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Oct 06 2009

Frustrated dude decants anguished soul

After reading his comment a second time, I began to perceive that this guy has little affinity for hoes.

johnny_handsome90
October 1, 2009 at 9:05 pm

I hate hoes superficial hoes groupie hoes hooker hoes.
all these hoes that run around night clubs who are broke
and think a rich guy or a celeb is going to notice them
and pay their whole way through life, hoes who think promoters
are super stars and act like they famous, hoes who think a door
man is some god, hoes who work at some company for 10.00 an hour
knowing she sucked the boss off to get that job, damn well knowing
her pretty ass wouldnt be working there or had that job if she
was fat, hoes hoes hoes, hoes who chase down rappers tour
buses, hoes who can not even hold a convo, exp hood rat hoes.
But women i do love women real classy women, women that know how to act.
intelligent women, michelle obama, oprah, hilary clinton, real women.
p.s all you hoes can suck a nut!

I publish johnny_handsome90′s comment for two reasons.

One, it’s fucking funny.

Two, it reveals a facet of American manhood we see all too little of: the tortured inner conflict suffered by a sensitive intellectual chap who despises all the women he has actually met. These women all seem to be doing femininity in a manner inconsistent with johnny_handsome90′s lofty ideals. They are broke, they are fat, they desire financial security, they go to nightclubs, they have low-paying jobs, they like music, they like sex, they admire rappers. Their interest in men who are not johnny-handsome90 justifies the repeated use of derogatory epithets when describing them. Anger and hate is his reasonable response to having been made to endure a miserable life deprived of the society of “real” women like Oprah.

It’s time someone spoke out. This is the Number 1 problem with women. They are not real, like First Ladies, talk show moguls, and Secretaries of State.

Although I might suggest that if johnny_handsome90 wishes to attract women who have achieved the degree of realness of a Michelle Obama or a Hillary Clinton, he might first look into becoming President of the United States.

67 comments

1 ping

  1. Pellegrina

    I love the way that Frustrated Dude is frustrated because the object of his vitriol takes a job “damn well knowing her pretty ass wouldnt be working there or had that job if she was fat” but it’s her fault that Dudely Boss hires staff for their looks not their talent.

  2. Catherine Martell

    Is this about gardening?

  3. norbizness

    Sounds like SOMEBODY got kicked out of Kool Moe Dee’s entourage.

  4. nails

    The combination of hatred and wanting to prong that so many dudes display towards women is fucking disturbing.

  5. yttik

    He decants this screed? What’s a good word for un-decanting? Can he suck that sludge back in like a bit of ectoplasm?

  6. Kelly

    The sadder part is that I work with a woman who constantly talks about other women like that.

  7. speedbudget

    @ norbizness:

    Kool Moe Dee. tee-hee!

  8. nakedthoughts

    “The sadder part is that I work with a woman who constantly talks about other women like that.”

    Anytime people mention what “real women” are like I cringe. I even hear many proclaimed feminists use the phrase in referring to womyn who are size 12 or larger. By holding womyn to a different standard, we are not creating freedom, just a different set of oppression. (Just because no one has been successful yet at this venture does not mean it is not categorically and philosophically flawed.)

  9. humanbein

    Finally! A post all about those poor men! His suffering is so acute that I may give up feminism and go back to Beauty School!

  10. Comrade PhysioProf

    How likely is it that some d00d who refers to himself as “handsome” actually is handsome?

  11. monika/shermanvolvo

    nice mixture of general patriarchal crap PLUS degrading language towards women in the sex trade.

    A few nights ago I was walking home at around 4 am after being at an 80′s dance party. I got “ho” yelled at me by some dude in a pick up truck.

    How DARE a woman be out and about walking at night, by herself, WEARING A SKIRT! I was just asking for it!

  12. Nolabelfits

    Unfortunately his rantings are reminiscent of George Sodini’s blog.

  13. Mel

    Johnny B. Goode.

    Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Hee.

