Longtime residents of Savage Death Island will recall that this Internet feminist once had a pretty hardcore BBC news feed habit. I sat around all day transfixed by the horror of the Beeb. That habit caused my butt to fuse with my Aeron chair, and led to many obstreperal lobe core-breaches. Eventually it got so bad that the drunken wood nymphs with whom I am obliged to revel in springtime staged an intervention. They installed a new (well, factory-refurbished) obstreperal module in my neural net, gave me a case of Portuguese rosé, and forced me at gunpoint to frolic with furry woodland creatures in a meadow of wildflowers (see photo) until I puked. Thanks, drunken wood nymphs! I owe ya one!
Thus I got clean. I stayed Beeb-free for a over a year.
But don’t worry. The news is actually kind of good. I mean, the news is of course really bad, generally, but one small aspect of the teeny thing I’m reporting today is kind of not awful.
I allude to the comments on a BBC Have Your Say blurb titled What does Easter mean for you? (Apparently it was Easter over the weekend. Whatever.). Ordinarily I run screaming from Have Your Say-type dealios that depend for their content upon the submissions of self-selected British amateur opinionists, but the imp of the perverse compelled me to click on this Easter thing. What, I wondered idly, is the current thinking on this silly myth?
The comments were refreshingly cynical and secular. Apparently, what Easter means for readers of the BBC website is “just another bank holiday.”
Of course one hippy-dippy commenter writes:
As for the meaning of Easter, we ignore that. Our spiritual needs are well catered for by the splendour of the coastal scenery, the movement of the sea and communion with nature at its best. We marvel at the hand of physics rather than the hand of a godhead.
Just a minute. Physics catering to spiritual needs? Jesus, this god crap can really fester an abscess in even a non-believer’s brain!
So yeah, on this post there are few nut-job responses involving incomprehensible hallucinatory glossolalia about our lord and saviour who died for our sins so we can be reborn as winged faeries who eschew depraved British capitalism, which is “part of the Anti-Christ,” which if you support it you will pay “a million fold” for the suffering you inflict on the poor. But these loons are far outnumbered by the weary atheists who just want a day off from the interminable grind.
Easter means a long weekend. Public holidays are the only good thing that ever came out of man’s need to invent religion.
My personal favorite (and by no means an anomaly; these views represent a solid majority):
[Easter means] nothing. I’m retired and hate all religions.
I realize I need to get out more, but this spontaneous outpouring of lackluster, disinterested, non-religious Jesus-fatigue really gave the old lobe-shaft a couple of sorely-needed cranks. Especially after suffering National Public Radio’s scourgey reportage, wherein correspondents “covered” Easter like it was breaking news.
Dude, here’s some breaking news for ya: Some ancient Romans executed a popular hippie mystic, and, just like he was Elvis, a few fanatics had a hard time believing he was really dead so they pretended they saw him hanging around Trader Vic’s and some leper colonies and such. It’s very sad, but it happened over 2000 years ago! It’s time to move on, already!
But no. The NPR correspondents could not resist interviewing some Haitians, and of course the Haitians were Christians who said that God sent the earthquake “to test their faith.”
Though I knew it was coming, when I heard this I dropped the Meyer lemons I was juggling because earth-inheriting meekness shit like this just chaps my entire hide. Why would anyone want anything to do with a malignant narcissist like that God dude, who “tests your faith” by slaughtering hundreds of thousands of people? It simply does not compute. If I were those Haitian Christians, I’d be all for inviting that sensible-sounding Antichrist guy over for a nice lunch and some brainstorming on how to to get this psychokiller God dude outta here.
Would I deny the suffering Haitians whatever small comfort their religion might provide? Pfui. Haitians are not children (except the ones who are children). But the Honky McWhiterman narrative so popular with American news correspondents presents Haitians as simple folk to whom quaint fairy tales are sufficiently meaningful. Certainly fake mythology crap is more expeditious for these child-like naifs than hard-to-understand concepts like science and truth.