«

»

Jan 25 2010

Mockery Korner

I regret that today’s post is one of those posts in which I recycle a couple of reader comments from the trash bin, because they express comicalness. Today’s are both dudely.

In our first example, the author alludes to some Japanese fetish footwear I pictured in a post way back in the Osteopassic Period. I’ve gotten quite a bit of mileage out of that post, as The World At Large continues to google “torture fetish shoes” with no small frequency.

Hello.

I am a man. Yes, I know, please bear with me. I’m one of those men who’se Mother tried to bring him up pro-feminist in the seventies.

My partner, who is a woman, desperately wants a pair of these shoes. “What will you do in them?”, I ask. Just sit around, looking at them, seems to be the idea (as she accepts she won’t be able to stand up), presumably while I cook dinner.

Trouble is, my partner is a student, and has no money, so she wants me to pay 200 pounds (UK) for these shoes. So I ask you: am I more of an instrument of the oppressive status quo if I buy them or do not?

Hey, Man. Seriously? It must be a helluva rush to know you wield Absolute Shoe Power over your woman. Do you also mete out food and shelter, in addition to clothing? Do you write to Internet feminists when your woman, let’s say, wants a sandwich and you aren’t sure if you should be contributing to her fat content?

Damn, that’s hot!

Our second example, wherein a dude named Clinton responds to a recent post about Focus on the Family’s spokesfootballer, is just batshit. I reproduce it here because I love the first line so much: “People like you are the reason that people don’t grow up to be better than they are.”

People like you are the reason that people don’t grow up to be better than they are. Since you refuse to be a good person, why would you expect anyone else to be, as well? You think that Focus on the Family is loony because they are pro-life, but you neglect your own looniness in rejecting the Savior of mankind, Jesus Christ. And apparently it’s okay to insult the very foundation of Christianity (”ghost of a dead Nazarene on a stick”), but it’s not okay to take the moral high ground and believe that all life is sacred. Why don’t you do the world a favor and stop blogging, or try and treat people with respect. Even if you’re correct (which you’re not, by the way), people in the wrong aren’t going to admit that they’re wrong if you have a high and mighty attitude, and insult them. If you hope to change anyone’s minds, you need to change your attitude.

Not only is it “loony” not to worship the ghost of a dead Nazarene on a stick, it’s my fault that wrongthinking people don’t change their wrongthinking ways. Because I don’t ask nice enough. One of my favorite arguments ever: wrong may be wrong, but she who points it out is wrongest of all!

Oh, and that last part about my attitude? Clinton plagiarized it word for word from a speech my mother authored and delivered more or less continuously from 1968-1980.

44 comments

  1. Sarah

    Clinton also employs one of my most hated grammatical gaffes:

    “…try AND treat people with respect.”

    Gah. Try TO, Clinton, try TO. Maybe if he changed HIS attitude to include proper sentence structure, his loony argument would make more sense. Or not.

  2. Princess Rot

    Jill! Don’t you know that a Random Dude on the Internet has spoken? You know you must change your entire personal blog to suit his tastes because he’s too much of a lazy, unthinking farthead to browse a site better suited to his reactionary attitude, like, oh I don’t know, Free Republic?

    To be honest, “Clinton” sounds like every single condescending lecture I’ve ever received for daring not to be superhumanly submissive (is that an oxymoron?) and pleasing to every damn asshole who has done something like walk up to me in the street and commanded me to smile as if I am their personal puppet, then act offended when they get told to eff off.

  3. nakedthoughts

    How much does someone want to bet that Clinton still eats meat and animal products? Let’s see, eating food that is the result of rape, torture, and murder is definitely taking “the moral high ground and believe[ing] that all life is sacred.” (Granted there is no direct evidence of this, but please take the bet, I will put it towards tuition.)

  4. yttik

    “So I ask you: am I more of an instrument of the oppressive status quo if I buy them or do not?”

    Wow, way to go control freak shoe dude. This one has sailed right over your head, hasn’t it?

  5. nakedthoughts

    please excuse the multiple posts. I forgot to laugh at the irony: “people in the wrong aren’t going to admit that they’re wrong if you have a high and mighty attitude, and insult them.”

    Ha ha ha ha, ha. Phew, that was an exhausting guffaw.

  6. Sarah

    @PrincessRot My favorite instance of being commanded to smile involved an obviously intoxicated, greasy-haired homeless man demanding I smile because “it can’t be that bad.” I had no response to that, so he immediately began cursing at me and making obscene gestures.

    I love how quickly a “friendly” overture can go from avuncular to violent in a split second. If you’re told to jump and you don’t immediately ask how high and do a little shuffle, you’re fair game for epithets and worse. I say, down with smiles altogether!