    Johnny likes women who “know how to act.” I wonder what he would do with women who DIDN’T act at all but just sort of went through life being themselves. Must be hoes to him, probably.

    What a brain fart this guy is.

  14. Orange

    I’m astonished that a troglodyte like our correspondent likes Hillary Clinton. Usually she gets so much crap from men of that ilk. I’m impressed that he managed to not mention Oprah and Hillary’s badonkadonks and Michelle Obama’s sleek upper arms. I’m experiencing cognitive dissonance here.

    I am writing my fourth “I” sentence in this comment.

  15. MissPrism

    What are exp hood rat hoes?

  16. Nolabelfits

    Could this mean “especially” hood rat hoes? Maybe its a text message abbreviation.

  17. Lemur

    @MissPrism:

    They’re expatriate hood rat hoes, of course! Hoes who left the hood by pretending to be ‘real’ women when we all know they should go back to their own country- er, hood- and be the skanky hoes we know they are inside!

    Ye gods, writing that creeped me out. Guys like this need to wear signs; women would avoid them and hopefully they’d die out soon after.

  18. Kristyn

    ”Guys like this need to wear signs; women would avoid them and hopefully they’d die out soon after.”

    Just start, or continue, avoiding all guys. At least, as many as you possibly can. It’s basically the same concept.

    You won’t be missing anything.

  19. blondie

    What’s this dude got against gardening tools? And why does he keep imbuing them with human abilities and attributes? Sounds to me like he doesn’t know his adze from his elbow.

  20. octopod

    MissPrism: He just munged up his scientific notation, that’s all — he meant exp(hood rat hoes), i.e. e^(hood rat hoes).

    Nah, I’ve got nothing.

    His list of “real women” is an unusual one for this kind of dude, though. A rare specimen! You should bottle it and keep it.

  21. yttik

    It’s possible this specimen may not even be the worst the world has to offer. Some will actually wrap their hoe mentality up in pseudo-feminism. Generally this invasive species can be easily identified by it’s compulsive need to dictate women’s opinions to them.

    Don’t bother with a glue board, these types really do make a very satisfying crunch under the shoes.

  22. Kelly

    A rare specimen! You should bottle it and keep it.

    Or a put a pin through its thorax.

  23. Kate

    It is a wonder this young, tortured soul even found IBTP to begin with. What twisted paths he must have taken through the woody interweb, what fruitless Google searches.
    It is fairly clear he couldn’t manage to read anything once, either.
    Surprise me, rotten egg-like men, just once!

  24. Notorious Ph.D.

    Given the choice, I’d rather spend time with one of the bunkhouse centipedes. But then again, I’m a garden implement.

  25. Felicity

    ‘I’m so cool, because I hate/ wanna fuck women so bad.’ Rap is angry sexism with crappy autotracks.

    Why is being bad/ cool/ hip always associated with hating women?
    If women really didn’t find anything wrong with sexism, happily went to lap dance clubs – it wouldn’t be so cool for these men would it? There’s something cool about managing to hate women. (This is a moment where I thank god I wasn’t born a man – don’t think I could live with the pointless evil directed at women, being such an idiot about the opposite sex). They seem to think we like them for their ‘confusion’ and schizophrenic view of us. Not to be cliched but real men aren’t sexists. Being a vile sexist isn’t evil in the cool way, it’s like you’ve completely lost your wits and get angry at confusion. Sexists are donkeys. Even great male writers turn into donkeys when they can’t help churn out some anger at women. Angry sexists fail at life. This guy clearly does.

  26. sonia

    @norbizness, comrade: ha HAAA!

    wait, I’m sorry- now Hillary Clinton DOES know how to act? you dudes is mad confusing, yo.

  27. pheenobarbidoll

    Whoo boy.

  28. YodaDO

    Thanks. No harm, no foul I reckon. I wasn’t angry, btw.
    I really was honestly askin’ for whatever the closest things
    to right reasons could be.

