«

»

Sep 12 2009

Midnight horror movie baffles spinster aunt

That’s right, it’s the recent David Carradine in drag, cradling the future enfant terrible and leaving little to the imagination, junk-wise, in the film’s most tender scene.

That’s right, it’s the recent David Carradine in drag, cradling the future enfant terrible and leaving little to the imagination, junk-wise, in the film’s most tender scene.

For two days and two nights it has been raining — raining! — in Rattlesnake, TX. The Spinster HQ yella Lab puppy, Francine, is young enough that she has never seen rain before, on accounta the relentless drought which has been droughting since before she was born early this summer. Rain, however, has quickly ascended her Top Ten Fave Raves list. She lost no time in locating the one spot outside where the gutter leaks. She stations herself thereunder, digging frantic holes in the wet gravel. When the novelty of digging wears off — and who among us has not, when digging, thought to herself, “This digging project isn’t quite living up to the hype”? — she tears inside and throws muddy skidmarks all over the clinical white accouterments of the laboratory. Nobody has figured out how she contrives to get them on the ceiling.

But this isn’tt a cute puppy post.

Fran, Hydrophile #2

OK, yes it is! I don’t wanna blame today; the rain is pretty exquisite.

No, wait, I’ll pull myself together. For the children. Here goes.

The pleasure of pointing the Auntly Digit of Doom at “Now, Voyager” yesterday has put me in a kind of a film-critic mood. You’ll never guess in a million years what I watched last night. Go ahead. Guess.

Hint: it stars David Carradine as a transvestite named Pearl, and the guy who played Bluto in “Popeye” as Pearl’s redneck sociopath thug significant other Slue. Together they raise a kidnapped baby, chained in a grain silo, upon whom Slue visits unspeakable tortures in order to turn him into a feral “secret weapon” whom he looses on townsfolk who bum him out.

Did you guess obscure 1989 gonzo-cult-horror-comedy “Sonny Boy”? Ding ding ding!

“Sonny Boy” aired in the wee hours of the night under the auspices of TCM’s “Underground” series. As far as I can make out, “Underground” is a synonym for cheezy softcore exploitation films suitable only for males suffering from arrested development and the occasional spinster aunt plagued by hot flash-induced insomnia. I deduce this having noted that everyone else would either be out infesting clubs and bars like normal people, or snoozin’ (those cows aren’t gonna milk themselves tomorrow morning.).

Interested parties may find a plot synopsis of sorts here, and a clip here.

Whereas males with arrested development will undoubtedly find (and actually have found) “Sonny Boy” to be a unique work of demented genius, perhaps even a sensitive-yet-disturbing commentary on child abuse, or an argument for regular dental checkups, the hot-flashing spinster aunt can only guffaw wordlessly at its surreal dystopic camp.

– angry mob à la Frankenstein led by a hot babe with black nubs for teeth
– Slue shooting at’em with a cannon
– Sonny Boy clinging to a giant crucifix like a stuffed animal after he has murdered a priest for no apparent reason
– Carradine slipping the hungry feral kid some kind of roasted roadkill through a hole in the silo
– Conrad Janis, the soused MD who lost his license for transplanting monkey parts onto humans, sewing a new tongue onto Sonny Boy (Slue has cut out his original tongue, of course), etc.

Except to point out the obvious (that the dominance/submission motif is pretty persistent), this flick is so bizarre, so nightmarishly hilarious, that it’s beyond my superpowers to radfeministically critique it. I can only scrawl that, despite “Sonny Boy’s” unrelenting brutality, surprisingly there’s not a single rape scene. Such a freakish synergy erupts between the various cinematic elements that I can actually recommend this appalling sicko-romp to fellow 2 AM hot-flash sufferers if they’ve a sense of humor, or if they’re tired of infomercials selling fishface exercisers. Spinster aunts have fishfacets, but there are limits.

17 comments

  1. Alderson Warm-Fork

    Sick sociopathic child-abusing couple consists of a man and a transvestite? That sets off certain bells… I don’t know how it handles the transvestism but it seems pretty gratuitous and like it’s just there to add a layer of ‘creepyevilwrong!’ to the couple. Is it?

  2. Squiggy

    Maybe it’s not Carradine’s junk. It could be a giant menstrual pad lump. It might have enabled him to inhabit his female character more fully.

  3. ivyleaves

    I think Brad Dourif is the hapless henchman getting the beatdown. Has there ever been a weird movie made where he is not part of the cast?

  4. Jill

    I don’t know how it handles the transvestism but it seems pretty gratuitous and like it’s just there to add a layer of ‘creepyevilwrong!’ to the couple. Is it?

    Actually, Carradine’s is the most sympathetic character in the whole show. It would have been more difficult to accept a woman in the role, on accounta then there would have been that whole abused-woman trope harshing my mellow. But of course everyone in this thing is a freak and a cariacature.

  5. Kowalski

    That fishface apparatus is the creepiest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

  6. thebewilderness

    I adorable the fishface!
    I am very bad at making fishface. With this apparatus I could fishface win!

  7. thebewilderness

    I especially like the cheek thingamies. Do you suppose it hurts?
    I wonder if it comes in green.

  8. birkwearingblamer

    I’m loving the Francine stories and pics. Keep ‘em coming!

  9. Pinko Punko

    I’m glad you are getting the rain. Smokey doesn’t like to crap in the rain, so he chose the house this morning. Also, Pugsley wanted to eat a bug that looked like it was the kind of bug that would try to eat Pugsley. Then the bug tried to get in the house. If it could have only rung the doorbell, one of its door bell choices could have been Dixie. I ask of this doorbell, “can you possibly be serious?”

    I’ve heard about Sonny Boy, but I don’t think I could do it.

  10. Comrade PhysioProf

    Reading these movie reviews makes me glad that when I can’t sleep, I just watch old Yankees games.

  11. speedbudget

    That is by far the best dog picture I have seen in some time.

  12. humanbein

    I pledge allegiance to the skirt, and the wig and the sock stuffed bra, and to the sexual construction that makes it irresistible, one sex, indivisible, with lubricity and degradation for all! Amen.

    They used to make us say this every day in Vacation Bible Camp.

  13. yttik

    “Together they raise a kidnapped baby, chained in a grain silo, upon whom Slue visits unspeakable tortures in order to turn him into a feral “secret weapon” whom he looses on townsfolk who bum him out.”

    Hmmmm, you would think all the bikini waxing, foot deforming, and pinkafying of all things female would have had a similar effect. When do we get to have our feral selves unleashed on all the townsfolk who bum us out?

  14. Comrade PhysioProf

    It is, indeed, outlandishly cute that the little puppy is closing his motherfucking right eye because the water drops are bothering it!

  15. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Recently, we had to raise the specter of the dreaded Bath Chez Niebieszczanski as well. Penny wallowed in something smelly (it was some form of poo) that defied the destinkifying power of moist dog wipes. Of course she acted as if she were suffering the agonies of the damned. No other being is so adept at looking miserable.

    Hey, what is the Fishface thingy supposed to do for a person? And how much of one’s hard-earned dough does it attempt to pry from one’s wallet/bank account?

  16. Jill

    The fishface thing supposedly gives you facelift. It’s called The Flexaway System. It’s “unprecedented”! I should’ve linked to it in the post, since I nicked their video.

  17. geener

    Damn that photo! Now I want to kiss Fran on the top of her head and make coochy-coochy-coo-coo noises at her.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>