Yesterday morning, as I clawed my way out from under a pile of various retrievers and leaped from the TempurPedic with my customary yelp, a brilliant thought occurred to me. I said to myself, “Jill,” I said, “what you need is an autoharp!”
Now, I probably don’t need to tell you that all the autoharp shops here in Cottonmouth County closed sometime around 1886. No problem! I just turn on my computer, press a few buttons, and in a few hours my new autoharp arrives at my gate via Autoharp Airlift Express Dot Com!
The internet. Replete with jackasses, but occasionally useful.
Internet usefulness is not constrained to its facilitation of the union of spinster aunts and stringed folk instruments they have no idea how to play. Today, for example, I happened upon a well-written blog. It’s even a feminist blog. I happened upon it because its author, displaying a degree of discernment unusual in today’s feckless young blogger, paraphrased me using proper attribution, and the link showed up in my inbox.
I know, I know. It seems incredible. But I’m not exaggerating. Fannie’s Room is not junk.
Fannie’s post on one of those asshole dudes who believes that his important dudeliness qualifies him to lecture the feminists on the nature of feminism is very pleasant indeed. Fannie’s taste in asshole dudes is excellent; he’s quite a peach. Here’s what the guy has to say:
Western feminism is too bogged down in its own limitless self-regard, arguing ad nauseam about the evils of sexually stereotyping adverts, or why female bankers don’t get quite such enormous bonuses as their male equivalents, to care about anyone else. Least of all the millions of subjected women living in conditions they cannot begin to understand, although Jaycee Lee Dugard could probably give them a few pointers.
He can begin to understand millions of subjected women, though. Because he’s a dude! This also entitles him to the view that Western feminists are doing it wrong! We’re so obssessed with sexist TV shows that we’ve never heard of honor killings, or if we have, we have nevertheless failed utterly in persuading assholes like himself of the validity of feminist ideology; it’s the job of Western feminists to “save Muslim women,” yadda yadda, you’ve heard it all before.
Anyway, Fannie offers an engaging analysis of his argument. Here’s an excerpt:
From those who have the privilege of being considered default human beings who are privy to the One and Only Objective Worldview, feminists often receive quite the schizophrenic message. On the one hand, feminists aren’t worth listening to because all they do is whine and ruin everybody’s fun. But on the other hand, they should use their incredible powers of indoctrination to work on More Important Issues.
But worse than this mixed message, is the fact that non-feminist advisors to feminism are often so very wrong about what feminism is and is not. Perhaps placing a primacy on their own “objective” worldview, they assume that their ignorance about what feminists do, care about, and strive towards is an accurate reflection of reality.
It’s usually not.
Precisely! Few things blow my lobe worse than dudes who simultaneously denigrate feminism as useless crap and accuse its ideologues of wielding demonic power over the masses. I get these feminists-suck-at-feminism guys all the time. They got no argument, because they don’t know what feminism is; they just hate women.
Also, I credit Fannie with hipping me to what everyone else has probably already forgotten about, it’s so last week. I allude to the pro Prop-8 California Assemblyman whose mic was on as he described to an interlocutor his revolting heterosexploits with one of his mistresses. Of his graphic bragging, Fannie remarks, “[E]w. That definitely just made me a little more gay.”
Seriously, did you see this shit? Hilarious! Fannie opines that active mics on politicians should be mandatory 24/7. Hilarious!
Almost as hilarious as me keeping society with an autoharp. I can sense your anxiety, but not to worry! As soon as it arrives I’ll post a video demonstrating the perfection of our union.