    Uterless, hooterless and with half my brain working,
    I probably could have researched more (not “probably”,
    I could have,) so for that, *I* apologize. I was socially
    maladjusted BEFORE the maiming surgery and
    toxic death sludge. If it’s possible to trust me on
    this one, there was no self-righteousness in
    my question. Just a woman in the dark tryin’
    to fumle the feck toward some semblance of
    what feels like the right way to live, and how
    other people in boots kinda like mine have done it.

    Spend the morning in the feckin’ ER. Yay, a spot
    on my liver now. Don’tcha just love SPOTS?

    Anyway, blame on. Thanks for your replies.
    I’m sorry what I said pissed you off. But I’m glad
    I asked. ‘Cause I still learnt somethin’. *grin* *shrug*

    P.S. I’d like to see JohnnyH walk up to Grace Jones
    and say that sh*t. He’d have to pull down his pants
    to brush his teeth.

  29. sally

    This guy knows how to make lists. See, I can say something nice.

  30. Jill

    YodaDO, for those who are confused, is the person to whom I apologized in my previous post. She is being treated for breast cancer, so it is understandable that she hasn’t committed the 1000 or so posts I’ve written to memory; 4 out of 5 doctors agree that my writing is nauseating even to people who aren’t getting chemo.

    Thanks for writing, YodaDo.

  31. Liz

    A few people here seem to think it’s unusual that this man hates most women but likes Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. Nah, nothing unusual. He’s “liberal.”

  32. slythwolf

    Do you suppose the “90″ stands for his year of birth? My god (or, more accurately, lack thereof), people born in 1990 are nineteen now. I am old.

  33. ambivalent academic

    It reads sort of like a Dr. Seuss book:

    “I hate hoes superficial hoes groupie hoes hooker hoes….” (Ha! Correct use of the elipses!)

    is reminiscent of:

    “One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish….” (Note the proper use of punctuation, which is more than I can say for Mr. Handsome.)

    Dr. S. does it better, with respect to both content and style.

  34. Kelly

    He’s “liberal.”

    And a “nice guy”.

    As far as Seuss he’s more “The Sneetches”. Mr. Sylvester McMonkey McBean is just trying to point out that some have stars upon thars.

  35. rubysecret

    I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, johnny_handsome90 I am. Oh, and hoes too.

  36. Shelby

    “hoes who can not even hold a convo”

    I hear ya Johnny. Such an interesting, articulate, well travelled and well read young man deserves only the very best that life has to offer.

  37. larkspur

    Everybody is so worried about the garden tools. What about Santa Claus?

    (PS: Hi, YodaDo. I do not like spots except on Dalmations. You write good, btw.)

  38. Hattie

    Garden Tools! A teacher friend of mine came to school one day and found her name spray painted on a classroom wall:
    Miss Nielsen is a Hoe!
    Is our children learning?

  39. Phledge

    Now, this sounds a bit like the trick my dad used to play on me: “I like black people, but I hate niggers.” Ahem. This poor twit probably thinks he’s not misogynist, to boot.

  40. nails

    “‘I’m so cool, because I hate/ wanna fuck women so bad.’ Rap is angry sexism with crappy autotracks.

    Why is being bad/ cool/ hip always associated with hating women?”

    Because it is what sold the most, and eventually took over the market for hip hop. To have a mainstream audience you need to attract honky kids, by definition. So I blame the patriarchy for the condition of rap. Rappers aren’t dumb, they will do what they need to in order to sell records, and they sure as hell aren’t the ones picking out artists to sign or anything. The people with the real power are once again white. The amount of people who call on rappers to retain morality while they turn a profit vs. everyone else is really disproportionate, I can’t find an explanation outside of racism. Older rap seems to be a lot more about how it really sucks to be poor. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy fucks up everything.

  41. AsterMedallion

    I think my brother wrote this. His name, however, isn’t Johnny, so I could be wrong.

  42. PandanCat

    Yes! Dr. Seuss is what it sounds like! I couldn’t put my finger on it while reading the decantation (though it sounds like an incantation as well) but now it’s clear. Somebody needs to do Seussesque illustrations to go along with it.

