Scenario: You work for a jerk who is driving the business into the ground and you have THE perfect solution for the problem. He rejects it because he is a moron. He has a boss though, concerned the business may go under.

Do you and your fellow employees lose your jobs to your silent acquiescence to incompetence? Or, having nothing to lose, do you go to the head guy and offer the solution?

The answer is no different from commenting in a public forum where you feel the audience is partially, if not fully, in keeping with the philosophy. Since you lose by doing nothing, you have everything to gain by making the effort.

Make your statements. It has nothing to do with the ears receiving it if you feel it is justified. The responses you receive will modify your ideas about what is justified. You change during the process. Just as your readers will change watching that process. Evolution precedes revolution.

Siren visits Twisty at the Grouchy Old Spinsters’ Home and bribes her into explaining the art of deep sarcasm so that she, too, may someday learn how to deliver the perfect hilarious retort and always remain in possession of the last word.

“Manners” silences, even suffocates us, but turning on & devouring each other only advances patriarchy. House divided and all that. I’m always uncomfortable watching women call each other out publicly because I imagine men getting off on it. There’s gotta be a middle way wherein we can call each other on our shit without drawing blood and, not incidentally, lending aid and comfort to the enemy.

There’s a lot to be said for owning our own shit when we challenge another directly, but using “I” to call out classism, racism, ableism, and all the other -isms we’re infected with growing up in the patriarchy does run the risk of individualizing, and thereby minimizing, something much bigger than my personally taking offense. Maybe we need to do both in our Comments: Own our personal reaction to the offense and the theoretical/political frame for it. That way we’re neither hall-monitoring nor over-individualizing.

On a related subject, the Psy.D. attached to my name is a professional degree, not an academic doctorate–in feminist theory or anything remotely related. Consequently, it never occurred to me (intent) that using it here could be throwing weight or claiming authority (effect)other than when I’m specifically addressing a psychological topic as a psychologist. I’m using it here one last time today in order to apologize for docsplaining as the doc who’s been, however unwittingly, guilty of same.

Finally, I worry that I have been called on my shit and missed it. Or simply missed further stimulating discussion. It’s not practical to check every post I’ve ever commented on (even if I could remember which are which) in perpetuity. Could we please have one of those thingies to click that lets us subscribe to subsequent comments?

rootlesscosmo
July 18, 2010 at 9:22 am
In my opinion Siren is devoting hard work and serious attention to figuring out what it means to be an advanced blamer, and she deserves encouragement and support from the blametariat.

It’s a B movie script!

Rootless: Siren’s got moxie! She’s hep and sharp. Don’t sell her short, Grouchy Twisty.

Grouchy Twisty: Forget it, Rootless. I can’t take on an apprentice, I’m retired. Besides, she’s undisciplined, a loose cannon –

Rootless: Remind you of anyone?

Insert training montage: Twisty makes Siren do push-ups in preparation for holding signs at protests, Twisty corrects Siren’s spelling on protest signs, Twisty catches Siren texting her friends when she should be studying Andrea Dworkin, uh-oh! Siren spills poster paint on Twisty’s “This Is What A Feminist Looks Like” T-shirt and laughs, Siren successfully converts her first funfeminist as Twisty looks on with stopwatch, etc

One Year Later
Spinster University Commencement

Rootless: What did I tell you? She’s the valedictorian!

Grouchy Twisty: Siren’s the best patriarchy blamer in the country. The future of Internet Feminism is in good hands now! We owe it all to you, Rootless!

On the age thing: I’m 68. Despite the pronoun, that’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. We’re all the age we are, and next year, if we live that long, we’ll be a year older; there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it.

In my opinion Siren is devoting hard work and serious attention to figuring out what it means to be an advanced blamer, and she deserves encouragement and support from the blametariat.

What Jill said about practicing online. In real life, I apologize so much that my boss has started getting on my case about stopping it pronto. But online, I slay dragons, and I’ve even chased one Hanging Chad Troll away from my own blog with my incisive logic and witty commentary. Practice being assertive online, and maybe it will carry over into real life. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for!