Sep 05 2009

Saturday heartwarming turkey chick blogging

Fran hauls ass

During this morning’s heartwarming nature crap hike in the woods, my 4-month-old yella Lab Frances spotted this teakwood table and immediately grabbed one of its legs in her teeth, with the apparent intention of dragging it home, half a mile away. But before I could photograph this heartwarming tableau, the unexpected arrival of a wild turkey and a couple of heartwarming turkey chicks took us both aback. Fran recovered her composure in .007 seconds, executed a flawless rollback, and lickety-splitted into the brush after the birds.

There was a fairly epic commotion offstage, but no blood was spilled.

Regrettably, none of the heartwarming photos of the turkey chicks turned out. So you’ll have to take my word for it that these chicks were the size of Cessna Skycatchers.

Coming up: Spinster aunt reads People magazine article in which pop star and convicted girlfriend-beater Chris Brown “speaks out for the first time.”


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  1. RedPete

    Great photo, glad to see the Lensbaby back.

  2. Kristyn

    Our turkeys tend to be somewhat smaller than yours, but they do tend to come in large quantities and, if startled, will all burst from tall grass and take wing as one bird. One giant, wing-flapping, insanely noisy panicking bird.

    Typically this also happens when my Thoroughbred friend and I are taking our first brisk-weather ride. We look forward to it by now. It’s almost as fun as when a turkey parade backs up traffic on the road and a bunch of crusty farmers in their rumbly trucks actually stop to let everyone cross … single file.

  3. yttik

    Coming up: Spinster aunt reads People magazine article in which pop star and convicted girlfriend-beater Chris Brown “speaks out for the first time.”

    Nah, don’t do that. Spend your time taking pictures or even gnawing on teak table legs.

  4. Jill

    Nah, don’t do that. Spend your time taking pictures or even gnawing on teak table legs.

    Oh yeah?


  5. humanbein

    Chris Brown loves what he beats on. Men learn this from beating their meat repeatedly. This is a Feminist Fact(TM)!

  6. Notorious Ph.D.

    I’m with yttik: stay away from that article. Your obsteperal lobe will go into complete meltdown.

  7. Notorious Ph.D.

    Amended to my post having followed the link above:

    Okay. Touché.

  8. yttik

    Ha! Well, I read the article and I truly wish I’d just spent that time chewing on teak table legs, but suit yourself.

  9. wiggles

    I’m having a hard time imagining what you could say about Chris Brown’s “statement.” There’s only so much you can do with, “I was just like, wow.”

  10. Comrade PhysioProf

    That photo of Fran is totally all like MOTION! Is that some kind of special fucking photography technique?

  11. Comrade PhysioProf

    GetYourOwnEffingBlog seems a little milquetoast. So here:


  12. incognotter

    Flying dog ears! So cute.

    (It’s after 2 a.m. and I’m out of verbs longer than one letter.)

  13. speedbudget

    1. On a related note,
    2. I enjoy the new bulleted list of related articles.

    Also, the size of Fran’s ear disturbs me. How big do you suppose she will be?

  14. Jill

    At the risk of exciting another anti-dog-breeding spree:

    Fran, as a female purebred Labrador retriever, is genetically constrained to an adult height of between 21½ and 23½ inches (at the wither), so I don’t have too many nightmares about her turning into Gargantua. I do have nightmares about her destroying the bunkhouse, though. For instance, she just jumped on my bed, leaned way over, and knocked a pitcher off water of the night stand.

    The related articles thing is a work in progress. It doesn’t work quite the way it should because I’ve never bothered to assign tags to my posts, and apparently tags are what the code uses to determine relatedness.

  15. Comrade PhysioProf

    I’ve never bothered to assign tags to my posts

    Tags are for cheezballs.

  16. PandanCat

    *whimpers* You got me all excited that there would be pics of baby turkey chicks! Fran’s photo is totally cute, though, so I guess it’s not that bad.

  17. Barn Owl

    Flying dog ears totally made my day!

    Labrador retrievers are supposed to have large floppy ears. My rescued yellow Lab (abandoned, with heartworms, near my friends’ ranch, before anyone gets on my case about purebred dogs) has small ears for her breed, and they frequently get stuck or folded in embarrassing, yet droll, positions. Sticking straight up, inside out, twisted backwards, etc. At first I thought she might have some pit bull terrier in her, but the veterinarians thought she was pure Lab.