    I’ll have no hoes! No, no, noes!
    Hoes with clothes? No, no, noes!
    Hoes at shows? No, no, noes!
    Hoes with piercings in the nose and hoes with eyes for all the bros?
    No, no, noes!
    Hoes who ask for a rose and hoes where fem’nist theory grows?
    No! No! Noes!
    I’ll say it now before I go:
    This bro will never love a ho!

    I can’t believe I just wrote that.

  43. SargassoSea

    Would not the correct shortening of whores be ‘whoes’?

    @PandanCat – lovely!

  44. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    You’re right, it *is* fucking funny.

    Because he’s such a sparkling raconteur, dontcha know.

  45. slade

    @Lemur. Not signs, tattoos on the forehead. Maybe just the simple word, ‘ick’ would suffice.

    @YodaDO. Grace would leave no tooth behind. Maybe pull down his pants to use a straw! And the only Spot I ever liked was the one I read about in first grade. Spot, Puff, Jane, Dick, and Sally. Remember them? I’m old. Blame on.

  46. Meg

    If anyone who can’t hold a conversation, say anything intelligent, or act with a bit of class are “hos”, then poor johnny_handsome90 must be real self-loathing. Does he actually think a woman like Clinton or Obama would be the slightest bit interested in listening to this nonsense?

    @Slythwolf, oh jeez, that would make so much sense. My little brother was born in ’90 and he still hasn’t grown out of that angry-at-everything stage that 14-year-olds go through. He mansplains to me on a regular basis that the traditional *isms will just go away if we ignore them, and that the real oppression now is of straight white men. The poor guys have to “walk on eggshells” by not naming their zoo monkeys after Obama or using “fag” as an insult*. He used to be a good kid; IDK what happened there.

    * Just in case y’all are still ignorant about this, “fag” means a bundle of sticks, so it’s not really homophobic! I had never heard this before so it was quite a shock to my system.

  47. speedbudget

    He used to be a good kid; IDK what happened there.

    I’ll tell you what happened. He got out in the world and got his first taste of privilege. Most young men go through this stage. Some of them grow out of it. Let’s hope your brother is one.

  48. agasaya

    Speedbudget,

    True, a guy may leave the nest and set out intending to use his privilege. Some are educable in using those powers for ‘good’. However, once a man learns that the corporatocracy has no compunction about castrating males, the newly created eunuch denies the nature of his new status and turns back to bite the class(es) below him. Women are the easiest targets since everyone has a Mommy who ‘failed’ to make success possible. Then there are women in general, blamed for taking his job away or merely for not wanting to sleep with his perceived failures – which go way beyond the economic.

  49. Amananta

    This reminds me of the classic “nice guy” screed in which they bemoan the shallowness of women who only want attractive, rich jocks and ignore perfectly nice men (like themselves, ha ha) just because they are unattractive, geeky, or poor. Of course, every time you look closer into their complaints, you can see what they really mean is “young, white (usually), thin, “classy” women who look like supermodels won’t date me”. They would recoil in horror from any woman who isn’t patriarchy-beauty-standard-compliant – but they want a free pass to dress and act as they wish.
    Similarly, bonehead here displays a complete lack of manners, respect, knowledge of English grammar, or wealth (implied), yet apparently thinks he is worthy of the best women in America (by the patriarchy’s standards, not mine of course) and dares scold all the rest of us for not reaching up to his standards. Standards are for US, not for HIM. If we expect of him what he expects of us, we are superficial.
    I smell a rat.

  50. Linda Atkins

    PandanCat: But I’m glad you did. Thank you for the chuckle. YodaDO, I’m also opposed to spots. Sending you good wishes.

  51. Pantsuit Sally

    Once again, some knucklehead is directing his anger at women when he should be directing it at sexism. Every single thing he so poetically listed is a product of the patriarchy.

    But his turd sandwich of a comment prompted lots of great Dr. Seuss references, so I can’t be entirely irritated.