  7. Vinaigrette Girl

    People like you are the reason people don’t try to be better. OK.

    Ah. The Nazarene guy is widely believed to have said that, actually, individuals are responsible for their own actions and decisions. (Which answers Shall-I-Shan’t-I-Shoe-Dude, too.) But it wouldn’t be the first time that aimless bumblers who think they follow the teaching of the Nazarene didn’t really understand what they had read or been told.

    I’m gonna go buy me an attitude adjustment spanner – oh no, wait, don’t need another useless tool.

  8. megs

    nakedthoughts: Yes! The culture of life! The warmongering, meat-at-every-meal culture of LIFE!

    My vegan ass.

  9. Beth

    Ah, men as the guardians of feminist propriety. Got to love them.

    I know a guy (well, no longer, for the following reason) who demanded that his girlfriend (who seems a lovely creative girl with a history of unpleasant boyfriends) stop reading trashy novels and magazines and grow her leg hair, because FEMINISM WILL SAVE HER.

    I nearly cried. Ok, I did cry.

  10. Beth

    I’ve just thought a bit harder:

    Both fetish-shoe man and hairy-leg man are updating an old classic by adding an unexpected contemporary twist. They are appealing to a higher authority in order to exert control over women’s bodys. More traditional higher authorities are the Church, God, Common Sense, Biological Destiny, left wing Politics, right wing Politics, the Law and so on. These guys are going for Feminism. But the pattern is exactly the same: their own demands are disguised as an appeal to a neutral, and just, arbiter. There’s a superficial ‘fairness’ because they too follow the rules (or can say that they do), although in fact these rules are different for each gender, and so is the cost of transgression. And it’s for the woman’s protection – from society, from moral transgression, from her own wicked self.

    How annoying, that they can appropriate even radical feminism to their programs of manipulation.

  11. Fliss

    ‘ghost of a dead Nazarene on a stick’

    I remember reading this line and laughing my ass off, imagining the responses of stupid people like Clinton. Put into bible bashing context it’s funny.

    ‘Hello. I am a man’.

    The gravity! What could this creature ‘a man’ be?! If we go by all the comments with the same intro, I’d have to say a raving idiot of some kind.

  12. Saurs

    My partner, who is a woman, desperately wants a pair of these shoes. “What will you do in them?”, I ask. Just sit around, looking at them, seems to be the idea (as she accepts she won’t be able to stand up), presumably while I cook dinner.

    Oh, I get it. Shoe-dude is wary and suspicious of “fetish” footwear because said footwear might prevent the little lady from making supper. She might get listless and lazy. Since he already supports her financially (she is a student and has no money of her own), this is a problem.

    But Shoe-dude is one of us, make no mistake! His mother was “pro-feminist,” he wields, however haphazardly, the correct terminology (“oppressive,” “instrument,” and “status quo,”) and he refers to his silly, mis-guided girlfriend as his “partner,” which means he totally gets whatever it is he’s supposed to get about relationships and equality or whatever.

    It’s probably safe to say that if Twisty and IBTP readers were to take this plea for assistance at face-value, and condone Shoe-dude’s reluctance to purchase “fetish” shoes, and provide all kinds of practical reasons for doing so, Shoe-dude would get very sanctimonious with his girlfriend, and proceed to tell her how many, many interweb radical feminists don’t approve of what she’s doing and what she wants, so she’d better stop it, pronto!

    I am a man. Yes, I know, please bear with me.

    Openings like this make me lust for blood. Man-blood, specifically.

  13. Saurs

    Further-

    My partner, who is a woman, desperately wants a pair of these shoes. “What will you do in them?”, I ask. Just sit around, looking at them, seems to be the idea (as she accepts she won’t be able to stand up), presumably while I cook dinner.

    Isn’t that sort of unimaginative for a paranoid, condescending prick like Shoe-dude? Making your own dinner, bra?

    I imagine that while Shoe-dude’s partner is basking in the freedom her fetish stilettos provide, he’ll also be washing his own drawers, sucking his own cock, bearing his own children, buying himself feminine frivolities to entice himself into further onanism, and plotting the downfall of men everywhere, too. Women have many hobbies, dude, outside of the kitchen. We are multifarious time-wasters.

  14. Orange

    Can’t say I’ve seen Shoe Man’s “who’se” formation before.

    So, Savior Man thinks everyone who isn’t a Christian is “loony”? Is it loony of Jewish and Hindu and Muslim and Buddhist and Shinto and Baha’i people to not be into the Jesus = savior thing?

  15. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Internet wisdom that leads off with the phrase “People like you” is worth the paper on which it’s written.

