig

    While I agree that it is unfair on naturally skinny women to assume they are unhealthy or particularly colonised because of their size, I do think that the social conditions under which we live mean that to speak judgementally about thin women is not the equivalent of harshing on large women. Much as a black person calling a white person a cracker is not the same as a white person calling..well, you know the rest.

  43. nails

    That comparison makes the assumption that a thin person is rewarded for their body type, when really what they get is a different brand of harassment about it. Dudes will talk badly about a woman for being too skinny or talk about using her if she is the correct amount of thin, or talk badly about her for weighing too much. There is absolutely no winning for anyone. It isn’t the same kind of harassment but it isn’t exactly a reward to be made into an object of lust instead of one of ridicule.

  44. Hedgepig

    nails, yeah that’s true; the analogy wasn’t right. If you’re large the patriarchal abuse is overt, if you’re small it’s more likely to be covert.

  45. Jezebella

    Either way, skinny women are “real women” so let us not be shitty in the direction of skinny folks.

  46. Valerie M

    @ Nails

    Ah. Thanks for explaining about linking – I didn’t realise that.

    Also, you’re right about skinny women not being treated well. I’ve been thin and I’ve been fat and my body was picked apart and policed whatever. I wouldn’t have said one was better than the other.

  47. nails

    Thanks guys. This problem fits a very familiar template for women. There is a societal expectation shown everywhere, so we are all supposed to strive for it, but the expectation exists to be shit on by men so you lose no matter what. There is information available about how letting torture subjects “choose” something in the scenario made them feel more responsible about being tortured, despite the clear evidence that they were captives under the control of someone else. As in, stand on this box and if you don’t we will torture you. Obviously no one can stand forever, but they still felt like it was their fault for not standing up the whole time. Providing fake choices to oppressed people is one of the best strategies for making people accept something they normally wouldn’t.

  48. virago

    “virago- according to your statements I guess Jill needs ‘a few good meals’. Some people are just very skinny. Assigning an abnormal amount of moral value to any type of body is the problem here.”

    Yeah, some people are naturally “just very skinny”. So what? And those naturally “just very skinny” people don’t have an entire modeling and acting industry trying to promote to them that they’re “too skinny”. No, instead, it’s just the opposite, and there are thousands of women and girls who are starving themselves to try and look like Tyra Banks, and I would be willing to bet that most models and actresses are not naturally “just very skinny” either. I should know because I spent a lot of my teen years being hospitalized for anorexia. I constantly was comparing myself to people like Tyra Banks because I felt too fat even though all my ribs were showing at one point. I made myself throw up everything I ate, and that was when I bothered to eat anything at all. And shows like “America’s Top Model” just make things worse by promoting that image as “ideal” to impressionable teenage girls. So, Nails, maybe you should think of that instead of trying to turn my words about Tyra Banks into a personal attack on Jill (who btw isn’t trying to promote her body type as the ideal image for everyone), and if what I said offends you- you can kiss my average size ass!

    “there was a girl who actually looked liked a woman should

    Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

    For fuck’s sake is right. Your so busy picking apart my choice of words that you didn’t even bother trying to understand the point that I was trying to make. I said the girl was of AVERAGE SIZE (you know the part you didn’t quote). It sure didn’t bother you that a girl, who more accurately represents THE AVERAGE WOMAN, is kicked off in favor of a girl who represents what the media tells us all women are suppose to look like. Ha! The last time I looked like this girl, I was in a hospital bed with tubes in my arms.

  49. Miss Andrist

    Valerie & Lu:

    ^_^ Any ol’ time. Hitting male supremecists with a baseball bat (verbal or Louisville, whichever is more convenient) is something of a hobby of mine. I mean, it entertains me to no end. Once I finish putting screaming-banshee.com together, there’ll be a Shame-o-Rama where folks can post links such as these so other folks can dogpile these shaved apes and chase them to the four corners.

  50. rajmahall


    What you’re offering here is a false dilemma: either we’re a culture that idealizes thinness and dehumanizes women above a certain weight, or we’re one that idealizes weight within a certain range, while dehumanizing those women who fall outside that range.

    The truth is we don’t have to care. One should refuse to judge women based on their looks, period. Don’t tell women above a certain weight to go to the gym. Don’t tell women under a certain weight that they need to eat a sandwich. Don’t make assumptions about a woman’s health. Etc. Etc.

    Believe me when I say that telling girls that they need to be AVERAGE-SIZED is no less traumatizing than telling them they need to be skinny. That it is just propaganda of another kind, one more method to keep young women up at night, by which the patriarchy is once again high-fived.

  51. Valerie M

    Once I finish putting screaming-banshee.com together, there’ll be a Shame-o-Rama where folks can post links such as these so other folks can dogpile these shaved apes and chase them to the four corners.

    Excellent! Mwahahaha!

    *rubs hands together gleefully*

  52. Lu

    Miss Andrist, Valerie M: Meetcha at screaming banshee dot com (whenever it is born). Yahoo!

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