  52. Hedgepig

    He sounds like the psycho who shot all those women in a gym earlier this year.

  53. Jezebella

    I know, right? It’s not a giant leap from hoe-hating to femicide.

  54. Nolabelfits

    That’s George Sodini. He had a big rant against hoes in his blog.

  55. Cycles

    hooker hoes

    A true fact collectively amassed by the general consensus in cooperation together with the Department of Redundancy Department.

  56. Orange

    “johnny_handsome90″? Obviously that’s the fella’s IQ there.

  57. coathangrrr

    The people with the real power are once again white. The amount of people who call on rappers to retain morality while they turn a profit vs. everyone else is really disproportionate, I can’t find an explanation outside of racism.

    And how many times have you heard someone call out, for example, Johnny Cash? Do you know how many songs he has about killing women, not just calling them names.

  58. Intransigentia

    What I’m still trying to figure out is, (1) under what topic did this charming individual attempt to post this as a reply; and (2) what on earth caused him to believe it was even vaguely relevant to the topic under discussion. Since he’s the center of the universe his thoughts ^h^h^h verbal vomitus are always and automatically relevant, so (2) was largely rhetorical, but what about (1)? Did it appear totally random or was there some level of method to his madness?

  59. Nolabelfits

    I was wondering the same thing. What post did he comment on? Jill must get a crap load of stuff in the moderation queue. I appreciate not having to read all that shit. It might make me want to kill somebody.

  60. Felicity

    @Nails

    I really agree with you to an extent, but we can’t give all oppressed groups the green card to be arseholes.

  61. Jill

    “And how many times have you heard someone call out, for example, Johnny Cash? Do you know how many songs he has about killing women, not just calling them names.”

    So true. The proliferation of misogyny in country music, and rock music, and country-rock music, and indie-psychofolk stoner music, and any other popular music, is pretty much in line with the misogyny in rap and hip-hop. Murdered women sell records apparently. “Down by the ri-ver I shot my bay-bay dead o shot her dead.”

  62. tinfoil hattie

    How likely is it that some d00d who refers to himself as “handsome” actually is handsome?

    Well, apparently 89 Johnnys before him also found themselves quite handsome.

    Music = misogyny. Okay, not all music – just the kind with lyrics.

  63. no fun

    Unfortunately, the music without lyrics can be pretty bad too. Witness the way orchestras avoid hiring women unless tricked into it:

    http://www.princeton.edu/main/news/archive/A94/90/73G00/index.xml

  64. Vonmiwi

    This mans rant is the mind-set of a lot of men who actually have underlying mental problems who can’t stand to be rejected. They believe they are being rejected because they don’t have money or fame and the women don’t want them because of this. I have daughters and I want all of you to be concerned because your daughters are not safe in public environments when they are approached by men like him. When your daughters spurn the advances of these men, there’s no telling what these idiots will do. There are a of George Sodini’s walking around our country who actually hate women.

  65. Khrystene

    Hoes are just SO useful, particularly when planting potatoes. I just don’t see how he can be so against them. *snort*

  66. Valerie

    Hello.
    Sorry I am coming to the party late. Just read this and laughed my ass off.
    When he says, ‘exp hood rat hoes’ I think he means the women that work at large expo’s. Such as ComiCon or Star Wars conventions.
    I could be wrong, but I think that’s what he meant.

    Excellent angry poetry on his part. He really got his point across without any self reflection, and as we all know, that is what great art is all about. It scored really high on the Prichard Scale.

    Extra points to anyone who knows what the Prichard Scale is.

    -Valerie

  67. Jill

    “When he says, ‘exp hood rat hoes’ I think he means the women that work at large expo’s. Such as ComiCon or Star Wars conventions.
    I could be wrong, but I think that’s what he meant. “

    Oh, you’re wrong, all right.

    “Extra points to anyone who knows what the Prichard Scale is.”

    Points are not awarded on Savage Death Island, because here, everyone’s a winner!

  1. Poetry Korner at I Blame The Patriarchy

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