  16. wiggles

    You catch a lot more flies with honey, just so you know in case you like having a bunch of flies around.

  17. Hattie

    “Try and” is used by the British, and so it must be OK, because aren’t the Brits the ones who set the standard of English usage?
    I’m so mellow I don’t even correct my daughters when they say, “Between you and I.”
    I mostly ignore guys.

  18. Miranda

    It’s too bad that I wasn’t playing the concern troll drinking game when I read this post. (Here’s a link to troll bingo- just add margaritas or another beverage of your choice- http://feministlawprofessors.com/?p=13716)

    nakedthoughts- I’ve spent the past week or so ranting to anyone who stands still long enough about people who claim all life is sacred and then proceed to eat a tortured dead animal. The entire “pro-life” label is bullshit. Someone truly pro-life would be vegetarian, anti-war, and pro-health care, among other things. Whoever was in charge of the PR campaign to get the fetus-lovers labeled “pro-life” must have got one heckuva Christmas bonus.

  19. Cheryl

    I agree that Shoe Fetish Dude doth protest too much re: his feminist credentials. But if he’s supporting his girlfriend while she’s in school, it seems like he gets at least a 50 percent vote on purchases that could be viewed as extraneous. Now, maybe his gf’s love of torture fetish shoes is so important to her that it’s a need up there with toothpaste or vegetables, but I would venture to say the burden of proof is on her. Too bad the clearance rack at DSW doesn’t sell such things at reasonable prices.

  20. Schnee

    Why don’t you do the world a favour and carry right on blogging. Please.
    Speaking as one who is currently experiencing a dudely e-mail shitstorm because I didn’t point out the wrong thing the man-guy-dude-prick was doing in a way specified by and acceptable to his royal guyness, I have to say, that sometimes it is only the existence of other blamers like yourself and the comment-writers here that make the day bearable.
    But then, that’s MANkind for you.

  21. Hedgepig

    Hey Jill, what happened in 1980?

  22. Jill

    “purchases that could be viewed as extraneous.”

    By whom?

    I prefer not to use this forum to greenlight some dude who wants to dictate to his girlfriend how she may or may not perform femininity. He already has the upper hand merely because he’s a dude; adding the financial component just makes the whole thing smell worse. I mean, if he’s “supporting” her, he’s supporting her. If she needs fetish shoes, she needs fetish shoes. If he doesn’t want to support someone who needs fetish shoes, fine, he should break up with her. But wielding control over her because he’s got her by the fiscal short hairs is just gross. And patronizing, and gross. As is trying to enlist the feminists to rubberstamp his exercise of dudely privilege.

  23. Jill

    By the way, shouldn’t someone have, by now, floated the theory that shoe-guy is one of those wry internet trollvocateurs?

  24. feral

    Having been the “student supported by a dude” before, I guarantee she’s buying his ass dinner and stupid hipster shoes with her loan checks like it’s Christmas twice a year while he whines to everyone about how “lazy” she is and how he has to “support her.” It’s a great way to pick up chicks.

  25. Jezebella

    Feral: FUCK YES. I felt guilty about my ex “supporting” me while I was in college. Guess who is now paying the student loan bills that kept him in weed and guitar strings?

  26. Comrade PhysioProf

    who’se

    AAUUAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

  27. julybirthday

    Jill, I heart you. I heart you every day because of your wonderful posts. You make life worth living. Keep it up, etc.

  28. Sarah

    @Hattie I thought that “try and” was a colloquialism, not a British-ism. Although I suppose the two could be considered interchangeable in some circles. That said, if Brits set the standards for English-speakers, wouldn’t that mean we’d all be saying “bloody” in place of expletives with harder consonants, and “lift” instead of “elevator”?

  29. nakedthoughts

    @Orange

    Of COURSE those non-christians are loony. That is why, in the argument about teaching “creationism” in school along side evolution to give people a choice, they only have to teach the christian TRUTH.

    All other stories about magical beings don’t make as much sense as the construction of the earth in 6 days, and a man who uses his rib for procreation who then lets his son (who had killed his brother) use the same rib for further procreative purposes.

    Ewwwww.

  30. polly

    I’m not usually a grammar fascist, but in this case I’ll make an exception.

    Who’se?????

  31. norbizness

    Hello. I am a man. Please, stop yelling at me and not in the face. I’m one of those men whose Mother made him eat a lot of deviled ham sandwiches in the seventies. My partner, who is imaginary, desperately wants the new Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 8-CD live boxed set. What will you do with it, I ask, listen to the fifteenth fucking version of Refugee live from Jacksonville in 1987?

