As for the whole sex-thang, it just wears me out. Especially the commercialized parts. All of the weird, expensive, rash-inducing toys and slippery goo confuse the cornchips outta me. Who finds rubbing something on their delicate bits that either a) numbs them up as if for a dental procedure or b) burns like a brisk dose of capzasin arousing?

Anybody who thinks I am parting with $20 for the privilege is even crazier than me.

KY found a great under exploited market. Because, while you don’t need KY to have an orgasm, your man won’t be feeling manly and dominant unless he’s boning you. Also, as we know from porn, women always want to be boned. The only problem is that

1) many women find penetrative sex uncomfortable, especially if they’re supposed to be ready for it at any time. Though good sex actually requires communication about a what a woman wants, needs, and is feeling, that’s not “hot.”
2) women have complicated bodies, and monthly hormone changes, and just plain old differences from woman to woman, not to mention that things like menopause or environmental endocrine disruptors means her body may respond un-ideally. It would be so unfortunate to have a human sex partner instead of a sexbot.

As slythwolf also noted, it asks women to buy a product to fix themselves, when nothing’s necessarily wrong or when there are more satisfactory solutions that are more complex. Like ending patriarchy.

The women KY features are cute, normal, feminine, normal, pretty, normal, and normal, since they’re almost always white. They aren’t gay men, masculine women, fat, pierced, deviant, ugly, middle aged, or chronically ill. They can’t be prudes or chastity pledge takers in a lube ad, so they have “normal” “healthy” “feminine” attitudes towards sex. In other words, they want a huge orgasm during a hyper-feminine, innocent romance: “champagne, chocolate, candles, soft music, and perfume.” Because that’s normal, not cheap or slutty.

Marketers try to exploit old norms, colonize your imagination, define your possibilities, and place their product at the center. And when anyone calls them on it, they’ll call it preference. Unquestionable, inarguable.

KY isn’t trying define your sexuality for you. First of all, this is what women want. Second, it’s just a “personal preference.”

Warming lubes are atrocious. But most lubes are vile, as other commenters have noted. Regular old KY gives me yeast infections, and it burns my very sensitive partner, probably because it contains propylene glycol. Lubes and sex toys are poorly regulated for something that goes where they go. But can you imagine the God Bag uproar if we used federal money to test these products for safety? If you are enough of a sinner to use a lube, it’s your fault for getting arsenic in your crotch.

Why is KY the “#1 doctor recommended brand”? Probably because the doctors use it for digital rectal examinations, not for their own vaginas during sex.

Turn down your volume before you click on this link – http://www.thebeerlube.com/

Yes, correct, that would be Beer Lube. Though I like a rich, dark Belgian beer every now and then, I’m pretty damn sure I’ll never be ordering a bottle of this stuff.

OK, I guess I asked for that.

TOTES!