  18. Julia

    You know, if you ever are interested in bookmark-izing Fran, just email me some photos… a lot of my bookmarks are going to be pet-themed just because that’s my personal preference, and I only have the cats and such for models here (the fox is cute but not representative of very many canines). If I’m drawing random canines they may as well be pictures of other people’s four-legged family members.

    I always kind of wanted a pet turkey, but I always live in small apartments. I had a pet quail once and she was one of the best pets I’ve ever had. She never learned to fly the right way, though, so she would fly into me accidentally without being able to land. The only reason I ever re-homed her was that she became aggressively protective of her infertile eggs. I tried birth control for a while (yes, I went to a shi-shi bird vet and got quail birth control) but eventually decided that she wasn’t so attached to me that she wouldn’t be happy somewhere else and I didn’t want her to have to take drugs all the time just to not attack people. So, she went to live in the country with someone that kept quail (quails?) just for eggs in a big wooded enclosure.

    I was also wondering what kind of camera you use… that’s one of the best dog-photography photos I’ve seen in quite a while. Did you manipulate it at all after the fact? I was going to ask that yesterday, but I wasn’t sure if my non-advanced-blamer posting should be limited to the thread with my boobs, heh.

  19. Jill

    I was also wondering what kind of camera you use

    This explains all.

  20. slythwolf

    Hey, Jill? Those breed standards are guidelines for show dogs, not genetic certainties. For instance, purebred Shelties are “supposed” to be between 13 and 16″ high, but the ones people keep as pets tend to be around 20″ or so.

  21. Jill

    True; what I meant to convey was that Fran is very unlikely to get outlandishly large, given the breed-standardyness exhibited by her parents.

  22. minervaK


  23. DaisyDeadhead

    Love the puppy!!!!! (((kiss kiss kiss)))

  24. Friend of Snakes

    Is a snoutfull of porcupine quills in Fran’s future? A bodywash of eau de skunk? Fly little doggie, run free!

  25. PhoenixRising

    Jill, I hate to break it to you about Fran’s potential size, but: Our first-evah deliberately bred dog, a female Golden who we had spayed at 5 months, is 78 pounds of pure muscle. She is fully 2 inches taller than breed standard and almost 15 pounds heavier.

    It’s all upside, though. She’s as mellow as the Newf we still miss, because making trouble beyond That Which Is Wagged Into Pieces is just too much trouble for a creature this large. Good dog.

    At 4.75 months, our cat brought in a sparrow. My pup gently but firmly yipped until kitty dropped it, picked it up, and dropped it at my feet with not a feather out of place. The bird flew away after I took it outside and it emerged from shock, I’m convinced to start a bird religion: “Yea, verily, though I was in the mouth of a dog, I live and chirp…follow my instructions for pattern pecking for eternal life!”

    Fran is approaching that wondrous phase of retriever development. Best of luck with the turkeys.

  26. Rolan le Gargéac

    Jewish zombie onna stick ! Are you sure that’s a dog ? It looks more like some kind of mutant hairless kangaroo ? Perhaps you’ve been sold a pup !

  27. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    As you know from previous dogs, Ms. Fran won’t outgrow the puppular awkwardness for a while. Sophie’s about 18 months old, and still gets up to monkeyshines. Puppyhood antics continue for about 2 years, and up to 3 for some breeds (dachshunds, frinstance.) Eventually, they settle down to being good dogs.

  28. Lu

    Adorable! And it looks like it’s already autumn there in Texas.

  29. Diane

    @ Lu

    Ah! Do we Texans wish it was beginning to be autumn. Those leaves on the ground that the beautiful Fran was running through are due to heat and drought stress, not falling temperatures.

    I live in north Texas, it is 8:15 p.m., Sept. 9 and the temperature is 89 degrees. It is nearly always warmer in Rattlesnake, TX.

    It won’t be autumn here until November. In early September we Texans are hoping to see the lower 90s for highs and long to see under 70 degrees for the lows each day. The weather guy said maybe later this week.

  30. Uppity

    For the sake of all things correct in vocabulary, a young turkey is a poult.

    Julia, your quail went broody, it is what female birds are programmed to do. It is the initiation of egg incubation – she has no idea they are infertile. Left to her own devices, she would have given up on hatching them after about a month and gone back to normal.

  31. Jill

    Poult! Thank you. I knew there was something wrong with this post. Turkey “chick” just didn’t sound right, particularly if you’ve ever seen one; they kind of look like little T. Rexes.

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