    Trouble is, my partner is imaginary, and I suspect trying to prompt me into writing letters that are more than likely themselves made up, so I ask you, because I know you’re not getting paid for this: should I go for the Police Academy boxed set, up to an including “Mission to Moscow”? It’s something we both (and by both I mean I alone) can enjoy (and by enjoy I mean barely tolerate).

  32. feral

    @ Jezebella: fuck rockstars.

  33. lawbitch

    Shoe-dude is really concerned that his partner with the fetish shoes will dump him for a well-endowed dude. The dudely self absorption always comes down to insecurity about dick.

  34. slythwolf

    Having been the “student supported by a dude” before, I guarantee she’s buying his ass dinner and stupid hipster shoes with her loan checks like it’s Christmas twice a year while he whines to everyone about how “lazy” she is and how he has to “support her.”

    Yep. Well, you know, he’s entitled to some of her student loan money because some of it is supposed to be for housing’n'stuff, right, and he’s the one “paying” for that. Just let her get out of school and looking for a job and suddenly all the money they have is “his” money because he’s the only one “working”, where “working” is defined as “going to a place of employment for eight or so hours a day while the non-working partner stays home cleaning dishes, toilets and underwear”.

    From his mouth will issue such bullshit questions as: “But do you really need pants that fit? I mean, right now? Yeah, you’ll need them for an interview–so when you get an interview, I’ll buy you a pair of pants.”

  35. The Menstruator

    A man couldn’t have written those words. 1. How would he spell the words? 2. Who would teach him to read?
    I wish men would come up to me and say these things to my face instead of me having to call them “f3g” first. But only an anonymous email through the internet do they truly try. It would seem.

  36. Fliss

    Pff you’d be lucky if the loans covered housing let alone anything else! In the UK our loans assume we have a daddy willing to support us all the way through. But my dad doesn’t support me even though he earns 10x more than my mother, who slaves away solely for my education. And he still moans about ‘keeping the roof over my head’ even though I’m living away, and ‘supporting me’ even though the only thing he does is carry the wardrobe suitcase to and fro. His ‘I’m a male, you’re a useless dependent female’ arguments get more redundant as I get older and it scoulds. Of course he uses them tirelessly with my mom. Most males are robots on LSD with the auto dick swinging.

  37. Mymalevolenceisimplicit

    Y’all need some poor dumb bastard to shit all over every now and then so here’s my contribution.

    I rented “Wendy and Lucy” last week. Not once during the course of the film did I think that Wendy needed a man in her life.

    It is my fervent hope that the affable proprietress will someday scrape this feeble declaration of enlightenment out from under the barrel and subject it to the public shaming it so richly deserves.

  38. Jodie

    I’d be more interested if his partner was, say, a 3-headed polka-dot cyclopedian entity from the Horseshoe Nebula who reproduces by spores. I’m not sure, though, how that would involve torture porn shoes. Did he really have to throw all those genders out there?

  39. Larkspur

    Mymalevolenceisimplicit, I wouldn’t dream of wasting my precious waste on your post (waste being a terrible thing to waste), especially since I think you are the only other person in the universe to have seen Wendy and Lucy, in spite of me respectfully suggesting that it be seen by people.

    It never occurred to me, either, to wonder if a Man might make all things better for Wendy. Not once. I mean, duh. Wendy needed Lucy, plus money, plus a running car and a repair person who wasn’t a horrible stinking gonniff.

    I loved Wendy and Lucy.

  40. Katherine

    So I ask you: am I more of an instrument of the oppressive status quo if I buy them or do not

    Yes.

  41. Kozmik

    Well now, what about this Houston prep skool uproar? A rich white guy is feeling oppressed by his son wearing a dress in a pep rally skit and now a female coach is “resigned.” We need to catch up on a lot of mockery and jeering.

    I typo’d that and made a new word: “jockery.” I think we could use it for something.

  42. janna

    I didn’t see the “cooking dinner” thing so much “I’ll have to cook dinner because she won’t be able to stand! The horror!” as another desperate cry of “Look how feminist I, a dude, am! I cook dinner for my partner, who is a woman! I’m so progressive and sensitive! If only I could bake my own feminist cookies so I could stop oozing all over feminist sites where I am not welco-”

    Sorry, that last part was a bit of a paraphrase. Especially since oh-so-feminist dudely concern trolls would have no purpose in life if they weren’t trying to be patted on the back for things most people would consider basic entry-level humanity.

  43. Shelby

    Maybe a man’s bitch wants those shoes so she can give him a good swift kick in the junk cause she’s sick of having to debate with him and his interweb friends every little purchase that she wants to make.

  44. ashley

    not changing my attitude towards dudes is all I have in this fucked up piece that passes for a world.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>